1CUFFED
Roger and Mark get handcuffed together...but they don't have a key.
Credit goes to Aw FUDGE-UMS. They posted a Maximum Ride story about where Max and Fang get handcuffed, I read it, and was inspired to write this.
By the way, this WILL NOT be a MarkRoger romance fic. (Sorry, I hate M/R romance. Icky) I was actually going to do Roger and Maureen, but then I realized that a) I had been writing it by accident Roger and Mark all a long, and b) Maureen would definitely be more likely to screw up a trick.
1. Oops
I woke up that morning with intentions of maybe having a cup of coffee, shooting down to the Life for a quick breakfast, and then maybe coming back and trying to write a song. Maybe help Mark with his film. I did not plan on Maureen coming and crashing my little day planner, like that means so much to me anyway.
But, yeah. I got to go through two of those actions before coming home to hell. I woke up and had some coffee, watching the sunrise a bit, then I walked down to the Life Café and had some pancakes with little M&M's in them. Walking back, I could hear squeals of joy coming from the open windows of the loft. Mark doesn't usually squeal, so I was a bit concerned.
Then I realized I forgot my key. Dammit. "Mark!" I called, cupping my hands over my mouth. "Mark, throw down the key!" It took a few minutes, minutes that included a lot of screaming on my part, but I'll spare you the details. Finally, Mark walked out onto the balcony and shot me a warning look before tossing the keys down to me. Knowing full well what I was getting myself into, I proceeded with caution into the building.
When I walked into the loft, Maureen clobbered me with a hug. I mean, sure, I like Maureen, Maureen's a great kid and she's my friend, but she's really annoying. Five minutes with her is enough time to drive me up a freaking wall. Groaning, I peeled her arms off of me. "As much as I love being suffocated, I think I'm going to go to my room and hang out there for a little bit, okay?"
I grabbed my guitar off the table and made a beeline for my bedroom, praying to get there before Maureen hatched some sort of "brilliant idea" that so desperately required my attendance. I was two feet away from my door when she cried out, "WAIT, ROGER!" and zipped over to where I had frozen. She grabbed my arm and towed me away from my paradise.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Mark had gotten a similar idea and had been creeping to the loft door while she was getting me. Still dragging me with her, she got hold on Mark and shoved both of us side-by-side on the couch, holding both hands behind her back. "I have a magic trick!" she announced, giggling and bouncing on her heels.
Both Mark and I moaned. Maureen had desperately tried to be a trickster when she was younger. When the three of us lived in Scarsdale she wanted to be a magician when she got older, but then we realized that she sucked and told her to go elsewhere with her life. Still to this day she attempts to be magical, but it never really works.
From behind her back she pulled out a pair of golden handcuffs. "The Magical Handcuff Trick!" she cried, squealing and grabbing my right arm and Mark's left. In an instant she had clamped them down and Mark and I were handcuffed together. Oh, shit. "Okay, hold on. In order for the MHT to work, we need a handkerchief or a napkin," she muttered, walking into the kitchen to search for one.
Mark and I sat in silence, both of us staring at the handcuffs around our wrists. Could I live my entire life being on Mark's left side? Another thing that would suck: I'm a rightie and he's a leftie. We wouldn't be able to write for the rest of our lives. And God knows I need to write songs!
For about ten minutes we just sat there as Maureen tore apart our kitchen. "Oh, my God, you guys don't have a napkin!" she cried, her eyes wide with fear. I felt my own self fill with terror. Oh, my God, shit, we're gonna be stuck like this forever! She's not gonna use the key 'cause she hates us, or she'll lose it or something! Then, she giggled and said, "No, just kidding. I actually found one the moment I got in here, but I wanted to pull you guys' legs."
Heated and embarrassed at being afraid for no reason, I stood up—or tried to, rather—but Mark didn't have the same idea, so I ended up giving myself whiplash on my wrist. "Hey, calm down, Roger," she laughed, walking over and placing the napkin over our wrists. "All will be finished momentarily. I'm gonna need you guys to stand up and walk over here..." she guided us to a wide open part of the loft.
"Now, I'm going to say the magic words, and the two of you have to run at full speed in opposite directions for the trick to work, okay?" she told us, and Mark and I nodded. Now that I reflect on this, I wonder why I ever believed Maureen. Anyway, she counted to three, and Mark and I took off as fast as we could.
Bad move. The handcuffs didn't budge and we went flying backward and cracking our heads against each other. "Ahh!" we yelped, both of us falling to the floor and trying to clutch our skulls. Once again there was a problem; we could only use one hand because the other one was handcuffed. We struggled against control over our "third" hand.
"Maureen!" I shouted in frustration, rubbing the sore spot on my head. "Wasn't that supposed to work? Where are the keys? I wanna get the hell out of these things." Bringing the handcuffs up closer to my face, I examined them. They certainly didn't look like trick handcuffs to me...
Snapping my head in her direction, I saw the fear in her eyes and became outraged. "Maureen..." I warned, standing up and pulling Mark with me. "Maureen, where did you get these handcuffs?" I demanded, staring square into her eyes and forcing an answer out of her.
"Well, um," she shifted nervously in her still hyperactive voice, "these are the golden handcuffs that, um, Pookie got for winning this really justice-y case. I wasn't supposed to take them," she quickly added, "but they were so SHINY!" she giggled nervously and walked over to the phone. "Um, hold on, I'll call her."
Anger pulsed through my body like blood. If Maureen just cuffed Mark and I together, I'm going to fucking kill her. The phone rang a few times. "Hey, babe?" she asked into the phone. Joanne's voice made her heart beat fast. "Hey, um, remember those handcuffs you got that time? Just wondering if they were supposed to have keys with them. I saw them this morning and realized there wasn't a key and was worried that it may have been lost." Ooh, nice lie. "Oh, really? ... okay, love you too, bye, Pooks."
With fear inevitable in her eyes, she squeaked out, "Um, Pookie says there are no keys to them," and she turned around and left the loft as fast as I've ever seen her move. I heard her mumble one short thing before she left: "Oops."
"MAUREEN!" I screamed, running to the loft door, but Mark pulled me and I landed on my back like a discombobulated turtle. "I'm going to kill her!" I kicked and whined like a little kid, but I had the anger of a freaking gorilla. "LET GO! I'm going to kill her! Let me go!"
"I'm not holding on, Roger," Mark reminded me.
Right. We're handcuffed together.
"Look, I want to kill Maureen too, but until we tell Joanne, we're gonna be stuck like this. She might not even be able to get keys. And we all know that handcuffs are virtually indestructable." With a fit of anger, he told the truth, "We might be stuck like this for a while."
Which meant forever.
Sucking in a quick breath, I realized exactly what that meant.
Handcuffed to Mark... forever?
Oh shit.
A/N: Just a quick question: I'm gonna ask this in all of my stories cuz I'm suddenly curious: are you a rightie or a leftie? I am a proud leftie. Studies actually show that lefties die ten to fifteen years earlier than righties do. Plus, EVERYTHING ON THE PLANET IS MADE FOR RIGHTIES. Like, my nephew Dominic has this little toy notepad thing. The pen is attached on the right side, and it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to use it because the pen doesn't reach all the way to the left side.
MAKES ME MAD! Lol. But, seriously, rightie, leftie, ambidextrous?
I know it's short, but I wanted to get this out there so no one would copy it. I'll try to update fast.
-STEPONME