Aftershocks 1/1
This is an immediate post-ep for 4X10
Auggie didn't move, he knew it would be at least a half hour before he heard from Eyal and he couldn't actually move. He thinks he would die here if the building was on fire, because he truly cannot move. He still has his personal cell in his hand, the one he just listened to Annie "die" through.
He wants to make a call, to anyone really, and let the CIA listen in. "You guys happy now, is this what you wanted?" he wants to scream for everyone at Langley to hear. They'll think he means Annie's death, but her plan seems nearly as final to him.
Gone.
She's gone. As abruptly as she slammed into his life 4 years ago, she is gone.
He wants to try and conjure her scent, how long ago was she here kissing him? The tears at the back of his throat limit his sense of smell and he can't smell her.
His fingers flex against the edge of the mattress. He remembers the tactile sensation of his fingers flexing in her hair, trailing along her thigh, tracing the curve of her jaw, her lips. He remembers clutching the edge of this mattress with her under him.
He can hear her laugh, the way she says his name when she wants something. Or when she wants him. He can hear her singing in the shower or the car. He can hear gunfire.
He has to force himself to focus on the immediate, he can't think ahead to what's next. He can't think about calling Danielle or returning to work. He can't think about breaking this news to Joan, already so stressed she is in a hospital bed. He can't think about formulating a plan to reach her, to be with her, to help her. To save her. He can only sit and wait.
Auggie had stopped trying to picture things in the traditional sense a long time ago. As completely as he knows Annie he does not have a true picture of her in his head, it is instead a conflagration of emotion, he knows her. He does however remember what a crime scene looks like, and he can picture the sheet-covered stretcher, the first aid attempts, the blood. He can remember what blood looks like.
At the moment his sense of Annie overlaps with the stretcher he has to stand up. He has to move, to pace, he needs his mind to stop working.
Finally the burner phone he hoped Annie would call on earlier rings. The phone he intended to answer with a new plan, anything but this one, rings a second time. He is terrified to answer it, right now he is in a twisted limbo, the person on this phone could have the worst possible news he could hear.
"Yes," his voice is raw.
"She's fine," Eyal's voice is a little shaky too.
"Really?"
"Really," Eyal assures.
Auggie's legs give out and he is suddenly seated, his back against the mattress.
"Thank…" Auggie starts.
"Please don't. Just get her back, whatever it takes," Eyal ended the call.
"Whatever it takes," he whispers to himself and lets the tears finally fall.
The End