Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Twilight.
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One night, Edward Cullen was walking around the town at about eleven o'clock, when he heard screaming nearby. He ran to the source of all the screaming and found a red haired teen with the bloodied bodies of men laying around him. At the sight of so much blood, Edward went bloodthirsty. He would normally be able to control it, but there was too much for him to calm down. Using all of the stealth he could, he snuck up behind the teen, and bit into his neck, only it wasn't skin. Instead, it was a very hard material like wood.
'What the hell?' With more strength that the vampire thought the boy had, Edward was elbowed in the stomach and when he bent over in pain, couldn't dodge the spin kick that knocked him back.
Any other vampire would have retreated and tried to think of a plan when they discovered that there seemed to be no exposed skin to bite into, but Edward thought very highly of himself, and the boy made it apparent that he may have been the one to kill the people, so he refused to run. "What are you?" asked Edward.
"I could ask the same to you," replied the stranger. "Your chakra signature isn't the same as a human but it is rather undeveloped."
That got Edward angry. There was no way anything about him was undeveloped. He was too perfect to have a flaw. And whatever this "chakra signature" was, he was sure it was perfect, like everything else about him. "What's your name? And why did you kill these people?"
"I don't usually make small talk with someone I'm about to kill, but I'll make an exception. I am Sasori of the Red Sand. I'm looking for somebody and these people got in my way. And you have made the mistake of attacking me," replied Sasori. "Do you know an Edward Cullen? If you tell me where I can find him, I'll make your death painless."
"Kill me? Kill me? Do you know who I am? I'm Edward Cullen. You can't kill me. I'm immortal. Nothing you can do can kill me," gloated Edward.
"Oh really? Let's see if you can f***ing survive this!"
With the little warning he was given, Edward was able to avoid the large, red, triple-bladed scythe that came from above him. He grabbed onto the rope attached to the bottom and pulled. A man with silver hair that was gelled back flew from the shadows. When he was close enough, Edward grabbed his head and snapped his neck.
The attacker fell to the ground and Edward noticed someone else. A large man with solid green eyes, a white hood that covered his hair, and a black mask that covered his mouth and nose emerged from the shadows shaking his head. Then Edward noticed that they were all dressed the same. Sasori, the man he had just killed, and the new arrival were all wearing black cloaks with a red cloud design.
"Damn it Hidan. I always warned you that letting your guard down in a fight would only get you killed. Why do keep on ignoring me?" the man asked.
"Sorry Kakuzu. I wanted to appease Jashin as soon as possible. Oh, f*** my neck hurts like a b****."
Edward's head snapped back to the man with the snapped neck to find him standing up and rubbing his neck. 'What the hell are these people?' thought Edward.
"Stay still for f*** sake. I want to see for my f***ing self if you really are immortal," said Hidan.
"How…how are you still alive?" asked Edward in awe.
"It's f***ing simple, I'm immortal," replied Hidan, smirking at the horror that was spreading across his victim's face.
"Hidan, stop!" yelled Sasori. "We'll find out if he is or isn't. But this is the one I'm looking for. Remember what we came here for?"
'I get it. They're just a group of vampires going around killing whoever they want.' He moved away from the strange group and started to think of a plan. One came to him quickly and he immediately put it into action.
With speed faster that any of the men in the group had estimated, Edward leaped toward Hidan and punched him in the head so hard, he was knocked unconscious. He grabbed the body and started running off.
His plan was to take each man out one at a time and burn them in the forest. Since he was going in the forest he grabbed a lighter from a store he was passing by for light and to start a few fires. The other two were following him so Edward threw the scythe into an alley. When they showed up, Edward was hiding behind a fence, watching them. When they went down the alley with the scythe, he quietly laughed at them while escaping. He decided to chose a spot close to a beach so he could put out any fires he would be starting. He stopped next to some bushes that were on the outskirts of the forest.
Edward put the next part of his plan into action. He lit a few bushes on fire and tore the body to pieces. He scattered all of the pieces into different fires and watched for a while. Just as he was about to turn away, he heard Hidan's voice from the fire. "Wha…? Where the f*** am I? And why is it so f***ing hot? Ahhhhh!!! What the f***?! Get me the f*** out of here b****!"
Edward was too stunned to move and just watched the fire burning.. When it burned itself out, he could see different pieces of Hidan's body lying around, but only the mouth seemed to be moving. "There was some f***ing water no more than one hundred f***ing feet away. Why didn't you f***ing help me?" it said.
Edward couldn't believe it. He did everything right for killing a vampire. "You're like me, aren't you? Why aren't you dead?" he asked, a little panicked. Maybe he missed a piece of the body. He turned around to check and saw a man with black hair pulled back into a ponytail and red eyes. He barely had time to register that the man was wearing a black cloak with red clouds before he muttered, "Tsukuyomi."
Edward's surroundings changed immediately into an endless abyss and the man he just saw appeared right in front of him. Edward immediately tried punching him, but his fist passed right through. The man spent a few moments looking into his eyes, as if searching for something. "Here in the Tsukuyomi dreamscape I completely control time, space, and even all substance. Within this realm I am truly a god. You will live your worst nightmare for seventy-two hours." And then he simply vanished.
"Jacob…"
"Bella…"
He spun around, and standing there, in each other's arms, were Bella and Jacob. Seeing Jacob holding Bella the way he was made Edward furious. He rushed over to grab Jacob and throw him to the floor, but his hand went right through.
Edward could only watch as their mouths moved closer and closer. Finally, losing the courage to watch, he turned to look away. 'This can't be real.' He thought. 'That man said I would live my worst nightmare. This isn't real.' But when the two finally did kiss, their moans sounded so real to him.
During the entire thing, Edward didn't turn around to look. Not when Bella was whispering seductively into Jacob's ear, or when he heard the rustle of clothes being removed and discarded. Not when he heard Bella's cry of pain, which eventually turned to pleasure, or when he heard them yell each other's name. Not even when it was over and he could only hear them breathing.
By this time Edward was crying and reassuring himself that it was fake, that it wasn't real. The entire thing felt like it took hours. When he couldn't hear them breathing anymore, the man reappeared. Edward assumed he was there to release him. "Seventy-one hours, fifty-nine minutes, and fifty-nine seconds left." And he vanished again.
"Jacob…"
"Bella…"
Outside of Edward's mind the entire seventy-two hours of torture lasted a total of three seconds. When he was released he collapsed and tears started flowing. He heard Hidan's mouth talk to the one that trapped him. "Itachi! Thank f***ing Jashin! Can you gather up my f***ing body and have Kakuzu fix me up?"
Itachi said nothing as he slowly walked toward Edward. Before he knew it, Itachi was standing right in front of him. "Getting your body back together can wait. We need to finish this errand before anybody wakes up. I have seen Sasori making his puppets from humans before. The first thing that must be done is cut off the head," said Itachi.
Edward's mind was racing with those words. 'A puppet? I wouldn't believe that someone could make humans into puppets, but seeing what they can do, I wouldn't be surprised.'
He decided that he wasn't just going to let them turn him into a puppet.
He quickly stood up and ran toward the beach. He surprised Itachi, who started to chase after him, but slowed down soon after. He ran into the water and dove under in an attempt to escape. Being a vampire, he didn't need to breathe, so he could stay under water for as long as he needed. When he got to deeper water, it became very hard to see. He went a couple hundred feet out and settled at the bottom.
'What was that?' He was sure he felt something brush past him, but he couldn't see anything. When he felt something brush past his arm, he swam for the surface, already scared of what had already been happening. As he got closer to the surface, the water became clearer, and he started to get glimpses of the thing that was brushing by. 'What the hell is a shark…five?! What are five sharks doing here? Sharks don't even live here!'
He surfaced and standing there on the water were the four that he had already met and another person. This man had blue hair, light blue skin, gills on his cheeks, and a large, wrapped up sword. He was also wearing a black cloak with red clouds.
"You didn't have to bring your sharks into this, Kisame," said Kakuzu. His tone of voice told Edward he was bored. They were chasing someone to make him into a puppet, using the strangest abilities, and they were bored.
Using all the speed he could, Edward swam to shore and ran into the forest. There were a few snakes in his way but he just ran right over them, killing many of them. When he finally stopped running, he realized he ran strait into a snake nest. A very large snake nest. And they seemed to be angry with him for killing the other snakes.
The snakes started biting him and wrapping around him as if trying to restrain him. He was in a bit of trouble. It wasn't that he couldn't get free from the snakes. No, he could tear them off really easily. The problem was that they kept coming back. He decided to start killing the snakes by ripping them apart. But every time he did, the strangest thing happened.
A larger snake would come out of each piece.
And then, from behind him, a very large snake completely wrapped around his body. This one was too strong for Edward to get out of its bind. When the snake's head was directly in front of him, it opened its mouth and he expected it would eat him. It did the opposite, in fact. A man came up, out if its throat and a little out of its mouth. He had long black hair, very pale skin, and wore the black cloak with red clouds.
"Ku ku ku. Hello there. I'm aware you have met some of my colleagues. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Orochimaru, one of the legendary sannin. I must say, I'm impressed. You were able to fend off my snakes for so long," said Orochimaru. His eyes then had a hungry look in them. "You know, this body it getting old. It's probably time for a new one. I think I'll just take yours."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Edward.
"I mean that I'm going to move my soul from this body into yours. Your soul will get forced out and die while I get a new body. Now let's begin."
Orochimaru made a strange hand sign and his neck got a lot longer. His head sped toward Edward's neck, about to bite into it.
"Orochimaru!"
Orochimaru's teeth were only a few inches away from Edward when he stopped. Edward turned to look where the voice had come from. What he saw surprised him. There was a…thing there that, if it had a gender, Edward would guess male. It had yellow eyes, the left half of its face was white while the right side was black, green hair, and green Venus fly trap-like things coming up on both sides of its head.
"You do know what Sasori wanted to do with him, right Orochimaru?" asked the white half of the plant man. "Yeah, that's the only reason we're actually out here anyway," said the black half.
"Of course Zetsu. He wants to make him into a puppet. My apologies. I saw him and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to obtain a new body," said Orochimaru, with a hint of disappointment. "Well, I captured him. Let's meet up with everyone else."
"Ahhhh!!! Nooo! Tobi is a good boy!"
Almost afraid to look, Edward saw a man with spiky, black hair, an orange mask with a swirl pattern centering on the right eye, and wearing a black cloak with red clouds.
"What did you do this time Tobi?" asked the black half of Zetsu, sounding annoyed. Zetsu's white half asked in a concerned tone, "Are you alright Tobi?"
"Deidara is angry at Tobi and is trying to kill Tobi! Please help Tobi!" yelled Tobi franticly.
"TOBI, UN! Get back here, un!"
Edward turned and saw a blond woman running after Tobi. The back of her hair was up in a ponytail and the front of it fell in front of her left eye. He could barely see them, but noticed mouths on her palms, and she was wearing a black cloak with red clouds. Edward guessed that she was Deidara.
"Tobi, un! Stop asking me why I look like a girl, un! I'm a boy, damn it, un!"
'What? That was a man? Why does he look so much like a woman?' He didn't get time to think about it though, because Deidara threw a small, clay bird at the group. He made a hand sign and the bird got much bigger and flew toward Tobi. When it was close to the group, it swelled and exploded.
The bird-bomb was close enough to kill the snake, which was protecting Edward from the blast. He was able to get away and sprinted into the town. When he got to the town, he slowed down to look more carefully for traps. He snuck along a wooden fence filled with posters and checked behind it and around it, but couldn't find any trace of the group.
He rested behind the fence for a few minutes with his back against it to recover from everything that happened. When he tried to get up, he found that he couldn't move. He quickly looked left and right, but couldn't see anything on either end of the blank fence.
Edward did a double take. Just a few minutes ago the fence was filled with papers, and now it was blank. He then felt something move on his arm. He looked down and found his body completely covered in paper. He tried to rip through them but they seemed to be stronger than regular paper. He almost started crying again when he saw some paper come together to form a floating head. It was a woman with blue hair, a white, paper flower in it, and a piercing below her lip. He couldn't see the rest of her body but he was sure that she was also wearing a black cloak with red clouds.
"That was a clever trap, Konan," said a voice. Edward looked toward where it came from and a man with red hair that went to his chin and covered one of his eyes. The eye that he could see had rings around the iris. He, to, was wearing a black cloak with red clouds.
"Thank you Nagato," said Konan. "But why is your true self here?" she asked. "You could've just sent one of the paths."
"If Sasori was impressed enough to want this person as a puppet, I wanted to see for myself just how powerful he was," said Nagato. "Besides, I brought my other bodies along, just in case."
Behind Nagato appeared five men and one woman. One man was bald, but if he had hair, Edward would've guessed that it would be orange, like all of the others' hair. They all had a lot of black piercings sticking out of various areas of their faces and had the same eyes as Nagato. They all wore black cloaks with red clouds.
This was it. This was the end. He was doomed. Edward was sure of it. These… freaks came out of nowhere and all seemed to be after him because that Sasori wanted to make him into a puppet, whatever that meant doing to him.
"Hello Pein, Konan." Edward turned his head and saw Tobi walking up to them, but the voice didn't seem to belong to him, and his mask was a little bit darker than the first time. "I see you caught the target. Good work."
"Thank you Madara." replied Konan. "When will the others get here? The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can leave this place."
They will be here in a few moments," answered Madara/Tobi.
Right on cue, Zetsu ran up to them, out of breath. "I'm sorry leader, there was an… accident and he slipped away."
"It's fine Zetsu," replied Pein/Nagato. "This wasn't an important mission, just getting another puppet for Sasori. Zetsu, hold his legs down. Tobi, Kakuzu, grab his arms."
Edward didn't notice the arrival of the others until his arms were grabbed. He looked down at his feet and saw Zetsu, half sticking out of the ground, grabbing his legs. 'This is it. They're going to kill me. Well I'm taking someone with me!' He struggled as hard as he could, but he could only get his arms free. With them, he punched straight through Tobi's and Kakuzu's hearts.
But something was off about it. There seemed to be nothing where Tobi's heart was. When he pulled back his hand, there was no hole where his arm was. Then Tobi reached out and grabbed his arm. Edward felt his arm go through Kakuzu's chest, but after a few seconds, when he should've been dead, Kakuzu reached up and pulled Edward's hand out of his chest.
"Damn. I shouldn't have stayed that close." He started to back up and his arms almost completely detached himself from his body, with it only being connected by a few threads running between the arms and the body. Once he decided he was a safe distance away, he checked out the hole in his chest. Damn you. You destroyed one of my hearts. Now I have to find a new one. Hey, Itachi. What was the name of that girl you used to torture him?"
"Her name was Bella," said Itachi, not one for words.
"Yeah, Bella. For punching a hole in my chest, I think I'll take her heart. She's already dead anyway, she way as well be useful," said Kakuzu. Edward began to struggle again, but they all had a good grip on him, so he couldn't get free. "Oh come on. Think of it like this: you can spend eternity together in the afterlife," said Kakuzu, laughing at Edward.
Sasori walked up to Edward and was followed by a strange contraption. He said, "Let's get started.", and he opened the cloak at around his stomach. There seemed to be a small door where his stomach should've been. "First, the new puppet must be paralyzed so it won't move at all," said Sasori, seemingly not noticing that he was talking to himself. The door opened and a rope with a poisoned spike on the end shot from Sasori to Edward. It struck him in the side and he could immediately feel the effects of the poison.
"Hey, Itachi. I thought you f***ing said that cutting of the f***ing head was first," accused Hidan.
"I thought it was," was his simple reply.
"Second, cut off the head. This will kill the victim and allow blood to drain quickly," said Sasori, a little bit annoyed at the interruption. He twisted his fingers and the contraption next to him produced a blade and cut of Edward's head. Third, you must…" started Sasori, but stopped when he saw Edward's head reattach itself to his body and the poison leak out of the hole in his side.
The whole group was looking at him with awe that he could survive a beheading. Sasori was looking down at Edward with an emotionless expression and said, "This could be a problem."
"Why's that Sasori, un?" asked Deidara.
"Well, first, the new puppet must be dead, or it would be difficult to control. And second, if he keeps on healing, I can't turn him into a puppet in the first place," said Sasori.
"Well then, how are we supposed to kill him?" asked the white half of Zetsu. "Yeah. There's always a way to kill someone," said the black half.
"There isn't always a f***ing way to kill someone, but I know how to f***ing kill him. It seems that if there is one f***ing piece left of him, he won't f***ing die. Earlier, he f***ing thought I was like him, so he f***ing tore me to pieces and f***ing set me on fire in an attempt to f***ing kill me," said Hidan.
"But that means that I won't have anything left to make into a puppet," pointed out Sasori.
"Sorry, but that's the only way to f***ing kill him," replied Hidan.
"Oh well. I guess it can't be helped," he sighed. Then he turned to look at Orochimaru with no expression. "From what I heard, you wanted him Orochimaru. Do you still want him? asked Sasori.
"Not anymore." replied Orochimaru. "It would take me years to get his body to the same standards this one is in. And besides, his body would probably heal itself when I inject him with my venom."
"Tobi wants to know what we are supposed to do with him, Leader," said Tobi.
Pein gave the situation some thought. "We need to remain under the radar and a mystery to enemies. The last thing we need is for someone to tell or enemies where we are and what we can do. Kill him the way Hidan described," ordered Pein. "As quietly as possible," he added. "I don't want to be forced to destroy an entire town."
They got strait to work. With Konan's paper covering up Edward's mouth, the rest of it making the rest of her body, no one heard him scream. One of Pein's bodies and Itachi drew a sword from up their sleeves. Sasori used one or his puppets with a wide variety of blades. Hidan used his triple-bladed scythe. And Orochimaru, drew a sword from his throat. As they hacked away, little chunks of flesh went flying and blood splattered everywhere.
When they were done them members began moving the pieces to another area to safely burn and Pein took Kisame aside. "Kisame. We were never here. There was no blood," said Pein.
"Sure thing," said Kisame. With a few hand signs and a cry of, "Water Style: Waterfall Basin Jutsu!", water came up out of the ground, washed away all of the blood and drained back into the ground, taking the blood with it.
While most of the group went searching for an area with no one around so they could burn the pieces of body, Kakuzu left to retrieve his new heart. Zetsu insisted that he come along. When asked why, his white half replied, "To held him clean up." Then he liked his lips and the black half added, "Finally, some food!"
When they found a place that was far enough away, they spread the bits of Edward's body around. They started moving toward each other to reform Edward, but before they moved very far, Tobi, Itachi, and Orochimaru yelled, "Fire Style: Phoenix Flower Jutsu!" From their mouths came dozens of small fireballs, and they were all heading toward Edward's body pieces. It was so hot, that when the fire touched a piece of his body, it would turn to ashes immediately and the ashes would still be on fire. Once they were done, Kisame took care of the ashes. With another yell of, "Water Style: Waterfall Basin Jutsu!", the area flooded and drained leaving behind no trace of anything that had happened.
A short while later, Kakuzu and Zetsu came back. Kakuzu had a lot of blood on his right hand and Zetsu still had some dripping down his chin.
"I suppose everything went well?" asked Pein, a little disgusted at Zetsu's eating habits.
"Yes," answered the white half of Zetsu. "Kakuzu got his heart and the body was properly disposed of." "And I had a great meal!" added the black half.
"Alright everybody, let's go back to the base," ordered Pein.
As they were walking away, Deidara asked, "What do you suppose he was anyway, un? He wasn't human, his chakra signature was different from a human, un."
"Oh! Oh! Tobi knows! Tobi thinks that he was a vampire," declared Tobi, proud of himself for figuring it out.
"Don't talk nonsense, Tobi," said Kisame. "If he was a vampire, he would have turned into a bat to try to get away. Also, if we wanted to kill him we would've put him out in the sun, put him near garlic, or driven a stake through his heart."
"Oh yeah. Tobi forgot about that," said Tobi, sad that he wasn't right.
"Besides," said Hidan. "He was too f***ing weak to be a vampire."
No one had any argument against that logic.
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Ah that was fun.
For those who want to see the characters, you can Google them. But for Pein, you would want to type in Nagato.
Also if you want to know more about what they can do, go to 'naruto . wikia . com'. Just get rid of those spaces.
P.S. You just lost the game. Those who don't know the game and wish to, it's on my profile.