Prolog (sorry, my dear partner Feathertail can't spell…)
(Redtail and company arrive at Sunningrocks)
Redtail: (looks high and low) Like, where's Oakheart?
Mousefur: (grins and jumps up and down) Oohoohooh! Oakheartnothere!
Doesthismeanwewin? Doesitdoesitdoesit?
Redtail: I knew I shouldn't have let you have coffee before the battle…
Mousefur: Whynot? Coffeegood!!!
(Oakheart appears out of nowhere, with RiverClan cats behind him)
Oakheart: BWAHAHA!!! ATTACK, MY MINIONS!!!
(Battle starts, Tigerclaw jumps on Oakheart)
Tigerclaw: Spit it out, Oakheart! I know you took my teddy bear Fred!
Oakheart: NEVER! Fred is MINE now!
(Backup RiverClan cats jump into the battle)
Tigerclaw: You may be an enemy cat, but this is personal! Admit you took my Freddiekins!
Oakheart: No!
Tigerclaw: Yes!
Oakheart: No!
Tigerclaw: Yes!
(Mousefur gets pinned to the ground by RiverClan Cat)
Mousefur: Likeohmygoshletgoofmeyouscrawnything!
Tigerclaw: Hold on Mousefur, I'm a-comin'!
(Tigerclaw lets go of Oakheart, Oakheart runs away, Tigerclaw knocks RiverClan Cat off Mousefur)
Tigerclaw: Mousefur, run! Run like the wind!
Mousefur: ButmyshoulderhurtsandlikeIgottagopottycauseIdranktoomuchcoffee-
Tigerclaw: GO!
Mousefur: FinebutwhenIgetbacktocampyouwillpay…
(Mousefur runs off, Tigerclaw turns to RiverClan Cat)
Tigerclaw: Now you will pay for hurting Mousefur, 'cause she looked so much like my Freddiekins!
(Tigerclaw attacks RiverClan Cat, RiverClan Cat scratches him on the nose, Tigerclaw yowls in agony)
Redtail: Like, Tigerclaw, we, like, gotta go! Bluestar can't, like, lose any more warriors!
Tigerclaw: RETREAT! THUNDERCLAN, RETREAT!
(The ThunderClan cats run off, Tigerclaw stays)
Tigerclaw: Well…since I couldn't kill Oakheart for stealing Fred…I'll take all my anger out on Redtail! And on tons of other ThunderClan cats! And Bluestar! And become Clan leader! Yeah! Oooh, I'm evil…
(Tigerclaw runs away)
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(Cats of StarClan sit in the sky, staring down at Bluestar, who's staring up at them)
StarClan Cat #1: Hurry up with that message!
StarClan Cat #2: (off-stage) I'm trying! But this shooting star won't stay still so I can tie on the note!
(Meanwhile, back on Earth, Spottedleaf trots out of her den and over to Bluestar, then trips on a bug)
Spottedleaf: Owie! Stupid bug!
(Spottedleaf gets up and goes over to Bluestar)
Bluestar: Is Mousefur okay?
Spottedleaf: …………..
Bluestar: Um, your line?
Spottedleaf: I know that! I was just taking a dramatic pause! Anyway, her ouchies are bad, but she is young and hyped up on caffeine. She should be better soon.
(Back to StarClan)
StarClan Cat #1: Are you DONE yet?
StarClan cat #2: Just one minute! Grr, you darn shooting star, STAY STILL!!!
(And on Earth…)
Spottedleaf: So, uh…whatcha doin'?
Bluestar: Staring at the purdy sky, duh! What'd you think I was doing, watching StarClan for answers or something? And I DON'T like small talk!
Spottedleaf: Oh, of course not!
(The shooting star finally zooms by)
Spottedleaf: Oooh…pretty….
Bluestar: Well?
Spottedleaf: It was a note from StarClan!
Bluestar: And, what did it say?
Spottedleaf: Uh…exactly… "7ir3 a10n3 c64 5av3 t43 C1a5".
Bluestar: ...
(In StarClan…again…)
StarClan Cat #1: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SENT THE NOTE IN 1337-SPEAK?!?!?!
StarClan #2: W4a7? 1337-5p3ak pwns!!!
StarClan Cat #1: Gar! (grabs a shooting star passing by, hastily writes a note, ties it to the shooting star, and lets go)
(Back on Earth, another shooting star blazes through the sky)
Spottedleaf: Oooh, another pretty thing…
Bluestar: (eagerly) Was it another message? A readable one?
Spottedleaf: Yep! "Fire alone can save the Clan".
Bluestar: But fire is evil! How will it save us?
Spottedleaf: (shrugs) Beats me. Well, I'm pooped. 'Night, Bluestar. (trots away and trips on a bug again) Darn you bugs! (flicks bug away with one claw, then leaves)
Bluestar: …………..