"ANY OF YOU FUCKING PRICKS MOVE, AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY LAST ONE OF YA!" Yelled one of the robbers of the current Hot Topic, which was in Britain for some reason. Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way ran out of the changing room, wearing a gothic black corset dress, a black leather miniskirt with pentagrams all over it, pink fishnet stockings (which is odd since Pink is a prep colour), and pointy high-heeled boots. She watched in horror as Honey Bunny suddenly shot Tom Rid. The brains of the sexah gottik bi guy that were now all over the counter cued Ebony to do the obvious, as she took out a silver knife and began to rapidly slit her wrists for apparently no reason.

"Fuck dat shiznit dawg!" Said Snoop Dogg, coming out of the back room dressed like Max Rockatanzky. He pulled out a TEC-9 and began firing it at the robbers, hitting the nearby Ts, appearing to speed up Ebony's wrist slitting.

"MOVE IN!" Yelled the HECU commander, as Combine elites and varieties of soldiers began surround the perimeter, and both forces began firing at eachother. Ebony looked back at her wrist, which was now gone, and realised that she has been slashing at bone for the past hour. All around her were the ruins of the Hot Topic, with several Headcrab Zombies and other stuff roaming wild. She took out her blak gun and shot them all a gazillion times, making her way back to Hogwarts.

"WHAT THE HELL WER U DOENG MOTHERFUKER?" Shooted Dumblydore angaryily. Ebony just stuck up her middle finger and made her way to the Slytherin conman room. Just then, Dracola showed up.

"Hold up Enoby," He said. "Apparently you've been moved to Gryffindor."

"Wat fukn dik did dat!" Asked Ebony, incorrectly punctuating her question.

Then, Neville did the chicken dance and exploded. Ebony frustraitedly walked over to the Gryffindor common room and sat down in one of the corners. Surrounded by "preps" and "posrs", Ebony did the only sensable thing that british vampire Sues do, and started to sexily cry tears of blood.

Accross from her, Melanie Dank'ness Dewmania Warface watched interested. She was curious about the goffic gurl turning the tissues into a goddamn maxi-pad, mostly because the plot demanded such. She got up and decided to advance the plot.

"H3110 7h3r3, 1 w4n7 2 g37 2 kn0w u 4nd-" Melanie was saying before Ebony cut her off.

"fuk of prep" Said Ebony.

Melanie took out her Ballista, and Ebony took out her blak gun. They stood in a Latin standoff. They began firing eachother, as the MLGstep started playing and the room filled with explosions, muzzleflahes, sprite-based particle effects, and lenseflares. It stayed like this for the entire 3-hour battle. When everything dissapered, the room was riddled with bulletholes and full of the now dead Gryffindors.

"W311, 7h3r3'5 b33n 4107 0f d347h 1n t7h15 f1c." Said Melanie. Ebony smiled.

"maeb wi cn b frundz" Ebony said.

"k" Melanie responded.

"OMGWTF" Said Profezor Rumbridge, but then