Beck doesn't know why he's even surprised.
He should have known this would happen. Everyone should have. He wasn't sure who he should be mad at, if anyone, for what happened. For Robbie's suicide.
Robbie hadn't been in class for almost an entire week, five days, before they realized he was gone. Everyone else they notice that day but they didn't notice Robbie's absence until they needed something from him.
They tried calling him but no one answered, so they tried calling Rex. He didn't pick up either. They went over to talk to Lane to see if he had gotten a call from Robbie's dad or, at least, seen Robbie. Lane shook his head and told them he hadn't seen Robbie since last week when Robbie wanted to talk to him but Lane was too busy and just thought it would be another one of his 'unique' talking sessions. Robbie had actually tried to talk to each of them that day, last Thursday, exactly five days ago, before they finally noticed Robbie wasn't at school.
Robbie didn't pick up and neither did Rex, no one answered his house phone or any cell number. They all tried to shake off the uneasy feeling. Tori and Beck volunteered to go to Robbie's house after school and check up on him.
When they got there no one answered the door and Beck commented that Robbie's dad must be at work. But that didn't explain why Robbie didn't answer. Beck pulled out the spare key Robbie gave him, never thinking he would have to use it, and unlocked Robbie's house door.
The first thing that hit them was the scent. It was a foul and disgusting smell that made Tori ironically remark 'What died in here?'. Their noses scrunched and they pulled their shirts over their noses to try to block out the smell but the closer they got to Robbie's room the stronger it got, the worse of a feeling Beck and Tori gained.
Beck was the one to knock on the door and call for Robbie. No answer. He tried again and when he got no response he opened the door and peeked through. The sight made him freeze and is ingrained into his mind.
Robbie was what looked like, asleep on his bed with Rex sitting on the chair next to him with an envelope in his lap. Robbie looked like he was sleeping but Beck had dated and spent enough time with Jade to know the difference between the living and the dead.
Beck felt his heart slam into his chest and he raced to Robbie's side searching futilely and desperately for a nonexistent pulse. Blood was pounding in his ears and he was screaming for Robbie to wake up. The scent got to his eyes because they watered and he couldn't breathe right. He barely registered Tori's sobbing in the background.
Beck shouted at her to call the ambulance and she did. Beck shook Robbie and gave CPR to cold and smelling lips. He squeezed the lifeless corpse and did everything he could think of because Robbie just couldn't be dead.
But he was.
The EMTs showed up and gave Robbie a single look before putting him on a gurney and pulling a sheet over him. Beck held Tori as they slowly led Robbie's body out to the soundless van and quietly loaded him in before shutting the doors and taking off. No sirens, no rush, not for a corpse.
Tori was bawling in his arms and Beck could barely register what they had just found and what had just happened. Police officers had come to inspect the scene and one walked up to the two teens, sympathetically interrupting them and handing Beck a letter. On the front of the envelope was signed 'Sorry -Robbie'.
Beck led Tori over to the couch and allowed her to cry but she focused on the letter and wiped her tears to try and see it. Beck attempted to stop shaking as he opened it but he couldn't repress it. The tiny tremors felt huge as he carefully opened the letter and began reading it.
Tori was in tears once again, crying harder than before, but Beck continued to read through the whole thing.
It outlined Robbie's hidden pain. It showed is guilt for everything he felt he had done, for holding them back, for his social awkwardness, for being an embarrassment to his dad, for forcing his mom to move out and his sister to not contact them anymore, for the caviar ordeal, for everything, big and small. Robbie apologized for things Beck didn't even remember.
Robbie's note told that he felt useless and like a loser, an oaf, a waste of space, washout, pity friend, irredeemable piece of shit, and so much more. It explained that Rex was the only person/puppet to truly know Robbie and Rex didn't even like him. Robbie's subconscious didn't like himself. He explained that he was 'setting them free from the burden of himself' and his friends could now live without having him retarding them.
The letter went into a deep self-loathing that Beck couldn't believe, because this just didn't sound like Robbie but as the trains of thoughts and letters continued Beck hated that Robbie's mind and each of them for being so oblivious.
The letter ended with an apology for 'everything that he did' and Robbie's actual elegant signature.
Beck just stared at the letter and didn't even take any notice of the sobbing Tori next to him. Robbie was gone-dead and Beck felt to blame.
It was a while later that Beck gathered Tori and guided her to his car so they could go to her house where everyone would be waiting.
Everyone took notice of Tori's post and still crying form and Beck's shaken and hallow appearance and Jade grabbed the letter clutched in Beck's hand. Her eyes began to read and soon widened in realization before looking back at the two teens and then the letter. Jade actually cried and yelled at Robbie for being such a 'fucking idiot'; she tried to cover her grief with anger. Beck grabbed his ex and cocooned her in his embrace to try and comfort her before she finally allowed herself to cry without the mask of anger.
Andre was the one to read it next and he shook his head and denied it before Cat asked what was wrong. Beck tried to speak but his voice wouldn't come. Andre was the one to tell her delicately that 'Robbie wasn't ever coming back, He'd gone away forever' and Jade cut him off by yelling to 'stop pussyfooting around it. Robbie's dead. He committed suicide'. Jade pressed closer into Beck's chest and mumbled that he was a 'fucking selfish son of a bitch'. Beck just rubbed circles on her back and they all just huddled together on Tori's couch and cried.
It was a little later that Mr. and Mrs. Vega came home. They saw the tears and Tori ran up and embraced them both sobbing what happened. Mr. Vega didn't cry but Mrs. Vega did. She squeezed her daughter and repeatedly told her she loved her.
By the end of the night they were all laying in a giant pile together. Jade was leaning on Beck, who had his arm around her, and leaned in to kiss her forehead occasionally as a sign of comfort; Cat was resting her head in Jade's lap, who was stroking her hair; Tori and Andre were holding each other as they pressed close to their group of friends, Tori held a hand with Beck and Andre held one with Cat. They were a circle of friends, but incomplete, each feeling empty and exhausted, none having a single tear left.
"He's really gone." Tori commented out of the blue; the thought on everyone's mind. Everyone acknowledged it with silence or a reassuring squeeze to the person around them. "He asked to talk to me last Thursday, said it was important and he needed to talk. I-I didn't want to hear his problems."
Jade gave a slight glare. "Shut up, Princess."
Beck hugged her tighter. "Breathe, Jade, she's not the only one."
Tori's eye burned with impossible tears. "I could have stopped this." Her voice got higher and more strained.
"We all could have." Andre added. "He asked to talk to each of us, even Lane." Cat let out a sob and Jade continued to run her fingers through the red hair. "Shh, Cat…" Jade couldn't say it was alright because it wasn't.
"Why-why couldn't he see that we did care about him? We're all so sad." Cat asked. Andre squeezed her hand and there was silence.
"After reading that letter I've been thinking about Robbie and how we've been treating him and what he's gone through." Beck took a deep breath. "Honestly I'm surprised he didn't do it sooner." They all looked appalled and Jade pushed away glared at him and debated detaching herself from him. "Sorry, I mean, think about it…his mother moved out because of him and screams in her sleep; his father is embarrassed by him, his sister disowned all relations to them, we make him the butt of all our comments, we treat him horribly, hell, I mean if he created Rex as a way to talk to someone then some friends we are." They all looked down in shame. "Even Rex, his own subconscious, is a sadist, self-loathing…" Beck sighed and shook his head. "I don't know how he's done it but even with all of our screw up and messed up families and situations we each had each other to depend on and knew we would have each other's backs in our times of need, but Robbie…he didn't. He tried to come to us for help but we weren't there for him, he's tried to just live with it all, but everyone breaks sometime, even Robbie's own subconscious turned on him." Beck pointed out. Tori cried into Andre's chest and Cat into Jade's lap.
Andre pulled Tori closer and kissed the top of her head and then Cat's hand and stated, "If I had one wish, I would trade anything for it, but I just wish Robbie knew how much we cared for him."
The all murmured in agreement. "I wish we could have stopped him." Jade added.
"I wish we would have listened." Tori commented.
"I wish he was still alive." Beck said.
"I wish he was happy." Cat finished. The all sat in silence, thinking about it all, all the 'what ifs' that wouldn't leave them.
Tori paused. "Do his parent's know?"
Beck shrugged. "The hospital probably called his dad and as for his mom…who knows, and who knows if his sister will ever find out."
"Will they even care?" Jade asked. No one answered.
"They have to," Cat finally responded. "His dad will be upset and his mom will come back to cry at his funeral and they'll contact his sister and she'll feel regretful like us. They all will." Everyone meditated on Cat's words, unsure if they were true.
More silence and time passed and each of them began falling asleep, the day having emotionally drained them. The last thought on each of their minds was 'I wish I could go back and stop this.'
HoKay so...
I'm so sorry if its kinda bad I just wanted to get it posted for all of you *sob* don't hate me for my awful grammar and spelling!
Guess who killed Robbie...and tortured him...again...I have a problem I love him so I hurt him, but it's either him or me...that wasn't funny...I'm tired...review for fuck's sake
This is Tragedy and I will post a second follow redemption fic called Comedy and I don't mean in the haha modern idea but rather the literary idea of redemption and community and I want to know if it's a good idea and if people will read it
ION (I Own Nothing)
PS thanks for reading
feathers!