I look up and realise that there's almost only couples around. And if they're not a couple already, they're just becoming one right at the spot. People dancing, pressing their bodies against eachother's. People making out while they're dancing. The beat is pumping and I can feel it in my ears and chest. I gulp and take another sip of the drink that I have in the red cup in my hand. There's also a couple next to me and I think the only thing that's keeping them from undressing eachother, is me. But I don't think of moving. I could leave but I don't want to have a conversation with someone near the door who's just gonna ask me about why I don't want to stay. Whoever will probably try to find someone for me to dance with and I don't want that either. I just want to keep sitting here by myself, unnoticed by anyone. It actually makes me sad to be here, the people all remind me of my past. Why did I even decide to go? Why am I even here at this stupid party with people that make me remember my horrible past? Well, it wasn't horrible actually. Just the thought of it being over ... that's what's horrible. I keep my eyes wide open and try not to blink so my tears won't stream down my eyes. I will not cry, especially not here.
The couple next to me stands up and they make themselves the way through the dancing crowd. I'm sitting on the couch alone now. I look around again, noticing the CD-shelf next to me. I curiously look through the albums and see the title of one, the title that I gave this album. I gulp and want to look away but I can't help but pull the one right next to it out of the grey shelf. I bite my lip and look around again, just checking if someone's watching me. I look at my two former best friends, looking all amazing. I really hate that this stupid past is following me around wherever I go. Even here, at the party of Jon's old buddy, they seem to follow me. He seems to follow me. I let my eyes wander over the cover from left to right. Spencer looks amazing with the tie and the grey suit. Like the fans always say, he's flawless. I close my eyes and open them again to look at the right side. My heart beats faster by just the sight of the picture, it's unreal how sad and pathetic I am. It is so lame, I'm at a party and I'm looking at the album cover of my old band that I found in the shelf next to the couch that I have been sitting on all night. I really hate this. The sight of Brendon on the cover gives me shivers, he looks so good with the black suit and the bow tie. And he would look even better if he was also wearing a top-hat, like he did on the Fever-tours. I bite my lip and manage to get the CD into the shelf again without anyone noticing. I look around again. "Ryan, come on! Dance!", Jon shouts over from the crowd. I just shake my head. He looks disappointed and turns back around to the blonde girl he's dancing with. I get up with my empty cup and get a new drink at the bar. "You alright?", the tall girl asks as she fills my cup. I nod. "Yeah, thanks", I reply and sit on a bar stool. Who would someone even get his living room like that? Bar and bar stools? Room for dancing and enough couches for people to make out? Who would want to live here? Well, it's Vegas, I guess.
"Are you sure that you're okay?", the girl asks again. "Yeah." "You were looking at the albums that Zac has. What kind of music are you into?", she says. Oh, fuck. Someone actually noticed me being all curious and weird. "Um...", I stutter. Why is she even talking to a weird mess like me? I run my fingers through my hair. "The Beatles", I say. She smiles. "That's not saying anything about your taste in music, everyone likes them." I laugh slightly. "I know but I just really love them. What about you?" I didn't have a proper conversation with anyone in a while, it feels weird because I usually block everything. "I don't know. I actually quite liked your old band. You were in Panic! at the Disco, weren't you?" I smile. "Yeah." "I liked the stuff you wrote, it was brilliant." I blush a little. "Well, thanks." "It's a shame that you and Jon left the band, Zac told me about it." Did Jon tell Zac the actual reason for why we left? "How much did he tell you?", I ask. "Um ... that they wanted to go back to the direction of the old album and that you wanted to continue like the second one." I nod. "Yeah, that's bascially it, not anything interesting." She smiles. "Well, did you move back here? Or are you just visiting?" "I moved here a couple weeks ago again", I reply. "I live a few blocks away." "Oh, awesome. Do you like to be back home?" I nod. "You probably don't even remember me from High School, do you?" Fuck, I know her?! How? I stare at her and think about it. "Sorry! I'm so stupid, should've introduced myself before I asked you all those stupid questions!" She laughs. "I'm Mandy, Zac's sister." Oh, for some reason I'm relieved that she's not his girlfriend. "Wait, Mandy! Yeah, now I remember you! Zac used to always help you in school during the lunch breaks." "Exactly!" She's grown up so much. She has really long hair now, she has a nice figure and her smile is beautiful. I used to think of her as a little girl always back in school but now ... wow. "Sorry, I didn't want to ask you all those questions about Panic!", she says. "I didn't even know if you feel comfortable about that." I finish my drink and stare at my shoes. "I don't believe that it was okay to ask you about it, I'm really sorry." "It's not your fault, it's what happened." "So ... musical differences weren't the reason?", she asks carefully. "No", I admit and breathe out deeply. "Would you ... like to tell me?", she offers as a tear rolls down my cheek.