Do not ask Inuyasha about his time of the month
Or Naraku
Sango is not Australian just because she has a boomerang
Do not ask if you can see if Naraku, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru wear undergarments under their clothes
This goes double for Miroku who will be more than happy to let the girls find out
Shippo is not a punching bag
Do not make Rin cry
Do not call Naraku 'Monkey Man'
Inuyasha does not need coffee
Neither does Shippo
Neither does Rin
Inuyasha doesn't want to do it 'doggie style'
Neither does Sesshomaru
Do not ask Kagome how well Inuyasha wields his sword
Jaken is not an ugly plushie
Sadly, he is a real….um...toad demon? Imp? *shrugs* who knows
Do not call Koga Jacob Black, no matter how well it fits him
Do not tell Sesshomaru to play 'Fetch'
Or InuYasha
Do not ask Kagura, since she is 'the wind itself' if she could blow your kite down from a tree.
Do not hide random articles from the future in the past
Do not steal random articles and try to pawn them off as antiques
Kanna's mirror does not get cable
Kagura is not an extension on Naraku, she is a henchman…woman
Do not introduce Miroku to your sister…or your aunt…or your mother…or your grandmother…or any woman in the future for that matter
Or any woman full stop. Period.
Do not use the Sexy-No-Jutsu to transform yourself into Kagome, as this will not make Inuyasha love you
This doesn't work on Sesshomaru either
Do not teach Shippo the Sexy-No-Jutsu
Especially when Miroku is around
Do not bring 'Inuyasha the Musical' with me
Do not hum 'Down Under' around Sango
Inuyasha does need obedience school but do not say this to his face
Naraku does not need a hug
He may need, need psychiatric help, but do not mention so
Do not use Miroku's hand cover thing as a band aid especially since he needs it more
Inuyasha does not want a dog treat
He wants potato chips
Do not dangle potato chips in front of Inuyasha's face
Do not go up to Miroku while Sango and Miroku are deep in conversation and when Sango has a potentially deadly weapon and say, "We need to talk. I'm pregnant."
Do not tell Inuyasha Kagome having an affair with Sesshomaru
Do not tell Kagome that you saw Inuyasha and Kikyo together last night
Do not tell Koga you're having an lesbian affair with Kagome
Do not spontaneously kick Jaken into water
Rin doesn't need to learn how to wield a sword
Or any other sort of weapon
Do not hum 'Reproduction' around Miroku
Do not suggest that before a mortal combat in which Sesshomaru is helping us to use Rin as bait
Jaken is the best suggestion
Kanna is not albino
Kagura is not a lost member from the Hyuuga Clan
Kirara is not to be used as a campfire
Do not hug Kirara and squeeze her and call her George as this may result in painful injury
Do not refer to Kikyo, Kagome and Inuyasha as a love triangle
Do not randomly steal the Tetsigia to see if Inuyasha will go demon
Or replace it with a blowup
Right before a critical battle
OR replace the Tokijin and Tenseiga with blowups
Do not sing 'Dradle Dradle Dradle' whenever Shippo uses the dradle thing
Do not replace the Shikon Jewel with a regular pink bead
Do not give said pink bead to Inuyasha
Or Naraku
Even though there is something between Kagura and Sesshomaru, Do not sell this information to Inuyasha
Even though it is great blackmail
Kagura is not allowed to go into the modern world
Do not compare Temari to Kagura
Do not shove a car down the well of time to attempt to reenact 'Back to the Future'
(God knows how it got there in the first place)
Do not play the Song of Time every time I open the door to the shrine
Or whilst approaching the well
Do never bring a Puritan with me
'Spreading the Disease' is not Kagome's theme song
Nor is 'Barbie Girl'
'Womaniser' is not Miroku's theme, not matter how much it fits.
Do not go up to Miroku and demand that he pay up
Kagura is not Naraku's and I will not tell Sesshomaru that she is
Do not use Raid against Naraku's insects
Even if it works
If Inuyasha becomes heavily injured, do not shout, "Get up! It's only a flesh wound!"
Sango is not allowed to put the special prayer beads around Miroku's neck to have him 'sit' on command
Inuyasha is not you pet
He's Kagome's but mentioning that is fatal
Do not tell Inuyasha the in a parallel universe he is Edward Cullen by default
Or Naraku that his equivalent is Victoria
On that same note, Inuyasha doesn't need to sparkle so I will not rub glitter glue on him while he is asleep
Do not ask Kanna "Mirror Mirror in Kanna's hand, who is the idiot of the land?"
Everyone already knows the answer to this so there is no need to ask *cough* Inuyasha *cough* .
Do not tell Miroku that Inuyasha's sword is bigger than his
Do not say that in Dungeon's & Dragon's, I killed Inuyasha with a +8 Shippo….actually with a +69 Shippo depending on your perspective
Do not bring an Inuyasha plushie with me and say he has been in my pocket to see the expression on Kagome's face
Inuyasha won't get it but Kagome will explain it to him
Do not make a Naraku Voodoo doll
And don't give it to InuYasha
Nor Sesshomaru
Do not throw a surprise party for Naraku
Do not invite Sesshomaru
Or InuYasha
Or anyone else on the cast
Do not spike the punch
Do not bring a camera
Do not use these photos that were never taken as blackmail
Kagura is never to use a machine gun
Or hold one for that matter
Do not create your own dramatic theme music for combat
Miroku is not your sex slave
He's Sango's but mentioning that is fatal
If you steal the Staff of Two Heads from Jaken, do not use him as the golfball
Even if you think you will get a hole-in-one
Miroku doesn't need to see a soap opera
Naraku doesn't need Prozac
Do not steal Sesshomaru's fluffy, EVER
Do not refer to Jaken as Yoda
Rin is not to be referred to as demon bait around Sesshomaru
Do not ask Sesshomaru where he gets his eyeliner
Or Naraku
A pixy stick and Shippo are not to come within five yards of each other
This also applies to dangling it above his head
Do not offer Koga a squeaky toy
Or InuYasha
Do not somehow get them to fight over the squeaky toy they never got
Do not call in bets
Do not bring a working TV and call it a magic box
Do not then sell tickets for people to watch the magic box
Do not bring a dog whistle
Do not ask Naraku about the different applications of his tentacles
Do not bring Melia
Do not paint Sesshomaru's nails
Or InuYasha's nails
Do not hide Kagome's make-up in Inuyasha's pockets
Do not give this make to Rin
Do not draw all over Sesshomaru
Make sure it's not Smudge proof
Or water proof
Do not mix the two together so that it never comes off
Do not turn him into a clown
Do not distribute illegal drugs
Do not bring a random amulet and then tell everyone that it has magical transforming powers
Do not bring a megaphone
Do not use said megaphone to give a three am wake-up call
Do not give the megaphone to Inuyasha
Or Shippo
Do not start music lessons
Do not give Sesshomaru a snow globe
Rin is the only one allowed to give Sesshomaru flowers
Do not enhance Naraku's monkey suit with glitter
Do not totally 'trick out' the monkey suit
Or Sesshomaru's fluffy
Do not put bumper stickers on Kagura's feather
Or a steering wheel
Do not play the 'Jaws' theme as Naraku approaches
Do not give Naraku a mohawk or a mullet
Do not dress Sesshomaru up in a skin tight, leather cat outfit
Do not duct-tape Inuyasha to a tree
Do not duct-tape Sesshomaru to the same tree
EVEN if there is room, Do not duct-tape Naraku to the tree
Do not put Sesshomaru in a dress and then introduce him as Fluffy to Miroku
Do not file Sesshomaru's nails down to a blunt
Or InuYasha
Do not attempt to put Inuyasha and Sesshomaru in family therapy
When Naraku is separated, do not steal and hide his body parts in different locations
This includes different continents
Do not bring the Inuyasha manga books, tell Inuyasha he's a star
Do not tell him everything thats in it
including everything he kept secret
Do not sell them on the street
Or to Sesshomaru
Or Naraku
Do not force Inuyasha to wear shoes
ESPECIALLY not sneakers
Do not give Rin a trumpet…
Or a piccolo…
Or a violin…
Or any high pitched instrument
Do not teach "It's a Small World" to Shippo
Or Rin
Do not sing the Barney song in the company of Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Naraku
Do not collar Sesshomaru's dog form
Do not collar Sesshomaru full stop.
Do not mention the mountains and a drunken fog around Inuyasha and the gang
Do not attempt to recreate the effects of the fog
Do not put fly paper on Inuyasha's shoulder so Myoga can't run away
Do silence Rin by giving her an electronic game system
Do not then remove the batteries
Do not switch the bodies of the cast members…no matter how humorous it may be
Do not poke Sesshomaru's arm and say "Hee hee. Flab."
Do not pass your hand under Sesshomaru's arm nub and ask if his arm is invisible
Do not take pictures doing any of the above
Do not blackmail any of the cast members with these pictures … that … weren't … taken …
And, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, DO NOT, EVER bring this list with me to Feudal Japan.