Port in a Storm
Summary: After the events of COE, Jack goes to visit the Doctor. Ten/Jack friendship fic with strong Jack/Ianto overtones. Major spoilers for Children of Earth!
It took me about three weeks to finally be able to write this. I can safely say I won't be writing anything postCOE for a very long while, if ever, but writing this was pretty cathartic. Not sure if I got the character of the Doctor right. Also the time-line might be little messed because I didn't watch all of COE Day 5.
Reviews and comments are appreciated. Xx
"Jack?" The Doctor asked, his eyes wide. "What are you doing here?" Unless the world was ending, which it actually didn't appear to be at the moment, the Doctor didn't understand why Captain Jack was here. Jack had made his decision two years ago when he had decided to remain with his Torchwood division in Cardiff. Things had been quiet, almost boring, for the Doctor recently and he had heard nothing from Torchwood since the aftermath of the 456 attack. The Doctor had assumed that Jack had remained in Cardiff with Gwen and Rhys to mourn and pick up the pieces, before rebuilding the Hub. If that was the case, what was Jack doing here?
The Doctor took a good look at Jack and was surprised and concerned to see the change in him. He and the Captain had weathered many tragedies before but he had never seen Jack look so lost and despondent. Even his greatcoat looked worn and indeed of a good wash. The Doctor tried to pretend that this was all an act, and that in a moment Jack would grin that trademark cheeky smile that made all genders and all species swoon, and pull him into an indecently friendly hug. He knew he was fooling himself though, nobody could act as broken as Jack looked.
"I needed some company." He said. "And I didn't want to go back to Gwen and Rhys, they deserved to be happy celebrating the birth of their child. I didn't want to burden them."
The Doctor reached out and placed a comforting hand on Jack's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Jack, I really am. I know how much Ianto meant to you."
But Jack shook his head, tears welling in usually sparkling blue eyes. "No, no you don't, Doctor. He loved me. He told me he loved me as he lay dying in my arms."
"Jack," The Doctor soothed gently, pulling the taller man into an embrace. "I'm so, so sorry."
"I never...I never told him that I loved him too."
The Doctor should have known. Jack Harkness rarely allowed himself to become close enough to someone to fall in love with them but when he did, he fell hard.
"He knew." The Doctor said, releasing Jack from his hold and patting him on the back.
Jack sighed sliding down the wall of the TARDIS until he was crouching on the floor. "I don't think he did. Things were so crazy that week, we were all so worried about preventing the end of the world and losing all those children that I barely made time for him. He did so much for me, trusted me; loved me even when I hated myself. What hurts the most is that I know he would've supported my decision to give Stephen to the 456." As he said this, Jack rested his elbows on his knees, grabbing fistfuls of his hair.
"Jack," The Doctor began again, kneeling beside the Captain on the floor. "You did all that you could, and you made the right decision however wrong it may seem to you now. Stephen and Ianto died to save the rest of the world."
"I know." Jack looked up and met the Doctor's eyes. "It doesn't make me feel any better about it; it doesn't stop me missing Stephen." He sighed. "And Ianto. I knew I'd lose him eventually but I wasn't ready to let him go yet, Doctor."
The Doctor covered Jack's hand with his own. He knew how Jack felt, he had felt the same about Rose. "Do you want to spend some time here for a while, with me?" He asked.
Jack nodded. "Please, I need to see what you see in this world. I need your positivity." He paused, taking a shaky breath as he prepared for what he had to say next. "I need to move on."
Later that day, as dusk fell over Cardiff, Jack stepped out of the TARDIS and walked across the peaceful churchyard to the Jones family plot. The Doctor had asked him if he wished for him to accompany him to the grave, but Jack had needed to do this part alone. It was the first time he had been back in Cardiff in months and he almost expected to see Ianto appearing around the far corner, in his perfect suit and polished shoes. Being here was harder than he had imagined.
"I'm sorry, Yan." Jack said softly, kneeling on the damp grass in front of the headstone and running his fingers over the inscription. "I loved you." He said out loud to the still night. "I loved you and I should have told, I hope you know how I felt; how I feel." He sat like that for a while, thinking about the man he had loved. Minutes had passed before Jack felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Come on Jack, let's go." The Doctor guided him back to the TARDIS. "Come away with me."
Jack let himself be led back to the TARDIS, hoping that the Doctor had a mission in store for them. He needed something to help him through if he was going to live forever this way. The Doctor was the only other person who could truly understand.