Funny thing, I'm on a huge Dragon Age kick right now, and you have to write the stories in your head, so forgive me if I run off down the rabbit hole for awhile. Though I do hope you'll come along for the trip. ^.^
~~O~~
Elissa Theirin's slippers made a hushed whispering sound through the corridors and up the stairs, as she made her way to the Kings study.
The heavy oak door swung open with a slight groan, and she slipped inside leaning back against the warm oak, waiting for the King to turn and recognize her.
Cailan was busy, pouring over last second requisitions for his men before they were sent off for battle in the south.
He heard the door to his study open and the worry that creased his brow smoothed as he recognised the scent of his wife, Elissa. Waiting before he called her forward he took her all in, from the little slippers that poked out from under her silver gown, to the gown itself which was one of his favorites; cut low enough that he could see the gentle curve of her breast but modest enough for his Queen, the long bell sleeves accented her graceful arms and smooth white hands. The cut showed her long cream neck that he longed to run his fingers and lips over, crowned all by golden curls that cascaded down her back and those soft hazel eyes, endless depths to them that were neither blue nor green, he ended his journey on her soft pink lips, that at this moment bore a most unwelcome frown.
"You look beautiful in this light my, love; come here." Motioning with a single finger, he drew her in to his chest as she approached him; lifting her chin with his fingers he kissed her gently.
"Only, I wish you would smile for me."
Elissa pressed her forehead against Cailan's chest. "How can I smile when you're going off to battle? I wish you would stay; I can't bear for you to leave me, I wish I could go with you."
Cailan chuckled at her words and pushed her back so he could look into her face. "You know that's not possible, even if you had been trained properly. Your place is here, as mine is with my men, you must rule while I am away. We can't leave everything to stewards my love. You must be the voice of the King while I am gone, it is what you were raised to do."
"Yes, I know, but I will miss you." She grabbed his hand and rested it against her still stomach, "We will miss you."
He smiled rubbing his hand across her still flat stomach. "Don't tell anyone my love, not till all of this business in the south is over. I want to be with you when you tell every one of our child. Now I don't leave till the Morrow and I have much to take care of, off with you then. Please see to our Uncles will you? I will join you for supper in the great hall and then in our chambers."
Standing on tiptoes she kissed his chin, then departed for the hall to see to the guests and make sure the men had been fed and were housed in the camps, until the march south tomorrow.
This she was good at, running a castle taking care of the men. Emotions were a complication, she was trained to keep them in check, and thus she was bad at expressing herself. Most thought her aloof, cold. Cailan was the only one that saw her for what she was, and the fire that burned within her. Well there was another, but that had been a long time ago, and something that was not meant to be.
Their arranged marriage had been easier than most. They had both been raised to run a country and knew what was expected of them, eventually love between them had blossomed and now she couldn't imagine her life without him.
She stopped before the double doors leading into the great hall, quickly fixing her hair she let the mask and posture of the Queen slip back into place, loosely clasping her hands before her she nodded to the guard at her side and he opened the doors.
"Ah, Lord Teagan, Arl Eamon, it is good to see you." She kissed them both on the cheek and they in turn did the same; she offered them wine and a seat at the high table. "The King will be out shortly, he bid me welcome you once again to Denerim and let you know how much we've missed you. I hope all your preparations for the coming battle have gone well, Eamon."
"They have, your Majesty, thank you. We hope this to be brief, the march might take longer than the actual battle; the keep in the wilds is an important stronghold for the Wardens. If we are able to help them retake it, it will prove useful. As Cailan wishes to push farther into the wilds, having a foothold there is of the utmost importance. Loghain's strategy is sound and should have us home within the month. The Warden Commander is very hopeful, though I had expected him before now."
"Yes, I have been informed of the keep in the wilds. I spoke with the Warden Commander; he is needed with his men and apologizes for not being here to welcome you, but shall join you tomorrow for the march." Elissa nodded to have more wine served, as the other guests, Lords, Ladies and other various Noble's entered the Great Hall.
The gathered guests grew quiet and stood as the King was announced and made his way through the room to the high table. He took the hand of his wife and motioned for everyone to be seated. Kissing his Queen on the cheek he seated her, before turning his attention to those gathered.
"My Lords and Ladies I thank you once again for your support, of your King and more importantly, Ferelden. Tomorrow we march to Ostagar, and one step closer to conquering the wilds and reclaiming a strategic foothold for the Wardens, who if a blight was ever to come to our land would be instrumental in not only it's defeat, but in the protection of our lands. I thank you for the use of your sons and daughters. Know that your King marches with you, and we shall know victory."
Raising his goblet to them he shouted, "Forever Ferelden ,fides aeterna!"
The crowd returned the shout: "Fides aeterna, Forever Ferelden!"
Cailan nodded for supper to be served, and they chatted quietly at the table of things in Redcliff and Highever. Elissa's brother Fergus laughed with the men and she smiled but her mind was not on the conversation at hand, but on her guests. Anything to keep her mind of the growing feeling of despair she had at the coming battle.
She watched her guests so they did not want for anything, calling for the dessert and making sure the wine and ale was cut off early, not only to the palace but the camps outside as well.
Cailan excused himself to the men's drawing room with his commanders and Lords, earlier than was normal and Elissa withdrew with her ladies and the Nobles wives, they chatted of marriages and salons in the spring, commenting that Elissa should think of hosting a spring solstice salon at the palace. She smiled and nodded, keeping her Queens mask firmly in place, despite the cold that had settled upon her heart.
As the night waned to a close one of the ladies requested that the Queen should play her harp. Elissa was very talented in both harp and song but had not the heart for it that eve. But keeping her pose she accepted and took her seat. The song she chose was a slow haunting melody about a Templar who had lost his love young, spending the rest of his life wandering the land in search of her. He never found her or her like; he died alone whispering her name. As her voice reached the last chord and trembled to a close she opened her eyes but it was not her lady's she saw but her King and Husband, he entered the room his face glowing with love and pride. Clapping his hands the ladies giggled, excusing themselves from the parlor, leaving her sitting by the harp. Their shared gaze was not broken as he kneeled before her; taking both of her hands he kissed them.
"You my dearest wife, have the most haunting and beautiful voice. I could listen to you for hours, but I have other plans this night." Scooping her gently in his arms, they were through the door and up the stairs within a heartbeat.
Their chamber was warm and glowing in the gentle firelight, Cailan sat her on the edge of the bed, bending over her feet he removed her slippers, kissing each ankle as he ran his hands up her leg stopping at her thigh and repeating this with the other. It had been a nightly tradition, since they had been married. His embroidered tunic was tugged off before pulling her gently to him. They sank together on the bearskin rug before the fire, he laid her back letting his eyes and fingers roam over her gentle as feathers, watching her face in the firelight his fingers playing with her golden curls.
"I love you Elissa, I want to think of you just like this while I'm gone, golden and lovely."
The fire snapped behind them causing her to jump. Her arms went around his neck, she wouldn't cry, she wasn't sure she knew how anymore. "I love you Cailan, no matter what has happened in the past, I love you."
Come back to me, come back and live your life with me, for me. It was on her lips, but she didn't say it, instead she kissed his chest above his heart and he knew.
Their lovemaking was slow and passionate. In each kiss, each touch there was promise of permanence.
The dawn came like a thief in the night to steal her love away, when she awoke Cailan was gone. Left beside her was a single red rose and a note with two simple words, words he had left for her every time he had gone from her.
'Forever, Cailan'
~~0~~
The armies followed their King South; the camp at Ostagar was lively in anticipation of the coming battle.
"What did you just say? How many darkspawn are here, what are you saying Loghain?" Cailan laid his riding gauntlets to the side and motioned for his armor to be fastened.
"At least twice what we thought your Majesty."
"Get the Warden Commander in here now." Cailan was calm, though some voice deep inside him was screaming that something was terribly wrong.
Duncan, the Commander of the Grey bowed before the King.
"Duncan, were you expecting this many Darkspawn?" "No your Majesty, this is a surprise to all of us. I have no doubt we can flush them from the keep and meet them head on. Our numbers are sufficient."
Cailan nodded. "Loghain, do you agree with the Commanders assessment? Do we go ahead with the frontal assault?"
"Yes your Majesty, I agree our numbers are sufficient, I will ready the men, for the attack comes at sundown."
"Excellent, I will ready myself and meet you on the ramparts." Cailan turned towards the back of his tent as the men exited towards the front. His hand came to rest upon a small locket around his neck. He felt fear, something he wasn't used to feeling before battle. His mind raced to his wife and unborn child. Though their marriage had been arranged, he loved her. Not to say they hadn't had their fair share of problems. But through it all, he had grown to love her like no other, and the thought that he may never see her again was like a dagger through his heart.
~~0~~
The horns of war sounded, Cailan called the first charge. The battle was long and bloody but in the end they were victorious. Cailan stood next to Loghain they were bloody, and tired but elated that the battle had gone in their favor.
"You know, Loghain I will miss this, but I would miss my wife more if we were called away to campaign often." His eyes scanned the battlefield and he smiled without turning to his general. "She's with child, Loghain, it's what we've all hopped for."
The dagger at Loghain's side faltered only briefly at the Kings announcement as he brought his left hand down on Cailan's shoulder. The thrust through the seams of Cailan's armor with his right hand was quick, precise.
"Yes, it is what we've hopped for, too bad you won't live to see it, she'll miss you terribly. But don't worry, I'll take care of her and the child, and they may yet join you in the void."
Cailan crumpled at his feet, tossing the dagger away he paused above the King's body before shouting, "On me! The King Has Fallen."
~~0~~
Elissa was in the Royal gardens, when she heard the horns of the Royal entourage approaching the Palace. She ran to the Ramparts to watch them come in; she would always wave to Cailan from here, before running down and meeting him in the courtyard. She searched the faces below her but Cailan was not among them at the lead as he normally was. A cold shiver made its way up her spine, as she climbed down, and walked slowly to the courtyard. Teagan met her taking her hand in his; she saw the cart before Teagan could say anything. There in Royal estate with his shield and sword on his chest was the King, her husband Cailan. She tried to take a step towards him but her world spun and the last thing she remembered were the strong arms of Teagan, catching her before she hit the ground.
~~0~~
Elissa awoke in her own bed, it was dark out and she tried to convince herself it was all a bad dream. It wasn't true; it couldn't be true the Maker wouldn't be this cruel. Throwing on her cloak she slipped silently out of her room and down the stairs, there was light and voices coming from the study below. Her bare feet on the stone made no noise as she leaned in towards the room, and listened.
"Elissa, is more than capable of ruling, without an heir the kingdom falls to her."
She couldn't see him but recognized his voice Teagan; her hand instinctively fell to her belly as Loghain spoke up.
"That may be, Lord Teagan. But there is another of Theirin blood, you know this as well as I."
"He's a bastard, he can't rule this country." Hissed Eamon, "It's impossible, he wouldn't know the first thing about it."
"That maybe true, but Elissa does, marry her to him and let the Theirin bloodline continue. I shall be there as advisor, and things will be as they should." Loghain's voice had a finality to it that sent a shiver through Elissa as she backed away and turned towards the stairs.
Another Theirin, how could that be possible, Cailan would have told her. Though, there had been other things he had kept from her, though a mistress at the start of an arranged marriage for a King was hardly odd, and not something he could just tell her over Supper one night. She pushed those thoughts out of her head as the reality of what had happened began to sink in. Cailan, Maker it was true, her body shuddered as she thought of his lifeless body on the cart in the courtyard.
She stood silently in their chambers before she collapsed on the bed, their bed, and she wept for the first time in her memory, she wept until her body shook.
She hit the bed with her fist, as the sobs racked her body. "You promised, Cailan, you promised forever."
~~O~~
Elissa awoke to one of her ladies starting a fire. She was tired, sore and not ready for what she knew she was about to have to face.
Before she was even dressed, there came a soft knock on her door. Maker, it was starting already.
Elissa was behind the privacy screen having her laces finished, so her lady answered the door. She could hear Teagan's voice, the conversation was short, and as she heard the door close, she stepped around the screen, sitting down at her looking-glass, letting her lady brush and pin her hair. Her dress was black, and she felt just as it looked. Sad, depressed, as if she'd never feel the warmth of the golden sun on her skin again, as the feeling settled over her like a dark cloud, the room fell silent and Elissa cleared her voice.
"What did Lord Teagan require?"
"Oh, your majesty, your presence is required in the study. There is business to discuss he said, he says you are to come as soon as you're ready. I told him that you were not in any state to deal with business, what with the King's funeral this afternoon."
Elissa shook her head, her blond curls shaking slightly. "No I shall go, things still need to be taken care of. Cailan," her voice cracked as she said his name. Swallowing the lump in her throat she continued. "Cailan wouldn't want me to let things fall by the wayside." Her voice shook again, before she clinched her jaw, rose from her chair, and made for the door.
She paused before the door, her voice low. "Please make sure that the extra rooms are prepared, we will be expecting others if my guess is right."
The ladies bobbed curtsies' and both answered with a "Yes, your Majesty."
Elissa left the room, and made her way to the stairs that lead down to the lower study. She paused at the top of the stairs, and felt a hand land on her shoulder.
"Your Majesty," it was the low voice of Loghain. "I was told you were unwell. It is good to see you; you will join us in the study won't you?" Elissa took the arm that Loghain offered her and they descended the stairs together.
"I can't tell you how sorry we are, your Majesty. The King was the best of us all." Elissa nodded numbly but kept her head high and her eyes clear.
Loghain regarded the silence, and lift in the Queens chin as cold. He mused that a dagger in her husband's back might have been a favor to him. He had images of her tripping down the stairs, but the next words out of her mouth stilled his hand. She turned to him, her eyes locked on his, her hand falling to her stomach.
"I need to tell you, as my husband's most trusted, general and friend. I'm pregnant with the Kings child, we were going to wait, until he was back, but you must know now." Her voice drifted off as her eyes lowered and they continued down the stairs.
Loghain could hardly contain his zeal, Cailan had said as much but her admission sealed his plan, and the smile that he wore as he escorted her into the study was anything but friendly.
Eamon and Teagan were already present, and they both stood and bowed.
"Your Majesty, I am so sorry," began Arl Eamon, but Elissa held up a delicate white hand halting him.
"Thank you Eamon, Teagan. I know you didn't call me here to give me your condolences, which could have waited until this evening." She looked around at the men with a practiced patience she didn't feel.
Clearing his throat Eamon stepped forward.
"Your Majesty, I know this isn't the best time to have this type of discussion, but we must discuss the issue of the throne."
She didn't flinch, just kept her gaze even and focused on Eamon.
"Yes, and what is that Issue? I am Queen am I not?"
"Yes, of course, your Majesty you are indeed Queen, but the question of the succession. Without an Heir, the throne remains unstable at best."
Loghain met Elissa's eyes as he spoke. "Majesty, there is another child of Maric. His name is Alistair; he is the next in line to the throne without an Heir. We," He motioned to the men with him. "Believe the best course of action is to have you marry him. Have another Theirin on the throne and keep the realm from falling into civil war, or Maker forbid have anyone try to harm you to claim the throne." Loghain's eyes held hers and she knew he would not tell her secret, not today.
Elissa arose from her chair and moved to the door. "I am Queen in my own right. I do not want, nor do I require another husband to help me run this country. I will thank you to not speak of this, while my husband's funeral pyre has not even been lit. Tomorrow we can speak again, but I will not hear anymore now."
Moving out the door, Loghain motioned for Eamon and Teagan to stay and he went to walk with the Queen. She stopped outside the doors that lead to the gardens, and Loghain took hold of her elbow and moved her into the shadows.
"What is it Loghain? I made myself quite clear; I will not speak about this," Loghain interrupted her with a slight shake of her arm.
"If you ever want your child to see the throne or if you, yourself wish to stay Queen you will do as I say, and marry Alistair."
"What? You can't be serious? How dare you tell me what to do or think you could threaten me?"
Loghain ignored the question and continued on his rant, "I do not make threats I don't keep your Majesty. If you do not marry Alistair I will have you married off to Teagan, and removed from Denerim. Don't think the landsmeet will stand with you. They would rather have a Theirin on the throne, and don't you think your child should rule, do not ruin that chance. Think of your child your Majesty; I will give you till the morrow to think about your choices. Remember that Alistair will be King, one way or another. If you choose not to marry him, I will do everything in my considerable power, to make sure your child never inherits the throne."
With that Loghain turned, and left Elissa shocked and staring blankly at the wall.
How dare he think he could talk to her like that? She paused, and realized she knew all too well that he meant what he had said.
Ever since she was chosen over his own daughter, Anora, as suitable bride for the King because Anora was not of noble birth, he had hated her.
Then his daughter Anora had died in childbirth, and it had changed the man known throughout Ferelden as the Hero.
Oh yes, Elissa knew what he was capable of, and she did not doubt him.
~~0~~
The night was cold and Elissa stood still as a statue, as the funeral for King Cailan happened around her. She felt like a leaf caught on a breeze, unable to change the direction she was headed.
The voice in her head was screaming no, that this couldn't happen, that it wasn't fair, that she couldn't imagine being with anyone but Cailan, worst of all, that the child in her would never know its father, and that her life would never be the same.
Elissa let her ladies take her back to her room, undress her and lay her in bed. It wasn't happening to her not really, she had locked her mind away behind the mask of the Queen. She wasn't really there. As she curled into the much too big bed, she let a few tears fall as she sobbed that she was sorry to Cailan, that for the sake of their child she would do as she must, no matter what that was.
Elissa awoke in the night, her stomach growled and she realized she had not eaten much throughout the day, she didn't want to wake her ladies, so putting on her slippers and dressing coat, she began making her way to the kitchen, she was down the stairs and making her way down the hall when she stopped dead in her tracks, Cailan.
Cailan was standing just down the hallway, his back was to her, but she knew that hair, that build, it was Cailan, and she ran then, not thinking just letting her heart want, what her head knew wasn't possible. Her arms were around him, he turned and she closed her eyes and kissed him, it was wrong, this was wrong, his lips weren't the same and his smell was different.
He felt arms go around his waist, and he about jumped out of his boots. He turned and looked down into the pale face of a golden-haired angel. She kissed him then, and he didn't know what to do, he should have pushed her back, but her lips were so damned soft.
Elissa realized as soon as her lips met his, that the man wasn't Cailan, she opened her eyes and though the face had features that were the same he was younger, and looked tired. He smelled of horses and leather, and like he hadn't bathed in some time. Cailan had always smelled of leather, soap and her lavender.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Sirrah, I thought you were someone, well it doesn't matter what I thought I shouldn't have, dear maker I'm sorry." She turned and ran, as fast as she could back to her room, leaving a very stunned and confused Alistair in her wake.
~~0~~
The day dawned and found Elissa seated at the high table, breaking her fast in silence. Her peace didn't last long though as a smug looking Loghain and Cailans uncles entered, and were seated next to her.
She choked as the man with them was introduced as Alistair Theirin. Holy Maker the same man she had thrown herself at, and kissed in the hall. She had known of course, but the reality of it in the daylight was mortifying. Composing herself she tried hard to let the Queens mask fall over her face, and she nodded at Alistair.
As Alistair walked into the dining hall, he about tripped on his own feet as the woman at the high table was introduced to him. The Queen, dear maker it was the Queen, the woman he was told he was to marry had been the angel that had kissed him last night.
At first he was thrilled, but the realization that hit him next almost knocked him over. She had thought he was his brother, his dead brother. Maker he was supposed to marry a woman, who would always be comparing him to the King.
Alistair was seated to the side of the Queen, and Loghain on the other, leaning over to the Queen Loghain's voice was low, and only for her.
"I do hope you've had time to think about what I said, Your Majesty. I have heard the Bannorn is beautiful, I'm sure Teagan would be thrilled, he's loved you for how long? Oh that's right, you don't talk about that. Well perhaps it's time to make it known, hmm?"
Elissa stiffened. She knew Teagan had been in love with her when they were younger. She had enjoyed her time with him and she knew her brother liked to hunt with him, but a life with him? Away from Denerim, the palace and everything she knew? A world, where her child would never be allowed to know that they were the rightful ruler of Ferelden? She couldn't, she wouldn't do that to the memory of Cailan. Perhaps at one time, but not now, not with everything that had happened since that summer, long ago.
"I have, I agree to your offer. I wish to stay; I will do as you say."
"Excellent," Loghain nodded.
"I will have everything arranged. By the way, I haven't told him about your condition, Your Majesty, if you were wondering. I thought it fair to let you deal with that in your own way." He smirked knowing that if this man was to be King that he could turn her away for being with child and enjoyed making her deal with that situation. He wanted to see her squirm.
Alistair watched the Queen throughout breakfast and her time with the people in the grand hall. She was proper and eloquent, beautiful and gentle, to all those around her, even though she must be going through the roughest time in her life. He had been told she was cold, a 'Ice Queen', he had a feeling there was much more to the queen of Ferelden than that, and he wanted to know more about that woman she had been in the hall.
After their supper, and when Alistair could excuse himself from the men in the hall, he went to find the Queen. They had tried to speak all day but it was difficult, with so many people around them.
Pausing outside the ladies drawing-room, he was greeted by the most haunting and beautiful voice playing the harp. The voice was sad mournful, the pain in the voice pulled on his heart and he dared glance into the room.
Sitting at the harp was the Queen, and he melted at the sight. The golden halo of her hair, with the harp transformed her truly, into the fragile golden angel he had thought her to be. As the song ended their eyes met, and the sharp intake of breath that followed let him know his presence was not wanted, and he retreated down the hall.
Elissa caught up to Alistair, before he could duck into his room. He scared easily, a trait she was not used to in a man. Cailan would have never fled in front of a room full of women.
"Alistair?"
She stopped short before him, her face calm and her hands clasped in front of her.
"I would speak to you, I am sorry for not inviting you into the parlor. Please come to my personal study, and we shall speak." Leading him to a very formal room, which held walls of books and a little dainty writing desk, she seated herself beside the fire and motioned for him to do the same.
"Brandy," she spoke to no one directly, but before them appeared two brandies and a small plate of treats.
"Please have some, it is the best brandy. Marics and Cailans own, and I suppose now your own, stock."
Her resolve faltered for only the barest of moments, before she collected herself and continued.
"I know you have been told that we are to be married, and that your coronation will follow. I have also been told you were raised to be a Templar. Whereas I respect the work that the Templar's do, it is not running a country. I will be here to help you, please know I am no normal woman when it comes to matters of state. I was trained at an early age and I pledge to help you in any way I can." Clearing her throat she continued.
"Most importantly I wish you to know, by my word only, I am with child. I ask only one thing, that this child will not be displaced by any of your own children. That this child, will remain first heir to the throne; if you agree to this I agree to help you be the King Ferelden deserves."
Alistair's jaw almost landed on the ground. "Yes of course, I had no idea, but of course the child will remain first in line for the throne, I would never suggest otherwise. It will be raised as our own, as will the rest of our children."
He didn't like the tone she had, the cold indifference to their marriage. As if it was no more important than some treaty between countries. But then again, wasn't that all this really was? This was not how he had imagined this going; it was not the start to his marriage he wanted.
"Do you think we might be able to move past all this formalness, at some point? It's starting to make me a bit nervous. I really don't want to be this way around you, you know, for the rest of my life. It makes me feel like a small awkward boy again."
Elissa nodded. "You're the King, it is expected of you, I will help you, and I will do my duty to you as a Queen, and wife."
The cold look in her eyes drew him up short and he sighed,just doing her duty, Maker, that's what he was afraid of.