SABI KO WALA KANG BUBUKSAN SA BIRTHDAY MO – HINDI KO SINABING WALA KANG BUBUKSAN THE DAY AFTER! Guaranteed one story a day hanggang sa maubos natin ang 15 WHOOOOOOO!?

Pairing, and duos, trios, groups and family preferences are my sister's, not mine. The crack is strong in this one so you might not want to go any further if that ain't yer cup of tea. Otherwise, enjoy!

i. germany and nyo england

"… because apparently, you aren't someone mature enough to be respected if you like wearing your hair in pigtails and don't know how to cook and host tea parties and go bippity-boppity-boo for fun like in my stupid little sister's take on your fairy tale." England took a long swig of beer and nearly slammed her tankard down on the bar. "Fucking gits."

She wasn't drunk yet, but was miles away from sober. Germany had long forgotten who found who at the bar and who agreed to whose proposal that they drank the night away together but he didn't mind. It felt okay, sitting next to the woman beside him, her long gold locks rippling down her back for a change and her useless pair of spectacles placed between their drinks. He'd been unguarded enough to ask her why she wore them in the first place when she'd lasted a good half an hour with them down on the table, launching her into a lengthy, whiny monologue long enough to take his focus away from her words and into noticing how pleasant she looked the way she did right now – angry and bothered and slightly sad and just… pleasant.

He wondered if he was already in the same state of pre-drunkenness as she was or if it was the alcohol-boosted, ultimately unavoidable effect of prolonged exposure to that constant stormy aura she radiated which he'd always oddly find so soothing.

In mere moments, he confirmed it was the former. "Do you want me to help you?"

He didn't know he said the words out loud – didn't even know he had been thinking them up – until she raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"What?"

"Don't you 'what' me, boy. You were asking me something earlier."

"I… asked you something?"

"See?" she spat all of a sudden, eyes narrowing. Twin circles a shade he'd always associated with the end of a long, hard winter since the moment first saw them watered slightly at the edges. "See? I opened up that much to you because I thought you'd take me seriously, but it turns out you think I'm a child too, you damn Kraut-! "

"I was going to ask you if you wanted help on making them respect you-" Germany stopped himself before that sentence turned into an exclamation (because, duh, Germany did not exclaim!).

He thought it must have been relief he felt when England blinked up at him. "R-really?" Her tone was adorably childish – endearingly so.

"Yes. If you want to. I mean – I'll make it clear, I have no plans on bullying anyone for you." (Not even for you, a voice that sounded strangely like his brother's supplies his mind) "But if you need help on being confident and not letting what anyone else says get to your head – well, there's no need for you to wear glasses to look older and pretend to be someone you're not. If you want me – to help you."

He frowned slightly. Since when did he start stuttering in front of a woman? Since when did he start stuttering in front of anyone? He violently shuts the rough, sing-songy voice in his head up before it gets the chance to say anything.

Her expression was unreadable "And," she proceeded with caution, poking and pulling on the rim of her glass with an elegant finger. "what do you want in exchange?"

"Nothing." And before he could stop himself from thinking: Time spent with you

Something not from this world sparked in her eyes for a moment and, so faintly it could have been a trick of light, the very roots of her hair prickled. Germany for a split-second could have believed anyone who told him that for the tiniest possible sliver of time, his mind was a Harry Potter book, or one of Shakespeare's sonnets, or a Marianas Trench of thoughts that could never be put to words no matter what effort was put into making it possible.

He blinked and there was nothing but England staring with her lips apart at something above his eyes. Germany tried to convince himself nothing magical happened in the last second (or eternity – time always seemed to be wider with her around) and that the color in his companion's cheeks came from the alcohol.

Somehow, he found himself thinking he was never going to see her in her glasses again. "Alright," Alice muttered, eyes finally meeting his (this time, he was sure she hadn't drunk enough to have cheeks that red and this, inexplicably, pleases him). "Teach me."

fin

In case you didn't get it, Alice only wears glasses here so that she looks more mature so that people would take her more seriously. She's comfortable around Germany enough to spill to him that her vision's a perfect 20/20 and Germany, concerned with how she's practically lying to herself, suggests in his signature way that she should totally drop it because she's gorgeous without them. Yeah.