SUMMARY: WHAT IF Tsukushi never got off the bus to reunite with Tsukasa but decided to remain with Amon instead? Spoiler for the manga version up to volume 26 (not the anime since it does not contain the Amon/Tsukushi/Tsukasa plot). Amon/Tsukushi
RATING: PG-13 Angst/Romance
CAUTION: This story has an unconventional pairing so please do not read if you do not like alternate pairings. I have paraphrased some dialogues in the manga as I do not have access to the translated English volumes of HYD. I think I have captured the essence /nuance if not the literal translation but any feedback would be appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hana Yori Dango or any of its characters. KamioYoko does.
ENOUGH
"Tsukushi let him go. It won't do either of you any good for you to reach out to him in pity. I know it hurts right now but it will become more bearable and you'll feel better with the decision you've made."
The girl nodded numbly in silent assent towards the speaker who voiced in a firm yet an unusually caring tone. She turned gazing at the receding figure running towards the bus and after awhile disappear into the horizon. When the figure could no longer be seen, she resolutely looked down at her feet, trying to control the sharp stinging pain in her chest as she breathed out.
A hand stroked her head gently and she looked into his ash brown, almost black eyes. A bystander would only see his cold fathomless eyes lacking of emotion but she saw a flicker of compassion, like lightning luminating within the pitch black of the night--the raw emotion he was feeling and displaying at that moment in time. She knew that was more than he ever allowed himself to express. The stinging pain that she harbored of her recent milestone of a decision began to fade from her mind as she gazed in respect towards the man that stood before her.
FLASHBACK
"Amon. My real name is Amon Kunisawa. I'm 21 years old and am a junior in college. I won't lie to your anymore. I promise."
END OF FLASHBACK
Tsukushi replayed this over and over in her mind. Not the most creative of introductions but hitting home nonetheless. Then again, this also wasn't a customary introduction. After all, Tsukushi had already met him before this. Many times.
It symbolized a new beginning. Like hitting the re-start button. No, a jumpstart button more like it.
A jumpstart out from the world that she was never meant to be in the first place. Meeting Amon was like being drenched in ice cold bucket of water. Painful, stiflingly chilling, and refreshing. This held true figuratively and literally as upon the first few moments of their encounter consisted of Amon dumping a glass of water on her when she negatively reacted to his underage smoking under the glazed consciousness that she thought she was in front of Tsukasa.
But he looks so much like Tsukasa. Only older and taller.
The second literal reference came in the form of a more drastic nature when she jumped into the city river to retrieve a necklace--a gift that she received from Tsukasa not so long ago. The necklace that she tried to return to him earlier that evening. In anger of proving the finality of their relationship, out of simple childishness, or a little of both, Tsukasa flung the necklace and the box which housed it into the cold depths of the water. Now that she looked back on it, she was wondering why she had bothered to jump in to retrieve it. Maybe she just wanted to keep it as a warning reminder of the world that gave her much grief, a memento, no a deterrent to never fall for someone like Tsukasa again. Yes the dip in the cold water was the baptism to cleanse her of the experiences from her previous year at Eitoku and her affiliation with the F4.
She admitted that there were great times, and she met great people. But not without a price. Yes, she paid dearly. For every positive experience she had, for every new friend she made, there were twice the challenges and triple the mean bastards that resented her. For every Rui she met, there was an Asano, Junpei and Kaede around the corner eagerly awaiting to break her spirit. For every positive experience she had, there were red tags, physical abuse, and threats.
Sure there are people she first considered bitter enemies that eventually became her friends. But at what price? For every friendship that began with cruel intentions for every tragedy that became a life's good learning experience, no one knew these negative events chipped away at her indefatigable spirit. That famous unbreakable weed. No one knew that. How many more of these horrible events could she transform into a silver lining? Not much more. No. Tsukushi has had enough. This is it. The childish allure of making lemons into lemonade no longer captured her spirit as it did a year ago. She was still Tsukushi, no doubt about it, but she was older and definitely the wiser. No. For these reasons and many more, she was not getting off the bus for Tsukasa. For his misguided ways, his childish antics and mostly for the many unfortunate side-effects that everyone endured due to their relationship. No, her fairytale chapter with Tsukasa ended long ago and she was ready to move on.
Some can argue that her relationship with Amon was not an ideal field of roses either. In fact, it was a rude awakening to learn that the nature of their encounter was another ruse by Tsukasa's mother to once again kick her out of Doumyouji's world. But once confessions were made, apologies given, feelings revealed, and many conversations later, Tsukushi knew that she had much more in common with the one who currently stood before her than the one she left behind.
She found herself thinking more of Amon, especially after the one night when he goaded her into revealing her feelings towards Tsukasa. He was annoyingly on the mark in pressing all the buttons to make her mentally squeamish and exhausted. Although she came to a tearful conclusion that she still cared for Tsukasa, hours later as she tried to sleep, it was Amon, not Tsukasa that invaded her thoughts. That straight shooting, brutally honest person that understood and related with the hardships that she had gone through not just recently but most of her life.
Despite their questionable beginning, it was obvious that she had much more in common with Amon than Tsukasa and she was starting to gravitate towards him. It was a few days later that she made the decision to take up Amon's offer of friendship. She knew that Amon wanted more but he knew that she wished to start anew before taking things further. Though she would never outwardly admit to it, Tsukushi was secretly pleased that Amon wanted to be friends. One thing she learned about him was he did not give away his trust easily and wasn't the type to have or want any friends. She was also pleased that he had admitted that he was also interested in a relationship beyond friendship but voiced his preference to start from the beginning to regain her trust.
Their first "outing" was to the amusement park. Tsukushi was very excited as she hadn't gone to the amusement park in awhile and her last visit there had been less than enjoyable. She wanted to ride her favorite roller coaster and play games and eat hot dogs. A normal date, not an overnight excursion to a luxury resort or a shopping spree for brand name clothing that didn't fit her style let alone her budget. No, a bonafide, normal date within her frugal means and her scope of understanding. Once the initial pain of letting Tsukasa go at the bus stop subsided, she felt more relaxed and mind clear of any worries for the first time in many months. This is where she wanted to be. It felt right to be where she was. It was amazing how enlightened she felt at this thought.
It's been said that once epiphany has been achieved, all would point clearly towards the road to happiness. That knowing was half the battle and the rest was going to be much like sliding down a smooth banister of life. Right. Just don't forget that when sliding down the banister of life, one is bound to run into splinters. And run into splinters she did.
It all happened at the amusement park. They had just gotten off a roller coaster ride and were heading towards the cotton candy stand for a breather when two sets of strong arms grabbed Tsukushi from both sides and dragged her towards the exit.
"What are you doing?" Tsukushi yelled as she tried to pull away. They were too strong, too professional, as if they were trained police specialized in subduing crazed, desperate girls who thrashed about while sputtering threats of expletives. Amon instinctively jumped towards Tsukushi to defend her from these men. Unfortunately, before he could reach them, there came out nowhere four more of equal size and strength that proceeded to subdue Amon in the same manner. Amon, despite their efforts almost seem to succeed in extricating himself when all of a sudden he stilled in realization.
"Tsukushi, I think I know who these people are. We should cooperate and go with them."
AMON POV
It took him longer than it should have to recognize these "security" men. These Armani soldiers clones who looked just like the guys that initially approached him and lead him to that infamous offer that he couldn't refuse from that bitch Kaede. He cursed inwardly for not recognizing them sooner.
This girl is dulling my senses. Damn.
Years of living alone and fending for himself made him into the being he is today. His childhood consisted of no father and a mother who he rarely saw due to the multiple jobs she held to support their meager living. In his teens, he determinedly decided to hold a part time job to ease his mother's burden. Instead of being appreciative, his mother seem to take his sign of maturity to slack off. His mother progressively took care for him less and went out with men that were more idiotic than the previous. He grew up even more quickly once his irresponsible mother supposedly left for good to elope with a man that preferred that she not come with any "baggage." It's been five years since. He worked various odd jobs--some respectable, some not so to sustain him through rest of high school and currently college.
He was a survivor that lived with none of the luxuries in life and foregoing most of the necessities for the first few years of solo living before he finally had come to his own. No. He didn't need anyone. He preferred going at it alone. One can't trust anyone in this world. He only has to look out for himself. The strongest survive and the weak fall off. It was his motto that kept him alive and strong for all these years. He learned martial arts and other self defense techniques in the streets to survive. He became street smart and learned anything that anyone was willing to teach him for free. He worked odd jobs here and there to make ends meet. He met many people in the underground and made many contacts to protect himself. Sure he was under aged for the majority of the jobs he took on. But then again, he grew up fast and learned even faster. It was good that he looked older than most males his age—heaven knows he exuded maturity well beyond the others.
He was a model student at a local university during the day and he transformed into his alter ego to suit his part-time jobs by night. He kept no true friends and even more rarely kept a woman by his side beyond a week or two. He often found himself with older, more sophisticated women that wanted him and showered him with money and gifts that at least allowed him to live somewhat more comfortably over the last three years when he started noticing them. Women were so weak. So pliable, so easy to manipulate. Just as bad as the men. Maybe worse. Most were fake lying wenches that were only out for the same things that he was. Fine by him. That was how he wanted, predictable and willing to play his game. They were all the same.
And then he met her. She knew what he did to her and she still chose to forgive him and accept him for who he was. Oh she wasn't a weak-hearted, softie of a girl who simply forgave him. She let him have a punch, a slap and a kick or two and a few pieces of her mind before the forgiveness came. And then he got to know her. Getting to know Tsukushi the last few weeks was one of the most cathartic experiences in his life. She wasn't anything that they were. She was everything that they weren't.
Amon's thoughts continued to run rampant as he gazed out of the limousine that he and Tsukushi were unceremoniously packed in by those overdressed security freaks. He knew where they were being "summoned" to and he had a pretty good reason why this was being done. "Does this guy have an unlimited resource of security forces under his belt or what. Does Tsukushi even realize yet?" he thought.
His gaze fell on Tsukushi as she responded to his thoughts.
"Oh no Amon you don't think we're being taken to . . ."
The black limousine escorted by another slowly entered the gated driveway of the majestic Doumyouji Estate.
"Doumyouji what is this all about? Why have you brought us here? What's wrong with you? Sending your henchmen to force us here as if we're criminals? Why . ." Tsukushi began in her tirade immediately, determined in obtaining an explanation of Tsukasa's once again irrational methods of achieving his goals.
"One question at a time Makino" Tsukasa proclaimed in a deathly calm voice that brought chills down her spine.
"Look Doumyouji I thought we no longer had anything else to discuss."
"That's not true Makino," he replied in the same eerie calm.
What is wrong with him? Why is he so calm? Why isn't he yelling?
"What do you mean? We agreed that we were over. That we're through."
"No, YOU said it was over. YOU made that clear." His voice while still calm was now laced with anger.
Tsukushi could not find her voice to object. They had already ended their relationship. She was resolute and calm of this decision. He however was still in the state of denial. He was blinded by hurt and anger of being rejected and she understood that. But he was acting childishly stubborn as to form. No she won't belittle him or deny him of the hurt that he was unmistakably feeling at this moment but this was not the correct method to do so. He didn't have to send hordes of security men for the search and seizure of one Makino Tsukushi. He didn't have to ruin what promised to be the first normal outing she had in ages. He didn't have to bring Amon into this. She had experienced his ostentatious tirade of ordering an army to change a light bulb once too many times.
"What. You don't have anything to say Makino?"
Calm down girl. You have to get Amon out of this and end this once and for all. Now.
Bystepping his question, Tsukushi went on to her next point of contention, "Well in either case, what do you want from us?"
"You are here because we have unfinished business to discuss and HE is here because…" he faltered.
"Because?" she demanded.
"You wouldn't have come here without him," he finished reluctantly.
"And Doumyouji knows that I wouldn't have let you come here alone. Without me," the voice of Amon broke into their tension.
Tsukasa flinched slightly, not obviously so but Amon noticed. "What? Did I hit a nerve, dear cousin?"
Tsukasa took a step towards Amon clenching his fists, "Shut-up you no good bastard! You're no cousin of mine! You're the reason why it has come to all this!"
Amon lifted his brow and gazed his cold eyes to his, "I wouldn't go there if I were you."
Tsukasa took another step towards Amon. "What? That you lied, impersonated as my long lost cousin, and tried to seduce Makino in exchange for money from the manipulating bitch I call my mother? That you stole her from me?"
"No I didn't."
"Why you lying piece of sh . ."
Amon continued to look at him while taking two long steps until he was only a foot from him. As tall and domineering as Tsukasa was compared to the average 18 year old, Amon still had a good few inches on him and was more built. His eyes became colder and harder if possible. "I'll warn you one more time Doumyouji. That's twice more than I've allowed to anyone I normally plan on beating the crap out of."
"So you're denying taking the deal from my mother and . . ."
"No, I am not denying that. I believe I came clean with all of you, including Tsukushi of what I did. Anyhow, the deal was never completed and so no money was received."
"Then what are you denying?" he demanded.
Amon sighed and looked away as if bored, "I'm denying stealing Makino from you."
"Yes you did," Tsukasa spat out, "You ruined everything!"
Amon turned back his steely gaze back into Tsukasa in a speed of a gun shot.
"Do not go twisting events into something that didn't happen to suit your deluded mind." his voice was so menacingly low, that the Tsukasa had to strain to hear his voice, "Losing Tsukushi, I believe, you managed that all by yourself."
Tsukasa's fists clenched in anger but did not move nor reply.
"You know it's true" and as an amusing afterthought, Amon added, "And also, you're wrong about one more thing."
"What?"
"I didn't TRY seducing Makino. If I did, I would have succeeded."
The stunned girl who could only silently witness the conversation between the two look alikes up to this point, suddenly was jolted from her wordless trance.
"What? Amon why you, you. . ." Tsukushi sputtered turning red.
"I'm gonna kick your ass." Tsukasa lunged forward with all the fighting skills he had.
Amon, being a party to a fair amount of fights himself, stepped aside instinctively. Tsukasa in his blind rage also gave him advantage to avoid being on the receiving end of a wicked punch according to the hole in the wall.
Amon countered with a punch which Tsukasa barely avoided.
But not the second punch which landed squarely in the stomach.
"Oomph," Tsukasa fell back but was not down.
Tsukasa countered with his triple assault, punch, left jab, and a kick. Amon defended himself from all of them.
But not that extra jab to the face. Amon carefully wiped away the blood that dripped off the corner of his mouth.
"Not bad kid, this looks like it's going to be a good fight."
"Stop it. Both of you. Right now!" bellowed Tsukushi standing between them pushing them apart with strength that surprised both parties.
"Now that you've got in one hit each and have finished getting this out of your system, can we please lower the level of testosterone in this room and handle this like adults?"
None spoke but both cautiously and reluctantly backed out of their fighting stance.
"Now Amon, I would like for you to leave and "
"No," he interrupted.
"Let me finish Amon! I would like for you to leave this room while I speak to Doumyouji. I will be leaving this premises with you once I am finished. Please."
Amon looked at her for a few moments.
"Fine. I'll be waiting for you at the entrance." He took one casual glance at Tsukasa before he walked out of the room."
TSUKUSHI POV
I looked at him and a flood of memories filled me. Everything that we've gone through. All the damage. Every time it seemed like we made it, more crap was thrown our way. Somewhere along the way, it just didn't feel right anymore. There was only so much, even a weed like me could take. I've had enough.
"Why Makino? Why? Do you hate me that much that you replace me with that look a like?"
"Doumyouji, you and I both know that this has nothing to do with him. And we broke up, remember?"
"So you no longer have any feelings for me?"
"I would be lying if I said that I no longer hold any feelings for you whatsoever but it's not what it was. I can't. . . I won't do this anymore. You know in the end, this was no longer meant to be. You know it yourself."
"I'm tired of it. All of it. I'm sorry that you have to be on the receiving end of my frustrations because it's not all you. It's the hurts, the threats, the humiliation."
"Makino . . ."
"But see, it's not just that. I think I could have continued endure it longer if it was just myself. I did you know, for quite some time, but when the threats and hardships began to be directed on my family, Yuki, and Kazuya, those that are completely innocent, that was it. I can't handle it anymore, do you understand?" Tsukushi's voice elevated to a desperate cry as the tears began to fall, "I won't stand it anymore!"
Tsukasa lunged towards the trembling form, grabbing her gently in his arms. "I'm so sorry Makino. I'm so sorry. . ."
"I just don't want this anymore. I don't want this anymore." Repeating over and over in a mantra like state as she sobbed into his arms. Doumyouji closed his eyes in regret and in memory. He kissed her chastely on the forehead and sat still. She offered no resistance, just continuing to sob. Even though Tsukushi was currently in his arms as a result of her emotional distraught and vulnerability, he etched this intimate moment into memory for he knew that this was the last time that Tsukushi was going to allow him to be this close to her. He felt badly for taking advantage. But at this point in time only moments from letting the most important girl walk out of his life, this was the only way he knew how to deal with this sort of situation—like a selfish bastard clinging to the last tendril of hope.
Moments passed when she stifled her tears.
"Sorry Doumyouji, she said embarrassingly. I didn't mean to drench your silk shirt like that."
"Feh. It's nothing. I've got hundreds of these to burn." Although true, it was said in an overly arrogant manner to restore some equanimity to the somber environment.
Tsukushi half smiled and chuckled. "Of course, what was I thinking?"
"You better get going. He might get worried and start looking for you soon."
As she walked towards the door. Tsukasa said softly, "I'm sorry for all the hurts."
"I'm sorry for the pain that I caused you. I'll cherish all the memories. Thank you for loving me Tsukasa. . ." Tsukushi then walked out the room and out of his life.
Only he heard his own words that echoed long after she left.
"No. Thank you Tsukushi."
END