Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything associated with Naruto. When I say I do not own Naruto, I refer to the anime/mange, not the little crackers you put in ramen, though to be fair, I do not own those either. The following is a fan-based parody/fan-fiction of Naruto set a short while before the Sasuke retrieval arc. Without further ado, I present the first fan-fiction ever written by roflcopter productions. ROFLCOPTER!!

Ninpou: B.S. no jutsu

Chapter 1: That doesn't go in there..

"Mmm…" mumbled the boy, "Oh yeah… that's the stuff… Oh Sakura… keep doing that… keep feeding me that… Ichiraku ramen with the extra pork… and 3 different types of rice… oh, and keep doing that thing with your tongue…" The boy continued to dream on in delight, not realizing that someone was in the room with him…

"Grrrrr…. Na-ru-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"AAAAAAHHH!!"

"YOU SICK LITTLE PERV! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!"

"Believe it!! Uh-oh… Sorry Sakura-Chan, force of habit… No, not the face, NOT THE FACE!!"

POW!! If he wasn't awake already, Naruto was certainly awake after the forceful blow he was coming to accept as a part of his existence… and also kind of be turned on by, as weird as it made him feel… "Damn it! We're barely into the fan-fiction and already I'm attracted to something weird…" Naruto thought to himself. He got up and stretched, a little more rigorously now that Sakura was here. It used to be that would have just caused a slight ripple effect, but not anymore. Since becoming a genin, the lowest ninja rank, Naruto had actually put on some muscle. He wasn't exactly one of those big huge body-builders, but he had a six-pack and he was proud of it. He didn't really care about being a big body-builder since 84 of women aren't attracted to them and that probably included Sakura. "Then again, 84 of body-builders aren't attracted to women," he would often tell himself. He brushed his trademark spiky, blond hair and motioned for Sakura to turn around as he changed into his trademark orange jumpsuit. "I should have just left you alone Naruto," Sakura said after managing to calm herself, taking the opportunity to fix her hair in the mirror, wondering once again why it was pink. "I didn't have to come here and wake you up; I could have just let you be late for training…" Naruto responded, "Yeah, I'd hate to be late for waiting 5 hours for Kakashi-sensei to show up… "CAN IT!!" She screamed. He was already off to a bad start this morning, and he didn't want to push her any further. "Yes ma'am!!"

Naruto was really beginning to get sick of his humdrum life. The most exciting thing happening to him as of late was the occasional filler arc. Other than performing random missions that had nothing to do with the actual plot, Naruto didn't do much more 

than eat, sleep, train, and get punched in the face. In fact, getting punched in the face had become the high point of his day, mostly due to the brief moment between impact and pain where the sheer force caused him to become temporarily high. Pretty colors… Where was I going with this..? Oh yeah, Naruto was just bored… But little did he suspect that his boring life was about to get a lot more exciting

Sakura had to stop at her house because she forgot her kunai (Though Naruto didn't know why she needed them since she never did anything EVER!!) so Naruto was forced to go to the training field alone. When he got there, he found a familiar face waiting for him. It was none other than his eternal rival. Naruto recognized him from his intense eyes, fan symbol on his back, and that hair that resembled a chicken's butt, but for some reason, still drove the ladies and Sakura wild. And as if being loved by everyone in town, this kid even had the nerve to think he was stronger than Naruto. Sure, Naruto used to be a goof-up, but he was strong now, much stronger than his rival. If there was one thing Naruto knew, it was that he was way stronger than-

"Sasuke… What are you doing here, you jerk!?"

"I'm here for training too you idiot. We're on the same squad, remember?"

"Don't remind me…"

"Shut up loser. That's my line"

"Sasuke!!"

"Naruto!!"

"Quiet both of you" they suddenly heard. They looked around and finally saw who had said that. He was standing in a tree, as he often was, reading the latest installment of "Make-out Paradise". His hair was, as always, silver and standing at twice the size of his actual head. If anything else was different about his appearance, Naruto would never have know, as his teacher always wore a full body suit with a protection vest and a mask, so that the only part of his body actually visible was his hair and his right eye.

"Kakashi-Sensei!! For once you're not the last one here!!"

"Kakashi…"

"I already said Kakashi-Sensei Sasuke! You don't have to call him Kakashi too!!"

"Shut up Naruto! I would be happy if you died!!"

"Grrrrr!"

"Grrrrr!"

Naruto and Sasuke instantly turned away from each other fuming about their most recent battle of wits, if you could call it that. Suddenly, Sasuke turned back to Naruto. "Naruto, I like that jumpsuit on you, it's so cute how tight it fits… DAMMIT!! ONCE!! JUST ONCE, I'D LIKE A FAN-FICTION WHERE I AM NOT FLAMBOYANTLY GAY!!" Naruto and Kakashi just stared at him. Finally Sakura showed up and broke the silence. "Sasuke! OMG, you look so cute today!!" To which Sasuke responded, "Get away from me… Oh my God, I want to kill you so bad!!" "He's so dreamy…" was all Sakura could manage to say.

Naruto was practically about to explode… He hated Sasuke with a passion normally reserved for the hating anime fans feel for 4kids. Naruto never did anything, but everyone hated him just for having that demon that attack the village 12 years ago, known as "The Kyuubi" or "9-tailed Fox" and as hard as Naruto tried he couldn't get anyone to accept him as a person beyond the ninja he had come to call friends, meanwhile, Sasuke was a complete jerk to everyone and an arrogant douche-bag, but everyone loved him. Even Sakura, the girl of his dreams, loved Sasuke, who was constantly berating her and yelling at her and hurting her.

He couldn't take it anymore. He had to say something. "Sasuke, you-!!" But before he could say anything he might regret later, Kakashi interrupted. "Calm down Naruto, a ninja always keeps a cool head." Naruto listened immediately and took a deep breath. Kakashi knew that mentioning anything ninja was a good way to get Naruto to calm down. After all, Naruto's dream was to become the Hokage, the highest ranking ninja of his home: The Village Hidden in the Leaves, due to the amount of respect associated with such a position, respect being what Naruto craved most. This required being the ideal ninja. So, Kakashi knew that mentioning ninja-ness was a good way to get Naruto to rein in his hyper-activeness…

"Good job, now then, onto training. Today, I'm going to teach you how to reverse the flow of blood in an enemy's circulatory system, causing them to have a violent and fatal case of diarrhea, after which, they'll be lucky to have any bones left…" Naruto listened as intently as he could, but eventually, the ADD proved to be too strong. His mind drifted back to his dream of Hokage. He wished with all of his heart that there was one person who believed in him, so that he could stop saying "Believe it" all the time.

Little did he know that there was someone like that. Not only that, she was watching him right now. She was hiding behind a tree, peeking out through the leaves trying to get a peek of the man she admired. Her dark hair perfectly complemented her silver eyes and her Eskimo coat hid a beautifully endowed body, especially for her age. She loved that spiky blond hair and those big innocent blue eyes. She loved that goofy smile that stretched from ear to ear. But most of all, she loved how no matter how tough things got, Naruto never gave up, never lost hope, never let it get him down. She envied that confidence so much and wished she could be more like him, just enough to tell him how she felt. Then she wouldn't have to spy on him like this, but she decided to be that confident as she turned around, wiped away a tear and sighed out.

"Naruto-kun…"

It's Hinata for those of you too retarded to figure it out. I know that chances are if someone is reading a Naruto fan-fiction, then they probably don't need the characters and story set up like this, but it's just a habit of mine I developed writing with my own original characters that I would feel uncomfortable breaking. I decided to start writing fan-fiction as a way of expressing myself and my love of anime without having to deal with all of those anime-flaggers on Youtube, where I post most of my writing in the form of youtube videos made by myself and Southpaw079: The co-founder of Roflcopter productions and artist behind my first series, which will probably always be my favorite: SuperJames. If you like this chapter/story and want to see more of my writing but don't care that we don't have anyone with any artistic skill on the team, then click on over to youtube and check it out. In chapter 2, Naruto and Hinata go to hang out at Ichiraku Ramen, when Hinata snaps and loses control of her inhibitions. Naruto suddenly realizes the truth about Hinata's feelings for him, but they don't have time to sink in as they are suddenly sent out on a mission of the upmost priority. The fate of the ninja world hangs in the balance and only the world's Number One, Hyperactive, Knucklehead Ninja can save the ninja day…. Ninja… Take care, thanks for reading, leave reviews with CONSTRUCTIVE criticism… and God bless you all…