"May…"
May sat up at the sound of the voice—a dark, ethereal, seductive whisper. She knew that voice… even if it didn't always sound the same, she knew exactly who was speaking. She ran her fingers through her pixie-cut black hair, trying to smooth it.
"May…"
The voice was closer now, no longer a whisper, and there was a soft, almost sing-song quality to it, like someone gently calling a friend's name to get their attention. She looked around, eager, waiting for him to appear out of the darkness, wondering what form he would take tonight.
"May."
She turned, and there stood His Majesty, Death.
His blond hair was to his shoulders, his clothing dark, the velvet coat impossibly perfect, his face the face of Máté Kamarás. He smiled and walked towards her, sitting on the foot of her bed, hands folded elegantly in his lap. "Hello, May."
She smiled back. "Der Tod."
He laughed softly. "How are you, May?" he asked.
She shrugged "I'm good now," she answered.
"'Now'?" Death repeated.
She sighed sadly, head drooping. "Rough day."
She felt the bed dip as he shifted closer, and she looked up to see him leaning slightly towards her, a hand supporting his weight. She found herself staring into his kind blue eyes.
"Tell me," he said quietly.
So she told him—she told him about how she hadn't been getting the sleep she needed because she had to stay up to finish assignments and how it was affecting her emotions and her performance in class, sometimes even leading to her falling asleep during lessons. She told him about the essay she hadn't finished on time and had to turn in a day late and how ashamed she had felt. She told him about the new project that she had been landed with and how worried she was about failing the assignment if other people in her group didn't pull their weight—or worse, finding herself forced to do all of the work. Every worry came pouring out of her, sometimes in words, sometimes in tears, and Death listened to it all, really listened, and May was feeling better and better the longer she talked, until her worries seemed to have slipped away with her words, if only for the time being, leaving her calmer than she had been in days.
Death was silent for a moment after May stopped talking, making sure that she had finished before he spoke. "I would tell you not to worry, but we both know that such words rarely help one who is already concerned," he said, still looking deep into May's eyes. "In fact, there are things that people should indeed be worried about. What I will say is this: Do not dwell on your worry in times when you should not. Focus on one thing at a time, and banish these worries from your mind when they do not help you to stay on-task or perform well. Do you think you can do that, May? For me, if not for yourself?"
She nodded eagerly. "For you, anything.
Death smiled. "You are strong, May. You have the strength of a Kaiserin. Let nothing convince you otherwise."
She grinned at this, as she did every time he called her a Kaiserin. Hearing the word from his lips made her feel ten times stronger, ten times more able to face the challenges that lay ahead. A Kaiserin! Surely a Kaiserin could do anything!
Death's smile broadened at the sight of May's bright grin, but then he grew serious. "I have to go, May."
She nodded, not happy that he had to leave, but understanding. Even a Kaiserin could not command Death. "Goodbye, then, Black Prince."
Death stood and bowed elegantly. "Until we meet again, Kaiserin May."
May woke in her darkened dorm room, the silence of the night comforting. She smiled at the memory of her dream. It had been far too long since she had last dreamed about Death. The dreams had started a few months ago, around when she had first discovered the musical Elisabeth. They were always the same—Death would come and sit at the foot of her bed, and they would talk. What they talked about varied, though it usually involved May venting about things that were going wrong in her life, something most discontented college students did. Death always listened, always had words of comfort or wisdom to offer, and whatever he had to say always made her feel better.
She never knew what form Death would take in her dreams, though he was always recognizable, always taking the form of an actor she had seen play the role—and thanks to YouTube, she knew of several. The first time, he had looked and sounded like Kim Junsu, the K-pop singer who was the first she had seen play the role. Xiahtod, fans had called Junsu's portrayal, combining Junsu's stage name with the German name for Death. In addition to Kim Junsu and Máté Kamarás, she had also seen him appear as Olegg Vynnyk and Jesper Tydén, always changing both his shape and his voice to match the actor—or actress, for sometimes Death appeared as a woman, one of the beautiful Japanese women who had played a female version of Death in the Takarazuka Revue. Shizuki Asato, Ayaki Nao, Mizu Natsuki, Sena Jun, and Asumi Rio had all made appearances in her dreams as guises of Death. Their stunning beauty would likely have made most girls incredibly jealous, but May was the type to appreciate the beauty of other women rather than the type to envy it.
She remembered how frightened she had been the first time she dreamed of Death, thinking that it was reality rather than a dream, and that he had come to kiss her life away—though there were worse ways to die than being kissed by someone as gorgeous as Xiahtod. Once he had assured her that he was not there to take her with him, he had sat at the foot of her bed, thus beginning the pattern that repeated itself repeated again and again in her dreams.
One thing always puzzled May when she woke up, and that was the fact that in all her dreams about Death, the two of them never touched. She wanted him to hold her hand, hug her, maybe even kiss her cheek, but they never touched, not even so much as Death bumping her foot through the blankets. Why?
In truth, she wanted more than a simple hug or kiss on the cheek… While the Takarazuka women were beautiful, Death's male forms made her pulse race. She longed for one of them, any of them, to move up from the foot of her bed, touch her, hold her, caress her… to take her innocence. He had invaded her mind, dark fantasies weaving themselves into her thoughts when she should be studying.
May closed her eyes as one of said fantasies began to sweep across her mind again, biting back the moan that wanted to escape. She didn't want her roommate to wake up and think that she was… well, she didn't do that kind of thing anyway.
Rolling onto her side, May snuggled under her blankets, biting her lip to keep quiet as she let the fantasy play out in her mind before falling asleep again.
It had been almost a week since May's last dream about Death, and she was making up for it by singing snippets of Elisabeth whenever she could. She was tidying her dorm at the moment, and as her roommate had gone home for the weekend, she was free to sing without worrying about disturbing anyone.
"Alle tanzten mit dem Tod - doch neimand wie Elisabeth!
Alle tanzten mit dem Tod - doch neimand wie Elisabeth!
Da, da-da, da-da, da…"
She spun in a graceful pirouette—and froze.
Her first, wild thought was How the hell did Junsu get into my dorm?! But then she took in the white-blond hair, the black pants and poet shirt and boots, the white coat adorned with black glass beads, and she felt as though she had swallowed an ice cube, and it was now slithering down into her stomach.
No… it couldn't be…
"Hello, May." He was smiling. "I must say, you are usually more pleased to see me."
"Usually…" The implication hit her like a ton of bricks. "That was you? My dreams… that was really you?"
Death nodded once, still smiling. "That was why I never took the form of an actor or actress whom you were less fond of. I could see which forms you would find most pleasing. And I daresay that I succeeded in putting you at ease."
It was true. After the shock of her first meeting with Death had worn off, she had very much enjoyed his company. It explained how the dreams had always followed the same pattern, why they had always made so much more sense than her other dreams, how he had always known exactly what to say to make her feel better. But it left one question unanswered…
"Why are you here?"
Death's smile faded, and May was almost alarmed by the seriousness of his expression. "I'm afraid your time is near, May."
Her eyes went wide. "Wh-what?" She was only 22! How could it be her time? There were a million questions in her mind, but they were piling on top of each other, jumbling each other up, and all that she managed to say was, "… How?"
"Heart attack," Death replied. "Severe and fatal. Even if I had told you this a week ago and you had admitted yourself to a hospital, there is nothing they could have done to change this. Your time is coming, and it will be today."
Somehow, as he spoke, May found herself becoming calmer. Perhaps it was the familiarity of talking to Death from her dreams, but hearing him give this grim sentence was not the terrifying experience she would have expected it to be. She was still afraid of dying, but already less afraid than when he had first announced that her time was near.
"Now, you still have some time left before the attack strikes," Death continued. "I came here before that time runs out for two reasons. First, I came to offer you a chance to escape the pain. I can kiss you before the attack happens, and you will die instantly and painlessly rather than suffering through the attack."
May nodded, her mind already made up. She'd rather lose a few minutes of life and go painlessly than suffer.
Death looked at May with an expression that she could not read, then said, "It is not oblivion."
May blinked. "What?"
Death smiled gently. "I have seen that look on countless faces. The look of one who fears to die because they believe it is oblivion, the end of everything. This is not the case. I promise you, my kingdom is very real, and you shall spend eternity there."
May smiled, more of her fear slipping away. "Thank you," she said, and she meant it. "I needed to hear that."
Death's smile grew warmer. "Now, for the second reason I came here. I've come ahead of the attack to grant you a last request. Ask me for anything you wish. If it is in my power to grant, and it does not violate the laws of my purpose, you shall have it."
May's mind immediately jumped to the dark fantasies that had been spinning themselves in her mind since she discovered Elisabeth, but she pushed those thoughts down. She wanted to make good use of this chance, this last request. Her life was being cut short. Even with the promise of eternity in the Kingdom of the Dead, there were things she would miss. She would never marry, never be a mother, never fulfill her dream of acting on Broadway—
She met Death's eyes and knew her answer.
"I want you to sing Die Schatten Werden Länger with me," she said.
"In German?"
She nodded. "With blocking. Like we're performing it on a stage. I…" her pulse and her breathing were picking up at the prospect of what she was asking. "I want to sing Rudolf's part."
Death grinned, and May wondered if he knew both of the reasons for her choice. "Very well. And I believe you'd like me to change my form?"
"I… yes." May smiled sheepishly. "I only know the German lyrics, but the idea of Junsu singing in German… it kinda breaks my brain." She laughed a little.
Death smiled and nodded, and before May's eyes, he took the form of Máté Kamarás, complete with costume. Her pulse sped up again.
"Which blocking should we use?" she managed after a moment. "The DVD? Stuttgart? Essen?"
Death's smile became a bit more of a smirk as he sat down on May's bed, pulling a silk blanket that had materialized from nowhere across his lap with a flourish. "Oh, I think we'll do a bit of everything. Just relax and trust me. You'll know what to do."
May nodded. "What about music?"
"I will provide that," Death replied smoothly. "Now… let us begin."
May took a deep breath and walked forward. As she knelt by her bed, she heard the music, coming from everywhere and nowhere, provided just as Death had said. She laid her head in his blanket-covered lap and closed her eyes, her forearms across his legs, heart fluttering with anticipation. He was cold, so cold, cold as ice, even through the layers of clothing and blankets, but it felt so good… She realized that this was the first time that they had ever touched.
Death began to sing.
"Zeit, daß wir uns endlich sprechen.
Zeit, das Schweigen zu durchbrechen."
May felt his ice-cold hand in her hair, gently stroking, seeming to brush her fears and thoughts away. It felt so nice…
"Du kennst mich.
Ja, du kennst mich!"
His hand slid down from her hair and hooked gently under her arm, slowly pulling her up so that she was sitting on the bed with her arm around him, and May followed his pull, her body relaxed, obeying his guidance. His cold touch seemed to leave her skin warmer than before as he wrapped his arm around her as well.
"Weißt du noch, du warst ein Mädchen,
als ich dir versprochen habe,
daß ich dir
immer nah bleib!"
She looked into Death's eyes as he leaned close, and she almost gave in and let him kiss her then and there, but no, she wanted to finish the song, wanted to have this last performance. She jerked away and stood, taking several quick steps away from the bed, her back to Death as she began to sing.
"O, ich hab dich nie vergessen:"
She turned and reached towards him, wanting to prove that she was not having second thoughts, that she truly wanted this.
"Meinen Freund, nach dem ich rufe,"
She turned away again, following an instinct she did not understand, but Death had told her to trust him, and she did. She wanted to.
"wenn mich meine Ängste fressen..."
She felt her body bend backwards slightly, seized by an invisible power that was trying to drag her back towards Death. It felt incredible!
"Ich komm, weil du mich brauchst-"
May let herself be pulled backwards as they sang together, resisting just enough to make the pull feel even stronger, the sensation sending a rush through her veins.
"Die Schatten werden länger,
und doch bleiben alle
blind und stumm.
Zum Klang der Rattenfänger
tanzt man wlid
um's Goldne Kalb herum."
Death's icy hand caught May's shoulder, and she felt him pull her back down to sit on the bed, then gently push her to lie back, slowly, so slowly… and she gave in, helpless, vulnerable, easy prey as he leaned in to kiss her.
"Die Schatten werden länger!
Es ist fünf vor zwölf!
Die Zeit ist beinah um."
May sat up quickly, mere moments before the deadly lips found hers, but she remained on the bed this time. She felt the mattress dip, felt Death moving closer to her as she sang, his cold chest coming so close to her back, making her skin break out in gooseflesh.
"Zeit, den Riß der Welt zu sehen.
Könnt' ich nur das Steuer drehen!
Doch ich muß daneben stehen.
Man bindet
mir die Hände."
She felt his cold hands gently caress her arms, then up to her shoulders as he sang, his lips so close to her ear that she could feel his breath, his icy touch leaving heat in its wake and making her breath hitch. He pulled her back against his chest, the contact making her entire back grow hot, his hold on her shoulders gentle, almost loving, but inescapably strong. It felt so good…
"Nichts ist schlimmer als zu wissen,
wie das Unheil sich entwickelt,
und in Ohnmacht zuseh'n müssen."
May wasn't sure how she had the breath to sing.
"Es macht mich
völlig krank!"
Death grabbed May's upper arms and hauled her to her feet, roughly forcing her to walk, almost march, in front of him as they sang together again. Her chest heaved at the sensation of being so controlled, warmth starting to pool low in her stomach. Oh, it felt so good!
"Die Schatten werden länger,
und die Lieder werden
kalt und schrill.
Der Teufelskreis wird enger,
doch man glaubt nur,
was man glauben will."
Death's hands moved to her shoulders, his touch at once feather-light and irresistibly strong. With what seemed to be a gentle push, he had May slowly sinking to her knees, and it felt good, so good, to obey, to kneel to Death. He knelt gracefully beside her, turned May's head towards him with a hand on her cheek, and began to pull her close for a kiss.
"Die Schatten werden länger!
Es ist fünf vor zwölf!
Warum hält jeder still?"
May turned away from the kiss, but Death caught her shoulders and gently pulled her close to him. holding her head gently against his chest as though comforting a child, one arm wrapped around her, the other gently caressing her cheek. May felt her body start to burn at the closeness.
"Was hält Dich zurück?
Dies ist der Augenblick!
Greif nach der Macht!"
He grabbed May's shoulders and made her look at him.
"Tu es aus Notwehr!"
"Notwehr?"
Death hauled May to her feet again, this time making her walk backwards as he moved forwards, almost a dance, but much more forceful, taking several steps and then making her lean back, almost like "dipping" her on a dance floor, though no dance had ever made May feel this exhilarated.
"Die Schatten werden länger
was gescheh'n muß,
das muß jetzt gescheh'n."
He pulled her upright and turned them both to face the other way, backing her up and leaning her back again, May's heart pounding, excited, reveling in the thrill.
"Der Teufelskreis wird enger!
Man muß dem Unheil wiedersteh'n."
Death pulled May back up again and wrapped an arm tightly around her waist, holding them side-by-side, hip-to-hip, eyes locked as he walked them in a slow circle.
"Die Schatten werden länger!
Kaiserin May wird
der Zeit entgegengeh'n."
May stood there, heart racing, breathing hard, still caught in the rush of what she had just experienced. Under the spell of Death, his icy touch heating her skin, she had never felt more alive.
The music stopped, and Death's face softened, though he did not loosen his hold on her waist. "You are a wonderful singer, May," he said, and May could see that he meant it, though she was still too caught in the exhilaration of the song to say anything. He raised his free hand to caress her cheek, and May closed her eyes and leaned into his cold touch, smiling. She heard Death laugh softly. "You surrender so beautifully," he purred.
"Feels good…" May replied dazedly. And it did. It felt wonderful to surrender, to submit to Death's power, to let him take control.
She heard him laugh again, but there was something different about his laugh this time. "Oh, May…" May realized by his voice that Death had taken Junsu's form again, though she didn't know why. Death pulled her into a proper embrace, and she opened her eyes, looking into his face as he smiled, almost mischievously. "I could make you feel even better."
And he pressed his ice-cold lips to her neck.
May gasped, her head tipping back, and moaned aloud as Death kissed and licked his way across her neck, his cold kisses leaving trails of fire across her skin. Was it possible, did he know that this was how her very darkest fantasies began? She gasped sharply as he nipped at her throat, right above a pulse point, but then she found herself giving in again, moaning, breathing heavily.
May felt Death smile against her neck, then start kissing and licking again, his hands caressing her back. She gasped as he slipped his hands under her shirt, icy against her heated skin, moving higher and higher up her back. His fingers brushed, ever so gently, over the clasp of her bra, and her breath hitched, her knees nearly giving out. She felt the vibration as Death laughed against her neck, enjoying her reaction, and next thing she knew, her shirt was gone. When she opened her eyes at the realization, Death's white coat and black poet shirt had also vanished. Death met her eyes, watching her reactions closely.
"I…" May was starting to pant. "I've never…"
Death smiled. "Don't worry about that," he said calmly. He leaned it to kiss the side of May's neck, hands sliding down to rest on her hips, pulling her close, the cold emanating from his body making her own temperature rise. "Just relax, and enjoy this." And she did, moaning at his kiss, his touch, her head lolling back, definitely panting now.
May felt Death's hands slide slightly lower on her hips, felt her skirt fall around her ankles, and then he was carrying her, bridal style, over to her bed. He laid her down gently, and as he did, May realized that he was now wearing nothing but a pair of black shorts. She barely had time to register this before he was on top of her, his deliciously cold weight pressing down on her, his hips nestled between her legs. May cried out and arched into him, her body bursting into flame, and Death grinned, pushing back down against her, her reactions and his control setting a rhythm for their hips. May had always imagined that Death would be rough in his lovemaking, but this slow, sensual rhythm was ten times more erotic than anything she had imagined. It felt good, so good, and she moaned and squirmed beneath him, her hands roaming his back as he kissed, licked, nipped, and sucked on her neck, one of his hands tracing patterns on her side, the other woven into her black hair.
"Death…" May moaned, unable to hold it back, and she felt him smile against her neck. "My Prince… my Black Prince…"
"My Kaiserin," he purred, licking a long line across May's neck, tearing a gasp from her lips. He laughed, softly, darkly. "You want me."
"Y-You think!?" May gasped out. She tangled a hand in Death's white-blond hair and pulled him towards her, kissing his neck just as he had kissed hers, licking, sucking, taking pride in the moans she managed to get him to make, crying out when he increased the pressure of his hips in response. "Yes! M-More! Please! More!"
Death hissed in pleasure and pushed May back down, attacking her neck again. "You're mine," he growled possessively against her skin, and she moaned at the sound of his voice. "You're mine."
"Yes," May gasped. "I'm yours. Make me… yours."
She felt Death's hand ghost down her side, ice trailing fire in its wake, and suddenly there was nothing between his cold body and her blazing, burning skin.
May lay on her back under the sheets, eyes closed, breathing heavily, her body feeling wonderful. Never in her wildest fantasies had she imagined how good that would feel, what it was like to lose yourself in another, and for that other to be Death himself.
She felt the bed shift slightly beside her, and she turned her head and opened her eyes. Death was still in the form of Junsu, and May was now sure that he had changed his form before seducing her because he knew that out of all his male incarnations, it was Xiahtod whom she found the most attractive. He was watching her, smiling gently, and she smiled right back, unspeakably grateful for the gifts that he had given her.
"It's almost time, May," Death said softly.
May nodded. She was still afraid, as was normal for humans facing the unknown, but it was a small fear, not the reeling terror she had felt when he'd first announced her approaching end.
"Is there time for me to put on some clothes first?" May asked. Then, seeing Death's confused look, she explained, "I don't want them to find my body and think that I was raped."
"Ah," Death nodded. "Be quick, though. We've not much time."
May nodded, then slipped out from under the covers. She pulled on an oversized t-shirt and a pair of panties before gathering up the clothes she'd been wearing when Death first arrived and throwing them into her hamper. Satisfied, she returned to her bed and slipped back under the covers, this time lying down on her side, facing Death.
"There," she said, smiling. "Now they'll think I died in my sleep." Death nodded, and May took a deep breath. "I'm ready."
"I know you are," Death said quietly. He propped himself up on his elbow, reached out to gently cup May's cheek in his hand, and leaned down to kiss her.
This time, May didn't dodge away. She didn't resist. As his face drew closer, she closed her eyes and parted her lips slightly, waiting. Waiting…
His kiss was strong but sweet, and May surrendered willingly to it, smiling into the kiss of Death even as the world faded into nothingness.
He was right, was May's first thought. It isn't oblivion.
She felt cold, so cold, but unlike when she had been alive, it didn't bother her. She was lying on something wonderfully soft and luxurious, and she could feel cold silk against her skin. The air was still, unmoving, but not stale or unpleasant at all. And even though she was in the middle of the unknown, she felt no fear.
"May."
She smiled and opened her eyes. She knew that voice.
Sitting up, she saw that the room that she was in was dark, yet she could see perfectly. She was sitting on a gold four-poster bed that was covered with a red velvet blanket, and the silk she had felt against her skin was a long, sleeveless black nightgown. Turning towards the sound of the voice, she saw Death, just as she had known she would. He was lounging against the red and gold headboard of the bed, smiling calmly, still in the form of Junsu. The white coat was absent, but somehow that black outfit, combined with his relaxed posture, was even sexier than when he'd been almost naked in her dorm. Of course, the fact that his poet shirt was about half-open didn't hurt…
He grinned. "Hello, May."
She grinned back. "Der Tod."
He laughed, and had May still been alive, the joyful sound would have made her heart soar. "You know there is no need to be so formal, May," he said, patting the spot beside him. May crawled up to sit by his side as he continued. "You may call me by my name."
May smiled as she sat near him. "Death," she said softly, and his smile made her feel warm in a way she could not quite describe. She looked around the room, which was furnished as though for royalty. "I assume we are in your chambers?"
He nodded. "Yes. We are in my palace, in the Kingdom of the Dead." He raised a hand to stroke May's pixie-cut hair, and his touch somehow felt even colder than it had when she was alive, but so soothing. "You will see it all in time, my Kaiserin."
May blinked at the title. "Your… but, what about…"
"Elisabeth?" he asked, and May nodded. "You saw the musical. She could not be tied down to anyone or anything. The responsibilities of an earthly empire were too restrictive for her. Can you imagine her being tied to an eternal one?"
"Not really," May replied. "But she's here, right? I mean… she's dead. And you…"
"My kingdom is vast, and she spends her eternity exploring it with the freedom of a black bird, just as she wished to spend her life. Sometimes she is near, sometimes she is far away, and on occasion she does come visit me. But we are not, in the typical sense, a couple," he explained. "I have given her the freedom she so desired. But I know that you desire other things."
May nodded. "I don't want to be alone. I… I want to be with you."
Death smiled. "And so you shall be, May." He leaned close to her, his intent obvious. "Kaiserin May…" he whispered, and leaned in the rest of the way to kiss her. But this time there was no fading into nothingness, this time his kiss felt even colder but even better, this time May could kiss back and could truly enjoy it. Their hands slid into one another's hair, the kiss becoming deeper, more passionate, and she felt their bodies shift as Death pulled the blankets out from under them, lowering May onto the white silk sheets.
Oh, yes, May thought as their clothing disappeared with a simple touch. This is not the end. It is just the beginning. The beginning of eternity. And eternity looks like it's going to be wonderful.
-The end-