title: nineteen
summary: when it comes down it, silence speaks just a little bit louder than words.
focus: gon's perspective - killugon. sequel to thirteen.
notes: 1) the exo concert is this friday and i can't go. 2) where is made. 3) im tokyo ghoul trash
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frozen. that's what he feels like. killua is back but it isn't the same. he isn't the same killua, not the boy with beautiful blue eyes and silken hair, no-
this killua is different.
a scar decorates his forehead, and gon wants to rub it away like it's just an angry eraser mark, he wants to make killua whole again. goddammit, he just wants kil back. it's been four years and gon has been dreaming. playing fantasies in his head about things he'll say when kil comes back, the boy who's his best friend in this exhausting world.
but he's frozen.
gon is so, so tired. so frustrated. and he wants to cry, because he hasn't in years, and he doesn't know what to say, because who knows if this is still his best friend? if he can still say the same things and get the same answers, if he can still love killua and killua can love him back?
"hey, i'm here," killua says hoarsely, rubbing his palms nervously on those same old shorts. "aren't you gonna hug me or something?"
he is so beautiful. like a diamond in the rough, the light in the dark, a firefly in the night - gon could give all his cliches out to describe killua, and there wouldn't be enough. killua is indescribable.
gon smiles. "it's you," he breathes. yes. it's the same killua, the same boy, just a little grown up. "i've missed you, killua. how've you been?" there's something in the way gon walks towards the other man that's mechanical. the stiffness of his gangly limbs or the set of his shoulders.
killua gulps, adam's apple bobbing in tandem with gon's steps. "i've...i've been fine. everything's settled now. i'm sorry it took so long, really, i've missed you too." he nervously brushes a hand across his cheekbone like he's embarrassed. "really, gon, i-"
"-shut up," gon mutters. "does it matter?" no, nothing matters. all that matters is this. here. observing killua's face, taking in every detail, because he might disappear again. or trailing his eyes down killua's belongings and clothing, because he's forgotten how nice a t-shirt and shorts look on him, down to the ratty sneakers and yoyo-strings hanging out of his backpack.
and it's the same again. it's four years ago, killua's telling him that he's leaving, and gon feels. thirteen. but he remembers. he doesn't forget this killua, the one burned into the back of his eyes, the awkward boy dressed in the exact same way as he is now, and gon knows that kil is back. yes, he's a little different, a little worse for wear, a little bit lost on the road of life, but all gon cares about is that the path has led killua back to him. to home.
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