And a Million Years Gone By

A very sad Jason and Carly story that takes place on the last day of his life. It has four very short chapters.

Chapter 1

Author's note- I did not specify in this story what year it is so you can leave it to your own imagination as to how old Jason is.

I always thought he would die quick. The images filled my nightmares- Jason crumbling to the ground over and over because of a bullet he didn't see coming. Other times I would see flames, bright orange life stealing flames from a bomb that destroyed his car or home.

I wondered sometimes, when I woke up, if these were the same pictures that dotted Sonny's dreams. Did he think that fate would come to himself ?

And I wondered, back when I was still his wife, why I never had those nightmares about Sonny dying.

No, that's a lie. I knew why it was only Jason I saw. I always knew it would be him leaving me that would make my life almost not worth living anymore.

As I enter the room where he spends most of his time now and see him laying on the bed, so frail, his body a fragment of what it once was, I find myself feeling grateful to the women who have loved him in the past.

I am grateful to Sam because she was with him when the first brain tumor struck. She watched him fading away then, as I have this time. I worried during the first brain tumor but I never felt like this...this knowing that Jason could not beat it.

I am grateful to Robin because she helped to get him the drug that gave him back more time. That drug gave him hope that it wouldn't end like this. But when this tumor came back again there was nothing she could do. Though, like everyone who loves him, like me, Robin tried desperately to find a way to keep him here.

I am grateful to Liz because she has been his private nurse in these last few months, as the time dwindles away to only hours, or maybe...dear God, help me...maybeless.

Liz straightens from leaning over him, I can hear some whispered words but don't try to make them out. She passes by me and leaves quietly.

Jason's fingers move slightly on the blanket, lift a millimeter. He is saying hello to me.

I sit on the bed and brush his hair away from his eyes. They are sunken into his pale face. So unlike my gorgeous Jason of the past; there was never anyone who looked so good in a motorcycle jacket or in nothing at all. There was never another man like him, not in my world at least. Not in the whole world, I suspect.

"Hey," he says with a small smile. His voice in weak now. I'm glad he is home with me for this. He insisted on not staying at the hospital and I couldn't have been happier when he said he would allow me to stay at the Penthouse with him.

I know he didn't want me to see this. Hell, I didn't want to see this. But I would never miss this either. I am his for as long as he has and then...

I push away the image of me alone. I am not alone right now. And now is all that can matter in this moment.

A long breath escapes my lips. I have to do this right, perfect, Jason deserves that.

"Hey, Jase."

We have talked about it all already. About the time I got drunk in that drinking contest. About the time he gave me rings to replace the ones A.J. put on my finger. About the times we bet 20 bucks. About Micheal and Morgan and us.

We haven't spoken about wishes though. Neither of us will say I wish I could have married you. I wish I would have said something that made it all different. I wish there was a chance to still do that.

Jason and I know these things lay between us always but there is not time for wishes anymore. His strength will give out soon and it must be saved for only the most important words.

"It was good... wasn't it..my life?" he asks me now. His words are faint but I can hear him, feel him as strong as ever. I take his hand, and even now, it shocks me how cold it is.

" And ...me and you...Carly..." his breathing is ragged. I want to tell him to stop trying to talk but I love the sound of his voice and soon it will be gone. I am selfish to the end because I allow him to struggle to say these last few things. "You and me... were the...best."

"Yeah, Jase, it was great and we were the best. The best ever." I lay my head on his chest. I can not bare to see this.

He is the one who makes me strong and now I must summon my memories of his holding me up in the past so I can do this on my own. So I can be here for the end.