Warning: This contains reference to vague self-harm via Natsu's destructive behavior. It's nothing explicit or even probably worth mentioning, but I just want everyone to be safe.
A/N: So this was originally going to be a few pages long and it got WAY out of hand.
Inspired by the story 'Hurts Like Hell' by MiyuTanemura, so you should go read that first. And then read all of their other works because they are a) one of my favorite authors and b) totally amazing.
This takes place after an alternate ending to chapter 523 of the manga. So may contain spoilers?
The title comes from the song 'Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap, which was the other huge inspiration factor for this story. I don't own the song or MiyuTanemura's story, I'm simply using them to fuel a crazed train of thought I couldn't shake and decided to run with.
It also may be worth mentioning that like the piece it's based off of, this story depicts Natsu and Gray in an established relationship (well...as much as they can be given the circumstances). But if you manage to work around a handful of blatant PDA moments, it could probably be passed off as really close friendship.
Does this story make any sense?
Absolutely not.
Do I care about that?
Absolutely not.
But I hope you can enjoy it anyways! ;)
It had been five years since Zeref was defeated, a few less since the war ended.
They had not been without casualties. Like in any war lives were taken, sacrifices were made, and no one who managed to limp away with their life was without scars to wear for the rest of their days. The world went through a long period of mourning. There were graves dug for soulless, still bodies and markers made for the spirits of those whose bodies were never recovered. There were infinite tears and a pain that only came from having to say goodbye to someone in the worst way. But it had been years now and finally it seemed like everyone was starting to move on, even if they stood on shaky, unsteady feet.
A step was a step no matter how small.
But there was one casualty that bothered Natsu to no end.
He could barely recall how or why he ended up in what was now the old guildhall with Lucy and Happy, but one moment he was bursting through the doors, and the next he was clutching his chest where it felt like his heart had been pierced, kneeling with tear-soaked cheeks and shaky limbs in front of Zeref, encased in ice.
Iced Shell his mind had supplied.
His first thought was of Lyon, the only ice mage he'd ever met and probably the only person that really understood the logistics of that spell, and his heart sank. They may not have been best friends, or even gotten along half the time, but he was a friend and ally and Natsu wouldn't wish that fate on even his enemies.
But Lyon showed up eventually, very human and very much alive and equally confused about who could have possibly been the one strong enough to trap Zeref in an unyielding glacier.
"There's something weird about this ice," he had told them while running a hand along the hard surface, "I don't know what it is, but it's not normal ice-make. I don't know who could have done this."
In the end it became another unsolved mystery, a question with an answer they'd probably never find.
Another one of those mysteries came to light when Zeref disappeared.
They had rebuilt the guild hall elsewhere but had set up a system so that once a day someone would at least walk by the old guild to be sure that Zeref hadn't found a way to escape or that any of his followers didn't try to mess with the ice that sealed him.
It was Jet and Droy who came bursting into the guild one day announcing that Zeref was gone. There were a few moments of terror and panic before the First Master popped up and told them Zeref hadn't escaped, he had just finally passed on.
They struggled to believe her at first, since everyone knew that Zeref was immortal, but when time passed without sign or word of him, they had no choice but to accept the impossible truth. He was finally gone and the war was finally over and they could start to pick up the pieces of the world and help put it back together again.
But despite the joy and the calm, Natsu felt unsettled.
Nothing would ever be the way it was before, but everything seemed to be getting better. So why wasn't he?
Standing in the middle of his family, he had never felt so distant.
Natsu had been fighting a feeling of emptiness for a long time now. He was so busy being happy to be alive and overjoyed to be with his nakuma in some semblance of peace again that he didn't notice it at first, but as days turned into months and months turned into years, it had rapidly become clear that something was off.
Some of his memories were fuzzy. He could often see a big picture of the past but many times the details were too blurry to really focus on. He chalked it up to the demon seed being ripped from inside him and being surrounded by all the chaos of the war. A couple other members of his family had relayed similar problems, but no one really wanted to dwell on it long enough to hash it out.
But the worst was facing the fact that there was something broken deep inside of him that wouldn't be mended, a gaping hole in his heart that refused to be filled no matter how hard he tried.
He thought maybe it was Zeref's death that opened the wound. He was, after all, supposed to die when Zeref died. Maybe he lived but still lost a part of himself.
Before the disappearance, Natsu spent a lot of time in the old guild hall with the dark wizard's frozen body. Something there called to him and would only leave his thoughts alone when he was in its presence. He had always assumed it was Zeref's spirit calling out to him, but then Zeref was gone and the fire mage still found himself drawn to the now empty wall of ice. Sitting alone with nothing but a stranger's chilled remains was a bit morbid, but for whatever reason it was a soothing balm to his soul, dulling the sharp edges of pain and making the emptiness just a little less deep.
Natsu didn't know who had used Iced Shell or why being beside the aftermath was what gave him peace, but he hoped that someday he'd find out.
The first time it happened it was an accident.
There was still trouble to be dealt with. While the world was in a state of ruin, dark guilds and vicious, rogue wizards popped up, trying to take advantage of those who had yet to get their feet back on the ground.
Natsu and his team were in the midst of a battle with one such dark guild.
They were a lot stronger than the Fairy Tail mages had anticipated, but that had never been a problem before.
It was down to the last handful of members when Natsu jumped in the line of fire directed at one of the girls and got struck down hard.
He found Lucy leaning over him with teary eyes and the fire mage tried to comfort her, but he was unconscious before he could get any words out.
When Natsu came to he found himself laying in an empty field. It wasn't a place he recognized, and it sure as hell wasn't where he had passed out.
'What the hell?'
He rubbed his eyes with calloused fingers, thinking maybe he was in the middle of waking up from a bizarre dream, but when he blinked again nothing had changed.
Everything in sight was covered in a blanket of unblemished snow. The space around him seemed to stretch on forever.
"Hello?" Natsu called, voice echoing into wind, "Can anyone hear me?"
No response.
Unsure of what to do and appearing to have no other choice, he started walking. Wherever he was was weird. The wind touched his bare skin and the snow continued falling around him, but he didn't feel the bite of the cold, even though he was traipsing around in his sandals.
There wasn't a single sign of another living thing.
It seemed like he'd been walking for hours when suddenly the landscape warped around him. When the world stopped spinning he was still in the snow, but night had fallen and instead of miles and miles of empty land, he found himself heading towards an outcrop covered in a thick sheen of ice and illuminated by moonlight. The dragon slayer picked up his pace, hoping that maybe from the top of the rocks he'd be able to see whatever was on the edge of the horizon.
He was about halfway up when he noticed the creature above him.
At the very top of the rock formation was a dark form sitting casually with its back to the dragon slayer, unaware of his presence.
Natsu didn't know what it was, and at that point he didn't really care. He'd been wandering for forever, not a soul in sight. He'd come no closer to finding out where he was than when he started, and the isolation and confusion were making him crazy. Any living thing was better than nothing.
"Hey!" He shouted while making quick work of bridging the remaining distance between them, "hey you!"
Its back went rigid, muscles pulled taught and stiff.
Natsu huffed, taking a moment to catch his breath once he reached the top and walked slowly towards them. He couldn't be sure, but it certainly looked human, or was at least human-shaped, which made him sigh in relief. "Thank fuck, I thought I was the only one in this whole damn place. Do you know where we are?"
When he got no response, the fire mage walked over until he was only a step behind the other being and reached out to lay his hand on their shoulder. "Hey, can you understand me?"
The person tensed even further, turning their head enough to meet his gaze, looking up at him like a frightened animal, and Natsu couldn't hold back his gasp.
The creature looked like a boy, but he definitely wasn't human. His skin and hair were blue-black and shiny like spilled ink. He was barefoot and wearing nothing but a pair of black pants that blended right in with the rest of him. Even with his keen eyesight, Natsu might have mistaken him for a shadow if it weren't for his eyes.
His eyes were a vibrant, eerie purple, glowing like pools of twisted starlight and standing out vividly from the rest of his body.
He'd couldn't remember seeing anything quite like him before, but he definitely looked like he could have crawled right out of the depths of the underworld. Which was probably a bad sign.
"What the hell?!" the dragon slayer took a step back in alarm, "Who are you?"
The creature gaped back at him, shellshocked, and he whispered.
"Natsu...?"
Natsu's eyes widened, "How do you know my name?!"
"You shouldn't be here."
"Well that's great, but-"
The creature shook his head frantically, "No, this isn't right. You shouldn't be here! What are you doing here?'
"I don't even know where here is!"
When Natsu didn't receive another response and appeared to be safe from any immediate threat, he plopped down on the edge of the rocks next to the other being and sighed.
The creature studied him warily but still made no move to attack so the fire mage settled for watching the snow fall across the ground below them.
"You shouldn't be here," the...Person? Monster? Demon? Thing?...Demon-thing finally mumbled again.
"You mentioned that. Where are we?"
"In-between."
Natsu cocked his head to the side in confusion. "In-between what?"
"Life and death. Heaven and Hell. The real world and the 's where we are. Limbo. Purgatory. I don't know," Demon-thing muttered under his breath, "this is where people go before they die."
Natsu's breath hitched and his heart leapt into his throat in panic, "That's why I'm here? I'm...I'm gonna die?"
This couldn't really be it, could it? This couldn't be happening, couldn't be the end. There was no way. After all he'd been through, after all he'd worked for, just to go out like this?
He felt like he was going to be sick.
The other boy quickly caught on to his distress, throwing his hands up in a placating gesture, "You don't know that. You might still wake up. You're probably just comatose or something which is bad, but also means you're not dead. Yet. Shit, sorry that's not-ugh."
"You kinda suck at the comforting thing."
"Shut up," he groaned and ran his hand across his face in agitation. "Look, I'm not going to sugarcoat it: being here is bad news, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're any more likely to die than you are to live. You just kind of have to wait to find out, I guess." He paused and tilted his head to the side curiously, "How did you get here, by the way? Do you remember what happened before you woke up?"
Natsu hummed, "I don't know...I was with my team and we were fighting with a dark guild...Oh! That's right, I just took a stupid hit. Their leader snuck up on Lucy and tried to get in a cheap shot while she was in the middle of summoning a spirit. I pushed her out of the way, but I guess I got hit pretty hard. I didn't expect him to be so strong, definitely not strong enough to put me in a coma! He looked like a freakin' wimp." He frowned, "Damn, that means I never got to take that asshole out! That really sucks!"
Demon-thing rolled his eyes, "Only you would be more worried about getting to kick someone's ass than about the fact that your soul floating around in the middle of nowhere."
"Yeah, well-wait, hang on a minute," Natsu's eyes narrowed, "you say that like you already know me. And you knew my name before I told you. And you smell...familiar, but I've never met you before. What gives?"
Demon-thing looked surprised for a split second before he schooled his expression into something closed off and neutral, turning away from the dragon slayer to face the field. "You don't know me, but I know you."
"How's that possible?"
"Everyone knows who you are," he stated simply, "Natsu Dragneel: Fairy Tail's Salamander."
"So we haven't met before?"
"We did, but you wouldn't remember," he sighed. With his eyes so bright and blinding, Natsu had a hard time reading the emotion shown there but he could clearly smell the sadness wrapping its way around the other boy's body. "It was practically another lifetime ago."
Natsu opened his mouth to ask what the hell that meant when Demon-thing cut him off, "Stop asking so many questions; it wouldn't make sense even if I told you."
The fire mage pouted irritably, "Fine, but I'm gonna figure it out."
"Good luck with that."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're kind of an asshole?"
"Has anyone ever told you that you're a fire-breathing idiot who's too curious for his own good?"
Despite the circumstances, Natsu laughed loudly. For whatever strange reason, he suddenly felt some of the weight lift off his chest. He had no idea why, but seeing the playful smirk the other boy gave him made his heart sing. It didn't make any sense.
"Everything in this place is confusing."
"It can seem that way, but you'll get used to it the longer you're here...although I'm hoping you'll go home way before that happens."
Natsu sighed and stared longingly at the stars above them, "You and me both."
Demon-thing offered him a sympathetic smile.
Natsu let out another loud sigh before changing gears and perking back up again, "I'm bored."
"You haven't even been here long enough to be bored."
"Well I am, so let's go exploring!"
Demon-thing rolled his eyes but allowed Natsu to pull him to his feet, "Fine, fine, I'm coming."
"Good! Let's go!"
The duo set off on their adventure, trekking without purpose across the freshly fallen snow. It didn't take long for Natsu to grow bored of that as well.
"Can I ask you a question?"
The other creature groaned, "If I say no, are you going to ask anyways?"
"Probably."
"Fine, go ahead."
"Why aren't there any other people here? You and I can't be the only ones, can we?
Demon-thing frowned, "We aren't, but I don't really know how it works to be honest. I've seen other people, but it's not common. Some drifted through for days, others got called back to life or afterlife after only a few moments here. My guess is that there are different pockets of space in this plane of existence that everyone pops in and out of, so we don't really see or interact with one another often. And everyone who comes here eventually has to leave. Like I said, it's the in-between. It's not supposed to be permanent."
"How long have you been here?"
"I'm not sure. I don't think time here is linear with the real world. A second there could be days here and vise versa. What year is it?"
"X797"
"A few years then."
"That seems like an awfully long time to be somewhere that's not supposed to be permanent. So what are you doing here?"
"I...did something that caused me to give up my life without actually dying," Demon-thing answered slowly, seeming to use great care in choosing his words .
Natsu's eyebrows furrowed, "So which is it? Are you alive or dead?"
"I'm neither. I just am."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"You never said it had to."
The dragon slayer scowled, "Fine then, be that way. How old are you?"
"Old enough."
"Were you a mage in the real world?"
"Yes."
"What kind of magic did you use?"
"The sacred art of none of your fucking business."
Natsu threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, "You're such a pain! I'm just trying to be friendly since you're the only damn person I've seen in this place. You haven't even told me your name."
"I don't have to tell you anything."
Natsu glared, "You know my name, but I don't know yours. That doesn't seem fair."
Demon-thing's smirk faded into something melancholy, "Didn't anyone tell you? Life isn't fair."
"Yeah, but this isn't life. This is afterlife. If life isn't fair, shouldn't afterlife have to be fair to make up for life being so not-fair sometimes?"
"Good grief, will you please shut up?" Demon-thing sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Damn, I almost forgot how much you talk."
"And there you go again with the knowing things about me when I don't know shit about you. Fine, if you aren't going to give me your name I'm just gonna have to keep calling you 'Demon-thing'. Because you look like a demon...thing."
"How original," Demon-thing said dryly, "and I'm not a demon."
"Well if you wanted something better you should have just told me your-"
'Natsu.'
The dragon slayer spun around at the sound of his name but found no one. "What the hell-"
'Natsu, please wake up.'
It was then he noticed the tingling sensation starting in his fingers and toes. It slowly branched out through his whole body. He turned again in hopes of finding the bodiless voice, but instead found himself quickly overcome with a sudden wave of dizziness.
"What's going on?" His eyes started to grow hazy and he felt his knees give out beneath him but strong arms caught him and lowered him gently to the ground.
"What's happening...I feel weird...I don't..."
He looked up from where his head was pillowed on Demon-thing's lap, bleary eyed and panicked.
"Shhh, it's okay," Demon-thing said softly, "your friends are calling you back. That's a good thing. You have to return to them now."
"But how-"
"Just close your eyes and follow their voices. I'm sure you'll be home in no time."
"And you?" Natsu mumbled in confusion, reaching up to poke Demon-thing's cheek.
The black-haired boy tilted his head in question, "What about me?"
Natsu tried to get out what he wanted to say before giving in to the feelings of exhaustion, "When are you going home?"
Demon-thing's eyes widened in surprise before giving Natsu a wistful smile. "Silly dragon slayer," he murmured fondly, "I'm not."
Then it all went black.
Natsu blinked slowly back into awareness with heavy eyelids and limbs like lead.
The ceiling of the guild infirmary came into focus above him. He held his heavy head and propped himself up on his elbow, only to be knocked back down when a flying, blue blur smacked into his chest.
"Natsu!" Happy exclaimed.
The fire mage turned to see his teammates surrounding him wearing relieved smiles.
"Thank goodness," Lucy put her hand on his arm, "we were so worried!"
"What...what happened?"
"You took that hit for me! You're so reckless, Natsu!" Lucy smacked him but her anger quickly became sadness, "Thank you, but don't worry us like that again. Please."
"You've been unconscious for three days," Erza said from Natsu's other side.
"Three days? That's crazy! Why do I feel like...wait a minute...When I was out cold here my spirit somehow woke up in this really weird place. It felt like a dream; I don't even know if it was real or not. Oh! And there was a demon! Well, a not-demon I guess. He looked like a person but he had this weird, shiny skin and really intense eyes. He said we were in 'limbo'? Like...where you go when you're not dead but also not alive? But then I heard your voices and I woke up again here. I don't know. It was really fucking strange."
Happy crawled up on to Natsu's lap and frowned in concern, "Natsu, are you sure you're okay? You sound kinda crazy. Well...crazier than normal."
"Hey!"
"Well odd dreams aside, we're glad you're back," Erza smiled warmly at him. "We'll have Wendy check you over again just to be sure everything's alright. Just take it easy, Natsu."
The dragon slayer nodded but his head still fuzzy and filled with pictures of snowy hills and endless skies and bright, glowing eyes.
After Natsu was deemed well enough, he took another job with his team and everything seemed to fall back into place again. Except something still didn't feel right.
Ever since he rejoined the land of the living, the hollow place inside him felt like it was growing, stretching and deepening like it was trying to consume his whole body. Nothing made it better, not fighting, sleeping, eating, or being with his friends. Natsu couldn't place it, couldn't try to fill a hole without knowing what was missing.
He found himself back at the ice.
Despite the intensifying despair inside of him, Natsu still felt a lull in the aching once he was staring straight at his reflection in the shiny surface.
'Why does this thing matter so much? I don't even know who did this. So why does it feel so important? Why can't I stop thinking about it?'
Natsu released a heavy sigh, mind reeling with turmoil. He idly grazed the ice with the back of his hand.
As soon as he made contact with it he felt a jolt inside of him. His insides filled with warmth while his skin tingled with a frosty chill, one that felt familiar and safe. But where did he know it from...?
A second rush of cool through his system stirred up memories of a dark creature and the nearly freezing temperature its body radiated when Natsu had sat next to him and eyes that somehow matched the odd, pinkish-purple hue of the ice in front of him.
"There's no way..." he mumbled aloud to himself, hands flattening along the ice's surface. It couldn't be possible, could it?
'...gave up my life without actually dying...'
He didn't know how it could be possible or why, but he was overwhelmed with the weight of confusion and needing answers to questions he only just found the words for. He needed to know, was desperate to get the facts straight. One way or another, Natsu was going to find the truth .
Even if it killed him.
The second time it happened it was on purpose.
At first Natsu wasn't exactly sure how to go about getting to a world between life and death without running the risk of truly dying. But after several attempts and abandoned plans, he decided to do what he did best:
Going in fighting headfirst and hope everything worked out.
When he managed to wake up in limbo again, the scenery had changed. The clouds were heavy and raindrops dripped and drizzled into the muddy earth forming little streams that flowed into a nearby lake. It didn't take long for the dragon slayer to spot who he was looking for. He walked leisurely over to where Demon-thing was sitting on a fallen log overlooking the water.
"Y'know, this place is pretty peaceful for being purgatory."
Demon-thing jumped at the sound of his voice, and Natsu burst into laughter watching him do a double take with a startled look on his face. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to scare you!"
Demon-thing stared at him in confusion before his eyes narrowed and his face twisted with anger. "What the fuck, Natsu? What the hell are you doing back here?!"
"Jeez, try not to sound so excited to see me," he rolled his eyes and sat down next to the irritated creature who was still glaring daggers at him.
"I'm not excited to see you!" Demon-thing growled. "You weren't supposed to be here in the first place and now you're back! What the fuck did you do?"
The dragon slayer ran a hand through his hair and looked sheepishly away from the glowing eyes he could feel boring holes into the side of his head. "Eh, I might have challenged Laxus to a fight and let him hit me with some lightning...okay it was a lot of lightning...okay it was a full force dragon roar, but in my defense I didn't fight back. Otherwise I would've totally kicked his ass!"
"You let him...and you didn't..." Natsu watched as Demon-thing tried to pull his thoughts into real words.
Finally, he turned until he was facing Natsu completely and punched him square in the jaw.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He yelled furiously. "You let someone zap you with enough electricity to wipe out a town? For what purpose?"
Natsu sat back up rubbing his cheek and shoved the other boy hard enough to send him sprawling backwards. "Because you owe me answers!"
Demon-thing looked at him incredulously, "I don't owe you anything. And even if I did, that's still not a good enough reason for you to try to kill yourself!"
The fire mage shrugged, "I didn't try to kill myself. I just made sure I took a blow big enough to send me back here with you."
"What part of 'between life and death' didn't make sense to you? People don't just come here for fun, dumbass. They're here because they're either going to wake up in the real world or pass on to the afterlife. You don't just get to hang out, and frankly, I don't know why you would want to."
"Well you're still here," Natsu pointed out. "And I have the feeling you haven't left since last time, so that's...something."
Demon-thing let out a harsh sigh, "I can't leave, and it's not for lack of trying. I have to stay here, but you don't and you shouldn't. You're supposed to be alive and to do that, you need to leave this place."
"Yeah? And what if I like it here and don't want to leave?"
"Dammit, Natsu!" he roared and grabbed the dragon slayer roughly by his scarf. "What the hell is wrong with you? I didn't give up my life just so you could throw yours away by-" Demon-thing seemed to catch what he was saying just a second too late, jaw snapping shut with a sharp click, but he couldn't take the confession back.
The dragon slayer's eyes widened and he pointed an accusatory finger at the other boy, "Ha, I knew it! I knew it was you! You were the one who cast Iced Shell! That's why you've been here so long. And it's why you wouldn't tell me you were an ice mage when I asked about your magic, because you didn't want me to figure it out!"
Demon-thing looked away and folded his arms over his chest.
"Y'know, sealing Zeref away for eternity doesn't really seem like a demon thing to do."
"I can't argue with you there."
"Why did you then? Why did you sacrifice yourself? Why'd you help us?"
"I already told you, I'm not a demon. And I have my reasons."
Natsu cocked his head to the side and studied the other boy curiously.
"You must get lonely here, since you said you hardly ever see anyone else. Don't you like my company?"
"That doesn't matter. I don't want you to die."
Natsu grinned, "So you do like me."
Demon-thing rolled his eyes, "Will you please take this more seriously? You're endangering yourself. Don't you want to keep living?"
The fire mage frowned and turned his face up to the stormy clouds above them. "Of course I do."
"Then why are you doing this? You took a big risk getting back here."
"I don't know. I like being here...with you."
Demon-thing's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, "Eh?"
Natsu sighed, "I know it sounds stupid, but being out there, in the real world, is hard. I know my family doesn't look at me any different after everything that happened with E.N.D. and Zeref but sometimes I feel like they should. Sometimes I look at me differently. And people are looking to Fairy Tail for guidance and I don't even know how I'm supposed to help anyone when I can't pull myself together. Plus my memories are all fucked up-"
"What do you mean?" Demon-thing interrupted, "What's wrong with your memories?"
Natsu shrugged, "They're just fuzzy. There are parts of them that don't add up or make sense, like something's missing. I don't know, everything is just so messy," he turned to the other, "but when I'm here with you, none of that matters. I don't have to be anything or anyone I can just...be. And I like you. As fucking ridiculous as it sounds, I like being with you and here is the only place I can do that."
Demon-thing smiled and gently put a chilled hand on Natsu's shoulder, "I like being with you too, you dork. But this isn't right. You still have the rest of your life in front of you, so you need to live it. Even if I could keep you here with me forever, I wouldn't. I don't want you to die."
The dragon slayer nodded, "I don't want to die either."
That sat in companionable silence and eventually Natsu felt the familiar prickling feeling spreading throughout his body, eyelids growing heavier. "Well, I guess the world heard us, huh?" He chucked as he felt his muscles go lax, mind starting to be pulled away.
The other boy just shook his head and smirked, "Goodbye, fire idiot. Try not to get into too much trouble, yeah?"
"See you around, Demon-thing."
"You better not."
Natsu's world faded to black once more.
When Natsu woke up, he was in the guild's infirmary again.
He felt like his whole body had been...well, fried with electricity. The dragon slayer let out a groan of discomfort as he tried to survey his surroundings.
It was late judging by the way the room was dark, minus the small glow from the lamp on the table nearby. The only other occupant of the space appeared to be Lucy who was sound asleep with her head pillowed on the bed near Natsu's legs. He tugged on a piece of her hair lightly and laughed at the way it made her face scrunch up in irritation. "Luce. Hey Lucy, wake up."
Lucy rubbed her eyes and let out a yawn before turning to face her friend. She smiled at him warmly and moved her chair closer to the head of the bed.
"Hey Natsu. You're really stupid, you know that?"
Natsu laughed, "Yeah, you've told me."
Lucy quickly grew serious and reached out to take his hand, "Natsu, what's going on? You've been acting really strange lately. You know you can tell us anything, right?"
Natsu sighed and squeezed Lucy's hand, "I know I can. I'm sorry, Lucy. I'm sorry for making you all worry I've just been...distracted."
"What could possibly be so distracting that you'd pull punches like that?" Both turned and watched as Erza made her way over to them from the doorway. "I saw you, Natsu. You didn't even try to defend yourself. You've been begging people to get in fights, even more so than usual, but as soon as they attack you just take the hit. What in heaven's name has gotten into you? Everyone's too afraid to fight with you because they're afraid they'll accidentally kill you!"
Natsu frowned. "Are you actually encouraging me to fight more?"
"This isn't a joke, Natsu! Your heart stopped beating! We thought you died. I had to resuscitate you because you weren't even breathing! Wendy worked herself ragged to heal all the burns you obtained and Laxus was beside himself with worry because he thought he killed you! Do you have any idea what that did to us? To the whole guild?"
"Erza, it's okay," Lucy stood and reached for the requip mage's hand, "Let's just let him be for now, okay?"
Erza released a heavy sigh, "You're right. I apologize. It's just you...well frankly, you're scaring me, Natsu. I don't know what to do with you."
Natsu looked down in shame, "I'm sorry. I'll be more careful."
Erza nodded once, moving forward to pull the fire mage forcefully to her chest and ignoring the way he winced when his head banged against her armor, "Whatever's going on just...try not to be so reckless, okay?"
"Okay, Erza. I'll try."
The third trip to limbo was accomplished with an unsettling amount of guilt and a heavy heart.
After easing his way into Erza's good graces by going back to destroying things that weren't himself, she allowed Natsu to venture out on more dangerous jobs again and his family slowly stopped tip-toeing around him like he might spontaneously combust at any moment.
It had been weeks since his last rendezvous in the spirit world, but the thoughts were just as predominate as before.
There were still so many questions and the not knowing was eating away at him. He spent hours at a time sitting with the ice he now knew was Demon-thing's only tie to the real world, as if somehow maybe the answers would come to him if he stayed long enough. But they didn't come and he couldn't bring himself to let go. Something kept calling him there, kept begging him to figure out the puzzle that had too many pieces missing to make sense of.
He felt so selfish, so unlike himself. Why would he even risk giving up the people he lived for just for a chance to talk to a being that he didn't even remember knowing?
But he couldn't shake it, couldn't rid himself of constant infatuation. The confusion infected his mind like a relentless virus until he thought of nothing else.
And eventually he gave in.
He wasn't trying to kill himself...he wasn't...he just needed answers...just to talk to him one more time, and then he would stop.
He played it a little safer. Instead of blatantly giving up in the middle of a battle, he just kept himself awake for days on end. Natsu didn't really know if passing out from lack of sleep would be considered close enough to death to get him to his destination, but it was worth a shot.
So each night when Happy fell asleep, Natsu went out into the woods to train until he was exhausted, only to return and head to the guild with his friends for the day and then repeat the process.
He was walking downtown with Lucy and Wendy one afternoon when his several painstaking days of torture finally paid off.
"Natsu, you okay back there?" Lucy turned to him with a raised eyebrow. "You're lagging behind."
The dragon slayer nodded but moving his head too fast made the world spin and he quickly found the pavement getting closer before his eyes closed completely and he went still.
The wind brushed Natsu's skin as he awoke to the sight of a field covered in green grass and a blue sky shining with sunlight.
"This is getting out of hand."
He started at the voice that came from right beside him. The fire mage sat down next to the shadow creature. The other boy hadn't even turned towards him when he spoke, choosing instead to stare off blankly at the infinite horizon.
"I had to see you again."
"You don't even know me," Demon-thing answered dully. He was still refusing to face Natsu, still trying to brush him off. It sent a spike of agitation through the dragon slayer. There was no way he put his body and his family through hell just to continue playing guessing games.
"No, but you know me and I want to know how. I have questions and you have the answers that I want."
"I have a question too: why does this matter so much? Why do you care so much when you have no idea who I am?"
"Because! Because I-" Natsu broke off and swallowed hard, trying desperately to calm his sudden swell of feelings. "Because I feel broken when you're not with me."
There was a moment of silence, all that could be heard was the wind ruffling the grass while Demon-thing finally looked at Natsu, staring with shock plain on his face.
"What...?"
The dragon slayer deflated even more, fight leaving his body.
"Look, I don't know you. I don't know who or even what you are, but from the moment I first met you I felt like this piece of me that's been missing came back. You make me feel whole," he admitted softly. "And when I'm home and alive and surrounded by my nakuma, all I can think about is how something feels wrong. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I don't feel fully like myself unless you're with me. Hell, even sitting next to the ice you made makes me feel better. Why is that?" Natsu groaned, tugging roughly at his hair in frustration. "I just don't understand! Why do I feel like this? I have family who I love and a life I want to live! So why can't I stop thinking about you and this stupid place? Why do I keep trying to come back here?"
Demon-thing laughed, but it sounded airy and strained with uneasiness, "Beats me, Flame Brain, but who can really understand why you do anything?"
Natsu's heart skipped a beat.
"What...what did you just say?"
Demon-thing frowned, "That no one could possibility know the reasons you do anything the way you do?"
"No," Natsu said shakily, pulse starting to race, "you called me Flame Brain."
Demon-thing's eyes widened in surprise before he glanced quickly at the ground and ran a nervous hand through his hair, "Yeah, I guess I did. Sorry."
"That means something."
The other boy shrugged helplessly but continued to stare at the grass beneath his feet, "No it doesn't; it's just a dumb name for a dumb fire mage."
"Don't lie to me," Natsu demanded, rising to his knees and turning his body to face him, "that means something. You've called me that before, I know you have. I just can't remember when or why it's important."
"Maybe some things aren't meant to be remembered."
Natsu growled and forcefully tugged Demon-thing's arm until they were face-to-face. "You know what I'm talking about. You've known this whole goddamn time! What the hell is going on? Who are you, and why do you feel so important to me?"
"Forget about it, Natsu," Demon-thing mumbled under his breath, "It's not important, and you need to just let it go."
"I won't!" Natsu yelled, climbing to his feet and towering over the other being, "I won't let it go! You know something that you're not telling me and I'm going to keep coming back here until you do!"
At that, the other boy pushed off of the ground as well and punched Natsu in the chest, eyes flashing with rage. "Are you a fucking idiot?! You can't keep coming back here! One of these times you're not going to wake up! Is that what you want?"
"What I want is for you to tell me what's going on!" Natsu threw a punch right back, "What aren't you telling me? What are you hiding? Why don't you want me to know? Why the hell would you use that spell to give up your life for mine?!"
"Because I didn't want you to die!" Demon-thing screamed angrily, "didn't my voice reach you?!"
Natsu felt his stomach bottom out. The words ripped the air out of his lungs and something was shaken deep inside him.
And suddenly everything hit him full force.
Natsu was assaulted by memory after memory of being with a boy, saw each moment they shared as the pictures flashed through his mind at rapid-fire. Memories from childhood into adulthood. Memories of fighting, yelling, working, laughing, kissing, holding the same boy with pale skin and dark eyes. Memories of ice and cold, of love and strength and home.
Remembering the feeling of 'Oh god, I'm too late' and the agony of seeing the person he loved crack and fade into ice while he could only watch in horror.
He gasped sharply and held his head as he crashed to his knees, overwhelmed with the onslaught of information. Somewhere he registered a voice calling his name and someone dropping down next to him, but everything was muted static in the wake of his new knowledge.
He lifted his head enough to stare back at the glowing eyes watching him with worry.
Vivid, purple eyes that shone as clear in his memories as they did now in front of him. They weren't the right color and the fact that they remained inhuman was undeniable, but even they were rooted deep in his mind. 'devil slaying magic...the fight with Mard Geer when he got hit with that curse...he took the fall for me then, too...'
"Gray," Natsu choked on a sob, unable to stop the tears pooling in his eyes from dripping down his face.
The other boy (Gray Gray Gray!) stared at him in bewilderment, "Natsu...?" He whispered.
"Gray," Natsu said again, crying in earnest now while internally repeating the name like a prayer. "I remember you!"
The dragon slayer reached out and laid a hand on Gray's chest, right where he knew his guild mark should be and watched in awe as the inky color staining his friend began to recede under his touch, revealing the pale skin Natsu knew truly belonged here.
Gray didn't seem to have any intelligent response and instead stared at his hands and then back at Natsu, blazing purple eyes quickly fading into midnight blue.
Natsu lunged forward and Gray let out a startled yelp as the fire mage landed in a pile on top of him.
"Gray," he murmured, "Fuck. Gray, you're here. You're here and you're real and I remember you." He leaned down and rested his forehead against the ice mage's, not caring that his tears were dripping off his cheeks and onto Gray's.
"But what are you...why..." Natsu's eyes widened as all of the pieces he'd been missing clicked painfully together. "You used Iced Shell." Gray flinched under the weight of the accusation but didn't deny it. "You thought if Zeref died then I would die, so you stopped him without killing him."
Gray wouldn't meet his eyes and Natsu felt fury flare up in his chest. "But I didn't die!" he growled before sitting back on his knees to glare at Gray properly. "Zeref died, and I'm still alive. You didn't have to give up your life!"
"Well I didn't know that then, did I?" Gray hissed while pushing himself up as well.
"Then you should've waited until you knew for sure!"
"And how would you have suggested I do that?!" Gray snapped, "Kill Zeref and hope he was wrong? Wait until I found your dead body somewhere to know for sure? I can't...I couldn't..." he broke off with a shudder before finishing. "I wasn't willing to risk your life. This was the only way I knew how to protect you."
"So you'd throw your life away so I could keep mine? You don't get to decide those things, Gray!"
"And you do? You can't make my choices for me, Natsu!"
"Well apparently someone needs to because it seems like every time I turn around you're trying to kill yourself!"
"That's rich coming from someone who worked so hard to end up back here! Twice!"
"I only did that because you got your stupid ass landed here in the first place!"
"The only reason you're so pissed is because you would have done the same thing for me and you know it!"
"I-" Natsu's anger left him immediately and he let groaned, "You're right. Of course I would do anything to keep you safe, you droopy-eyed bastard."
Gray let out a long sigh. "I know I broke my promise, and I'm sorry," he confessed, avoiding Natsu's gaze again, "but I'm not sorry for using the spell. I had to protect you. Even if in the end it didn't matter if Zeref died or not. I didn't know that then, and there was no way I was going to take a gamble on your life."
"But it still doesn't make sense," Natsu said quietly. "I know you. I've known you practically my whole life," he reached out and cupped Gray's cheek with his hand, "You're Gray. You're my rival, my best friend. You're a pain in my ass and I love you," Natsu broke off with an edge of hysteria coloring his voice. "Fuck, I love you! How could I forget you? How could everyone forget you? It doesn't make any fucking sense."
Gray offered him a small, sad smile and reached up to wipe away the dragon slayer's tears, "It's not your fault."
Natsu sniffled, noticing for the first time how un-perturbed Gray was at the reality of his boyfriend, his family...hell, the whole world forgetting his entire existence. Thinking back on it, even the first time they had met in this place Gray seemed more upset at the possibility of Natsu being hurt than he did when Natsu made it clear he had no idea who he was. If Gray had forgotten him for five years, Natsu would've been devastated. But Gray was silent and still, his expression calm and collected. He didn't look angry or upset.
He also didn't look surprised.
"Gray," Natsu said hoarsely, "you...what did you do? You never said anything about Iced Shell messing with anyone's memories when it came up in the past."
"It was a different version of the spell, a lost magic. It was meant to wipe everyone's memories of me away."
Natsu gasped, "Why would you do something like that?"
"I didn't want you or anyone else to be in pain," Gray said. "I knew if you remembered me you'd be suffering when you found out I was gone. I wanted to spare you from losing someone else you loved."
"But it didn't," Natsu argued softly. "Don't you get it? Ever since you died I've carried this emptiness, like there was a black hole inside me that I couldn't fill. Even when I didn't know you existed, I still missed you." He hooked a finger under the ice mage's chin and tilted his face up until their eyes met, "I need you, Gray. I need you with me always. I know you meant well by trying to save my life because you're right, I would've done the same for you, but having to live without you isn't really living at all." The fire mage leaned forward and wrapped his arms fiercely around Gray before whispering, "I'd rather die having loved you than live a thousand lifetimes without you."
The ice mage pressed his face against Natsu's shoulder. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry. I love you, too."
"Gray, I-"
'Hey Natsu! Natsu...? Oh god, what happened?'
The dragon slayer gasped, a cold feeling of dread surging through his veins and settling like a stone in the pit of his stomach as soon as he felt the beginning of his spirit being pulled away.
'Natsu, can you hear me?'
"No. No, no, no. I can't wake up now," he said frantically, leaning back from the embrace and gripping Gray's shoulders hard enough to bruise. "I just got you back. I can't lose you again!"
Gray sighed and placed his hands over Natsu's. "Natsu, you have to let me go."
"What?! No. I won't. I refuse to leave you alone here!"
"You can't keep doing this to yourself; it's not safe. Our family is out there waiting for you. You need to go back and stay there. I promise it's what's best. You need to live, so don't do something reckless like this again."
"Do you even know what you're saying?" Natsu let out a strangled cry, trying desperately to fight off the overwhelming haze of fatigue blackening the edges of his vision. "How am I supposed to live without you?"
Gray looked away, trying in vain to hide his own tears. "This wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to remember me. Chances are you'll wake up and forget all about this."
"But I don't want to forget again," the dragon slayer wept. "I love you."
"And I love you," Gray offered him a watery smile before placing a kiss on Natsu's forehead tenderly.
"Now go."
Before Natsu could begin to argue, he felt himself fading, Gray's name only half-formed on his lips.
And then there was nothing.
Natsu shot up into a sitting position with a strangled cry.
"Natsu? Natsu! It's okay!" Lucy came into his line of sight with a panicked expression on her face. The blonde mage placed her hands on Natsu's arms. "It's okay, everything is okay."
"Lucy...?"
Lucy nodded, "I'm here. We're the infirmary. You blacked out when we were in town. We managed to get you here, but you were really out of it, and then you passed out again. You really scared us."
"Yes, and this has gone on long enough," Erza added. "We need to have a serious talk about what's been going on with you."
Natsu nodded blankly, slowly looking from Lucy at the right side of him, to where Wendy was fidgeting near the foot of the bed, to Happy and Carla hovering by Wendy's shoulder, to Erza on his left. He frowned in confusion. This didn't feel right...was somebody missing?
And then it hit him like a ton of bricks.
Natsu bolted out of bed, stopping just long enough to get his bearings before turning towards the door.
Erza grabbed his wrist as he passed her, "Natsu? I'm serious, you need to sit down. We need to-"
"I have to go," he replied absently, using Erza's momentary surprise to pull out of her grasp and continue on his way out of the room.
"Natsu! Where are you going?"
"I have to go!" he shouted again over his shoulder as he picked up his pace and sprinted out of the guild, letting his instincts take over while his brain ran on overdrive.
When the world came back into focus, he found himself standing once again in the old guild hall.
Natsu inhaled sharply and stared at the ice in front of him in awe, as if seeing it for the first time. "Gray..."
The rest of his team came bursting in behind him only a moment later.
"Natsu?" Happy called worriedly, "What's wrong?"
Erza approached the dragon slayer and put a hand firmly on his shoulder, "Natsu, I don't know what's going on, but you need to get over this."
The dragon slayer turned to her in surprise, "What?"
She sighed, glanced at Lucy and Wendy and then back again, "Did you think we wouldn't notice?" She asked gently, "You've been obsessing over this for years now, and it seems that lately it's only gotten worse. Whatever weird fascination you have with this thing...it's not healthy. You need to let it go."
"No, I can't. I won't."
"Erza!" The requip mage turned to face the rest of her guild mates as they came trampling through the doors. "We saw you take off. One second firebrat is out cold and the next you're all booking it to here of all places. What the hell is going on?" Laxus asked her gruffly, eyeing Natsu in poorly concealed concern.
"I don't-"
"Gray," Natsu said again, clearly ignoring everyone around him. "I remember," he whispered. "I remember him. I remember everything!"
"Who, Natsu?" Erza bit out in frustration, "Who and what do you remember? You're not making any sense! What are you-" She broke off in alarm when Natsu suddenly burst into tears.
"You're so stupid, you idiot ice block!" He leaned in to rest his forehead against the ice. "I remember you," he pleaded. "Please come back to me."
And then the room lit up with a blinding light.
The mages stared in astonishment as magic circles appeared on the walls surrounding them.
The girls all retreated and Lucy tried desperately to pull Natsu with them, but he refused to move.
"Natsu, please!" She cried, "It isn't safe!"
The fire mage didn't respond. He just stayed at his place on the floor, palms stretched out and pressing against the ice's glassy surface.
Until it suddenly shattered like a broken lacrima into a million pieces of sparkling light, sending out a shockwave that knocked the wizards off of their feet.
Natsu had closed his eyes against the brightness but when he felt something cold and solid and definitely not ice under his hands he opened them immediately.
And came face-to-face with Gray.
"Gray," he whispered in disbelief.
The mage in question managed to just barely open his eyes, and he looked just as shocked and confused as his counterpart.
"Natsu...?" He mouthed, but his voice made no sound.
The dragon slayer hesitated for only a fraction of a second before grabbing Gray and pulling him in as close as humanly possible.
"I thought I'd lost you."
He felt Gray weakly wrap one arm around him in return, grasping helplessly at the back of Natsu's vest.
The dragon slayer began to sob, squeezing the ice mage hard enough to bruise and burying his face in Gray's hair.
"...Gray...?"
Natsu looked up for the first time and noticed their guild mates peeling themselves off of the floor in confusion. But Erza had recovered quicker than the rest and was standing just a few steps away from where Natsu held Gray on the dusty wooden floorboards. She looked so lost and was holding her head like it ached. She was frozen in place.
"Gray?" She repeated, voice catching on a whimper she was trying to hide. The ice mage looked up at her tiredly and he released his grip on Natsu, still leaning against him, but offered one shaky hand palm up to the requip mage. She stared at him for a moment before clasping his hand tightly and dropping heavily to the floor next to him. Erza let her tears fall openly and unashamed as she pulled both boys into a hug. The rest of their team was quick to follow. Lucy, giggling through her own onslaught of tears, slid into the huddle and wrapped her arms around Gray from behind, clasping her hands over his chest and pressing her face into his shoulder. Wendy and Carla slipped in under one of Natsu's arms and Happy managed to wiggle into the center of the pile, snuggling up right on Gray's lap with his paws pressed hard against the ice mage.
It only took another moment or so before everyone else was crowding in close with tears and confusion shining in their eyes but wearing grins of joy and relief as well. No one spoke or moved other than to grip onto one another.
Natsu could feel Gray shaking but continued to grip him tightly until he finally felt the tension ease out of the ice mage bit by bit, going limp in the dragon slayer's arms, limbs still quivering even in unconsciousness.
"Natsu," Erza turned to him with eyes pleading and voice hardly a whisper, "What just happened?"
"It's a long story, but to sum it up: y'know how we've never been able to figure out who sealed Zeref by using Iced Shell? Turns out it was Gray," Natsu answered, idly tracing patterns up and down Gray's forearm while he spoke. "When Zeref said that I...that I would die if he died, Gray used his ice to trap him. He stopped him without taking his life so that nothing would happen to me." The dragon slayer broke off in a shudder.
"But that still doesn't explain-"
"The suddenly having no idea he existed part? Yeah, I know. It's because he created a form of Iced Shell that's somehow even more fucked up than the original. He made it so when he cast the spell, all our memories of him would be wiped out, said he did it because he didn't want us to suffer knowing he was gone."
"Fuck," Laxus muttered under his breath while staring incredulously at the unconscious ice mage.
"Yeah. When I was in that coma for a few days, I woke up in this weird place and Gray was there. Only he didn't look like himself and I had no idea who he was."
"The in-between," Lucy chimed in from beside him, "That's what you said when you woke up, that you'd been in a plane of existence between the living and dead."
"And that's why you've been acting more foolishly than usual lately," Erza said, "you were trying to get back to that place because Gray was there."
Natsu nodded. "Yeah. I didn't know who he was but I felt this...pull to him that I couldn't get rid of. I'm sorry, guys, really I am," he looked away in shame, "I'm sorry for being so stupid."
"You're forgiven. Your behavior wasn't okay, but I understand now. Just don't ever do it again," Erza scolded softly.
"Natsu," Happy called from his place on Gray's lap and looked up at the fire mage with eyes full of apprehension. "I think something's wrong. His heart is beating too slow and he's barely breathing."
The Dragon Slayer started, leaning close only for Gray's sluggish pulse and shallow breaths to confirm Happy's worries.
"And he's really cold," Lucy added, brow furrowed in concern as she placed her hand on Gray's cheek. "Like really cold...even for him."
Wendy moved in closer, calling her magic to her hands and letting it wash over the ice mage's still form in a green glow. After a minute she opened her eyes, light fading from her fingers. "I think he has hypothermia," she said slowly.
Lucy blinked, "Well, I guess it's not surprising. He literally was ice just a few minutes ago. Besides, at this point we can't really rule anything out for being impossible. No one's ever come back from that spell, so we don't really know what to expect."
"How the hell can an ice mage get hypothermia?"
"The same way one can erase all our memories and spend five years as a block of ice."
"Well he's not shaking anymore," Natsu said.
"That's not a good thing," Wendy replied with a grimace. "Come on, we need to get him back to the guild so we can warm him up."
Natsu nodded and climbed to his feet while scooping Gray up in the process.
Nestled there in the fire mage's arms, Gray looked fragile and young.
Lucy, as if reading his thoughts, leaned in closer with her face twisted in puzzlement, "You know, he doesn't look like he's aged at all since he...left."
"Well Lu-chan, technically speaking he wasn't living all this time," Levy added. "It makes sense that his body wouldn't age since it wasn't physically here."
Gajeel snorted from his place next to the solid script mage, "What the hell are you talking about, Shrimp? None of this makes any damn sense."
"Well it is Fairy Tail...nonsense is kind of our specialty."
"I thought that being destructive was our specialty."
"Both are. We're versatile. "
"I don't really care if it makes sense or not," Natsu interjected softly, "as long as he's here, that's good enough for me."
Erza smiled and placed a hand on the dragon slayer's shoulder, "Natsu's right; we can analyze the ridiculous logistics later. Right now we just need to worry about getting him back to the guild. Come on, let's go."
Once he made it to the infirmary with Wendy and Lucy right at his heels, Natsu gently deposited Gray on the bed and turned to Wendy, "Okay, what do we do? Should we put him in some hot water or something?"
"No, direct heat can damage his skin or might even send him into shock. We have to be more careful." She frowned. "Actually, what he needs is body heat..." the younger dragon slayer trailed off, face going bright red. "That is...I mean, it might help if you..."
Natsu just stared at her in confusion as the color of her cheeks continued to darken.
Lucy smirked playfully when she figured out what was making Wendy so uncomfortable. She put a hand gently on her shoulder. "It's okay, Wendy. Why don't you go get some extra blankets from Mira? I'll help Natsu."
Wendy nodded quickly and hurried out of the room.
"What's wrong with Wendy?"
Lucy laughed despite the grim circumstances. "I think she's just embarrassed. When she said Gray needs body heat what she meant was you should probably take your clothes off and lay next to him. It'll help him warm up faster and it's safer than putting him in a bathtub full of hot water."
Natsu's face flushed and Lucy laughed again. "Here, I'll help you get his clothes off and then leave you two alone for a while, okay?"
Not waiting for an answer, she walked over to Gray's sleeping form and started to take off his boots.
Natsu gaped at her in disbelief. "Lucy, what are you doing?"
She rolled her eyes. "Weren't you listening to anything I just said? You need to warm him. So get to it! You don't have to look so freaked out; it's not like I haven't seen Gray naked before."
Natsu muttered something unintelligible under his breath and helped the blonde strip his boyfriend down to his boxers.
"Okay," she said with a smile, "I'm going to let you handle the rest. Just strip down and cover yourselves with a ton of blankets. We'll come check on you in a bit, okay?" She reached up and ran a hand through Gray's hair fondly before winking at Natsu and leaving them alone in the infirmary.
Once the door had fully closed, Natsu made quick work of shedding his own shirt and pants before sliding under the covers next to Gray, trying to suppress a shiver at the chill of the other's skin pressed against his own. After a few minutes Gray started to shiver again, so Natsu pulled the ice mage as gently as he could until he was cradled to his chest, head of dark hair tucked under the dragon slayer's chin. He closed his eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of the boy next to him.
He must have dozed off for a while because when he opened his eyes again there were even more blankets piled at the foot of the bed. Crawling quietly and carefully out of the cocoon of heat, the dragon slayer turned around just long enough to tuck the blankets back around Gray's shoulders before padding off to the bathroom.
It was while he was walking back to bed, staring intently at the floor and lost in thought, that he was startled out of contemplation by the sound of a hoarse voice calling to him.
"D-dammit, Flame Brain...Y-you never could just let anything g-go, could you?"
Natsu whipped his head up in alarm just in time to see Gray slowly opening his eyes.
It only took 3 strides for the dragon slayer to reach the bed and as soon as he did he wasted no time in tilting Gray's chin up and diving down to press their lips together, forceful and unapologetic.
Gray let out a noise of surprise in the back of his throat, but quickly returned the kiss, reaching unsteady hands up to tug Natsu in even further.
Natsu pulled back, taking Gray with him until they were both sitting upright and facing each other, hands intertwined and resting on the bed beneath them.
"If I wasn't so relieved to see you awake I'd probably punch you in the face. I might punch you anyways."
Gray rolled his eyes, not quite managing to look properly annoyed with the way his teeth were still chattering. "N-nice to see you too, s-squinty eyes."
"I'm serious, Gray," Natsu placed his hands on either side of the ice mage's face. "Don't do this again. Don't make decisions like this without me. Please," he tried to swallow down the stinging of tears gathering in his eyes, "please don't leave me again."
Gray's expression softened and he covered one of the hands Natsu was using to cradle his face with his own. "I w-won't. I'm sorry. I won't leave you, I promise. But only if you p-promise you won't go trying to get yourself killed again, you fucking idiot."
Natsu leaned forward and kissed Gray's forehead before wrapping his arms tightly around him once more. "I promise. I love you." he murmured into the ice mage's shoulder.
"I love you, too."
The moment was over as soon as the infirmary doors were flung open, clanging loudly against the wall and making both boys jump.
Erza stormed in followed by Lucy and Wendy with Happy and Carla flying behind.
"Gray! You're awake!" Lucy hurried over and threw her arms around the ice mage. "You're so stupid," she scolded and kissed him on the cheek before leaning back and exchanging bright smiles with Natsu. "You're both so stupid."
Wendy and the exceeds also made their way over and plopped down on the crowded bed.
Erza stomped over with scowl in place right up until the moment her lip quivered and she crushed Gray against her chest in an embrace that would have definitely broke bones if she had been wearing her armor instead of a white blouse.
Gray was startled when he heard the requip mage begin to sob and felt her tears dampening his shoulder. Once he was able to get enough air in his lungs to breathe semi-properly, he wrapped one arm around the her waist while using his other hand to stroke her hair gently as she cried.
"It's okay, Erza," he whispered, "I'm right here. It's okay."
Before they knew it the rest of their team was leaning in to them as well until they were all wrapped tightly around each other in a heap of tangled limbs and wet cheeks.
Eventually Erza released her death grip on Gray in order to turn to look him in the eye.
"Gray Fullbuster, if you ever do anything this stupid again I will drag you back here just so I can kill you myself," she threatened, but the harsh words were belied by the grin breaking out across her face and the tears of joy dripping from her eyes.
"Yeah, yeah. Get in line."
"Speaking of which," Lucy grinned, gesturing to doorway, "there are some people who want to see you."
She laughed at the look of surprise on Gray's face as he watched each of the members of their family suddenly pile into the room around his bed. In typical Fairy Tail fashion, there was a huge commotion of tears and shouting and laughing while the guild smothered their long lost ice mage with a ridiculous display of rowdy affection.
Natsu thought for sure his face would break from grinning so much, couldn't remember the last time he was so happy. But here with Gray, surrounded by the rest of his nakuma, he had never felt so full.
After all this time Natsu had found the part of himself that'd been missing. And for the first time in years, he finally felt whole.
A/N: Thank you for reading!