The Incredible Shrinking Lana
Disclaimer: Once again I will say it – I do not, nor shall I ever own Smallville.
Summary: Lana shrinks, Clark grows and Pete becomes a tree for reasons that will become clear – sort of.
Once upon a time in America, because this is where our story is set, not anywhere else like Denmark or Lincolnshire, there was a town. This town was known as Smallville and it was in a place called Kansas.
Famous fictional people came from Kansas such as Dorothy and Superman – after Kyrpton exploded of course, but our story is not concerned with such characters, chiefly because Dorothy is in the wrong book and Superman has yet to be created.
The year was 2001 if you are in America or 2002 if you live in the UK and probably anywhere else. It was also Wednesday the 13th January 2001 and/or 2002.
Chloe walked up the steps that led to Smallville High with her friend Pete. They were discussing trigonometry or how to build a barn – probably.
"Do you think that Lana is shrinking?" Chloe asked Pete as they entered the corridor.
"Hmm. She does seem to be getting a little shorter." Pete said looking across the hall.
And she was, shrinking I mean although yes she was also across the hall.
"Do you think she's on some kind of medication?"
"What drugs?"
"Maybe – perhaps we are on drugs." Chloe mused aloud as a giant pink panda strolled out of a side door and into Lana's locker.
"Nah – she's just getting' short. She'll disappear in a few seconds, but not before Clark has his obligatory 'stare at Lana moment'." Pete said.
Then sure enough Clark came to stand behind him. He always stood behind Chloe and Pete on account of his great height advantage. On this day however, Clark seemed particularly tall.
"Clark, I think you're growing." Chloe said.
"Wow. I think you're right." Clark replied watching the floor grow increasingly further away from his face. Yes, for some reason he was staring at the floor for once and not Lana.
However Pete soon noticed that with every few inches that Clark grew, Lana seemed to be getting smaller.
"Hey this isn't fair, how come Clark gets all of Lana's height. If anyone needs to grow it's me. He gets all the super-powers too, it's not fair!" Pete whined although the writer is pretty sure that Pete shouldn't know about that yet.
"Perhaps we can help you." A female voice said. Pete looked around and saw three young girls – women actually, standing at the far end of the corridor.
"By the power of three,
Let Pete be as tall as a tree." They chanted. Unfortunately this impromptu visit by the Charmed Ones had happened after the bell had rung so nobody was around to watch Pete transform into a giant six foot oak.
"Oops sorry." Piper, who was their leader because I have decided Paige shall tag along, said. The three witches then backed away slowly and left giant oak tree Pete standing next to tiny midget Lana.
"Lana you're as small as a borrower." Pete said.
"Pete you're as tall as a tree – in fact you are a tree."
"I know." Pete was a little said.
Moving on… I hour later:
It was the end of the lesson and the hallway was once again filled with people.
"Pete what happened?" Chloe asked.
"I got turned into a tree."
"Oh. Ok." Chloe said. "Can I put you on my wall of weird?"
"Oh go on then."
So Clark uprooted Pete because he possessed super-strength and enhanced height and pinned him on Chloe's wall of weird using a gigantic wad of blue-tac.
The End, almost
Lana died unexpectedly on Wednesday the 13th of January after Clark stepped on her whilst carrying tree-Pete. Her squished remains are on display in the museum of Lana Lang because she is so wonderful…like the Wonderful Wizard of Oz, just more female but about the size of a munchkin.
Hmmm.
There's no place like home – there's no place like home…