In response to misura's challenge at anichallenge:
A YGO one-shot, wherein Rowan borrows the characters cooked up by Kazuki Takahashi, sticks them in a conversation and generally messes with their minds, sexualities, and reputations. Enjoy...or she may just do that to you.
Consideration
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It was a long time before Honda found out Yami had feelings. He had never really considered the spirit of the three thousand year old pharaoh; much less consider him as a human, so when one day Yuugi let a comment on Yami slip during lunch, Honda was caught off-guard.
"Yami's been sulking lately," the boy said just as Honda was sitting down with his lunch tray. "I can't understand it; he's never acted like this before."
Jounouchi's face contorted as if he wanted to say something, but since his mouth was full, he couldn't manage a word. Honda noted with interest that Anzu's face was blank with disinterest and Yuugi was now looking at him and Bakura to say something of concern.
Bakura delivered. "The thief always acted moody when he was in his soul room," he said in sympathy. "But that was mostly out of irritation at the fact he couldn't get your Millennium Puzzle. Have you asked Yami what the matter is?"
Yuugi sighed. "Well, he won't say anything! Something's hurting though. Yeah, he hurts. He sighs a lot."
Honda couldn't say anything. The thought that Yami, the confident spirit of the Puzzle whose sole purpose was to duel, could feel upset, could be hurt, boggled his mind. Honda began to eat his sandwich; he was not about to enter this conversation.
Jounouchi swallowed his sandwich in a heartbeat. "Yuugi, what has Yami told you exactly?"
"I don't even know why Yami's acting strange," Yuugi continued to speak as though Jou had not spoken. "He won't talk to me and when he does it's at the most inconvenient times and he doesn't say anything when he tries. It's getting so frustrating!"
Jou blinked; Yuugi was no longer sitting in his seat, having stood while he spoke, with his hands buried in his hair and his eyes stubbornly shut. He wasn't talking to them anymore, so Jou returned to his sandwich like a faithful dog.
Anzu stood suddenly and picked up her tray. "I'm going to the library," she announced, then walked away. Bakura stood as well.
"I think I'll be going to the library as well," he said in his soft voice, sending a worried glance at Yuugi before quickly following Anzu.
So Yuugi, Jou, and Honda were alone. Jou was frowning at his sandwich, Yuugi was standing still with his fingers threaded in his hair and his eyes closed and Honda was considering walking away as well when Yuugi disappeared. Yami was there in his place and, despite Yuugi's voiced concerns, appeared as calm as ever Honda remembered him.
"Honda, please don't leave just yet," he said, even though Honda was still sitting down. Yami's omniscience confirmed Honda's suspicions that Yami really wasn't human. The idea that Yami knew his intentions almost before he did made Honda's eyes narrow and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.
"Who said I was leaving?" he growled. Jou's face moved closer to the table and Yami didn't even flinch.
He smiled instead. "Yuugi always got so upset when his grandfather knew what he wanted before he even spoke. It always irritated him to no end. I've always wanted to be like that; to know what someone is about to say before their words have even formed in their head. Humanity would be so much easier to handle that way."
Honda stood then, despite Yami's earlier request. "I have homework to do," he said, picking up his tray and starting to walk away. Yami followed him and, though neither noticed, Jou let out a long sigh of relief.
"I'll walk with you then," Yami said. Honda made a face, but did not argue against him.
"Suit yourself," he said, leaving the cafeteria and walking towards his locker. Yami walked beside him. Neither of them spoke.
Honda stopped briefly at his locker and turned his back on Yami while he pulled out the books he needed. He found them easily enough and, when he turned around, opened his mouth to tell Yami he was done. But the spirit hadn't expected Honda to turn around so quickly; his eyes were vulnerable and showed a great deal of pain in their dark depths.
"Yami," Honda whispered, surprised. "Yuugi wasn't lying, when he said you were hurting, was he?"
"Yuugi lie?" Yami laughed uncertainly. "When has that ever happened? But I'm afraid he's wrong; and that's forgivable, right Honda?"
Yami's eyes were fierce again and the corners of Honda's mouth turned down in disappointment. "What does that have do with me anyway?" he said aloud. "It's really none of my business; sorry for intruding." He turned quickly away. Yami wasn't human, and yet Yami had feeling in his eyes a moment ago- Honda didn't expect either, had never considered either until now and really just wanted to return to being normally ignorant. It was a nice role to play when everyone else lived in chaos. "Let's get going. The library will close soon if we don't."
Yami nodded. "Let's," he agreed.
They began to walk down the hall again, their footsteps echoing in the empty corridor. Honda glanced over at his companion's spiky hair and was startled to realize how much shorter Yami was in comparison to him. Yami's eyes were level with Honda's mouth, the top of his hair only up to the start of Honda's hair. However, the pharaoh was taller than Yuugi, and Honda noticed that too.
Honda started to walk slower, not so certain he wanted to get to the library in time, not sure he wanted to miss the opportunity to understand the Yami he was sure he never knew. "Yami, if you're not…hurting," Honda said suddenly, "then why did Yuugi say what he did?"
Yami did not answer; Honda half-expected him not to. Yami was always mysterious like that, and whenever someone asked him a question he rather would not answer, he simply ignored the person, as he was doing now with Honda. But after a moment, Yami surprised Honda; he spoke.
"I can't remember much of my past, Hiroto; you know that. But what little I do remember, fed by Isis's flashbacks with her Necklace, and the thief's tidbits into my past life, I get the sense of unhappiness. Honestly Hiroto, how could I have possibly been happy back then? I was the Pharaoh of Egypt when it was plagued by the shadow games; I died before I had a chance to live."
Yami stopped walking; his head was turned to the ground and away from Honda. His shoulders were hunched as if to hide something, and his hand clutched desperately at his chest, as if in pain.
"I was so young, so isolated; I never knew what love was, Hiroto. Now I've been reborn in Yuugi and I know what love is, through Yuugi, but…"Yami trailed off, then shook his head swiftly. A droplet of water landed on Honda's hand; Yami was crying. "But feeling through Yuugi isn't enough. I want to love and be loved back, for myself, for being Yami." Yami buried his face in his hands and a small whimper of pain escaped from his lips as his small frame shook with sorrow.
Honda was frozen beside Yami, staring at the man who only a moment before had been a spirit, who called him what no one called him, who evoked a sense of pity and desire to comfort that he had never felt. Yami, in Honda's eyes, had always been an uncaring, confident presence, some sort of ghost that he could see and talk to and occasionally touch, but of whose existence he had never taken advantage. Reaching out, Honda took advantage of the opportunity to touch Yami, gently pushing Yami by his shoulder until he was facing him in the hallway.
"Yami, I…I never knew you felt that way. I wish there were some way I could help," he said awkwardly, looking down at his feet in embarrassment at his lack of eloquence.
Yami lifted his head out of his hands and blinked slowly. "Hiroto, there is something you can do," he said.
"Oh, what's that?" Honda asked, curious.
"What do you think of Jounouchi?" Yami asked abruptly. Honda looked taken aback by the seemingly irrelevant comment.
"Jounouchi? What do I think of him?" he repeated in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Do you like him?" Yami continued to ask. "I mean, like him more than a friend would."
Honda's face was blank with shock, until he regained his senses. Honda took an offended step away from the pharaoh. "Of course not!" he exclaimed. "Yami, how could you ask that? Of course I don't have feelings for Jou!" Honda's voice was a little too loud, but it didn't matter as nobody heard him anyway.
Yami seemed unaffected by Honda's declaration. "Oh, that's interesting," he said conversationally.
"Interesting!" Honda was beginning to get vexed at Yami's vacillating emotions, from existent to imagined, like a pendulum. "What's so interesting about that? What does it have to do with anything?" he cried, turning away from Yami in frustration.
"Jou told me you'd react like this," Yami said from behind Honda. "I didn't want to believe him, not at first. I think I set my hopes up too high. Oh well, so much for trying." Yami's voice was nonchalant, but something underneath his words, a trembling sort of sorrow, touched Honda's ears and compelled him to turn around just in time to see Yami's back start to continue down the hall without him. Honda reached out a hand and laid it on Yami's shoulder. He stopped, but did not turn to face Honda. "Yes?"
"Just what's that supposed to mean?" Honda whispered intensely. "What did you mean, 'your hopes'?" Honda's eyes narrowed. "This isn't really about Jounouchi, is this?"
Yami shrugged Honda's hand off, but he did not move. Honda moved closer to Yami, hovering delicately behind the fragile, confounding man, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and maybe a little with buried, emerging, understanding.
"When I first met you, Hiroto, through Yuugi, and then later as myself, the first thing that struck me was the honesty in your eyes." Honda stepped closer and lifted his hand to Yami's arm. Yami continued speaking, ignoring the fingers gently clasping his jacket. "Later, there was your steadfast loyalty, your dedication to your friends, your love, your strength," a pause and Yami turned away from the hand holding him softly, tilting his head down and whispering like an epiphany, "and I was dazzled by it all. Because…because you didn't really belong in any of it, and yet you involved yourself without question."
Yami lifted his head, swung his eyes slowly around until they tried to meet Honda's, but the sparkles in his eyes told Honda why Yami couldn't meet his intent gaze. "I wanted to know it wasn't just for Jou, that it could be for…someone else." Yami let his eyes fall in defeat, tired of battling with his will and his weakness. He laughed bitterly to himself. "Anyone else, really; it doesn't really matter whom. Though, I suppose it does, in a way." He let loose a sardonic smile. "You could say I wanted it to be for me."
Yami was now looking up at Honda, boldly facing him entirely. Honda let his hand fall as he stared into Yami's defiant, mesmerizing eyes, but Yami caught it before Honda let it fall back to his side. Honda shivered at the small sudden contact of Yami holding his hand. He turned his eyes down to their barely touching fingers, noticing how delicate Yami's fingers looked holding his. "I don't understand…what this has to do with Jounouchi," he said at last, not lifting his head.
Yami let his Honda-free hand lift Honda's chin, not really needing to lift it up, as from this angle Honda was nearly looking into Yami's eyes, but more to bring him closer. As Honda's face drew closer to Yami's, he felt Yami's tender breath against his cheek. Yami smiled. "It doesn't really have to anything to do with Jounouchi, only that he figured it out…or you could say I trusted him enough to figure it out for him." Yami laughed at Honda's confused expression and let his chin go. Honda did not move away. Yami firmly refused in his mind to let go of Honda's hand. "There's a reason Yuugi was the one to solve the Puzzle; still, he could not figure me out."
"I still don't understand," Honda insisted, though he was becoming more aware of the subtext of Yami's words. However, he refused to believe what his mind was telling him.
Yami reached out for Honda's face again, cupping his cheek and smiling as he did so. "I don't know that there's anything to understand, really," he said. "Hiroto, I didn't answer your question before."
Honda's eyebrows met his hairline. "Which question?"
Yami leaned closer until his breath tickled Honda's left ear. "What you can do for me right now is stay still and don't push me away. Can you do that for me, Hiroto?"
Perhaps hearing his name fall from Yami's lips so close to his ear helped Honda see what it was Yami had been hinting at the entire time. Hesitating at Yami's request, Honda had to know more, so he nodded.
Yami pulled away a little, but not so far that Honda couldn't smell the faint hint of strawberry jam that Yuugi had eaten minutes and words before on Yami's breath. Then, suddenly, like a spring shower, the strawberry jam breath was against his lips, and then the mouth that tasted faintly of jam as well touched Honda's mouth in a soothing kiss. Yami's fingers were gripping Honda's hand fiercely now, his other hand still caressing his cheek. His lips were soft and light like turtledove wings against Honda's mouth and were content to rest beneath his lips unmoving. Bold intrusions would be for later.
Honda looked down at the man kissing him with hooded yet surprised eyes, honest shock shining on the man who, before then, had been a mere spirit, the man whom Honda never thought could understand a kiss, the man Honda never imagined he would get close enough to kiss. Yet Yami was kissing him, had called him what no other had called him and Honda found himself too frozen with disbelief to close his eyes and enjoy the sweet contact of lips.
Then Yami let his lips fall from Honda and Yami let go of the smooth cheek and, more reluctantly, let Honda's hand finally drop to his side. Stepping back, Yami's eyes were once again shining with unshed sorrow, his head bowed. "You can push me away now, Hiroto," he said softly, forlornly, to the ground.
Honda had never considered Yami before, not as a three-thousand year old spirit nor as a man. But with the memory of Yami's lips branded in his mind, Honda wanted to consider Yami for a long time. He wanted to consider Yami's feelings, Yami's tribulations, and how blackberry jam tasted on his lips.
So Honda stepped forward and took Yami's cheek in his hand, lifting the man's face. "I'm not going to push you away, Yami. Not yet; not for a long time. Maybe even for forever," Honda smiled, uncertain, down on Yami, whose eyes were starting to spill even as a smile began to grow on his face again. "Would you like that, Yami? Would that make you happy, for me to involve myself for your sake?"
Yami's smile was wide and wet with tears and, embarrassed to be a pharaoh and crying, he buried his face in Honda's chest, nodding his head emphatically. His shoulders did not shake with sobs but with happiness and Honda, who was not used to showing so much affection despite his humanity, folded his arms shyly around Yami's frame. Soon Yami stepped back; his tears vanished into Honda's uniform. "Jou said that would happen too," he said.
Honda was tempted to lean forward and capture Yami's lips, but the bell was about to ring and lunch would be over. He still had not eaten. Honda licked his lips and smiled. He wanted a strawberry jam sandwich all of a sudden. So he settled for resting his arm around Yami's shoulders and walking back towards the lunchroom. As they walked together side by side, a thought occurred to Honda and he turned his head to look down at Yami.
"So, I have just one question. How did Jounouchi get so smart?"
Yami merely laughed.
Owari
Note: It's strange. I'm trying to avoid using any Japanese words randomly in my stories (a new thing, so most of my stories are still corrupted with the random foreign words) yet I insist on saying the story is over with "Owari". Do I have some mental thing that disables me from using the words "The End" to conclude my stories? Or does it just look cooler that way? I wonder…
Anyway, about the story. I absolutely love it! But then, I love pioneering into a pairing that I have never had the luck to come across, so that in and of itself is part of why I love this story. So yes, I admit that Yami/Honda is a bit of an esoteric pair to begin with, because they barely, rarely, interact with each other on an individual basis, but that's what makes the pair so complicated! I love it because it leaves absolute freedom to the author to be creative and explain why they should be together. It's definitely not as cut and dry as a puppyshipping story, that's for sure. Also, Yami/Honda is my favorite pairing next to Seto/Honda. No, that's not coincidence…
Okay, fine, I admit it! I just love Honda.
Anyway, I hope to get at least one review for this thing. Feed a starving author?