DISCLAIMER:
Let's get this straight. Do I look like a guy? NO! Am I a guy? NO! Therefore, I am not James Patterson or Kenny Chesney, so I don't own the flock or the awesome lyrics. I do, however, own Onyx and Hope.
Italics is present time
Normal is flashbacks
Italics underlined is lyrics
Fang's POV
I sit up at a cry from the other room, then wince and rub my back. No matter what position Onyx falls asleep in, he always ends up with his head pressed hard against my lower back and his feet on Max. I hear another cry and glance at the clock. 2:17 am. Hope ate just an hour ago, so I don't think she's hungry. I get out of bed, careful not to wake my wife or son and cross the hall to Hope's room.
She's laying in her crib, fussing. I pick her up and cuddle her close to me as I hum in her ear to calm her down. After while, she's asleep, but not enough for me to put her down without waking her up again. The only noise is the sound of her heartbeat and the thunder that I figure must have woken her up.
I shake my head as I think. If I had been told when I was fourteen, that in twelve years I would be married to Max and the father of two winged kids I would have laughed. But here I am, holding my month old daughter as I watch through the window as the rain falls and the lightning lights up the sky. I close my eyes and remember a night when this right here would have seemed less likely than the Whitecoats apologizing for experimenting on us and giving us candy…
I couldn't sleep. Finding a bomb in my dinner had my nerves way too jacked-up to even think about sleeping. I shook my head. Yeah right. It wasn't the pizza-box-bomb that had me tossing and turning – it was Max. The time we'd been apart when the flock'd split had given me a lot of time to think, and I'd come to a conclusion – I needed to talk to her. Like, now. Before I went completely nuts. During the week I'd spent at her mom's house, I'd had plenty of chances to take her aside and talk to her, but the guts, and the opportunity to, had never came at the same time. I gritted my teeth. I wasn't going to get a better chance than now. Silently, I got up from my bed and grabbed some jeans and a sweatshirt and threw them on.
"Yo, Ig." I hissed, careful not to wake up Jeb or Gazzy. Iggy jerked upright as I shook him
.
"Say wha? Huh? Fang? Whazzup?" he mumbled, half asleep. I rolled my eyes. Shocker, I know. Fang, the no-feelings-rock showed emotion. Get over it; I have a lot of emotions, I just don't show them on a daily basis. Quit freaking out and keep reading.
"I'm going to see if Max wants to go for a flight with me. Just keep an ear out for everyone while we're gone, OK?"
Iggy grinned evilly – a part amused, part I-told-you-so, part sympathetic smirk. "You gonna try to talk to her about the cave incident?"
"Try being the key word here." I said bitterly. "I'll be lucky if I get the words 'I wanna talk to you' out before she a) decks me, or b) runs away, like last time."
"Or c) all of the above!" Iggy chuckled. I shot him a death glare, which was totally wasted on him.
"Not funny." Iggy stopped laughing and got serious.
"Look, dude, just tell her what you've been telling me for two years, about how you're crazy about her. I'm the blind guy and I can see that you two are crazy about each other. Even when you guys are arguing and an inch from ripping each other's throats out, you're enjoying it. You two are blinder than me when it comes to love!!! You guys just can't see that you're perfect for each other and that nothing would make the flock happier than to see you two together."
I stared at him, my eyes widening a fraction of an inch, betraying my total shock at Ig's speech. Just when I thought he couldn't get any freakier. "Do you guys have nothing better to do than get Angel to read our minds and tell you what we're thinking?"
"Not really," Iggy smirked. I rolled my eyes.
"Jerk."
"Hey, I try. And if anyone wakes up and sees you and Max gone, what am I supposed to tell them?"
"Whatever."
Iggy chuckled. "Whatever you say, lover bo – ow!" He rubbed his head ruefully and scowl-smiled. "You don't wanna beat me up; trust me!" Something about his tone scared me more than if Ari came back from the dead… again. I wasn't about to let him know that though.
"Why?"
"You were planning on getting into the girls' room without waking Dr. M up, how?" he asked smugly. I mentally groaned. He had a point. I knew he could pick the lock in under 5 minutes… probably under 2 here 'cuz this was a really crappy hotel… but I also knew he'd want something in exchange. Luckily for me, I'd gotten to know him way better when we were separated from the girls, and I had blackmail.
"What do you want?" I asked cautiously. I really didn't want to use up my blackmail quite yet.
"I need you to steal some of Max's underwear. Me and Gazzy want to experiment with different types of materials for bomb fuses."
"No. I'm not that dumb."
"You want me pick the lock or not?"
"Oh, I want you to pick the lock, but I don't think getting you to do it should require facing the wrath of Max. Don't you remember what she did to you when you blew up her favorite pair of jeans two years ago?"
Iggy's face paled. Max had flipped. I won't give you all the details; I'm sure you want to be able to sleep tonight, but let's just say it involved some of the worst torture methods man ever invented… Teletubbies, Doodlebops, and Max's cooking. Iggy and Gazzy jumped at the slightest noise for a solid month and a half afterwards. Heck, she didn't even touch me, and I slept with my door locked for a week.
"You're not an idiot; you don't expect me to do it for free; I gotta get something outta this!!!" Iggy recovered enough to say.
"How about Nudge doesn't find out you like her and you snuggle with her sock in your sleep."
Iggy's face somehow managed to simultaneously blush and pale. He looked like he was about to have a heart attack. "You wouldn't!" he managed to gasp. I just raised an eyebrow and said nothing. Iggy gulped nervously. "You would," he sighed heavily, "c'mon."
We crept out the door and walked across the hall. Iggy pulled his lock picking kit out of his back pocket. Yep, he even sleeps with that thing… and Nudge's sock. I kept an eye on my watch. 1 minute and 37 seconds later, I heard him whisper 'Bingo' and the door creaked open.
"See ya later," Iggy said. I raised my eyebrows. "You know what I mean!" he snapped. Okay… creepy…
I silently took a deep breath entered the room, glancing around. Dr. M. lay on the single bed, Angel and Nudge were on opposite sides of the double, and Max was curled up on the couch underneath a sheet and an extra blanket. My breath caught in my throat. She was lying on her side, curled up, with one arm under her head. Her long dirty blond hair was pulled back into a long braid and for the first time in forever, her face was clean. She was almost as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. She looked so relaxed, peaceful, not stressed like she usually did that I didn't want to wake her up, but I knew that we wouldn't get any time alone later. I took a deep breath.
"Yo."
She bolted upright, grabbing at her sheets as she tried to figure out what the snap was going on. She was on the verge of freaking out when she saw me leaning against the doorframe. "Wha'? What's, What's –?"
"Let's take a little spin outside," I said, motioning out the window. She did an automatic 360, making sure everyone was ok. If there's anyone on this planet more paranoid than me, it's Max. She looked at me curiously.
"Why?" she asked. See what I mean? I smiled at her. I could see that she was starting to consider it.
"Because we can." I said softly. I could see her decision in her eyes. She would come. I slipped out so she could put on some clothes. I ran across the parking lot and spread my wings as I jumped into the air. It felt sooo good to stretch my wings out all the way. I coasted on a thermal, enjoying the feeling of flying without having to flap for a few seconds before I began freefalling. I flapped my wings again and I shot up.
Nothing beats the feeling of flying for the heck of it; it's like all your problems disappear. Believe me, sometimes I need all my problems to disappear, even when I know they're going to be back soon. There's only so much stress, pain, heartache, frustration, ect, that one person can take before they feel like exploding, y'know? I closed my eyes and savored the silence, the aloneness, the peacefulness, then opened them and saw Max taking off, a smile on her face, joining me in seconds.
We didn't even need words right now; we just swooped through the air together. After a while in the air, we were over the water, the cool, salty air from over the Chesapeake Bay stinging my face. I saw a small dock out of the corner of my eye, and headed towards it, Max right beside me. We made a running stop along the dock and sat down on the edge, our wings still out. One of my wings overlapped hers, and I mentally compared them. Mine was longer, but the feathers were stiffer and fit together tighter. Hers was smaller and softer than mine and much, much lighter colored.
"This is pretty," Max said awkwardly, glancing at me. I glanced down, hypothesizing that this will be easier if I don't look at her.
"Yeah, peaceful." You idiot! You didn't come here to talk about the view! I yelled at myself. "Are we back on track?"
She looked hard at me, "What do you mean? What track?"
"You and me. We… broke up." I internally winced at my terminology. It sounded like we were a couple. "I don't want to split up again."
"No, me neither."
"Max… what do you want from me?" Way to go genius! Just spring it on her! (note sarcasm). She's probably freaking out inside.
"What do I- what do you mean? I want the usual stuff, like always." Yep, definitely freaking out. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to look her in the eye. This had to be the worst form of torture – romantic awkwardness with your best friend.
"Look, you didn't like it when you saw me with that girl at school, back in Virginia." I saw Max's eyes flash and know I'd hit a nerve. "And I wasn't thrilled about you and Sam, the possible traitor, also back in Virginia." I ignored the angry, bubbling, burning feeling in my stomach I got every time I thought of him kissing her on the front porch.
"Yeah, Virginia basically sucked."
"Well, why? Why would it bother us to see us with other people?"
"'Cause we're shallow and self-serving?" Well, that might actually be a part of it, but it wasn't the answer I was looking for. I rolled my eyes and, on an impulse, grabbed her hand tightly.
"You're…" I broke off, not knowing what to say. Beautiful? Bossy? Amazing? Crazy-and-the-voice-in-your-head-proves-it? Brave? Annoying? Caring? All of them suited Max, but I didn't want to get hit, and I didn't have the guts to use one of the compliments. "Such a pain," I finished. Wait a second… CRAP! I didn't mean to say that! I saw her open her mouth to say something, so I did the only thing I could. I kissed her.
You know how they say fireworks explode? They're wrong, at least from my experience. This was a real kiss, there were no fireworks, no animalistic actions, no whimpering with delight, no… whatever you've read in the books or fan fictions. My mind shorted out. I was still aware of your surroundings – to some extent at least – but, I didn't really care. All I cared about was Max; her taste, her smell, the feel of her lips on mine. There was no skillfully doing anything; both of us were awkward and new at this, but I didn't care because it felt right.
Somehow, we wound up pressed together, my arms around her, her hands on my shoulders. Suddenly, I was aware of a tenseness in her and she pulled back, her face totally shocked, like what we'd been doing had just registered in her mind.
"I, uh-," she stuttered, gasping for air. Without finishing whatever she'd been about to say, she leaped up, almost knocking me into the water, and flung herself off the dock, spreading her beautiful, strong wings.
I regained my balance slowly, avoiding looking at her shrinking figure because I didn't know if I could handle it. The pain in my heart was almost more than I could bear. I laid down on the dock and closed my eyes, focusing on the sound of the water, trying to not think about anything.
Don't think about Max, don't think about Max, don't think about Max, don't think about Max, don't think about the way she blushes when you bring up the Valium incident, don't think about the way you guys can talk just by looking at each other's facial expressions. Crap… I groaned. My heart essentially felt like a soccer team wearing cleats had stomped on it, then the goalie had punted it as hard as she could (40+ yards! Anyways, back to the story). I grabbed the iPod I'd stuck in my pocket earlier that day and skimmed through the music, looking for that one song that always reminded me of Max.
Girl,
don't you know it's all I can do
To keep my hands off of
you
Anytime you're around
And when the stars come out at
night
I dream of holdin' you tight
Everytime I lay down
It
feels so good to me to have you this bad
The only other thing I
wish I had was
A chance
A chance
To tell you how I feel
about you
How it feels to live without a chance
A chance
To
tell you I'll love you forever
Knowing that I'll never have a
chance
Sometimes reality hurts
And you wonder if life's worth
living at all
Knowing no matter how much you care
You'll never
have a prayer
Of having what you want
At least I've been close
enough I could taste
Beauty at it's best but never a trace of
A
chance
A chance
To tell you how I feel about you
How it
feels to live without a chance
A chance
To tell you I'll love
you forever
Knowing that I'll never have a chance
A chance
A
chance
To tell you I'll love you forever
Knowing that I'll
never have
A chance
I couldn't tell you how long I laid on that dock, listening to that same song play over and over. My eyes burned from fighting tears of frustration and pain, but I didn't let one fall. Crying never solved anything, just made you more vulnerable, made you more easily hurt. Living the life I lived, crying got you or the people you loved killed or hurt
Finally, I noticed how late it must be getting and stood up and stretched my wings out before taking off. I landed in the parking lot and headed up the stairs and down the hallway. I hesitated, then tried the door to the girls' room. Max had forgotten to lock it. I silently opened the door and looked inside. The girls and Dr. M were asleep, but I could tell Max was still awake; she was too tense to be asleep. Her eyes were closed, and tears were streaming down her face. Dang it Fang! You should've gotten the message when she flung herself off a cliff to stop you from kissing her again! She doesn't love you, and you just managed to hurt her by trying to show her how you feel!
I felt like scum as I noiselessly shut the door and slipped into the guys' room. Iggy turned his head towards me.
"Dude, what happened? You guys were gone for an hour, then I hear Max come back, fall into bed and beat the crap out of her pillow and cry all night. You come back an hour and a half after she does, and I can practically feel the frustration vibes coming off you. So, spill!"
I groaned and punched my pillow as hard as I could.
"That bad, huh?"
"You have no idea. We go for a flight, no problems. We find this deserted dock to rest on and I try to talk to her. I just couldn't seem to say anything right, then I kiss her and she pulls back and flies off."
Iggy shook his head sympathetically. "I want a word-by-word, play-by-play recap. You had to have done something to tick her off."
I told him everything. When I got to the part of me accidentally calling her a pain, he snorted and rolled his eyes, but made no comment until I'd finished. When I was done, he stared sightlessly at me for a moment, before snickering. "Shhh!" I hissed, panicked, "do you want to wake up Jeb and Gazzy?!"
Iggy shook his head disdainfully. "You called her a pain, then kissed her out of the blue? Dude, you have serious relationship issues. Like, Dr. Phil-sized relationship issues." Both of us shuddered. "So, what are you going to do?" Iggy asked. I sighed.
"I think I'm just gonna back off. Obviously, she doesn't want to be more than friends, so why waste my time?"
"If I remember right, she kissed you first, at the beach when you got beat up by Ari. Angel says she can't really figure out why Max keeps running away, just that whenever she thinks about it, Angel gets a blast of emotion: confusion, fear, and love." Iggy smirked. I sighed.
"What do you suggest I do then?"
"I think maybe we should talk to a girl about this; explain what's going on and see if she can explain to us what goes on in the female mind."
"Sounds like a good idea, but who?"
Iggy frowned in thought. "Hmm, Angel's too young, Nudge's still a little young, plus she wouldn't be able to keep a secret, Ella's not here, but we could call her… no, she'd blab to everyone, and the last thing we need is Jeb finding out. Dr M's here…"
"No!" I hissed Iggy laughed quietly.
"I guess we'll just have to play it by ear."
"Yep." I flung myself onto my makeshift bed on the floor. The room had come with two double beds, but none of us boys had been willing to share a bed with Jeb. To be accurate, our exact words were a very sarcastic 'Yeah, sure, great! Just let me go put on my shock collar and pink nail polish!'
I closed my eyes, emptying my head of all thoughts and I was almost asleep when Iggy spoke.
"Fang?"
"Yeah?"
"Kissing… what's it like?"
I was quiet for a moment, remember. "Like nothing else in the world. I assume it's better when the girl doesn't fly off." A muffled chuckle came from the other side of the room.
"Yeah. Better luck next time, dude. Sounds like you'll need it."
I nod absentmindedly. One of these days, me and Max were going to figure out our relationship, but until then I was just along for the incredible, hectic, crazy, maximum ride, to be whatever she needed.
I shift Hope to my other arm and sit down in the rocking chair. She's still barely dozing, so I know I'll be here for a while. I remember how jealous Max was when she thought I was flirting with Brigid, when in reality, I was looking for some advice from her about me and Max. Her advice was just to back off and let everything settle down, let Max make the first move. Apparently, it was good advice because me and Max have been married for 6 years now and haven't seen anything from Itex in almost 5. Old habits die hard though. We're all still as paranoid as ever, moving halfway cross the country, never to the same place twice, every couple years, just in case. Hope's asleep now, but I'm too comfortable and warm to move…
The next thing I know, I open my eyes and the clock on the wall says 4:38 am. My arm is cramped from Hope laying on it for so long, so I shift her to my left arm and stand up. I start to put her in her bassinet, but freeze as a loud scream and the sound of glass breaking comes from mine and Max's bedroom.
OK, so I accidentally lied. This is gonna be a two-shot. It was getting really long and I was worried that people wouldn't have the time or patience to sit down and read it all. I'll update the second half when I can, but it definitely won't be tomorrow, and it will probably be a while.
Here's the deal: when I get reviews, I get very happy. When I get very happy, I write. When I write, you find out what happened in the other room while Fang was with Hope! Capiche? So, review before I have to use Angel's Bambi eyes and mind control again!
Flames will either be ignored or responded to with vicious sarcasm, depending on what mood I'm in.
--DCNCMF