A quick, angsty Rose-centric drabble!

There was something intrinsically appealing about Christian Ozera.

I watched, from the corner of the library where I was retrieving a book, as he ran slender fingers through Lissa's flowing blonde hair. They shared an intimate smile before Christian burst out laughing, fangs showing unabashedly in the free expression of his emotion.

Maybe it was how much he could care about one person. Love her so intensely.

I pretended to flick through the pages, but my eyes remained on Christian and my best-friend, watching their interactions intently.

Part of me longed to see a crack, to see something that might separate the pair. It was petty and I utterly despised myself for it.

Because Christian was the best kind of person; he didn't deserve any kind of unhappiness. He definitely didn't deserve to get lumbered with me.

I was broken goods and no one deserved to have to put up with me, but especially not him. Christian had already done too much. He'd got me through nightmares filled with Spokane, filled with Dimitri's exit, when he got stuck with me in the field experience. Rubbing my back and reassuring me that everything was going to be okay, though of course it wasn't.

Tears gathered in my eyes as I continued to watch Lissa and Christian. He placed the softest of pecks to her mouth and the reflecting love made me sick to my stomach. It was easy to force back the tears. I'd had months of practice by now. It was just the pain in my chest and the burning at the back of my throat I had to endure. That wasn't so bad. At least no one would know about those.

The worst was when I was pulled into Lissa's head when they were intimate. I had imagined Christian fucking me senseless more times than I could imagine; ravaging me completely, with no care for bruises or scratches, just taking me with absolute need. But being in Lissa's head and seeing those gentle caresses and soft moans, I just couldn't deal with that.

Sleepless nights spend in the chilling outdoors with a contraband bottle of vodka under my arm were much better than enduring their perfect romance.

I wanted him to drag me to his bed and have his way with me.

No thought, no emotion, just carnal desire and distraction.

I tried to trick myself into thinking that, but then I'd see the reverence in his eyes as he beheld my best friend and I'd long so, so¸ much for it to be me that I couldn't quite convince myself I didn't want him to whisper those sweet nothings into my ear and comfort me in a way that wasn't simply hard, unadulterated lust.

I slammed the book shut, bringing it with me as I plopped back down next to the enamoured couple. Christian's eyes danced to me, carrying all the brotherly-love in the world and I gave him the biggest smile I could. The aching in my throat worsened as I swallowed. No one could tell. No one would ever know.

And Christian would never be mine.

He'd never fuck me senseless and he'd never tell me that I was all that mattered in the world to him.

"So, Liss," I dragged the words from my lips as if everything was perfectly fine. "How's your graduation dress search going?"