A/N: I was re-watching the episode where Finn outed Santana and this little piece came to mind. Pezberry.
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or the song ive used in this. I only own my mistakes.
"Leave this house, I don't ever want to see you again," my Abuela said. I couldn't believe my ears, did she just kick me out of her house?
"Abuela, you-"
"Go,"
"...you don't-"
"Now!"
"I'm the same person i was a minute ago," I said, I wanted her to understand that me loving girls wasn't something bad. That it didn't change who i was.
"You made your choice," her voice trembled but that didn't stop her from being the vicious women i knew she was, "now I have made mine,"
I scrunched up my eyebrows and leaned back, feeling my heart clench from the pain she was causing me.
"But why?" I asked. She couldn't even look me in the eye as she spoke.
"It's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable in my own house," the way her face looked when she said this had the tears i was holding back start to build, she called me selfish because i was letting the one most important woman in my life know that I was gay?
"The sin isn't in the thing, it's in the scandle when people talk about it aloud," abuela still wasn't looking at me and it was slowly breaking my heart. I had to be strong infront of her, not cry, just to show her I wasn't a little kid.
"So you're saying that it would have been better if I would have kept this a secret?" i could hear my voice break at the end. Abuela looked up at me with so much hate in her eyes it had me hurting so much worse then before. She just gave me a teary eyed look over before getting up and leavng the kitchen; My heart shattered.
I gave one last whispered, "Abuela," before she dissappeared and left me to cry. When she walked out I had this feeling like i wasn't gonna see her again after that.
Santana shot up in her bed with a start, sweat dripping from her body as her tank top clung to her torso, her breathing uneven and heavy. She's had the same dream about her abuela disowning her recently and it terrifies her. Slowly getting her breath back, Santana looked next to her and saw that Rachel was sound asleep next to her. Ever since that pretty boy, Ryder came into the picture while Brittany was still in school and she was in New York, the pair broke up for the better and Santana found her self at the door step of one Rachel Berry.
Rachel had gladly let the young latina come and stay with her. But she was suprised when they started becoming more then just friends. It started the day Santana saw Rachel with the guy she had class with, what was his name, Broden? Brian? Anyways, she got jealous and confronted Rachel about it which ended in a fight, screaming then quite alot of confessing and tons of kissing and one hell of a night of love making.
Slipping from the shared bed, Santana made her way into the bathroom and looked at herself. She looked like a young 19 year old with dark cicrles under her eyes, messy damp hair and a tired zombie. Quickly splashing some cold water onto her face, she gripped the sink and let the water slide down her jaw and nose, eyes closed. Something felt wrong, something that made her bones chill to the core.
The phone they had for emergancies only made her jolt as it rang. Her heart was pounding into her chest as she looked at the closed bathroom door, she didn't want to move, she was afraid too.
"Tana, your mothers on the phone for you," Rachel's tired soft voice said from behind the door. Slowly, body trembling she moved and opened it with a shakey hand, finding her beautiufl tired girlfriend holding the phone out to her. With a quick kiss to a tan forehead, Santana took the offered device from a tiny hand and walked into the room, sitting on the bed. Sighing, she pressed it to her ear and answered, "Hello Mami,"
Santana reached a hand out for Rachel to take as she listened to her mothers tired voice.
"Mija, i have some...bad news to tell you,"
"What is it mami?" she asked, wrapping a hand around Rachel's tiny waist and letting her sit on her right knee.
"Your Abuela, she died this morning Mija, she had a heart attack,"
Santana's body tensed as she gripping onto Rachel's long t-shirt.
"I'm so sorry Mija, i'm sorry," Maribel began to cry, making Santana's fear more real.
"Tana, what is it?" Rachel asked, knowing something was wrong by the way her girlfriends grip tightened. Santana looked up at Rachel with sad brown teary eyes.
"We need to go to Lima," was all she said.
Santana's father decided to have a funral for his mother the week both girls had a week break from their classes. Santana and Rachel took the first flight they could get and flew down to lima. They were greeted by both of their parents once they landed. Santana was quiet the whole way there, granted she was very quiet ever since she found out about her abuela.
"She hardly says anything, maybe a few words if need be and one or two sentences a day," Rachel told Maribel when she asked how her daughter was. The older latina woman just gave a sad nod as she looked over to where her daughter sat in the window seal of their living room, grey sweats and a NYU hoodie on, nursing her cup of coffee as she stared out the window at the sheet of rain.
"She's always admired my mother, says she was the strong one of the family and that she wanted to be just like her, of course she's going to take her death hard," Carlos, Santana's father said from behind the two women.
"You are just like her corazon," Maribel stated, placing a hand on her husbands chest to push him out of the room. Rachel made her way over to the broken latina and placed a hand on her cheek, breaking her out of her thoughts.
"Tana," Rachel said softly, feeling Santana lean into her touch.
"Si mi estrella?" Santana asked, pulling the tiny brunette into her lap and nuzzling her neck.
"Have you decided on a song you're going to sing tomorrow?" Rachel asked, running her fingers through black silky locks.
"Asleep, Emily Browning version," Santana mumbled into tan skin, wrapping her arms around the diva's waist.
"You need to stop watching Sucker Punch," Rachel smiled.
"No," Santana whined, standing up and letting Rachel's legs wrap around her waist as she carried the girl up the stairs and to her room.
It was cloudy, but it wasn't raining, yet. The wind that blew around the crowd at the cemetery was cold. Santana wore a black mini strapless dress with black stocks just alittle bit past her knees and a pair of black calve high heeled boots. Her black Kenneth Cole Smooth Lamb jacket over her shoulders with her hair down and wavy over her shoulders. Rachel, next to her, in a black mini dress her black peacoat around her body and tied to keep warm, black stilettos on her feet. They listened to the preacher say his words, then listened as Carlos gave his speech, which had everyone crying because he started to cry. When it was Santana's turn, she took a deep breath and made her way over to the coffin.
"This is a song that my abuela would sing to me when i was little, when i was scared or could't go to sleep, she did sing it in spanish but since alot of you here don't know how to pernounce spanish, i'll sing it in english," she stated, causing a few people to laugh at the honesty. Taking a deep breath and looking down at her abuela's forever sleeping face she willed herself not to cry just yet.
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
I'm tired and I..
I want to go to bed
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
And then leave me alone.
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone.
Santana stopped to take a deep shaky breath.
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know,
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go.
Feeling the hot tears roll down her cheeks, Santana bit her lip but kept going.
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore.
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore.
It was a powerful song, especially the way Santana sung it acupella, with her raspy voice and the way it cracked when she tried not to let out the sobs she wanted to let go.
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know,
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
It shattered her heart knowing she'd never get the chance to say a farewell goodbye to her abuela, it hurt so much knowing that the one main person she looked up to, died hating her guts because she was gay. All she wanted to do was tell her she was sorry and that she loved her.
There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be.
Ohhhhh, there must be.
There is another world.
There is a better world.
As she finished the song, she let go of all of her pain and guilt and hurt, falling to her knees and just cried into her abuela's lifeless chest.
"I love you abuela, i'm so sorry, I hope you can forgive, I love you and I'll never forget you, please forgive," she said, over and over again like her life had depended on it. That's when the sky decided to cry and let a hard sheet of rain beat down onto everyone like a waterfall.
It's been a few months since then and both of the girls were back in New York, getting ready for their finals. It was almost chirstmas break and their finals due date was the day before Rachel's birthday. Santana had a plan and she intended on keeping it, even if they were visited by the one person she despised with all of her heart. Finn Hudson.
They were being lazy one Sunday night when there was a knock at their door.
"Could you get that Tana?" Rachel asked, she was curled up under her fluffy blanket, her small white fluffy kitten asleep in her arms.
"Of course lazy," Santana chuckled, standing to go to the door. She opened it with a smile, which fell immedently.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she snarled.
"Coming to see my fiancee, what are you doing here?" Finn asked, he was in an army uniform.
"Last time i checked, you ended it with her the moment you let her get on that train," Santana spat.
"It was for her own good, but i'm back now so would you please move or leave," Finn said with his fake smile.
"Okay, one: Rachel will not be taking you back anytime soon, no better yet she will not be taking you back ever because i'm dating the diva and two: I live here so i will not leave," Santana jabbed a finger into his chest to push him back out into the hall.
"So either leave on your own or i will make you leave," she growled.
"Tana, what's taking...Finn?" Rachel asked.
"Hi Rach, i came back," he smiled his dopey smile and held his arms out, expecting the diva to jump into them.
"Finn, you need to leave," Rachel said, her voice was heavy with hurt and betrayel.
"So it's true, you're really dating this slut?" Finn sneered. The slap was loud and almost as hard as the time Santana slapped Finn for outing her.
"Leave Finn, now," Rachel hissed, her hand tingling. He gave one last look to both girls then turned and stormed down the hall. Santana was speechless and the slap had her spiraling back into that horrid memrory that made her tell her abuela the truth in the first place.
"Hey Santana, wh don't you just come out of the closet?" I stopped my strut as i stared ahead, Finn's irritating voice ringing out.
"You know, i think i know why you're still good at taring everybody else down," i stayed silent, "It's because you're constantly taring yourself down, because you can't admit to everybody that you're in love with Brittany and she might not love you you back,"
He has the balls to out me because i've hurt his damn feelings.
"It must hurt to not be able to admit to everyone how you feel," and to use my feelings for Brittany against me is a low fucking blow.
"You know what I think you are," I didn't say a thing, "A coward,"
It was because of him that i had to come out to my abuela, i figured it would be alot better to tell her on my own then let some stupid ad tell her, but if he wouldn't have grew some balls in the middle of the fucking hallway and outed me just because I made fun of his nipples, maybe, just maybe i would have been able to tell my grandmother that i loved her before she died. It was Finn Fucking Hudson's fault I lost the most important person in my life.
"Tana, breath for me Tana, come on baby," Rachel said as she watched Santana hypervinilate. The latina blinked and looked into worried soft brown eyes. She began to breath evenly, her head in between soft tiny hands.
"Oh god Tana, don't scare me like that again," she gasped, leaning in to kiss plump lips.
"I love you Tana, and i don't think i can lose you," she whispered. That made Santana's heart swell as she pulled the diva against her body. But as she held the shorter girl she couldn't help to think, But thanks to Finn Hudson, I've gained someone who will soon become the most important person in my life.
A/N2: The song was Asleep by Emily Browning.