Restless
For the 30 Day Drabble Challenge on tumblr.
Quick note: The pronouns are going to switch a few times in this story, but why I did that is explained at the very beginning of the story.
Stupid.
Seiya was so stupid.
They were on Earth for one reason, and that reason was not Sailormoon. Sailormoon had nothing to do with anything, and the fact that Seiya had so foolishly and so easily thrown everything they worked for out a window for this girl was ridiculous. Yaten couldn't understand the logic behind it - oh right, because there was none. Seiya had threatened their entire mission with one careless move to protect a girl he swore he was not in love with.
She, not he. They were only playing the part. Yaten was going to continue to think of themselves (and refer to themselves) as females despite what anatomy they did and did not currently have.
The entire situation made Yaten's head hurt, but the worst part was that he couldn't stop thinking about it. How could he when they were still alone on Earth, still parading around as boys, still unable to find their princess, and Seiya was two rooms away still unconscious from a laser to the head?
"Do you want to talk?"
Yaten's eyes snapped open. He almost asked how Taiki knew he was still awake, almost asked how Taiki knew he was laying in bed facing the wall, mind racing with a million negative thoughts that threatened to swallow him whole, but he didn't. Instead, Yaten pushed himself upright, shifting on the bed to face the taller of the two. He didn't say a word, just stared at Taiki across the length of the room from his spot seated in the center of his bed.
Taiki returned the silent gaze for a while, but finally sighed and entered the room, shutting the door behind him before making his way across the room to take a seat beside Yaten.
"You should've realized I'd know that you'd still be up beating yourself up about all of this."
"This is stupid. Look at us, Taiki. Our princess isn't even going to recognize us even if she does reappear."
"That's not all that's bothering you, am I correct in saying so?"
Yaten's hands balled up into tight fists, clenching the blanket he had pooled in his lap. "You don't know."
"I know more than you think I do."
"Enlighten me, then."
"It's about Seiya."
At the sound of his name, Yaten slammed one of his fists into the mattress and turned his head to finally face Taiki once more, narrowed green eyes staring straight into relaxed violet ones.
"I see I hit a nerve," Taiki replied, grinning.
"Shut up." Yaten paused, letting out a loud sigh before his gaze fell down to the floor. "How could she risk it all for her? How could she jump in front of her like that? She should be dead. And then what? How would we find the princess then? Taiki... We've lost so many people, so many people have died. If Seiya..."
"But she's not, Yaten. She didn't. She's fine."
"Fine. We couldn't stop the bleeding for half an hour. She hasn't woken up yet. Yeah, she's fine."
"Yaten..." Taiki trailed off and reached forward, his hands resting on Yaten's shoulders in an attempt to relax him. "She didn't die. She's going to wake up, and she's going to recover, and we're going to scream at her, and she's going to be fine."
"Now we have another roadblock keeping us from the princess. We're never going to find her, Taiki. This thing Seiya has with Sailormoon...it's ridiculous. It needs to stop. It should have stopped already. What's going to happen if Sailormoon goes against Galaxia before we find the princess? Seiya would... She absolutely would..."
It was then that Taiki's face softened, and his hands lowered from Yaten's shoulders to his hands, tightening their hold just slightly before speaking up once more. "It isn't just finding the princess that you're concerned with."
"It's a major part of it, but it's not the only thing..."
"You're worried for Seiya."
"Of course I am. She's reckless and stupid and..."
"...and in love with Sailormoon."
"Right, and in love with Sailormoon."
"And not you."
Yaten froze, and his reply got stuck in his throat. His wide-eyed gaze turned away from the floor and he made eye contact with Taiki. Taiki looked so understanding, so sympathetic, and Yaten didn't understand.
"Wh-what?"
"Yaten... How long have you been in love with her?"
"You are insane," Yaten breathed out, feeling lightheaded. "I am not in love with her."
"You're jealous of Sailormoon..."
"No! Sailormoon is a distraction from our princess,"
"And from you."
Yaten went to reply, but stopped when Taiki leaned forward, letting his hands go so he could wrap his arms around the smaller boy's body in a hug.
It felt strange, strange in the sense that they hadn't been able to be really close like that with each other lately, not since they arrived on Earth. It was always business, always time to work and search and stay hidden from Galaxia. Sure there were times where they let loose and felt carefree, but they couldn't stay that way. They felt too guilty, felt like time was ticking by too quickly and they were running out of time to find her before it was too late.
And there they were, both sitting on the bed with Taiki's arms wrapped around Yaten and Yaten tense and straight as a board, eyes wide and blinking rapidly in surprise.
When Taiki eased back, Yaten felt his shoulders sag and he slouched a bit in his spot, relaxing. "I..."
"Be honest with me, okay?" Taiki spoke softly, and Yaten could hear the sincerity in his voice. He nodded in agreement. "Good. Even before Galaxia, you've always been a bit more sarcastic toward her, a bit harsher, a bit of a tease. Yet despite that, she's the one that your smile lingers with more. She's the one that stuns you into silence, the one that makes your face turn bright pink whether it be for a good reason or bad."
"Taiki, you can't..." Yaten couldn't finish his response; he felt on edge, could feel his body beginning to shake as the conversation progressed.
"That sarcasm, that teasing, those playfully hateful words... They weren't because she did anything unacceptable to you, were they? They were because you were slowly falling in love with her and you were furious with yourself for feeling that way."
"Please..."
"And now, here we are, in this horrible situation. And I know, believe me Yaten, I know how challenging this has been. For you and I especially. However it was the two of you that told me to keep pushing, to keep believing, that every day was just another step closer for us. Then to see and hear Seiya almost push it all aside to be close to her...we both know deep down she's not. She's suffering, too. She misses her, too. Sailormoon is a pleasant distraction for her. And you...it breaks you even more to not have our princess here but to see Seiya out there, risking her life for this girl -"
"Please, stop it!" Yaten finally cried out, covering his face with his hands before letting out a sob that broke Taiki's heart and shut him up in an instant. Neither one of them were expecting the sudden outburst even though Yaten was the one that cried out, and Taiki was the one that should have seen it coming from miles away.
"She was always so sweet to me. Always trying to cheer me up, trying to make me laugh, trying to get me to just smile. Her teasing was relentless, and we'd bicker and fight all the time, but at the end of each one she always told me that she loved me and could never feel otherwise." There was a pause, a moment in which neither of them said anything as Yaten collected his thoughts, and then suddenly laughed to himself, which made Taiki begin to worry.
"She's always been so full of love, I think it drowns her sometimes. She's too caring, too much of a lover than a fighter, but will do it if she needs to and she does it well. She bleeds emotion and wears her feelings on her sleeve, and I think her heart is too big for her body. It rivals her ego and narcissism. Yet, I couldn't help but feel drawn to it all...to her. That passion, all of that attention and emotion, I wanted to feel it directed at me. How silly was that? I'd ask myself all the time, and I'd throw those thoughts away, but they kept coming back.
"I consoled myself. She's a lover, yes, labels could never fit her, but she doesn't like me. How could I be so sure who she liked aside from the millions of people she flirted with all of the time? She came to me one night, you know. She came to me when we were maybe fourteen or fifteen and confessed through her tears that she was in love with the princess. Do you know how juvenile I felt, feeling jealous of our own princess? I had to put everything I felt aside and comfort her and tell her it was fine, that she was fine... And we hid that secret together, passing quick smiles and thumbs up, nights spent wide awake talking and talking. I thought maybe she could realize what was right in front of her, and then maybe I wouldn't have to kick it aside anymore. Then... Galaxia invaded.
"All those people...all those people suffered and died at the hands of Galaxia. Then when we had the phages to deal with, what could we do? We had no choice, and more people suffered. And I could feel it, feel every single one of their shines disappear... Then we left and came here, to watch Earth begin the gradual process of going through what Kinmoku went through..." Yaten didn't realize that tears had started dripping down his face until it felt the splash of a tear hit the back of his hand. He had been trying conscientiously to not break, to keep a brave front. Taiki had made him come to terms with what he knew all along. Taiki had broken a wall that had been held up for years and it came crashing down all around Yaten in such a way that he didn't know how to handle it except to just let it out.
"We're not even in our real bodies, and we're alone without a clue of what to do... Those girls look at us with such sympathy and say they can help us. They can't help us, they have no idea how to help us. And Sailormoon reaches out for Seiya just as Seiya reaches out for her, and what if fate twists its cruel knife and she loves her back? Then what happens to us? Right when I thought for sure she was over our princess, another princess comes along and she shoots in that direction right before my eyes.
"Yes, yes, I am in love with her. I never wanted to be, and it didn't just appear out of nowhere. It's always been there, growing and growing, and sometimes it makes me sick. I can't love her. We're teammates, almost like sisters. We're Princess Kakyuu's royal guardians, we can't be in love with each other...so then why do I feel this way? Why do I want to ask her why she's looking in every direction but mine? I've been trying to squash it down and kill it but I'm so tired, Taiki. I'm so tired of everything and I don't think I can do it anymore."
"Stop right there," Taiki finally countered. He waited a moment, knowing he needed to be delicate with his wording; Yaten had basically had a breakdown right before his eyes, and he knew very well the wrong word would shut him down again. "You are stronger than you let yourself believe, stronger than you even know. Seiya knows it, too. The three of us have gone through hell and back and I am sorry that I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that I didn't know, but I know now. I know now, and I promise to keep your secret. We need to be united as one, stand strong together to face whatever challenges are next in our future. There will be many, and we need to be prepared for it."
When Taiki stopped talking, he reached toward Yaten's face with his hands, one hooking two fingers under his chin to tilt his head up, and the other brushing away his tears with the pad of his thumb.
"When the time is right... You should tell her. It's doing nothing but hurt you to keep it locked away inside of you. Whatever the outcome, you know Seiya. She might poke fun at you for a moment, but then she'll be nothing but sincere and upfront with you. Whichever way it goes, it will bring you both closer together. We need to be close, we need to be a team if we ever want to go home with our princess. The four of us together are one."
Yaten felt too exhausted to respond in any way other than a nod. He inched closer to Taiki, moving to rest his head on the other's shoulder. He felt himself relax a little more at the feel of Taiki's arm wrapping around him.
"I hate her sometimes," Yaten stated, his voice hushed.
"I know."
"I was so scared for her."
"I know."
"I love her."
"I know... Rest now, okay? We should try and get some sleep so we can scream at her properly tomorrow." Taiki finally felt himself relax at the sound of the soft chuckle that came from Yaten. "Knowing our luck, she'll want to go on with our concert, so we'll need our strength to keep up with her."
"I really hate her," was Yaten's low reply.
"No you don't, now come on." Taiki stood back up once Yaten took his head off of his shoulder and went to lie back down, tugging the sheets back over himself. "Relax, all right? We'll get this all sorted out. Please...never keep anything to yourself anymore, understood? That's too much for one person to handle, and you know as well as I that we already have enough on our plates. Don't torture yourself."
Yaten didn't reply. He turned to lay on his side facing the wall, just as he was when Taiki first entered the room.
Taiki nodded to himself and turned around to leave, hand making it to the doorknob before he heard Yaten's voice speak up.
"Thank you. Seiya wasn't the only one always there for me. You always have been, too. I guess I needed tonight more than I thought."
All Taiki could do was smile. "Sleep well, Yaten." Hearing the other's mumbled reply was all he needed to proceed with opening the door and letting himself out, being careful to close the door gently. As he made his way to his own room, Taiki felt his head start filling with his own thoughts and reactions to what had transpired that night, starting with Seiya's injury.
He took a deep breath and brought his hand over his eyes, taking a few more deep breaths in and out in an attempt to recompose himself. Yaten wasn't the only one falling apart, no. Seiya would probably have his own breakdown at some point, and Taiki...Taiki felt himself starting to slip again like he had right before Misa's surgery weeks ago. He had to stay strong, if not for himself then for Seiya and Yaten and their mission.
Despite that knowledge, Taiki felt a small part of his heart break as he and Yaten's conversation played in high speed in his head and he didn't think he had the energy to heal the cracks left behind.
"I don't think I can do it anymore either, Yaten," was all Taiki said before uncovering his eyes to let himself back into his bedroom, closing the door with a quiet click behind him.
He was completely oblivious to Seiya as he stood in the doorway of his room, leaning against it and gripping to the doorknob for support, looking back and forth between Yaten and Taiki's doors in uncertainty.