Ok...Candi is an OC of mine, she's one of my favorites because she ends up with one of my favorite HP characters who J.K. Rowling killed off (mumbles something nasty). But if you want to know more about Candi, or hear more of her insane adventures...say so in your review!! Also, Candi appears in the story Marauders Online by Diversified Skip. This oneshot will also be appearing as a guest chapter in that story...love life...
Enjoy!
Standard disclaimers apply
The Hufflepuff Who Dared
She appeared to be like every other student in the hall, though today she was a tad more repressed than usual. Her pale face was flushed and her eyes a little brighter than was normal. There wasn't much that separated her from the others, she was seemingly a very average girl, and right now all she wanted was salt. To her salt wasn't a lot to ask for, but no one else seemed to share this view.
"Um, can I have the salt?" the petite girl asked the boy to her left.
"I don't know where it went," he replied not looking up from his plate.
"Have you seen the salt?" she questioned the girl on her right.
"Nope," the girl responded cheerfully.
"Do we even have salt?" the Hufflepuff wondered aloud, but no one answered her. "Well, I need salt." No one responded. "I'm going to go to another table for some salt." Still no one paid her any attention.
Sighing, the petite, grey-eyed girl climbed to her feet, albeit a little unsteadily and headed over to the closest table. This happened to be the Slytherin table, the one table you really don't want to go to if you want something because to be honest Slytherins never part with anything easily. She surveyed the table until she found a set of salt and pepper shakers and then zeroed in on the people sitting around them. They were not the nicest people in Slytherin, but neither were they the meanest. After a moment of debate, the salt-deprived Hufflepuff approached them.
"Um, excuse me," she mumbled and one of them rolled their eyes and glanced at her. "I was wondering if I could borrow your salt."
"No," the guy answered immediately, turning back to his fellow housemates, making a face.
"Why not? It's not like salt is a precious spice, I just need a little," the girl persisted and a boy with dark eyes watched, an annoyed expression on his face, he knew what was going to happen.
"Because you're a Hufflepuff, a brainless twit and you do not deserve our salt," another Slytherin drawled. "Plus, we don't share with blood traitors."
The girl stared at him for a moment, her eyes wide and hurt. She looked on the verge of tears and she quickly averted her gaze, her cheeks flushing an even brighter crimson as she caught sight of the boy she liked. He was just watching her with flat eyes, mocking her. Thoughts whirled around in her mind, a mile a minute, so fast she couldn't keep up with them. All she knew was that she was sick of these students acting like they were better than her and that she hated him looking down on her. She was so much better than them and they had no idea. They had no conceivable idea what people thought about them.
"Now go toddle off to your playpen Hufflepuff, we have better things to be doing here than lowering our intelligence by speaking to you," the first Slytherin sneered.
"Before I "toddle off" to my table," the girl said her voice hard. "I want to tell you something. I'm not a brainless twit, I'm not a blood traitor and I do not respond to Hufflepuff, it is my house not my name. If you wish you address me you lowly serf you must call me by my proper name. I might have suggested Candi, but since you have proven yourself below the bacteria growing on the sole of my shoe, I must insist you call me Candace, Goddess of all Hogwarts."
With her last statement Candi stepped onto the bench they were sitting on, using it as a stepping stone to their long house table. Standing there in the middle of their dinner, the young girl was for once in her life the tallest person in the room. She looked down her button nose at the rest of the Slytherin house and curled her lip in disgust. She quickly switched her expression though and started walking down the length of the table toward the seventh years. Her eyes had fixed on one person in particular who she had always had a slight problem with.
"Oh Cissa!" she called, stepping over the crock of soup, her robes dragging through the roast beef. "I have a question, and seeing as how I now have this opportunity to ask, I feel I must."
The older Slytherin raised her head, her captivating blue eyes focusing on the smaller Hufflepuff who was making her way down the table to her. Long luxurious blond hair was piled artistically on her head with wisps curling down the side of her face and around her eyes. She could not conjure an inkling as to where she might have run into someone of such low breeding and manners, her delicate eyebrows knitting in concentration. Her aristocratic face had an icy beauty that many could only dream of.
"Cissa," the girl repeated. "Our glowing maid of untouchable superiority, unquestionable chastity and flawless beauty, I have a question for you." Candi crouched down in front of her, reaching out to pat the fair headed teenager's hair. "What kind of bleach do you use to get your hair this color? And how do you make it look so flowing and perfect? I mean honestly, I don't think I've ever met anyone who takes better care of their hair!"
Narcissa spluttered, grasping for anything to say to combat such a horrendous insult to her pride, but Candi was already moving on. She spun clumsily around to face the handsome Lucius Malfoy who was sitting across from Narcissa, one foot knocking over a soup bowl. She took a moment to look at him noting his flat grey eyes that were so similar to her own. His own long pale hair was secured at the nape of his neck with a ribbon and his regal nose was ever so slightly wrinkled at her.
"Oh! Scratch that! Lucius definitely takes better care of his hair. I don't know how you manage to go out with a guy, Narcissa who's not only prettier than you but looks more feminine than you ever could. Do you two ever switch gender roles? How many times have you seen him in a dress? Do you swap clothes?" Both of the pale Slytherins were turning purple with anger and Candi continued her onslaught of questions, none of them (Candi, Narcissa or Lucius) realizing that one of the marauders had put a voice amplifying charm on her and that everyone in the hall could hear her.
"Why you-you-" Lucius began, but Candi cut him off by shaking a finger at him.
"You better marry her quick Lucy because that baby's gonna need a last name and you don't want anyone to know that you deflowered the Slytherin ice princess," Candi chided him before shoving herself back to her feet and picking her way down the table upsetting plates, bowls and goblets along the way.
"When you spit from the twenty-sixth floor," she murmured to herself, but the whole of Hogwarts heard. "And it floats on the breeze to the ground," she did a move that mimicked floating on the breeze. "Does it fall upon hats, or white Persian cats, or on heads with a pitty-pat sound?" She grinned at this idea as she picked a hat up off one of the Slytherin's heads and donned it. "Oh, I used to think that life was a bore," she fake yawned. "But I don't feel that way anymore," Candi did a quick little dance step. "As I count up the hits, as I smile as I sit, as I spit from the twenty-sixth floor."
With a flourish she pushed a plate to the side and flopped down in front of another Slytherin, her legs dangling off the edge of the table, her face quite close to his. The male Slytherin watched her with cautious obsidian eyes, his long black hair obscuring most of his face, his thin lips turned down in unhappiness. His skin was paler than hers with a more sickly hue, as if he never went outside. Long fingers were curled around his utensils , all sorts of stains leaving splotches all over the tips.
"Oh Sevvy," the girl sighed, pulling a ribbon out of her hair. "You really do need to work on your people skills." She said this conversationally as she reached out and tied his hair back out of his face with the bright yellow scrap of silk. "I mean sure, lots of girls like the silent brooding type, but when it's easier to hold a conversation with a stone wall, then you know you've got some problems. I think that we could take care of this problem with some good old fashioned Freudian psychoanalysis with that couch of his….if you get what I mean," Candi raised her eyebrows. "But otherwise, it's always best to just get hugs. Hugs heal the soul and they can tell you a lot about a person. Like a handshake, if someone has a shitty handshake like Goyle over there than you just know he's going to be a failure. Practice makes perfect. Want a hug?"
"No," Snape ground out through gritted teeth causing the girl to pout.
"Fine then, I get it," she said, sticking her nose up into the air and climbing back onto her feet. "Someday Sevvy you're going to get hugged! And somehow, someway, wherever I am on this planet….I will know! And I shall laugh!"
Candi then flounced off the table and stood in the aisle between Slytherin and Ravenclaw brushing at her clothes and looking a little put out. But then she spotted the pinched face of the most dreaded teacher at Hogwarts and her stomach dropped down to the dungeons as her eyes widened in horror.
"SHE'S OUT TO GET ME!" Candi screamed, scrambling over two first year Ravenclaws to get to the center of the table where she thought she'd be safe. "I didn't do it! Whatever it was it wasn't me!"
"Oh please," an older Ravenclaw with long straight black hair sighed. "Could you quit announcing your stupidity to the entire hall and get off of our table?"
"Is this because I'm a Hufflepuff?" Candi demanded and the Ravenclaw girl rolled her black, gently slanted eyes. "It is, isn't it? Well let me tell you something, you're no better than anyone else in the whole hall. The only reason you think you're better is because a ratty, old, ugly hat told you that you were smart and you belonged in Ravenclaw. What do you think that says about the level of your intelligence if you believe what a hat, a hat tells you? Sure everyone swears by it and everything, but that still doesn't take away from the fact that it's a hat and you are basing your intellectual superiority over me on what it said. I bet I get better grades than you and I bet I'm a lot smarter than you are."
Candi jutted one hip out and crossed her arms, glowering down at the Ravenclaw who was staring up at her as if she was insane. The small Hufflepuff paid this no never mind as she braced herself for a battle of the wits against the snooty student. With gusto she flipped her light orange hair over her shoulder and pursed her small lips.
"Who is the current king of the Faeries? What are the words you utter to completely petrify someone? Where is the Antipodean Opaleye from? What is the twelfth use for dragon blood? Through which months does Aquarius appear in the sky? What does it mean when your tea leaves form a chain? What type of root is in the Draught of Living Death? And how many knuts make up a galleon?" she demanded and the Ravenclaw girl glowered up at her.
"The current king of the Fairies is….is….there is no king of the Fairies because they're all self-absorbed creatures who will happily be decorations. To petrify someone, the words are Petrificus Totalus. The Antipodean Opaleye comes from Australia, and the twelfth use of dragon's blood is for cleaning ovens. Aquarius appears in the sky from…mid January to late February. Chains in your tea leaves, obviously imprisonment. The root in the Draught of Living Death is the Valerian root and it's 493 knuts to a galleon,"
"Pffft, wrong," Candi objected. "The current king of the Faeries is King Markuri, he's the king of the Faeries: F-A-E-R-I-E-S not fairies: F-A-I-R-I-E-S. You're right about how to petrify someone, but the Antipodean Opaleye is from New Zealand not Australia. Good with the dragon's blood, but Aquarius is in the sky from early January to early February and chains in your tea leaves means that there's a prospective marriage. I didn't even know there was a root in the Draught of Living Death and you're right about the knuts. But see? You ain't so smart."
The slender Ravenclaw rolled her eyes yet again to show that she was not impressed at all with Candi's supposed superior intelligence. But fortunately the other didn't notice for she was too busy basking in her victory. Straightening up she flung her arms outward and grinned so wide it seemed that her small heart shaped face would split apart. With a cry of jubilation she spun around, kicking the gravy boat into the lap of a poor unsuspecting Ravenclaw.
"I am Candace, Queen of Charms!" she cried loudly and there were bouts of laughter and some jeering, causing the petite girl to frown. "A little applause here?! I am Candace! Queen of Charms!" The Hufflepuff table erupted with applause and their queen twirled again before hopping off the table and swaggering toward the next one on the list.
Her eyes scanned the table, picking out the people she knew. The ones she liked and the ones she didn't. She skimmed over guys and girls, until her eyes fell on one person in particular. He was considered by the majority of students in all four houses to be one of the most handsome and popular men. His long thick black hair was well tamed and usually fell into his sharp gunmetal grey eyes that were either filled with mischief or smoldering passion. Razor sharp cheekbones accentuated the shape of his eyes and his nose was definitely of old blood. Sun tanned skin was pulled taut over a well muscled and quidditch toned body, his open shirt revealing the tantalizing column of his throat and his well defined collarbones. He was the dark Adonis of Hogwarts, the sharp witted noble, the Prince Charming.
A look that could be considered predatory spread across Candi's face as she approached the guy and sat down onto his warm lap, looping her arms around his neck and crossing her legs demurely. Her paler grey eyes tracing the lines of his face, before the side of her lips kicked up in a sultry smile.
"Well hello there handsome," she drawled huskily and the sixth year trailed a hand down her arm to capture her hand, his lips twitching in a barely suppressed grin as he played along.
"My lady," he murmured, smooth as silk as he pressed his warm lips to her knuckles deliberately taking on the part of the seducer.
"You're look very studly today Sirius," she commented coyly, peering up at him through her eyelashes.
"Why thank you gorgeous," he returned his eyes sparkling with the fun of it, his voice molten heat with a hint of hidden laughter.
Giggling lightly, Candi fiddled with his robes as she slipped one of her legs over his lap so she was straddling his slim hips. She pulled the black robes open and took her time looking up and down the body underneath her, taking in all that was before her. Sirius for his own measure remained relaxed allowing her all the time to ogle his assets.
"You're wearing pants today," Candi murmured, pulling his robes even farther apart and shifting around on his lap.
"Yes, do you want to take them off?" the slick Gryffindor purred, giving her half-lidded bedroom eyes, his voice choked with humor.
"Oh!" Candi gasped, dropping his robes and clamping one hand over her mouth as the other fell onto his shoulder. "You're so naughty! I was just surprised that you weren't wearing your usual dress."
Sirius' eyes snapped open and he stared in shock at the tiny girl who was beginning to twirl his hair on her finger. For a moment he doubted that she had even made such a statement, that something like that had even popped out from between her cute, pouting, pink lips. But the roaring laughter from the Slytherin table was evidence enough that it had indeed popped out of her untried mouth.
"I mean, we all know who wears the skirts in the Gryffindor common room," she informed him perkily as she clumped his hair up into pig tails. "Swish, swish, swish."
Sirius' mouth dropped open and he sat bolt upright, nearly unseating his burden. Squeaking in surprise, Candi grabbed his broad shoulders and as her head fell back and she spotted the sandy haired boy sitting across from them. Small scrapes littered his face and his tawny hair was loose. Next to his plate was an open text book that his weary cinnamon eyes kept straying too, his pearly white teeth nibbling on his lower lip. He was studious, but it was not fat that lay underneath his rather pale skin, but whipcord muscle.
Pulling her head back up so she was staring at the incensed Gryffindor who was opening his mouth to rip into her she raised her short, stubby fingers and pressed them against his parted lips. Shaking her head her head lightly, she patted him on the shoulder.
"I mean seriously Sirius, who did you think you were fooling. Everyone knows. It's sooo obvious in the way your glittering silver eyes remain forever affixed on your deliciously handsome, questionably straight friend. I've seen the way you glower at Lily when no one's looking. But darling!" Candi exclaimed, catching his face with both her hands. "Remus is getting sick of playing second fiddle. He can only be your rebound skank for so long! Either get over Potter or let go of Remus so Peter can have a crack at him! Seriously Sirius, I know that Peter would be a much less interesting bottom, but at least he's loyal."
"How dare you!" Sirius hissed, grabbing her upper arms in a painfully tight grip.
"It's ok Sirius, we know you're in serious denial over this, but…the sooner you admit it, the sooner you can fix it! I'm sure no one will mind if you wear your mother's clothes to class," Candi reassured him, tweaking his nose and sliding out of his grasp to crawl across the table to a rather amused Remus, who seemed the only one capable of keeping things in perspective.
"Oi! Lupin!" Candi called, plopping down in front of his plate. "I'm absolutely parched, mind passing me your drink?"
Shaking his head lightly, the were-wolf passed the flushed girl his glass and observed her calmly as she chugged down the rest of the juice he had been sipping. Inhaling deeply she replaced the stale air that had been trapped in her lungs. She then dumped out the ceramic salad bowl and placed it on her head, holding out her glass for more.
"Soooooo, Remus Loopy Lupin...are you ready to finally own up?" Candi questioned, pulling the bowl down to cover her eyes, salad dressing oozing down the back of her robes.
"Own up to what?" Remus asked calmly, pouring her more juice though all his senses were on high alert.
"Do I have to spell it out completely Mr. Monthly?" Candi demanded after a soulful sigh.
All the Marauders stiffened and their eyes narrowed on the petite girl. She was sitting in the middle of their table, her butt squishing the bread and she was about to reveal Lupin's biggest secret. James and Sirius were just about to yank her off the table, only to be stopped by Remus whose eyes were trained on Candi as he slowly shook his head. The Hufflepuff drained the glass in one go, sucked in another deep breath and then continued.
"I mean, don't think that no one else has noticed. Every month you get all surly, you just start acting all snippy and touchy. Poor Sirius, he was hoping to avoid this by getting in a relationship with a guy, but the problem seems to plague him no matter where he goes! Every month just like clockwork...now that I think about it, you're very regular, must mean that you've stopped growing too..." Candi pressed the cold glass against her flushed cheeks, her over bright eyes drooping.
"What are you talking about Candi?" Remus asked quietly, his voice curious, but guarded.
"Back you!" Candi hollered, flinging an arm out to point at him with an outstretched finger. "I know what you are and I shall not allow your secret to go unspoken any longer! I was almost fooled, but it was the chocolate that gave it all away!"
Sirius' eyes popped and he lunged for her to try and stop her. Remus had a highly panicked look on his face and James was shoving himself to his feet. All efforts were in vain though. Candace shot to her feet, the pottery falling from her head to crack on Sirius's skull, as she faced Remus.
"You are a he-she! A she-male! A hermaphrodite! I was almost convinced you were normal! Your friends almost had me tricked! But no one can hide PMS! You and your chocolate craving! You and your mood swings have proved it!" Candi roared and James face planted into the tureen as Remus collapsed against the bench with relief, chuckling helplessly. "Not to mention you cheat and are a feel-good, spineless hippy. Make love not war...pshaw...load of bollocks! Peace this!"
Candi twirled on her heel and swept past Peter to stand in front of James who was wiping food off of his face. With a dramatic move, the girl whipped off her soiled outer robes and flung them away. They were propelled backward right into Peter's face, and he immediately scrambled to get them off of himself, but only ended upending himself on the floor. Candi remained on the table in her knee length skirt, calf-high socks and a men's size white button down shirt with the Slytherin crest on the left pocket. Seeing as how she was a Hufflepuff this was awful strange, especially since around her neck was a Ravenclaw tie and the shoes on her feet were many sizes too large.
"Ah! Potter! There you are! I can't believe I almost missed you! I mean if you're as important as you always claim then you're equal to God! Forgive me!" Candi exclaimed, falling to her knees dramatically. "Oh mighty Lord Potter I must beg your forgiveness because I have been worshiping another other than you." She let out a fake sob. "I know I'm supposed to be faithful to your holiness, but I came across a realization that has led me to doubt your amazing supremacy!"
The lanky Chaser stared at the tiny Hufflepuff with something bordering confusion and fear, laced with humor. His hazel eyes were set behind stylish wire rimmed glasses that were perched on the bridge of his aristocratic nose. He was lean with strong features and messy, sleep tousled black hair that was his pride and joy. Sun kissed skin was speckled with food particulate and the cloth that he was using for a napkin was actually the end of his neighbor's shirt.
"Er, what?" James mumbled, dropping the third year's shirt and regarding the girl closely.
"You are mortal! If you are mortal you cannot possibly be a god which means that the only explanation for you putting on airs like you do is that you are a schizophrenic! You're delusional! You hear voices don't you? Don't worry I'm not jealous, but I think that you should seek some therapy for this. And while you're there you should talk to them about your inability to accept your homosexuality," Candi cried out dramatically.
"What!?" James choked out and Candi nodded to him sadly.
"I'm sorry James, but you have to come to accept it sooner or later. I mean, when you look at it, it's rather obvious. You are a Chaser, the whole point of being on the team is that you get to play with balls. And you ride a broomstick for Merlin's sake; you thought the rumors wouldn't get out? We all know that since Lily won't date you you're juggling your hand and your broom. Everyone's seen you coo over that thing, constantly trimming the twigs and polishing its handle..."
"Now look here!" James started vehemently, but was cut off by the other.
"Oh...Cleansweep...yes...mmm, right there! Yes! Yes! Ooooo!" she moaned loudly and James turned bright red from the tips of his ears to the soles of his feet. He was so red he looked like he was going to explode. "Too bad you can't do that to a girl eh?"
She patted him on the head and tiptoed her way down the table towards her last victim, or tiptoed as best as someone who's wearing the wrong sized shoes can. She knocked over a few more bowls and lost a shoe on her way. The next person she had fixated on was a pretty young woman with long red hair and compelling green eyes. She had a milky white complexion, with kindness written all over her, and a figure to die for.
"Lily the flower of everyone's heart!" Candi gasped out, crouching unsteadily in front of the other girl. "But you know...you look more like a carrot! I mean, you got a fat head that's got orange fuzz sprouting from it, green eyes and skiiiiiinny little legs." James let out a howl of anger. "Why do all the guys think that you're so hot? You're not that amazing, sure you're top of the class and you can probably make the Draught of Living Death, and you'd never be caught dead sleeping in a cauldron, but other than that...what makes you so cool?"
"She's-" James began.
"Oh, that's right! She's James' honey bunches of oats, his love muffin, the pearl of his heart, the core to his very being, his little English muffin, sugar lips, snuggle-lumps, kitten face, angel cake, schnookums, sweet cheeks, pumpkin," Candi took a deep breath. "Honeybun, pumpkinchops, bubbles, bubalicious, wubsicle, sweetie, darling, doll face, tootsie, smoochy, sugar bee, dumpling, cherub, magic princess, twinkle toes and squidgy." Candi finished off. "And the list goes on and on."
"Please, no more," Lily groaned burying her face in her hands, more embarrassed by the nicknames than anything that Candi had said prior.
"Ah hah! I have discovered your weakness Gryffindor princess!" Candi leapt to her feet and punched the air with a fist. "With this top secret information I shall rule the school! For I am the Goddess of Hogwarts, Queen of Charms and I am still single! WOO!"
And with that Candace Algranati, the small, over-exuberant, shoe stealing, fever addled, courageous Hufflepuff-who-dared collapsed, landing face first in the treacle tart.
There was a pause before Lily leapt into action.
"Someone call the nurse! A student fainted, I think she's very ill!" Lily yelled and the entire student population just stared at her in disbelief. This was coming from the girl who she had just finished insulting terribly. "Someone help me!"
"I shall always be here for you my love!" James shouted rushing over to Lily's side. "I will assist you even if it means having to give up my very own life! Sirius, Remus, Peter, come and help!"
"No chance in hell, she questioned my masculinity," Sirius grumbled slouching down further in his chair, his grey eyes hard.
"She scares me!" Peter squeaked from under the cloak she had thrown at him.
"Oh if you insist," Remus muttered, heading over to see what he could do.
"Charcoal eyes..." Candi mumbled. "Pass th'salt..."
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