he walked away
The young resident looked up at him. He was waiting for her to reply to his Hello, but she was keeping quiet (yet not breaking the eye contact between the two of them). He did something wrong again, he could feel it. He messed up again.
"Jo?"
Suddenly something shifted and she focused her gaze downward, grabbing up her things. "You weren't there again."
She turned to walk away but he instantly knew to follow. He knew what this was about now. He wasn't on call, but he wasn't in the bed with her when she got up either. He had left in the middle of the night again to be with Meredith – and this wasn't the first time it happened.
"Hey, I swear-"
"This is getting past annoying," she spat out, not caring enough to hear the rest of his sentence.
"What do you want me to do?" He asked dryly. "I can't just not answer."
"No, that is exactly what I want you to do, Alex!"
Her voice was rising and he knew he had to somehow calm her down. "I don't do this to hurt you."
"You don't do it to hurt me, yes, I'm well aware," she rolled her eyes. "But I'm not so sure you even think of me when you decide to pick up that phone."
"That's not true," he said it in reaction, but when he thought back he curses himself because he knew that is exactly right. In the split second when his phone would ring, he had to answer. He'd known her too long, and while she's needy, every other one of her friends had left – including Cristina. It was his job to pick up that phone call now.
"Then why would you pick up?"
His attention returned to his girlfriend, his heart breaking a little at the tears in her eyes. Jo doesn't cry.
"I love you," he threw the phrase out there, hoping it would fix this. It had worked in earlier fights, but he knew it wasn't enough this time, and she didn't fail to confirm that.
"You don't act like it anymore."
It stung to say the truth, but it was her reality. If he loved her he wouldn't interrupt their sex on a regular basis or leave in the middle of the night to be with her. He wouldn't drop everything for her in a split second.
She wasn't jealous of Meredith Grey by any means, but she was hurt. And she tried to suck it up and bottle the hurt away, but this was too much for her. She couldn't keep devoting herself to a guy who wasn't able to put her first and say no to just one phone call.
That's really all she wanted for the past six months – she wanted to hear the phone ring and listen to him say No. But he never did. Karev never did.
She would try to reverse it and have friends call her while she put everything between her and Alex on hold, but he didn't get it. He was annoyed, but he didn't understand how often he did it and that bothered her so much. How could he just not notice her feelings?
He looked at Jo gently and as gingerly as he could, he told her the reason. "This is so hard for her."
"And it isn't for me?" she searched his eyes for some sign of understanding. Of all people to understand, she knew her boyfriend would. Or maybe the correct term would be Meredith's bitch, because something in him changed and he didn't give her that look of understanding.
"Her husband is in D.C. and her best friend is miles away across the ocean," he pointed out. "She lost the only people that are more important to her than her kids. She raising two kids by herself, Jo."
"And I respect that, I do," she let out a deep breath.
He stared at her, waiting for her to continue. He knew better than to interrupt her time-out from the situation.
"I just miss you, and I feel like things aren't the same anymore," she couldn't make eye contact as she spoke. Alex knew that's one of Jo's most dangerous signs. She didn't back down to anyone, so watching her be so vulnerable and not in control made him more than scared. "Maybe things never will never be the same again, but I just don't know, and I – I… I'm not sure I can wait any longer for change."
Tears were streaming down her face in the back hallway of the hospital as they hid between carts, and it was time for him to give it his all. If he didn't, his heart was on the line.
"I promise to set a limit on things with her."
"She is tearing us apart!" she snapped.
He analyzed her from head to toe. From the swollen face, to the running makeup, the shaky hands, the heaving body, and the choking breaths showed how serious this was.
"But I promise-"
"Look, Alex," she sighed. "This just isn't us anymore."
He watched her as she looked down at the ground, hands both fiddling with each other now. She wasn't kidding anymore.
"Jo, please," he stooped down a little, trying to make eye contact, trying to grab her hands to assure her that things would change.
"Don't," she pulled her arms away from him, not missing a beat. "If you touch me…"
"Please."
"If you touch me I'll give in," her voice was hardly above a whisper. "I can't keep giving in to you and getting nothing back in return."
Alex stared at her. He was at a loss of what to do – this one truly had blindsided him. He had never been so alive, so in love, so terrified of losing someone.
"Jo, this won't happen anymore, okay? Meredith won't control my life, I swear."
"See, that's what you don't get," she shrugged. Her voice was calm now. "She isn't just controlling your life. She's controlling mine too."
"Jo-"
"I need to go," she murmurs. "I really have to go."
"Wait, we need to-"
"I'm done," she cut him off. "I'm so sorry, but I'm done."
He stood there stunned, watching her rush to an on-call room. She just broke his heart – just like that. He felt like he was going to cry.
He stood there for a while, looking around. That's when he saw her. She was huddled at the corner of the hallway, but she was there, looking at him with those confused eyes. Meredith was unmistakably there. It took every ounce of restraint to keep him from walking over and collapsing in her arms, but at this moment, she was the last person he felt he could turn to.
And he walked away.
first grey's anatomy fic - sorry if it's already been done.
i really hope someone liked it!