Chapter 1: Every Dog has its Day
The Citadel's once flourishing markets and cascading waterfalls now were replaced with an ashen gray. Everything had been destroyed from the Crucible's blast- the last chance against the Reapers. Small particles of dust still hung in the air, as if being held up by some unannounced force. Clusters of rubble and stone lay speckled all over, the exoskeleton of the Citadel holding together by a meager thread of mechanisms and wire.
Shepard lay motionless underneath the barren wasteland that once was the Citadel. Her biotic implant failing rapidly as the weight of the rubble seemed to ripping through her chest. A small alert sounded within her helmet.
LOW OXYGEN RESERVES. WARNING. LOW OXYGEN RESERVES.
Commander Shepard knew she didn't have very much time left and the chances of someone find her were a false hope. She tried to take in a breath but stopped due to searing pain it caused all over her body. Shepard closed her eyes. I'm sorry Kaidan, I g-guess we won't find each other again. The impending doom loomed over her like a dark cloud; however, she had found a small sliver of peace.
The Reapers are destroyed. It's finally over.
The victory against the Reapers wasn't without its besiege of tragedies though, as Shepard felt her cybernetic implants failing and knew that across the galaxy, all synthetics were turning off. The Geth who had once again made amends with their creators and helped the pursuit of the war were experiencing their last moments. Shepard's eyes shot open. EDI. A small drop of moisture cascaded down her check as she realized that EDI was no longer going to exist, because of her. So many people have died and been hurt in relation to Shepard and the thought of Joker loosing EDI, was almost unbearable.
WARNING. OXYGEN LEVELS DEPLETED. WARNING
Shepard could feel her breath quickening as the oxygen left in her helmet was rapidly decreasing from the sub-zero environment. It was nearly time… Shepard took a small breath, breathing in the last of the fresh oxygen from her helmet.Shepard let her thoughts stray as she remembered all the moments of the past three years since her promotion to XO under Captain Anderson. Remembering back in her academy days, following in the Alliance footsteps of her parents, excelling in everything she did and quickly rising to the top of her class. The darkness enveloped Shepard, the light fading into nothing more than a shadow, a dream.
Kaidan. Her thoughts stopped. All of the moments concerning the Major flooded in an instant into Shepard's mind. She closed her eyes and smiled.
Kaidan's weary eyes looked, blankly, at the door of Shepard's cabin. The soft hum of the interlock of the door sounded as the doors opened revealing everything as it had been left. The fish swam, indifferently, within the aquarium wall; the bluish hue cast an ominous glow onto the floor, reflecting Kaidan's darkening thoughts. The desk was speckled with defense and offense reports, the sheets of the bed rustled from a hasty departure. Kaidan slowly walked down the stairs toward the bed, allowing his hand to stray onto the pillow…Shepard's pillow. The indent of where her head had been two days before, faintly shown through the feathered casing. Kaidan inhaled sharply.
It was his duty, along with the other crew of the Normandy, to keep face and encourage confidence. Their crash on a nearby system had left the Normandy's thrusters practically useless for departure. The Normandy was in bad shape and it would take an optimistic and determined team to bring the ol' girl back to being space-worthy. Kaidan's eyes left the pillow, his stride with newfound purpose as he walked out of the cabin and clicked the elevator button to go to the 4th level, engineering. There would be time to mourn the lost someday, but for now, he had to remain strong and couldn't let his emotions win this battle. Not yet. There could still be a chan—
"EDI deserved every opportunity to survive. She was one of us!"
Kaidan quickly recognized that voice as Joker, and heard another voice resound in uncaring command with a thick accent, "That is not so, a machine is just a machine. It served its' purpose with the ship's needs and that's it. In my cycle, the fraternization with a machine was unfathomable. "
The doors of the elevator snapped open to see Javik and Joker nearly neck and neck, the blood vessel in Joker's neck seeming as if it would burst at any second, his intense gaze unwavering. Javik was obviously exhibiting his usual tendency of offering uncensored and probably unsolicited criticism. Kaidan knew this had the potential to head south quickly and decided to intervene, his stride quickening to meet up with the two. Kaidan's dark brows furrowed, his stern voice directed at the Prothean, "That's enough Javik! Surely even you can understand the need for mourning."
Joker turned away from Javik and looked back at EDI, motionless upon the med bay table, her hardware smoking and singed, as she had gone offline hours before their crash. Her eyes remained open, their unregistered gaze looking transparently at the opposing wall, her limbs sprawled out and lifeless. The pilot sat beside the unshackled AI and held her hand, dropping his gaze down to the floor.
Javik adjusted his attention to Kaidan, "Only when the emotion is warranted. Tears would never have been shed over the death of a synthetic in my cycle. This is a foolish notion. Your commander understood this, she died knowing this and the sooner you both accept it, the better off we will be." His apathetic tone mirrored his uninterested walk, as he left the med bay, not looking back towards the grief-stricken pilot.
Kaidan pulled a chair up next to Joker and rest a sympathetic hand upon the pilot's back, "Shepard knew how much EDI meant to you. She never would have taken that away had there been any other alternative." Joker looked up, brushing away the wet streak from his cheek and composing himself, "I know. It doesn't make it any easier though. This war has turned out to be a real shit hole." He uncomfortably shifted his hat on his head, brushing his short-cropped hair back with his opposing hand before returning the cap to his former place.
Kaidan nodded and stood, adjusting the collar of his uniform, before looking down at Joker, "There is still a chance we can do something for EDI, but right now we have to focus on getting the Normandy back in the air." Joker nodded and a straightened his back before saluting at the Major. "Aye, aye Major."
Upon leaving the Med-bay he turned the corner sharply to take the ladder leading to the engineering room, where his comrades were working tirelessly and feverishly on getting the Normandy back into running shape. Garrus, Tali'Zorah, Liara and James looked up at Kaidan with silence and reverence. They all knew what he was going through but could see the constant strain starting to take its toll on the Major. "All right people, let's get to it," remarked Garrus, breaking the tension in the room before approaching Kaidan, holding a wrench in his hand.
"How are you holding up, Major?" Garrus turned and opened a compartment adjacent from Kaidan's position, and continued his calibrations within the mainframe back up servers of the Normandy. Kaidan nodded, "I've seen better days." Garrus agreed without looking at the Major and continued his work, the long hours showing in the tension of the turian's arms. Kaidan set off to begin his own work on the ship's navigational systems when he suddenly felt a sharp pain at the back of his skull, a jolt that reverberated across his entire upper body making it hard to focus. In a swift motion, Kaidan brushed his hand across his upper lip, focusing in on the familiar sight of blood-stained finger tips. Nose bleeds were nothing new to the major; however, since the destruction of the Reapers, his L2 implants have slowly begun deteriorating within his brain. Leaning against a nearby wall for support, Kaidan checked his pockets for something to wipe away the blood with.
"Are you ok?" Garrus asked concern etched all over his scarred face, handing Kaidan a neaby rag from the utility cabinet. Kaidan nodded and took it appreciatively. "I'm fine Garrus; it's nothing I haven't dealt with."
Garrus shook his head, "The stubbornness of you human spectres ...you remind me of myself." A humorous grin swelling onto his lips, "who knows, maybe you have a little turian in you. Are you sure you are ok?"
Kaidan faked a weak smile and nodded, "Heh, perhaps… it's just my L2 implants..." The turian looked quizzically at the Major, his disapproving look imminent on his face, "Maybe, but we both know the thing that's bothering you, doesn't involve implants." The turian started off towards the main battery area motioning for the major to follow him, and Kaidan reluctantly obliged, knowing better than to argue with the infamous Archangel .
"Have a seat," Garrus said pulling over a nearby weapon's crate. As Kaidan sat down his head continued to throb, maybe it is a good idea to sit for a while, Kaidan thought to himself, though he knew what Garrus was getting at and he wasn't looking forward to discussing it. He'd already had enough thoughts exploding in his brain that he wasn't sure he wanted yet another reminder. "Look Kaidan, I know you're doing everything you can to appear strong for the crew but the fact is that you haven't really talked to anyone since the crash, you've got to face it sooner or later. I know you better than anyone here and yet I can't even imagine how this must be affecting you." Kaidan gazed at the floor, not wanting to admit everything that Garrus was saying was true, "I don't deny that you're right Garrus, but you know we have a responsibility to the crew, we can't let them see us lose hope… If Shepard were here…"
Garrus cut him off, "If Shepard were here and saw you like this, she'd drop whatever she was doing to make sure you were ok. She had always kept a watchful eye over you and she'd never forgive me, if I just stood by and did nothing. Talk to me Kaidan, right now you're fighting a battle with yourself and unless you let an ally or two in to help, there's no way you'll make it out alive." The turian's words fell on him like well-aimed missiles, tearing away at the defenses he had placed to keep others from seeing just how vulnerable he'd really been. Kaidan felt his eyes getting misty, and quickly turned his face away and composed himself. Garrus took a seat next to him and raised an arm, resting his heavy claw on the man's shoulder, a somewhat awkward gesture though Kaidan greatly appreciated the effort.
Kaidan quickly drew in a breath, not allowing his composure to falter and looked up at the ceiling, trying to find something to focus on and finding nothing, he turned to Garrus. "I wanted more time with her, she really loved me, Garrus, she told me that the last time I saw her…and then she was.." His melancholy voice quickly reverting to anger as he stood up, clenching his fist, "Stupid fucking military protocol and this stupid war always was getting in the way." Garrus sat quietly, allowing his friend the time he needed to continue. Kaidan threw his hand in the air, in frustration, "And all those months I spent doubting her! Accusing her of being a Cerberus puppet…What an idiot I had been, how could I have done that to her, Garrus? What the hell was I thinking?"
At that comment, Garrus broke his silence, "Kaidan, that's all in the past, you had your reasons and what matters is that you were there for her in the end of everything. You were the last happy moment she was able to have. Besides, you're forgetting that in those last moments you also finally managed to tell Shepard you loved her too. Think about how happy she must have been to hear you say that, no matter how the situation played out there, her last moments she knew you believed in her. Don't discount the effect something like that can have on a person." Kaidan clenched his jaw, a new fluid of unwarranted emotions beckoning to be answered. Turning away from the turian, he nodded in silent agreement.
Kaidan returned his gaze to Garrus, extending his hand to help the tired turian to his feet, "Thank you Garrus, I just…I can't let go of her, and don't think I'll ever be able to." Garrus nodded in mutual agreement, "Believe me, I understand what you are going through to some extent." He picked up his tool box and headed further into the calibration server, Kaidan following, "I doubt I'll ever find someone like Shepard, she was like a sister to me." Kaidan forced a smiled, opening the circuit breaker for Garrus before grabbing some tools of his own, "Yeah, you two were really something...There just wasn't a Shepard without a Garrus Vakarian."
Garrus let out a chuckle and threw Kaidan a devious grin, his scars creasing in response,
"Damn straight."