I lied about no more SWR fic. Tumblr made me do it this time!

Sheepfulsheepyardinspace made a wonderful post about a Depa lives AU, and we started talking about it. Then ideas. Then art. Now fic. This first chapter is going to be VERY fast-paced, if only because I want to cover 15 years in less than 25,000 words, or otherwise this would have never been finished! Enjoy the feels. Chapter title taken from 'Alive' by Sia, and lyrics are from 'Bright Eyes' by Simon And Art Garfunkel.

(Sorry for the wonky formatting; the doc editor on here kept undoing things and I didn't catch everything).

Bright eyes,
Burning like fire.
Bright eyes,
How can you close and fail?

-0-

Depa knew it was all wrong the moment Caleb fell down to gunfire in front of her.

She screamed his name in vain as his lightsaber dropped to his feet and they kept firing at him. She screamed again, standing over his body and deflecting more shots, knocking back two troopers. In a snap of her wrist, Depa pulled her padawan's saber into her grip and shifted into a Jar'Kai form without a breath wasted.

She stood her ground, pushing down every twisted feeling and instinct that told her this was wrong. Her visions of this moment had portrayed a very different outcome; one she had been preparing her young padawan for. Yet, his life had flickered away instead of her's.

She had failed him, just as she had to many before, and nothing ached her more than his bright eyes suddenly burning so pale, staring into nothing.

Styles called for his men to overpower her; she couldn't fight forever (just watch, anything to not think about the new emptiness that filled her bond with Mace). Depa knew she couldn't stay with her padawan (she would never stop fighting), nor could she flee with his body (she couldn't cremate him, she couldn't cremate Mace; she wouldn't let them burn her).

Stomping down every fear, every bit of rage and anguish, Depa pulled off her robes in one swift motion and threw them at the closest troopers before Force pushing them into the shooting crowd. The best shots all toppled over and the others changed their aim. She dodged with impeccable speed, taking one last brief look at Caleb's resting face (how could he look so peaceful when she was so torn apart? Guide him, Master Windu, I beg you) before taking his braid and holocron.

She ran, and ran, and ran. As fast as her legs would carry her, jumping into every shadow and avoiding every Blaster barrel pointed her way. She made it to the undercurrent of the nearby city, hiding with the garbage for shelter until she found an abandoned parka and headscarf to cover up her most distinctive features, let loose her long hair and fancy herself a dirty beggar, not a sudden fugitive. Under the shrinking darkness Depa stayed alert all the way to the ship ports, afraid to even blink or think. Afraid to feel the agonising screams of her brothers and sisters perishing across the galaxy; afraid to be caught and join her padawan.

One stray thought blindly entertained the idea of returning to the Coruscant temple, but was quickly shot down when she remembered how obvious a destination that was. It would only be safe to return home if a beacon was sent out, yet they were silent.

Styles and Grey patrolled the city that morning, forcing Depa to hide even further in the shadows until she found herself in the dirtiest part of town with a ship heading straight to Takodana, the infamous pirate trade stop of the last thousand years. As much as she hated to abandon Caleb to the new enemy, she knew it was best to get off planet as soon as possible. Getting a seat on board was hardly a problem but Depa felt that the blasters and cannons all around her would be one if the pilots found out they were boarding a member of the Jedi High Council.

Unable to sleep or even rest her blistered feet with her tightening heart and dropping stomach distracting her, Depa dared to reach out in the Force. The screams had subsided, but a few surfaced every other hour and were suddenly silenced. What had once been a warm, glowing comfort had become an icy desert of no life, and that was more painful than she could have ever imagined (but not as much as facing the abyss left by Caleb). She reached out further anyway but retracted upon meeting an intense cold anger clashing with a dimming light in the fiery depths of a lava world.

Depa curled up in her seat, reigning in every instinct to lash out, cry, and release every feeling that had been taught to her a a path to the Dark Side. Yet, they demanded freedom, an ultimate release out of her tired chest.

She had seen visions of her demise ever since taking on Caleb as her padawan (oh sweet Caleb, where was he know?), but when the time had come, he had not survived as the Force had told her he would. It had given her a false hope for him, the future of the Jedi, and taken everything else away from her.

Her heart broke again, hours later, when a strong cry in the Force died out and left two bright beacons. She shut herself off from her lifeline, unable to face the pain surrounding those new lives.

She recalled her own words to Caleb from just days ago, trying not to let her raw emotions rule her; to not brush against the Dark again. But she felt so empty otherwise, and she didn't know what to do. She was alive, something she had never planned for or expected from a Force vision.

And it all felt so utterly wrong.

0XX0

Arriving on Takodana was much less eventful than Depa thought it would be (she guessed she was lucky to have boarded with those on the other side of the law; they knew how to avoid their hunters), but she stayed as alert as she could and planned ahead to the best of her ability. She had an alias, a cover story, and a few escape routes should she be recognised by a bounty hunter or the like while on-planet. Now she just needed… a purpose? A destiny? All she could do now was hide away from the Core Planets.

Her feet dragged her towards a castle on the edge of a large glistening lake surrounded by thick forest, feeling heavier than ever under the weight of the lightsabers on her hip (the holocron was tucked away, and his braid was hidden safely in a deep pocket). She kept her face hidden under a hood as she climbed up the stone steps and into the formidable castle fortress of Maz Kanata, one overflowing with bandits and creatures of all kinds (she had only heard of this place in the whispers of the pirates from her childhood. Needless to say, she was not comfortable being in this place).

She crawled deeper into the bowels of the castle, feeling every grime and flick of dirt up her back. The people blurred around her and her head felt light as she made her way to a seat tucked away at the back of the bar area. Everything ached and Depa sighed, if only to stop herself from wailing. She was just so tired; she didn't even know why she was still bothering to stay alive. She didn't have a role to play in this world.

"As far as you can see, but you may have one just yet."

Depa jumped up and reached for her lightsaber, stopping when she finally registered the small alien woman standing by her table with a tray of empty glasses. Large goggles sat atop her bald orange head, and her small eyes were studying Depa intensely. She could feel the Force flow openly around this woman, yet it was neither overly Light nor Dark. She could only compare it to a pale grey.

"There's no need for that here, unless you want to be taken to the new Emperor." The woman pushed Depa's lightsaber away with her free hand and then jumped up into the seat opposite her. Depa breathed deeply and reaffirmed herself, hiding her weapon once again.

"What do you want?" Her voice cracked, even at its hushed tone. She suddenly noticed how dry her lips and tongue were, and her throat began to ache.

"I would like to avoid a clonetrooper takeover of my castle." The woman put her tray down and pushed it toward Depa. She saw small amounts of various drinks left at the bottoms of each one and carefully sipped from one. There was no warning in the Force, so she took another one (could she even trust the Force anymore? It had wronged her so much already).

"I'm number one enemy at the moment; why not turn me in, or save them the trouble?" Depa looked straight into the woman's warm brown eyes. She reminded her so much of Master Yoda, yet she differed from him in many ways too. She couldn't quite find the words to describe it.

"That is not the way of Maz Kanata, Master Jedi." Depa narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. She had no energy for anything more spontaneous. "There has been a great disturbance. Have you felt it?"

How could she have not? It had happened right in front of her very eyes. "There has been much death in these past few days."

"And you have done very well to avoid the same fate, but I was not talking about that."

Depa's lips pursed and her jaw tightened as she moved onto her third drink. Tapping into the Force had been painful, but she knew in her heart of hearts that everything was off balance, to a degree she never thought possible. Not from the purging of her family, but from the fact that she was breathing, and Caleb was not.

"Why?" She asked quietly, barely audible over the sounds of chatter and gambling.

"The Force is not wrong, child." Maz said, answering the implied question. "There is still hope for you Jedi yet. It has barely begun to live now, but it will grow and grow until the Emperor falls to it. Time is all that is needed."

"And?" Depa lifted her head up slightly, pulling back her headscarf to give Maz the best glare she could muster. 'Time' was not the answer she wanted or needed. She could have all the time in the world, but it wouldn't right the wrong that was her survival.

"And, you have a place in all of this, despite what you may believe now." Maz slipped her goggles over her eyes and leaned in closer to Depa. "The Force will not give it to you, so you must make your own. You being here was not meant to be, but it doesn't mean it can't be worked around."

Depa tried to mull over those words. She knew what Maz was getting at; everything was twisted now that Caleb had fallen, and it was not her place to do what he was meant to. She could still play a part in that role, if only because the Force's will was so awry now. Fate had changed, for the time being should the new hope continue in its course.

Or maybe she was delusional from exhaustion. Those words only just about made sense to her.

And there was still one question that was nagging her.

"Why should I believe you? Would things be right if I died now, as I was meant to?"

Maz's wrinkled hand found her's and squeezed it. Depa bowed her head, feeling a lump in her throat and the chest ache return. Maz said something in a language she didn't understand, and she felt her chin lift up.

"I see it in your eyes. That is your grief talking, child." Her voice was warm and gentle, like Depa imagined a mother's would be (she imagined she spoke like that to Caleb once upon a time). She blinked fast and inhaled sharply, reciting the Code under her breath; Emotion, yet peace. Chaos, yet harmony.

Death, yet the Force.

Yet it still hurt.

Maz kept talking to her but Depa faded it out, listening only to her own heartbeat until her heavy eyelids began to take over her mental state. Hands led her away from the table and the commotion of business, luring her into a deep state of numbness that slipped into a first sleep upon meeting a soft mattress.

0XX0

When she woke up many hours later, it was to her holocron shifting in her tunic. She pulled it out and rubbed her sore eyes; wasn't she in a bar? Where was that Maz pirate?

The holocron floated up from her palm, changing its form and flashing an alarm for a new message. Depa's head snapped up and she gasped softly. A message from the Temple!

She jumped up onto her feet, almost toppling over from the sheer force, and let the holocron spread out to protect a hologram from its core. Master Kenobi's image appeared and his face was calm but grave. Depa sat down on the bed and watched as he spoke.

"This is Master Obi-Wan Kenobi." He started, his voice betraying the haunted look in his eyes. "I regret to report that both our Jedi Order and the Republic have fallen, with the dark shadow of the Empire rising to take their place. This message is a warning and a reminder for any surviving Jedi: trust in the Force.

Do not return to the Temple. That time has passed, and our future is uncertain. Avoid Coruscant. Avoid detection. Be secret... but be strong. We will each be challenged: our trust, our faith, our friendships. But we must persevere and, in time, I believe a new hope will emerge. May the Force be with you, always."

Depa took a shaky breath as the holocron closed up and dropped into her hand. She clutched it tightly, knuckles turning white but she didn't feel it. A numbness filled her heart and head, and she covered her face with her free hand.

It was all over.

She had nothing, and no one.

The Code went off like a mantra in her head, but even that couldn't stop fresh tears from falling down her dirtied cheeks. She didn't sob, scream or wail as she had known others to do when faced with grave reality. She barely made a noise, only hiccuping as she wiped her face dry. Tears kept dripping anyway.

Depa was hiding her face behind her headscarf (was it her or was it cleaner now?) when the door to the room opened and Maz walked in, a disheveled look all about her.

"You've finally heard." Depa only nodded, lowering her head to her chest and sniffing back the grief pangs dominating her soul. Maz closed the door behind her and crossed the small bare room to sit down next to Depa, who was now weeping openly.

Maz muttered in her language again and put a hand on her shoulder, pulling her goggles off of her eyes.

"That was sent out some time ago, but now you know." Maz said quietly. "It's perfectly fine to grieve."

"Emotion, yet peace," Depa replied, her voice cracking just above a whisper. "I know that too well. I lost my sister on Geonosis… but this is somehow much worse. I should feel something, but I am nothing."

Maz's eyes widened a bit but she nodded anyway. "You did well to pass that teaching on. It's been lost on most Jedi."

Depa said nothing. Maz let out a breath.

"You have no reason to believe me," Maz continued after a moment, taking her hand off Depa and curling it in her lap. "I am no Jedi - far too delusioned over the centuries - but I know the Force; I know what is right."

"And what is that?"

"Keeping you alive, despite what you may belief at the moment."

"I'm a memory of the old way, the way that's died." Depa stood up in one fluid movement, turning to face Maz. "My padawan, someone unburdened by our archaic teachings, should have lived to create an Order that could brought a whole new era away from darkness."

She had taught Caleb such things, prepared him to leave the Jedi ways behind with ease; prepared him for the future she saw him cultivate. One she - and the thousands of others in the Order - could not do as a Jedi of old.

"You have accepted it then?" Maz asked.

"No, not yet." Depa admitted, willing her spirit not to break. "I knew what I was meant to sacrifice myself for. A higher purpose."

"That has changed, obviously." Maz shook her head in defeat, slipping off the bed and putting her goggles back over her eyes. "I can help you get onto a ship, perhaps with a less 'archaic' design to your wardrobe-"

Depa frowned, looking down at her robes. They were practically a target on her back for any trooper.

"-but that is all I can do. My place is in my home here, not getting into trouble with the new government."

Maz left Depa to herself in the sunlight beaming down from the window high in the wall. Depa took in the room around her; the bed was the most decorated piece of furniture in here. There was an empty desk and chair made for someone half her height.

She sat down on the floor, leaning against the bed with her legs crossed underneath her, but she had no mind to meditate at a time like this. She still kept the Force closed off, unknowing if she could handle the cold silence anymore. She'd have to face it one day, but would it heal or just rip off the bleeding scab to pour salt into the wound?

If she were to get onto a ship, with her new name and a new life of hiding and surviving waiting for her… where could she go? Where was her place in this new terrifying time? Did she even have one? Maz had said to make her own if she so chose.

But where to start?

0XX0

Depa didn't see Maz again after the visit, but she got what was promised to her in due manner. The new garbs were simple but would allow her to blend into any crowd in the Mid or Outer Rim. A written passage onto a cargo ship would take her on a one-way trip to any Outer Rim planet she wished.

She gave deep thought to this choice as she changed out of her robes and into the clothes given to her (nothing special; just pants, a long coat over a dark tunic, a green headscarf, and a holster for whatever weapon Maz thought she would protect herself with from now on). The Outer Rim was her safest bet for hiding from the Galactic Empire, but she didn't know much about it outside of battle reports. Could she search for sympathetic allies from the war days?

She didn't have any herself that far out from the Core worlds. Her close friends certainly didn't have any that would oppose the new presiding government for more than a few days. She thought of her Master and the allies he had collected over the years. She remembered the kinds of people he paired himself with: strong, resilient, proud, and headstrong. The people that would not stand with the Emperor, no matter the threats and oppression they faced.

In the Outer Rim, only one name stood out to her: Ryloth.

Mace had aided the Twi'lek resistance fighters in rising up against the Separatist occupiers and freed the planet from their control. They would never bend their knee to the Empire, and they might be sympathetic to her predicament. Even if they weren't, she could make a place in one of the many cities until it was time for her to move on with a new reputation.

She had to at least try.

I've re-edited this fic for especially, as I've come to realise that most of you aren't used to huge chapters. Hope you enjoy this!