Sticks and Stones
"You shouldn't joke about it, you know."
John looked up from his laptop, eyebrows furrowing. "Joke about what?"
Sherlock looked at him with a sideways glance, not moving his head away from his book. "Asperger's."
John's frown only deepened. "Asperger's? I'm... writing a blog," he said, thumbing to the laptop. "About our case."
Sherlock's eyes travelled back to his book. "Earlier."
John wracked his brain for any time in the day that he had mentioned anything even remotely close to Asperger's Syndrome, but came up blank. "When was this?"
"Dartmoor."
John blinked. "Dartmoor?"
"Yes."
"The Hound case? That was three weeks ago." John sighed. "What are you talking about?" he asked, as patiently as he possibly could manage. "Explain it more than one word answers."
Sherlock still didn't look away from his book. "You were talking to Lestrade. You thought I wasn't listening. You told Lestrade that I enjoyed that he was there. You said it appealed to my Asperger's." His voice was a monotone, his sentences coming to full stops.
It clicked together in John's mind. He vaguely remembered saying that to Lestrade. Why did... Did he actually say that? "Oh... uh... yeah. I don't know why I said that. I wasn't really thinking, I guess."
"No," Sherlock replied.
"What?"
"You weren't thinking."
John felt like the frown was going to stay etched on his face. He sat up straighter, looking more closely at Sherlock. "What's wrong with you?"
Sherlock looked up, his gaze frighteningly intense. "Asperger's Syndrome is a subset of autism. Joking about it is tasteless," he spat.
Sherlock often went into strops, but very rarely did he actually genuinely angry. When his eyes were like ice and his tone like venom, John couldn't help but feel horribly unsettled. "I'm... sorry? What's this about?"
Sherlock's nostrils flared and he looked back at his book.
"Sherlock?"
Sherlock didn't look up.
An idea was forming in John's mind, but... no. Sherlock just chose to be the way he was, didn't he? He didn't actually... Did he?
"You have it...?" he asked quietly.
"Yes," Sherlock said, tone clipped. He was back to one word responses.
It didn't matter, because the one word was all it took. John felt like the world had stopped and then it felt like he'd taken an arrow through the heart. All of this was replaced with shock and then... Son of a bitch. Had he actually said that?
"Sherlock, I'm sorry... I didn't kn-"
"You did," Sherlock interrupted. "You conjured up the idea of Asperger's in your mind or you wouldn't have said it to Lestrade. You didn't think it could possibly be true." He looked up, his gaze softer. "More likely than not, you subconsciously hoped it wasn't true and that's why you blunted it into a joke. But never joke about it. Again," he said, tone hitting a serious mark again.
"No, I... no. I don't know why I..."
"You didn't mean anything by it," Sherlock said, folding the page of his book over and closing it. "But it really is insulting. Us Aspies, we don't choose to be the way we are."
"Of course not," John interrupted. "I wasn't insinuating-"
"Let me talk," Sherlock said. He licked his lips. "Social interaction's difficult. It's always been difficult. So, now I have you and I have... I work with Lestrade. And I... trust," he said slowly, looking as though the word was foreign on his tongue, "both of you. It's a frightening concept. But I do have both of you and I can recognise that but I don't always... show it. You have to bear with me. I'm not just being difficult for the sake of being difficult."
"I know you're not," John replied immediately.
Sherlock nodded once. "While I'm at it, I never told you because I didn't want you to know. A lot of people simply do not have the capacity of dealing with an autistic person. You've stuck with me thus far so I'm hoping the diagnosis doesn't change anything, but if it's going to change the way you perceive me, I would prefer if you started packing now," he said bluntly.
John stared back at him, feeling, more than anything else, bewildered. "I'm not leaving," he said. "You think it's going to change something...? Knowing that you're an..." he trailed off.
"Aspie," Sherlock supplied. "It seems to be common that we're called 'Aspies'. Although. You can't call me that if there's anyone else around. No one else..." He licked his lips again. "No one else knows. I never tell them. I will never tell them. To them, I am merely an arsehole. I don't want to be an Aspie to them."
"I'll never tell anybody if you don't want me to," John said.
Sherlock nodded again. "I don't. You are an exception. But only you." He flicked his gaze between the book and John. "So... point. Don't joke about it. It's insensitive."
"Never again," John vowed. "I am so sorry. That was so stupid of me."
Sherlock hummed and looked back to the wall. "It was. But you do do stupid things." He stood up. "Go back to your blog," he said, pointing at the laptop without looking. "Act like I didn't just say I have Asperger's. Do you want some tea?"
John nodded slowly, and then with more conviction. "Yes. If you aren't going to try and put hallucinogenic sugar this time."
Sherlock scowled. "Would you stop bringing the sugar up?"
John smiled faintly, looking back to the laptop. "Call it payment for my middle name."
Sherlock snorted and meandered around books and papers to the kitchen. "'Hamish'," he muttered, subtly changing the conversation into something he knew that John would attack.
"Shut up," John retorted immediately, tapping away on his blog again.
"Why not just 'James'?"
"Yeah, 'John James'. That sounds better."
Sherlock smiled faintly, delivering a cup of steaming tea to the spot next to John's arm. "Perhaps not."
John rolled his eyes and picked it up. "What's your middle name, then?"
Sherlock just smiled and turned away, his dressing gown slipping down over his shoulder as he padded away.
I wanted to tackle Aspie!lock... and hopefully managed it. I know very little about Asperger's; what I do know is what I study up on. Any inconsistencies are not meant to offend anyone. In any case, the scene in HoB where John jokes about Sherlock having Asperger's to Lestrade never totally sat well with me, so I wanted to kind of right a potential wrong there.
Don't own Sherlock. Thank you!