At first I thought it was hero worship. I'd read about that kind of thing before. How someone who has their life saved becomes infatuated with the person who saved them. Maybe in the beginning that's all it was. But if it was, it changed into something more a long time ago.
I'd considered him my inspiration after that. My reason to keep fighting as a Gatchaman. As a bird, he was the wind beneath my wings wether he knew it or not.
We deal with the extraordinary every day, so seeing things that were rare didn't really phase me. But rare things about him still do. Every small smile or when he pats my head seem to be amplified eightfold by how seldom it occurs. He's been smiling more now that she's around.
Maybe I was jealous of that. Part of me thinks its why I was so quick to yell and butt heads with her. Of course I wanted things to be better for Jou and this planet, but I wanted to be the one to do it. Maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe I'm just scared.
I hate it when he puts his hair back. He looks nice of course, but it makes him seem like a different person. The Jou I know is wild and unpredictable. The spark he ignites burns out of control and lights a fire in my own soul. Seeing him look so clean-cut is almost sickening. The first time I told him that he laughed. The second time he didn't say anything. The third time he agreed.
I think by now we've evolved somewhat. He comes by the meeting place more often. The small smiles are more frequent. He drinks less. Some days we even go for walks together. He doesn't say anything during them, but maybe we don't need words.
I have Hajime to thank for these changes of course, and one day I'll tell her. Maybe even on the same day I tell Jou my feelings. If that ever happens, that is. Somehow I think he knows. I've never said anything to directly hint at it, but nowadays those touches linger longer, the smiles directed at me are a little bit softer than with the others, and every time he tells me good night there's a hesitance as if he wants to say something else afterwards.
I'm not so bold as to say he has similar feelings. Even if he did, he wouldn't act on them, especially considering our ages and positions. But there's something there. Pai-san taught me to be aware of my surroundings and Hajime taught me to look at things in a new light. It makes these things more apparent for me, I think. I know that his feelings towards me aren't the same as the others, even if I'm not sure in what way. But he's happy, and really that's all I ever wanted.