Note: I initially posted this here a few weeks ago, but ultimately decided to take it down for a time so I could make a few more corrections. So here it is again.
This is my first serious attempt at writing a fanfic in quite a few years, so I'm hoping this goes well. I'm not sure what inspired me to write this, but all I know is that once I started, I couldn't stop. If reception seems to be positive, I would love to continue with this concept.
I have tons of little ideas floating around in my head. I plan to have the story jump around through different times in Lavinia's life, but eventually all the threads will weave together to create one full story. For example, in this chapter there are references to events that you (as the reader) have not yet witnessed, but they will most likely be revisited at a different time.
Also, I'd like to give a big thank you to the friends who read and edited this for me. That's all I have to say, so read on and I hope you enjoy.
"Keep going!" she screamed, her voice uncharacteristically shrill and grating. The vibrations caused by her desperate utterance only served to further agitate the burning sensation that was building in her throat. Her chest felt tight and every labored gasp of air she sucked in hit her deep inside; a sharp blade burying itself in her again and again. Twigs and dead leaves—dull and muted in color—were scattered all across the woods floor. She could hear them snap and crunch underfoot as the two of them thundered through the woods. The crackling sound that was created mingled with the pounding of their footsteps to create an eerie rhythm, and the frantic beating of her heart kept in time. It seemed as though nature was playing them what very well could be their final song.
Thankfully, stealth hadn't been their priority for quite some time now. Survival, the very basest of all animal instincts, was their chief concern. When she took the time to think about it, she actually welcomed all the commotion; the noise that was borne from the chaos was almost comforting, even if the natural denizens of the woods didn't agree. She could hear thudding as deer, moose, and other four-legged animals took flight at their indelicate approach; the fluttering of wings as birds sought refuge in higher trees was also audible -their long warbling notes blending with the rest of the noise and adding another element to the primal rhythm that was swelling up around them. It all served as an irrefutable reminder that they were still alive, that they still had a chance to make it to the end. Yes, the tumult soothed her; it was silence she dreaded above all else.
This small comfort was all she had left, apart from the pure adrenaline that urged her onward. The hope that they still had a chance at freedom was all that kept the low, smoldering fire in her heart burning on. If she had no dreams to cling to, the two of them would have been dead by now. Her body had already been pushed beyond its limits. Neither of them ever had any cause to run like this until recently. True activity was almost entirely avoidable in the Capitol, if you chose to live that way (as most did.) Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to stop, even for a moment.
No amount of preparation they could have done back home would have been enough to prepare them for this level of exertion. The searing, throbbing ache in her limbs was a testament to that. But she couldn't give in to the temptation, she wouldn't. Because whenever she felt the grip of his hand falter, she was reminded of what was at stake. She was reminded of what they were fighting for. Lavinia responded by squeezing the hand within hers tighter, and by chanting reassuring phrases when she could manage it, in the spaces of time between the noise of the woods, and the wheezy, rasping intakes of breath that emanated from both of them.
"Lavinia—I… can't," she heard him say, as he gasped and panted behind her. This was not the first time she heard him say such things. His weakened will was frustrating to her at times, and she had to swallow the recurring impulse to snap at him as her agitation grew. Once again, she had to remind herself how well he was doing, considering the present circumstances. He had sustained a rather troublesome ankle injury a few miles back, and to make matters worse, he even managed to slice part of his leg open after landing awkwardly on a jagged stone on his way down to the hard packed earth. He had been leading them at the time, and had been so preoccupied with frequently checking up on her condition, that he neglected to watch where he was going. His shoe snagged on a pesky root that had snaked its way across the path, and down they went.
They had to endure a setback as she assessed and treated his injuries as best she could. There was just enough time for her to apply a rather pitiful excuse for a tourniquet to stanch the blood, and they had to be off again. They had to abandon a majority of their previsions, including their first aid supplies, when they were forced to flee in a panic a few nights ago. So, she had to make do with what meager resources they had at hand. She shredded a large piece of fabric off her already frayed and damaged outerwear. Lavinia wasn't even sure if the shabby attire that they wore could even rightly be called clothing anymore. Down on her hands and knees, she scavenged frantically through the brush and detritus for a few moments before she found a stick she deemed appropriate. Lavinia used it to top off the whole affair, and then they had to move on again. It was that lamentable series of events which forced her to take the lead, while he hobbled along behind her. "I really… can't…." she heard him protest again. "Please, don't talk like that!" She was breathless, and each word she spoke required an arduous amount of effort. But it was worth it if her words and attention kept his spirits up.
Truthfully, she was worried out of her mind; but it wouldn't benefit him or his morale to show it. Beyond the pain the ankle injury was surely causing him, she was concerned that her inept healing attempt would be his undoing. That gash of his had looked deep, even to her untrained eyes. She knew there was risk of an infection, and all of their hurried movement couldn't be good for the makeshift tourniquet. Inwardly, she was screaming at herself to stop and check on him. After all, what would their journey be worth if he died by some chance happening on the way? But still she couldn't do it. They couldn't afford another setback. Slowing down was a guaranteed death sentence at this juncture.
Lavinia just had to hold on to her ever draining reserve of hope, and pray that he could hold out just a little longer. They had to be coming up on it soon, they just had to be. The very state of their future depended on it. As they continued barreling through the woods, Lavinia found herself having to confront yet another obstacle. The pair had come upon a spot that was thick with low hanging branches. The boughs encroached upon their path and whipped at them mercilessly as they passed.
They sliced at her exposed skin, leaving thin cuts that dripped with beads of blood. It seemed as though they were complicit with their pursuers; as though the trees themselves sought to thwart them. Lavinia could hear him groaning behind her as nature clawed at his face. Lavinia quickly raised her free arm and angled it so that she took the brunt of the abuse. He had suffered enough today; she was glad to lesson his burdens in any way she could manage. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see new cuts appearing all over her outstretched limb. The bark of the branches raked like claws across her and weaved scarlet patterns all across her skin. Not for the first time, Lavinia heartily wished that she still had sleeves. Of course, with her luck, they would've raised the likelihood of her clothing getting caught on something.
Her skin wasn't the only part of her that had suffered damage along the way. Her clothes were in tatters; from her face down various parts of her were caked with mud and blood; her whole body was moist with sweat; and her hair resembled some sort of bird's nest. Though it felt like a lifetime away from the present, it wasn't very long ago when her thick, silky locks were the envy of many women in the Capitol. It once blazed like fire in the right light, and she used to relish the moments when people would shower her with compliments. Now all of that business seemed very dull and insipid to her. Stories in the pages of some book that centered on someone else's life. A life that, up until a certain defining moment, had been just about as bland and meaningless as all of that conversation.
Abruptly, she was assaulted by unwanted, inopportune flashes of memories. Past and present weaved together. Knotted hair riddled with dead and fresh leaves—dark red hair, smoother and softer than satin, flowed down past her shoulders. Skin painted with a variety of garish colors. Face coyly shielded by a mask she held in a hand that hovered in front of her. She could hear his labored breathing; it seemed to be getting worse as time progressed—a handsome face with icy blue eyes, shared breathless laughter. Lavinia felt cool water spray across her legs as they tread through a puddle left by a recent rainstorm—they both leaned over the polished marble balcony, the material was frigid to the touch, and she could feel a chill seeping through the thin material of her dress.
A ray of light suddenly pierced through the vibrant green canopy above, and she gasped, trying to squint through the golden beams that now obscured her vision—a crystal glass held aloft in her slim hand, filled to brim with some mysterious amber liquid. Feeling self conscious, she concentrated on the way it swirled in the glass as she swirled her wrist, but she could still feel his eyes on her. The silence of the moment itself seemed expectant. The shaft of brightness seemed to disappear as soon as it came, but she still felt disoriented. Her surroundings seemed indistinct, incomplete even. Blurs in varying shades of blue, green, brown, grey, and black—she was hyperaware of the hand that was now draped across her waist. She glanced down to see the folds of her dress billowing up as they glided along the dance floor. Everything in the surrounding area that didn't include the two of them seemed muted and vastly unimportant. Lavinia looked up to see him smiling at her, and her heart fluttered just a little bit.
"No. No," she heard him call out desperately from behind her, and she felt his grip grow fainter as another memory rushed forward—her eyes followed the direction of his arm, pointing towards the sky. His hand was adorned with jewels, and he had some sort of strange pattern tattooed on the back of it. "No! No!" She shook her head wildly and her mane of red hair went flying all about. "That one isn't a star. It's a hovercraft. It's got to be!" He arched a dark brow at her and crossed his arms over his chest.
"And how are you so sure about that?" he challenged.
"Well if you bothered to look at little closer, you'd notice that it was moving."
She stuck her chin out at this proclamation, but stopped herself from adding a triumphant, childish 'ha!' as the white light he had been pointing to sailed across the vast inky blackness of the Capitol night sky.
"Oh," he conceded, the disappointment in his tone was apparent. "I guess you're right." A bright smile flashed on his face to replace the dejection that had once been there. "Well, let me try again." He scrunched up his face in concentration as he scoured the sky. "Alright, how about…that one?"
Lavinia feigned excitement as she looked in the direction he was gesturing toward and issued a low humming noise that was meant to communicate her skepticism. "Hmm…no, that one isn't a star either. Better luck next time." When she heard him chuckle, she gave him a smile that matched his own.
Returning to herself, she tried her usual strategy of clinging tighter to his hand, but she could still feel it slipping from her grasp. "What's wrong?" Her voice was quavering.
"My leg… My head… I…ugh."
She heard the sound of the impact before she felt the weight of it, but soon enough his sudden inertia sent her staggering forward, until she lost hold of him completely, and sailed face first into the dirt. Her eyes fluttered open and the world around her seemed to bend and sway. She remained sprawled out on the ground for a moment, until she was gripped by a sudden shock. Her hands clutched at her stomach, and she felt around for any trace of movement. There was none. Tears burned in her eyes and threatened to spill over, but she was brought back to her senses by the agonized groans of her lover. Slowly, she dug her fingers into the earth and dragged herself over to him. His eyes were open but his normally steady gaze seemed unfocused. Strands of shaggy black hair were pasted to his skin by sweat, and while leaning over him, she gingerly brushed them away with her hand. He was burning up. "Are you two okay?" His voice had been reduced to a hoarse whisper. Unconsciously, her hand drifted back to her stomach, but she forced herself to give him a firm nod, even if she wasn't certain of her answer. She hadn't been certain of such things for quite some time.
That seemed to stir something of his old self, and he looked at her with more purpose this time. "Then run. Just keep going until you find it. I'll just slow you down." Lavinia shook her head violently.
"I'm not leaving you. If I knew we'd come all this way just to separate, I would've stayed there." He jerked his head to the side. It seemed as though he was trying to shake it with the same intensity as she had shaken hers.
"We couldn't have stayed. You… have a chance now. Maybe… if I get better…I'll…" He stopped to groan and screw his eyes shut as a spasm of pain overtook him. Once the moment had passed, she looked up at her again. "Maybe I'll come join you." His lips, dry and chapped, turned upwards at the corners, and she saw faint traces of a familiar smile.
"You won't!" She wailed suddenly, those previous tears threatening to resurface, blurring her vision. "You're lying to me. I know you are." Her voice was thick with all the emotions she had been trying to suppress. "No matter what, I won't leave you. We agreed on that." She traced the contours of his face with her fingertip and battled the urge to cry.
"Not even for her?" The words came out more like a croak, but his desperation was perfectly clear. Lavinia froze at the reference. She was afraid her reaction would betray her fears, announce the words she was too afraid to speak, but he didn't appear to pick up on her hesitation.
"I-I can't. When she's old enough to ask about you… I could never look her in the eye and tell her that you died when I could have tried harder to save you." Her whole body shuddered, and he raised a hand to try to touch her, but it soon flopped down uselessly at his side.
"So tell her something else." he suggested.
"No!" she shot back, and she watched the shock at her sudden fury register on his features. "We were surrounded by lies our whole lives. I refuse to let her grow up the same way." She raised her chin in the same obstinate way she had on that night under the dark sky. He managed something close to a laugh, and yet another change came over him. It was a sort of resolution, a renewed spark of life.
"Help me up." he asked her. Lavinia rose promptly to her feet.
"Of course. Let me just check your leg first." The results weren't good. The stick was looking fairly loose and the material was stained with crimson.
"How's it looking?" he questioned, his voice sounding so small and unfamiliar.
"Just need to change the wrapping." She bent down and tried to peel off the soiled fabric as delicately as possible, but she felt him flinch as her fingers make contact with his flesh. Lavinia deliberately tried to use her scraped up arm as little as possible. Nearly all of her own wounds had stopped bleeding, but she wasn't keen on taking any unnecessary risks. She ripped off a fresh patch of fabric from her outwear and replaced the old scrap with a new one. When she made all of the adjustments she could, Lavinia rose and went to work on hauling him back to his feet.
It was far from easy. He was too weak and disoriented to do much work himself, so she had to support most of his weight. That wouldn't have been simple under ordinary circumstances, but factor in her personal pain and fatigue, and it was a miracle that she ever got him on his feet at all. "Just lean on me. We'll get there when we get there. It doesn't matter." She wasn't as comfortable with that as she sounded, but they hadn't been caught yet, so maybe they didn't really have a lead on their location like they had assumed. Who was she fooling? Of course they did. It was a miracle that they had even been allowed this much time. She couldn't help but feel like they were watching them from somewhere up above, laughing it up during their one moment of respite; teasing their prey one last time before they brought a definitive end to this game of cat and mouse. They would never let them go. Not with all they knew.
"No. You said… you wanted to stop all the lies. We have to run."
Lavinia bit her lip. He was right, of course, but she didn't know how they would ever manage that. He was clearly in no condition to run unaided. Her eyes darted away from him, and she scoured the area, looking for something that might help him along.
She spotted it quickly, faster than she anticipated: a long, sturdy looking stick was strewn off to the side of the path. With as much patience as she could muster, she guided him over to the trunk of an old tree. "You rest against this, I'll be right back." She gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and went off to retrieve the stick.
"Be careful." he called after her in that same frail tone.
Lavinia steeled herself and tried to mask her concern. Was it infection? Fatigue? Had he lost too much blood? Her own muscles still throbbed and ached, and breathing still brought on a pang of discomfort, but she pushed that all aside. Lavinia accomplished her task as quickly as possible, and she rushed back over to present him with her find. "One cane, special order." She guided him away from the tree and presented him with it.
"It's not very stylish, but I guess it'll do. I just hope no one I know sees me out with this thing." He shrugged playfully, and the strangest sensation of lightness washed over her. It was just so good to hear him joking around again.
He gripped the makeshift cane with one hand and transferred his weight onto it. He made a few hesitant test steps with it, and nodded.
"All good?" she asked him softly.
"I'd rather have one in blue, but I'll live."
Lavinia smiled for the first time in ages and took hold of his free hand. "Ready? On three. One… two… three." And they went thundering off again, even louder than before. She could hear the thud of his walking stick as it made contact with the ground. Their pace wasn't exactly what she would have liked it to be, but she had to account for all the pain he had to be in. Just like her, he was burning on pure adrenaline and just a dash of cautious optimism.
They went along like that for a while, with her shouting back at him, inquiring about his health, and him assuring her that everything was fine, while it really wasn't. Abruptly, they came upon a small clearing, coming to a sudden halt right in the middle. The sun was shining brightly, and it blanketed the tops of the trees, the exposed grass and wildflowers with a sort of golden shimmer. Any other day, and she would have been awed by the sight of it. Now, it just meant confusion. Which way to go? Her heart was thumping away in her chest, and that combined with the chattering of the animals and the whistling of the birds in the trees temporarily left her unable to think clearly. "Everything… alright, Lavinia?" He was out of breath again, but obviously worried.
"Yes." She paused, tried to think. The sun was in her eyes; it was so bright. Her heart was still pounding. Thump, thump, thump. The birds were chirping so loudly she thought her head might explode. "No, no..." She closed her eyes and clutched at her head. She was so tired, her leg ached so badly. It all seemed to be catching up to her.
"Lavinia?" His voice seemed louder and more urgent now.
"I'm fine! I just need to think about where we're going." Oh god, which way? She could feel the beginnings of panic rising up within her. Was it close? Would they ever find it? Did it even exist? "It's just so…" All at once: her heart, the pain, the sun, him, the birds. "It's just so… loud." As she uttered that final word, she wished she could draw it back into her, only because it seemed to echo beyond their small space in the woods.
Everything around them had fallen eerily silent; as if all the sound and life in the world had just been sucked away. "Lavinia!" He was practically screaming at her now. His hand was grabbing at her shoulder, shaking it. "We have to go, now!" But she couldn't bring herself to move. She hated herself for it, but something rooted her to the spot; and she had no idea what it was. Frantic, her eyes darted wildly back and forth. She felt like some helpless little creature that had been backed into a corner. Something seemed to be calling to her on an instinctual level. His voice was reduced to a sort of distant buzzing in her ears. She scanned her surroundings again, and suddenly she knew. Her eyes rested on a small shelf of rock nestled in the interior of the woods. She spotted two figures, one stooping behind the other. She locked eyes on the young girl.
She took in every inch of the girl who was to be their salvation. In that instant, she seemed to store away every detail of her face: their final hope. They had heard that life was different in the Districts. They had so much faith that life would be better beyond the reach of the Capitol. In these places, they would find real, honest people. The kind of individuals who they didn't mind living out the rest of their days with, as one big family. "Help us!" she cried desperately, pleading with the girl and her hidden companion, both with her eyes and her companion. But the girl, despite never looking away, remained motionless in her little sanctuary.
"Who are you talking to?" he demanded from behind, still trying to usher her along with his hand. She ignored him.
"Please!" she screamed. A sob escaped her, and her body began to tremble as she felt her first real tear make its way down her face. They were doomed.
This girl was condemning them to hell. "Help...us." Her voice was weaker now. It shook and it lacked conviction. She would never forget this girl, with her cold grey eyes and impassive features. Even after death, she would remember. Behind the lidded eyes of her lifeless body, Lavinia would still be seeing her face. She knew that in her heart. Everything they had believed about life outside the Capitol, everything they had dared to hope – it was one big sham. The biggest lie to rest atop all the others. It was a heartless, apathetic world out there. How foolish of them to think anything to the contrary. No place was safe from the Capitol's corrupting influence. Not here, and certainly not some mythical district. This was a world completely barren and devoid of such silly notions as hope. Though she stood strong, and kept her eyes fixed on that girl, Lavinia felt everything she ever was and ever believed in crumble and turn to dust at her feet. She imagined that dust was then carried off by the wind.
He had fallen silent. It seemed to register in his mind – the full extent of what this pervasive silence actually meant. She felt him weave his fingers into hers as they both resolved themselves to their inevitable fate. They were just too damn tired to run anymore. "I love you," she whispered through her sobs, breaking her gaze away from the girl to look upon his face again.
"I love you too," he said softly, and she could both hear and see that he was crying as well. He leaned in to kiss her, when one single, shrill birdcall pierced the silence.
In a flash, the clear sky was obscured by a hovercraft. It blotted out the sun and chilled the air. "Watch out!" She heard him scream. The sight of it seemed to put the fight back in him, reinvigorate his will to save Lavinia and their child. She felt a similar reaction come over herself, though she of course included him in the list of people who needed saving.
In a flash, the clear sky was obscured by a hovercraft. It blotted out the sun and chilled the air. "Watch out!" I heard him scream. The sight of it seemed to put the fight back in him, reinvigorate his will to save Lavinia and their child. She felt a similar reaction come over herself, though she of course included him in the list of people who needed saving.
But alas, it was too late. They had waited too long to act, and soon she found herself being violently swept off her feet, and hauled off into the air toward the hovercraft. She strained against the net that was encasing her, thrashed against it like the wild animal they seemed to think she was. Everything was happening so fast and she tried to position herself so she could see him one last time before she greeted oblivion.
Lavinia looked down to see him stricken with terror. All the color had left his body and she saw his lips forming her name—a lightning fast blur shot past the periphery of her vision. The blur was actually a cable of some sort, and she realized only too late that there wasn't another net attached. It was a spear, and the sound of him shouting her name was cut off by his strangled cry, a sort of sick gurgling as he choked on his own blood. Red stained his body, the grass, and the cable that was swiftly hauling him back up. His walking stick lay abandoned in a bloody patch of grass. She could see his eyes: clear, blue, and utterly lifeless. His body was limp and dripping with blood. In that moment, that little flickering flame in her heart was completely and utterly extinguished.
The last word that passed her lips before she was dragged away to the unknown was his name. It was the last word she would ever say again, as her voice would soon be strangled by silence. She screamed it louder than she had screamed anything, even when she was pleading with that girl for aid. Her voice was twisted with pure grief and agony, and her body was stained with fallen tears.
"Caelius!"
And then they were gone. The birds began to sing again; spreading their song over the land that was stained with his blood.