The Chronicles of Eleven
Featuring The 11th Squad and Also Other People
A Group of Bleach Mini-Fics by Black Mage Leah
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. I don't own bleach, either. My mom is all out. That's why my white shirts all have stains on them.
A/n – Yay! A Bleach fic! I love to read them, but this is my first time writing one. Should be fun. This one is just a group of silly little one-shots, two-shots, and X-shots that I wanted to write. And please excuse the OOC-ness, because it WILL be there. Also expect crack pairings. And fanon-ly made up nicknames for Hitsugaya-kun. And Orihime stealing the use of Yachiru's nicknames. Fun stuff. Enjoy!
A/n – Episode One contains the following pairings: IchigoxRukiaXRenji, KiyonexIshidaxIsane (sibling rivalry over Ishida-kun? OMG!), OrihimexZaraki (which will be REALLY weird…), and a very strange almost YachiruxToshiro… pocky can do weird things…
Episode One – Of Pocky and A Rose
It was a lovely Saturday morning in the eleventh squad's headquarters. In a secluded office, two officers were watching TV.
Yay! I love Saturday morning cartoons! happily thought the eleventh squad vice-captain.
If Matsumoto sees me watching Pokemon with her, my reputation will be ruined forever! nervously thought the tenth squad captain. Much to his relief, the room was relatively sound proof, and there was no one around.
"GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! POKEMON!" Yachiru and Toshiro sang along with the theme song of the officially decided on favorite show of the two young shinigami.
"Neh, Hitsu-chan, what's your favorite Pokemon?" Yachiru asked her newly discovered fellow Pokemonner.
"I told you, it's Hitsugaya-taicho!" the overly proud captain said, irritated.
"Ehh?" Yachiru said, confused, "Hitsugaya-taicho isn't the name of a Pokemon!"
Toshiro slapped his hand to his head and rolled his eyes. "Well, what's your favorite Pokemon?"
"Hmmm…" thought the pink haired girl as she sucked on a stick of pocky, "I like… PIKACHU!"
Toshiro gasped as he almost choked on his stick of pocky. "I like Pikachu too!"
The two grabbed hands and raised their pocky in the air like swords. 'WE MUST CONVERT OTHERS TO THE WAY OF PIKACHU!" they yelled in unison, and stormed out of the headquarters with various packs of pocky in hand.
As his vice-captain raced out of the building holding the hand of the tenth squad captain, Ikkaku looked up from polishing his Zanpakuto and raised an eyebrow. He definitely just saw two of his superiors running off with his pocky! It wasn't fair! It was his pocky! But then again… trying to get sweets back from Kusajishi Yachiru was like trying to sneak in at night and pluck Yamamoto's eyebrows… completely impossible.
The 3rd seated officer jumped to his feet. He would go to the store and buy more pocky. And this time, he would eat it there, so the vice-captain couldn't steal it! He picked up his sword, and ran out of the building.
Just as Ikkaku ran out of the building, Ichigo and Renji paused their argument to look up and watch him speed past. As soon as they got over the confusion at the fact that second strongest man in the eleventh squad was currently racing down the path yelling something about a pocky store, they resumed their fight.
"I found this rose first!" Renji yelled, "I'm taking it to Rukia!"
"But I was the one who had the idea of taking it to her!" Ichigo yelled back, "I'm the one who gets to give the rose to Rukia!"
"Baka!" Renji yelled, "You obviously can't see that she just likes me better than you!"
"Liar!" Ichigo yelled, "You obviously haven't noticed that she lives in my closet!"
"Well, I bet you've never gotten to hold her hand and pose for pictures!" Renji retorted.
"Well," Ichigo smirked, "I bet you've never seen her naked."
Renji's jaw dropped. "No. Way. What's it like?"
Ichigo snickered. "I ain't telling."
Renji muttered to himself as a tick mark appeared on his forehead. "If you don't tell me…" he threatened emptily, and then thought of something. "If you don't tell me, I'll tell Kuchiki-taicho that you're peeping on his little sister."
Ichigo blanched. "You wouldn't."
Renji grinned evilly. "Oh really?"
Ichigo rubbed his hair. "If I tell you, the rose is mine."
Renji glared. "No! I found it!"
Ichigo exploded. "IT'S MINE, DAMMIT! RUKIA LIKES ME BETTER!"
"Who likes you better?" Rukia said as she walked up to her friends.
The boys turned red, and simultaneously grabbed the rose and together held it out to Rukia. "I wanted to give you this…" they said in unison. They dropped the rose and spun to face each other. "THAT WAS MY LINE, TEME!"
Rukia blinked, and looked at the arguing men. "Yeah… I'm going to leave now…"
"NO, RUKIA, WAIT!" Ichigo and Renji yelled, and chased off after her.
"Why are Kurosaki-kun and Abarai-san chasing after Kuchiki-san?" Orihime wondered out loud.
"Where are Yachiru and Ikkaku?" Zaraki wondered out loud.
"Oh! Hi, Ken-chan!" Orihime said happily. When she started calling him that, the world may never know. Yachiru must have been rubbing off on her.
"Where's Ichigo? Do you know?" Zaraki asked her.
"He just went off with Abarai-san… they're chasing Kuchiki-san with some flowers while yelling at each other."
Zaraki mused this over. "I guess I can't fight him when he's chasing after a girl…"
Orihime pouted at the mention of Ichigo having a romantic interest that wasn't her. "So… what are you going to do, Ken-chan?"
Zaraki thought for a minute. "Let's see… I can't go running around with Yachiru if she's off with Hitsugaya-taicho… and I can't fight Ichigo now…" He looked at the pouty look on Orihime's face. "Sooo… you want to go… get some ramen or something?"
Orihime brightened immediately. "Okay!" And thus, Zaraki and Orihime skipped off to the Seireitei branch of Ichiraku Ramen.
As the captain and human girl walked off to the ramen shop, chaos was occurring at the thirteenth squad's headquarters.
"Why should you get him just 'cause you're older, nee-san?!" Kiyone whined.
"You're too immature for him, Kiyone!" Isane retorted.
"Well, you're too old for him!"
"Well, you're too flat for him!"
"What are you two talking about?" Ishida asked as he walked in.
The sisters snapped up. "Hello, Ishida-kun!" they chorused.
Ishida raised an eyebrow. What was up with these two lately? "Iiiiiii… think I'm going to go…. Visit my dead aunt in Rukongai!" he said hastily, sliding out the door.
"ISHIDA-KUN, DON'T GO!" the sisters protested, but it was too late.
"It's all your fault, Kiyone!" Isane accused.
"What?!" Kiyone yelled, "Why me?!"
"Because you're annoying and you look like a monkey-boy!"
"Yeah, well, at least I'm not in the FOURTH SQUAD!"
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE FOURTH SQUAD?!"
"YOU'RE A BUNCH OF USELESS PANSIES, THAT'S WHAT!"
"WELL, AT LEAST I'M THE VICE-CAPTAIN, INSTEAD OF ONE OF TWO THIRD OFFICERS!"
"WELL, IN OUR SQUAD, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE A RANKED OFFICER!"
"WELL, IN OUR SQUAD, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE LET INTO THE BUILDING BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO UNCIVILIZED!"
"Well… AT LEAST I'M NOT IN THE FOURTH SQUAD!"
"What about my Fourth Squad?" said one Fourth Squad captain, who was standing in the doorway. However, she did not get the desired result, because the sisters were too busy going at each other's throats.
"FINE!" Kiyone finally shouted, "I'LL GO AFTER ISHIDA-KUN AND WIN HIM MYSELF!"
"I'M NOT LETTING YOU HAVE HIM!" Isane yelled back. The two raced out the door, each trying to move faster than the other.
"I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS! TO CATCH THEM IS MY MAIN TEST, TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSE! I WILL TRAVEL ACROSS THE LAND, SEARCHING FAR AND WIDE! EACH POKEMON TO UNDERSTAND THE POWER THAT'S INSIDE!"
All across Seireitei, the Shinigami closed their windows and locked their doors as Captain Hitsugaya and Vice-captain Kusajishi ran down the street, screaming the Pokemon theme song.
As if two high ranking Shinigami running along singing wasn't scary enough, the cosplay did it.
"Hitsu-tsu-chan, why aren't people listening to us?"
"Quiet, Pikachu! Get back in character! I'm not Hitsu-tsu-chan, I'm Ash Ketchum!"
"Oops, gomen, Ash-chan! Pika pi! Pikachu!"
Yes, it was true. Hitsugaya Toshiro and Kusajishi Yachiru were parading through Soul Society cosplaying as Ash Ketchum and Pikachu, respectively. At this point in their jaunt, they were passing the Ichiraku Ramen's Seireitei branch.
Yachiru turned to Toshiro. "Pika pika, pi pi pika! Pika pi! Chuuu!" she said, which roughly translated to, "Hitsu-tsu-chan, let's go to the ramen shop!"
Toshiro nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! We can go educate all the ramen eating Shinigami-friends!" The authoress then realized how increadibly out of character this was, but ignored the fact as she stole a piece of Toshiro's pocky.
"POCKY!" roared Toshiro and Yachiru… errr… Ash and Pikachu… and they stormed into the ramen shop.
"PockypockypockypockypockypockyPOCKY!" mumbled one Madarame Ikkaku. He had arrived at the pocky store (which was really a 7-Eleven, but they happened to sell a lot of pocky), only to find that THEY WERE SOLD OUT OF THE CHOCOLATE POCKY! All they had left was STRAWBERRY POCKY! Ikkaku didn't like strawberries!
"Myes…" he muttered, "I shall save the world from this evil lack of the Chocolate Pocky… for I am… POCKY MAN! Defender of pocky everywhere!" He struck a dramatic pose. Crickets chirped.
"Now, let's see…" the bald and pocky-hungry officer told himself, "Who could have caused this terrible pocky shortage?!" He thought for a moment. "With all the strawberry pocky around in here… it must have been… ICHIGO!" (1)
Off in another road, Ichigo sneezed. Renji stopped chasing after Rukia for a second to stop and look at him.
"Dude, what's up with you?" Renji asked.
"Why do I have a sudden craving for Strawberry Pocky?" Ichigo asked.
(1) For those that don't know, Ichigo can also mean Strawberry. Yay for horrible puns!
A/n – Well… I figured 6 pages were long enough, and I wanted to post something. The next part of this ficlet shall be up whenever I finish it. Reviews are greatly appreciated!