The bottle was practically talking to me at this point."come over here, you can have a drink." The bottle was thee only company I was willing to let help me. Mom, papa max, Ian , Mel all wanted to help but none of them understand .

I always pictured my first wedding anniversary with Eddie away on vacation somewhere far a away just the two of us. Never have I ever imagined me here all alone in this big house , he surprised me with for our our six month anniversary . A shrine, full of pictures of me and Eddie , which are all covered.

A shrine house Eddie never got to appreciate much as me .

If only jake could of waited...if only he could of waited till morning to meet with Eddie . Eddie would still be here with me...he would still be here rather then being 6ft under cause of some drunk driver.

But he's not with me anymore...

Jack is .

Jack will help me through this lonely night.

Thinking if these painful memories, are leading me down a road I don't wanna go back down, and I hate myself for what I'm thinking now but hey, it's just one night . It's not like the first week after it happened. The family had to have me committed and put me on suicide watch. It was bad then and now it's nothing like that.

I just need this day to be over . There are to many memories and jack can help me forget that. Jack won't help forever.

I just want to feel good, feel alright again.

I want to feel anything but what I feel tonight .

I just want to move on with my life and put the pieces back together.

I just want to feel better.

The memory of this day puts all these memories through my head .

The day I Finished my first album. Eddie was so proud he took me out to celebrate.

The day of our first concert out on tour.

" my shinning star " he called me.

The day he proposed to me, said I was his everything .

The day of our wedding, he said I was his always and he was my forever. We were gonna grow old together. My favorite memories were when he would say the little things at the random times.

" your beautiful "

" I love you "

" I'm the luckiest man ever"

" my god your stunning"

I can't help but smile , from thinking of these memories from the way he loved to the way he left me.

My marriage was the best... All 8 months of it. Thou it was cut way to short, there's not a single day that goes by, I don't miss him.

When the lonely gets to much to bare.

I try to kill the pain with the touch of a random stranger from a local bar.

Though no one can ever replace Eddie .

I just want to feel better again .

I know it will eventually get better.

there's gonna come a day when I can listen to his songs and not cry.

There's gonna come a day were I can finally uncover all of the pictures of him in the house.

There's gonna come a day were I don't have to fake a smile .

There's gonna come a day were I don't have to depend on jack to help me move on with my life.

There's gonna come a day were i can actually have a full conversation with someone and not walk out just cause Eddies name was mentioned .

There's gonna come a day when eddies still gone and its okay.

Jack is gonna help me realize that I have so many things to look forward to. But right now I just wanna feel good again.

I want to feel anything but what I feel tonight .

I just want to move on with my life and put the pieces back together.

I just want to feel...

Better.