Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Supernatural, and I'm not making any money from this fic. I do own the plot of this story, though

Summary: Set directly after the episode Bloodlust. The aftermath of Dean trying to deal with what he's learned – and taking his pain out on Sam. One-shot

Warning(s): Spoilers – probably for the entirety of the first season, and up to episode three of season two; mild swearing; angst; mentions of violence; brotherly moments

Author's Note: As stated above, this fic is based after the events of Bloodlust. What happened in that episode is something that I want to explore further – and what it might mean for the brothers.

Plus, I think Dean would feel guilty about hitting Sam

How many of the things that we hunted didn't deserve it?

Dean shook his head slightly, and tried to focus his attention on the road rather than the thoughts that refused to stop spinning around inside his mind. Sam had fallen asleep next to him – kid could sleep anywhere, anytime when he wasn't being plagued by nightmares – so Dean was more or less alone with his thoughts.

Maybe I should wake him up… At least then I'd have someone to talk to.

But Dean wouldn't do that, couldn't do that. Sam needed to sleep, since it wasn't often that he didn't have nightmares. He'd rather go through any discomfort if it meant that Sam would have even one moment of peace.

Except, of course, for the fact that he'd punched his brother…

"Damn," Dean muttered. He hit the steering wheel – but not very hard. He'd already taken his frustrations out on his beloved car once.

Looks like my whole life's gonna be me taking out my anger on what I care about…

Dean was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of his stomach growling. He hadn't even realised that he was hungry. Then again, it wasn't all that surprising – neither he nor Sam had eaten a whole lot.

Dean pulled off the motorway, following the sign to a fast food restaurant. Despite being hungry, he didn't really feel hungry – but Sam probably needed to eat something.

As Dean parked the car, Sam stirred, his eyes opening. He glanced around blearily. "What are we doing here?"

"Killer fries," Dean answered, smirking slightly. "Figured we might as well come here and check it out. And, you know, get something to eat as well. I don't know about you, but I'm starved." He put the gear into neutral, and turned the ignition off. Besides… We could both probably do with a break.

"Yeah… I could do with something to eat as well," Sam agreed. He got out of the car, rubbing at his face a bit – where Dean had punched him.

Dean got out of the car as well. "Does it hurt still?" he asked, watching his brother worriedly. I really can't deal with some kind of 'chick flick' moment right now, but… Maybe we need to talk about this.

"Huh?" Sam shook his head. "No, of course not. You didn't hit me that hard."

Dean grunted. "Must be getting rusty." He slammed the door shut.

"Careful," Sam said. "You don't want to end up damaging the Impala… Not after you spent all that time fixing it up after the… accident." He bit his lip, and glanced away a moment.

You should have seen the car after I smashed it up, Sammy, Dean thought. Then again… he never wanted to let his brother see him that way. Dean had been used to suppressing his feelings in front of Sam for years. But he had clearly failed in that, and done the unforgivable – he'd hurt his younger brother.

And Dean had vowed never to do that, a promise he had made when he had taken baby Sammy out of their burning home.

"Dean?" Sam was frowning, his expression concerned. "Are you all right? You look kinda spaced."

Dean shrugged. "I'm fine. Just… you know. Thinking."

Sam nodded. "You gonna give the police an anonymous call; tell them where to find Gordon? If you haven't already, that is."

"Why? You think I should?" Dean raised his eyebrows. "I was being serious when I said I'd leave it a few days. Besides… Do you really think that he won't be able to get out of those bonds himself? He's a hunter – Dad would have had no problems." Unlike Sam, Dean barely hesitated over talking about their father. I feel a little better over what happened… "I'm more concerned about whether or not he'll try and go after those vamps again."

"If he does… They'll be helpless."

Dean nodded. "We can't follow them or protect them. All we can do is hope that they're better at covering their tracks now." He grimaced slightly. "And I still hardly believe I saw that. I mean, vampires are worse than animals – as far as I'm concerned."

"Yeah… Kind of makes you question everything you've been taught. Thanks," Sam added, a little unexpectedly.

"What for?"

Sam shrugged. "For… believing in me, I guess. You could have easily killed Lenore – or just let Gordon finish the job."

Put her out of her misery… Dean looked away a moment, remembering just how close he had come to doing exactly that – or letting it happen. "Yeah, well – I know what I saw. I never thought it was possible; but, hey, even I don't know everything." He shook his head slightly. "But I don't know if I can change just like that. I can't just start playing nice and having tea parties with supernatural creatures."

Sam nodded. "I know. I do understand. But killing Lenore would have been murder – and that's not what we do…"

"I hope she was grateful." Dean turned away, about to enter the fast food place, but paused as Sam put a hand on his shoulder. "What?"

Sam looked into his brother's eyes a moment. "Hey… Are you sure you're all right?"

Dean bit his lip against a scathing reply. Easy; Sam just wants to make sure I'm not gonna go all crazy and try to kick his ass again. "I'm fine." It still came out a bit sharper than he'd intended, though.

Sam removed his hand, and tried to smile. "You know… I sort of owed you anyway, after the events at the asylum."

Dean hesitated, and then grinned, although he didn't really feel happy at all. "Yeah." So… We're even. It didn't change the guilt he was feeling, though.

But, maybe, he would eventually be able to feel better about taking his pain out on his brother.

The End