Beyond The Veil
My name is Dorcas Meadows, and I remember death.
I remember the pain after being tortured for hours. I remember spitting at Voldemort. And I remember that green rush coming towards me...
And then everything was peace. No more pain, not physical pain at least, no screaming, just...peace. And light, it's very bright where I ended up, my grandparents were there, and my spaniel, don't believe them when they tell you animals don't have souls.
Where I am now though isn't peaceful. And it's not light. And there's screaming.
I had to watch it all. I had to watch as my friends were murdered by the Deatheaters, one by one, like dominoes. I died protecting the people I love, I died for James and Lily and baby Harry. But some weren't so brave. Some turned their backs and chose betrayal in order to save their own lives. And if I had had the power to torment them for the rest of their days then I would have done so. Peter Pettigrew would have lived his entire life in abject terror if I had had my way.
Or that's what I say, Lily says that if I was actually capable of that kind of cruelty then I wouldn't have got peace at the end. But I like to think I could have done it, I like to think I could have punished that rat for what he did.
And then I had to watch Sirius' downfall. Although what was worse than that was seeing his reaction to my death. When they recovered my body he carried me out, he carried me all the way back to my parents and collapsed on their doorstep, repeating "I'm sorry" over and over again, I couldn't work out if he was saying it to my body or to my Mum and Dad. He wouldn't let me go at first, until Remus and the Prewett brothers tracked him down, still on the doorstep, and persuaded him that he was going to have to say goodbye.
I think Fabian had to prop him up through the whole funeral. He didn't cry, but he couldn't stand up on his own.
And then the Prewetts died, and James died, and Lily died. Marlene's whole family were wiped out one by one. Alice and Frank almost joined us, but in some ways they got an even worse deal, not dead but not really alive either. Lily swears that Alice sees her when she goes to see them at the hospital. They'll join us one day, but for the time being they're stuck in their own private world, while their boy struggles on without them, like Harry does.
I'm here in a place that is dark, and there are screams and terror and despair.
I'm in Azkaban.
I'm here because Sirius is here. I'm not leaving him. That's what I told him once, the ones that love us never really leave us, and I will never, ever leave him.
He's sleeping at the moment. Not that you can really call it sleeping here, it's far too noisy to do that. Proper sleep lets you heal and allows your subconscious to sort out problems that you can't work around when you're awake. He's simply unconscious because he's too exhausted to be anything else.
This place is destroying him. He doesn't look like the Sirius I knew and loved back in school. His lovely black hair is mostly grey, he has a beard (he hated stubble when we were young), he doesn't grin like my Sirius used to. He doesn't smile at all any more. It's hard seeing him like this, but I can't just abandon him. He wouldn't leave me if the roles were reversed.
"...Sirius..."
He can't hear me, I know he can't, but he stirs and opens his eyes, lifting his head up off the sorry excuse for a pillow. That's the only thing about him that hasn't changed, the silvery storm-cloud grey of his eyes. He looks around the room, expecting to see...something, I guess. And then when he sees nothing he assumes it was a dream, even though you can't dream in this place, you can only have nightmares.
A Dementor floats past the other side of his door. In the cells around his the other inmates cry, moan, scream or sob as the negative effects of the monster seep through and add to their misery. But I am between Sirius and the door, I'm right in the way, so all he does is shudder slightly. Then he slips off the bed on to the floor and transforms into a large black dog.
The dog sniffs around the floor, padding backwards and forwards until he finally comes to a stop at my feet, his nose making snuffling sounds against the flagstones as he inhales deeply. I didn't understand what he was doing at first, but then I remembered that dogs often sense the supernatural far more than humans do. As a human, Sirius thinks that I can't possibly be here. As a dog, Padfoot knows that I am.
I said that I would never leave him, and I don't. I follow him when he escapes. I follow him to Hogwarts, to Harry, where Lily and James are watching over him with the same dedication that I watch over Sirius. I follow him to his exile and then his return to England, to 12 Grimmauld Place and to the Order, to my surviving friends.
And now? I'm waiting here, with light behind me and darkness in front. Through the darkness I can hear shouting and screaming, but it's not Azkaban. This is a battle, a fierce battle that is going to have a sad outcome for many, but for me it's finally the end, I can finally return to peace.
There's a final shout and a scream of triumph, and through the darkness falls a figure. The grey hair changes to black, the beard fades, his skin smooths, and those grey eyes remain unchanging. He looks shocked as he tumbles, as I throw out my arms, as he cannons into me and we collapse to the ground in a heap of tangled limbs.
We lie together like that for what feels like an eternity. After years of not being able to touch him, having him so close feels so good. When he finally lifts himself off he stares, unable to believe his eyes, searching my face as if he expects to transform from his love into a nightmare. But I'm not a nightmare, this is real, I'm really here.
"Hi Sirius..."
It breaks the spell, his hand reaches up, trembling, and brushes across my forehead, down my cheek, and then cutting across to my hair.
"Cass...my Cassie..."
We kiss, it's like that first kiss we shared all those years ago. Back then I couldn't stop and pull myself away from him, and now it's the same again. I never left him, and this is my reward.
I've been waiting beyond the veil for a long, long time. And now we can finally have our peace, together.