Elijah didn't know how long he stood there, staring at her with wide eyes and twitching hands. His head was filled with a rushing sound so loud that he nearly missed the fact that she had a heartbeat. It was just slower and quieter and not what he ever wanted to associate with her. His own heart was racing and as he stared at her, every promise he'd ever made her floated across his eyes, followed by the black cloud that was his failure. It was his sentimentality and failure to uphold his word that led to this. He'd gotten away too cleanly too many times. The world had punish him for his failure and it had gotten him right where it hurts.
He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what he wanted to do. He wanted to run away, to leave her for good and stop interfering with her life to only worsen it. He wanted to get away so he wouldn't have to see her like that. He didn't want to be in this town anymore. He just didn't want to be. No matter what he did, he always failed. Always. He was tired of putting forth so much only to come out a failure every time.
He knew what he should do. What Elena might expect of him. He should be like he's always been. But this blow hurt him more than she could ever know. His eyes narrowed at this and he barely noticed that his body had moved forward on its own towards her. Elena didn't step back, just sat on the top of her couch and crossed her arms. His lips suddenly dry, he attempted to speak, knowing he'd been silent too long. "It's not-"
It's not true. Tell me it isn't true. Lie to me.
Elijah's voice died and he saw in her eyes resignation, sorrow and exhaustion. Elena knew what he was going to say and she nodded while her hands squeezed her upper arms. As he took her in, he steeled himself. Elijah felt anger engulf his despair and something in him trying to break. His teeth clenched together and his jaw muscle tightened as he tried to keep his emotions in check. As he felt rage building inside at everything having come to this, he closed his eyes, regaining control.
Her voice, quiet and clear cut into his torrid thoughts and he was calmed down some. "I didn't want to die, Elijah. I didn't want to leave Jeremy. He's already lost so many people and-and I couldn't just leave him alone knowing that. I couldn't just die yet."
"Elena, you are dead." He spoke, strong and louder, and her face crumpled. Elena stood back up and stepped to him, frenzied.
"I had to. It was the only choice. I had to."
"Elena." He took another step towards her and kept his eyes focused on hers, wanting to soothe her. "You don't have to justify yourself to me."
Elena's lip trembled and Elijah realized in that moment that all of what he felt didn't matter. What mattered was her. She was in more pain, needed more guidance than he did. She didn't want this, but this is what she had chosen and he knew she was terrified. The Salvatores briefly flashed through his mind, but they were gone just as quickly. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to do something for her and have it actually succeed. He had failed her so many times over. Again, rage burned through him, but he redirected it and made a decision. He wouldn't sit in his guilt and go mad. He was here and he would help her.
"Elena, I know you're afraid. I know you didn't want this. If you need anything from me, I will do it. I will help you through this, if you desired it." As he spoke, words becoming more frantic, his fear and doubt fell away. Perhaps it was that he saw so clearly the fear in her eyes, knew how her heart was one that didn't want to hurt others. If everything else about her changed, he knew her heart wouldn't. She would still be the same Elena where it mattered. He would see to it.
Elena searched his eyes. He didn't know what for, but he didn't blink or look away. Her arms tightened around herself and she took a deep breath. "I have Stefan and Damon here to help me. I-I had decided to let Damon go and be with Stefan... before the accident. But now, I don't want to think about that because I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or who I'm supposed to be."
"You are going to need to learn control and acceptance. You are going to be extremely volatile and emotional during this. It's not something that you can pick up right away. It's going to take time. I'm sure they would give you all the time in the world."
"I know. But..." Elena seemed to be thinking something over and she looked away for a moment, hesitating. Her head raised slowly with an intake of breath, but her nervousness was palpable. She was buzzing with something. He thought it might be hunger and with the way she was acting, she seemed to be afraid of herself.
"Between them and you, I feel more safe with you. When I first took in blood, the looks on their faces... They want to help, but Stefan is... And Damon doesn't... I don't want them to see me like this. Not when they're both- what I mean is, Elijah, I want your help. Please help me."
"You don't want to hurt them any more than you already have. Is that it?"
She nodded and Elijah smiled, small and relieved. He knew the Elena he admired was still in there. She was not dead. She needed him and he was not going to leave her. Elena watched him smile in front of her, that smile that made her think he didn't realize he was doing it and she was glad to know that at least Elijah still remained the same. For some reason, she was afraid that he might have rejected her, but she didn't know why.
Her heart raced and she felt flushed as he watched her. They were barely an armslength away from each other and Elena took a chance by moving to place her hands on his chest. Their first meeting flashed in her mind; him bending so close, looking like he was going to kiss her while she had been terrified and desperate to flee. Elena turned her head down onto his chest to avoid looking at him and he gently placed his hands on her shoulders.
She closed her eyes and words gushed out. "Elijah, please don't leave."
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"Don't leave, we were having fun." Tatia's mouth turned down into a pout and Elijah was surprised to find he was annoyed with her. They were in the pasture where the horses grazed and enjoying the sunshine before Tatia had decided to put her hands on his chest, teasingly. He had followed along, tracing her form with his larger hands and enjoying the taste only she had. She had rolled on top of him and he was losing himself in the moment before he remembered the question he'd asked her when they had last met.
Will you be mine Tatia? Just mine?
For him, Tatia was just the type of woman he'd longed to marry and raise a family with. It didn't matter that she'd had a son by a husband lost to the wolves. The boy was young and Elijah cared for him. Watching her with Niklaus hurt him terribly and he didn't want to feel this anger towards his beloved younger brother. He knew Tatia cared about him, that she had a more caring and pure heart than she let on. He had seen her with her son, so gentle and warm. He knew it was there, but she was making the journey there a hard one.
He wanted someone loving and fun, but he wanted loyalty and understanding as well. He wasn't getting that with Tatia.
As soon as that thought flashed across his mind, Elijah gently pulled her off and stood. He had to shake his head and thought to himself.
Those things are earned. They have to grow.
He looked down at Tatia, whose eyes were confused and who was looking more put off by the second. A thought, a frequent visitor to his mind, returned ever more sharply.
What you want, she can not give you. You know this.
Elijah wasn't the type to run from truth, but he didn't want to let her go either. He loved her and wanted to be with her. It was with that in mind that he offered her his hand. "Tatia... Have you thought on what I said to you?"
Righting herself, she let go of his hand and for a moment, he was struck at that sparkle in her eye, lit up by the sun. He didn't want to hear her answer. He wanted her to forget he ever asked. When she opened her mouth, he saw the pain in her eyes."Elijah, I don't have an answer for you. I care for you deeply, but I also care for Niklaus. I cherish our time together and all the fun we have, but I don't know what's going to happen. I've been in love and when he died, I lost a part of myself. I don't want to do that again."
She was circling the matter. She wasn't going to be honest with him and she didn't have hope in what they had. She didn't believe in him. Elijah turned away from Tatia, feeling unsurprised at her answer. It was a stone in his stomach and he could no longer pretend it away. "I don't want to keep this game we are playing alive. I'm not going to make you choose, but-"
His words were cut off by the sight of his mother walking towards them, face stern and yet troubled. He moved to meet her, but she walked past him to Tatia. "I've come to ask for some of Tatia's time. There is something I need her to do."
Elijah made no move to stop her and with Tatia's hand in hers, Esther led her off. Elijah had always thought that, had he known what his mother was up to, he would have stopped her. He would have never let Tatia go.
But now?
He had let her go the moment he realized she would never be what he thought she was.
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"I won't leave you. I'll be here for as long as you want me to be." Elena found more strength in those words than she would have thought possible. She didn't know why, but the knowledge that he'd be there for her gave her more peace of mind than anything else. She didn't want to be a killer and she didn't want to lose who she was. Elena was going to face this and with Elijah, she believed that she could do it. She had to be there for Jeremy. That was the point of all of this and she wasn't going to give up.
"Thank you." Elena moved to sit on the couch and he stood across from her, leaning against the wall. It was silent for a while, Elijah letting Elena be for the time being and Elena thinking on all she would have to do now. It might have been ten minutes or it might have been two hours, Elijah wasn't paying attention to the time. There was no point in it. With Elena, he now had more time than he had ever wished for. Time would forever stand still with them and he was sickened to know that a part of him delighted in that thought. He would forever get to see her beauty and know her heart because he would never leave her side. It was more than he ever deserved.
Soon, he heard steps on her front porch and the door opening to let in the Salvatores and Caroline. They rushed to Elena's side, almost blocking her from his view, concern evident. Caroline started up right away, in protective mode and voice strained. "We didn't want to leave you alone anymore, not so soon. I know you wanted it, but we were worried about you."
"Thank you. But I'm not alone. Elijah's here." Elena looked up to him and he stood straight, knowing that there'd be an outcry from her friends.
Damon didn't disappoint and flew at Elijah, fangs bared, but Elijah quickly moved and grabbed the younger vampire around the throat, lifting him up. Elena yelled and was at Elijah's side in a second, grabbing his arm. "Please don't hurt him!"
Elena's head bounced back when noticed her jump, how fast everything was, and how she'd done it with no effort. After a moment, during which Elijah gave Damon a hard look, he let go of Damon and stepped back. Elena put herself between the two men before taking a step to the older Salvatore, who she eyed carefully. "I mean it, Damon. Don't do anything to him. He wasn't to blame for this and I want him here."
Damon's eyes widened and Elijah was shocked at her attempt to protect him, an Original, when he thought she would want to keep Damon safe. His eyes were stuck on her as she stood in front of him. "Elena, is your head working properly? This guy showing up is never good. It always means something bad is gonna happen!"
"He's going to help me through this. He offered his help and I'm going to take it." She was growing braver and despite the fact that her movement was becoming more jerky and she seemed a bit out of it, Elijah believed that she knew what she was doing. Stefan stepped to Elena and took her hand in his.
"Elena, you have us. We're here to help you."
Caroline tried to smile while moving to Elena's side. "Yeah, Elena. I mean, Stefan helped me a lot and l know that he can help you too, even though he quit his bunny diet. I want to help you too."
Elena took Caroline's hand in her free one and smiled at the both of them. "I know, but I want Elijah to help me too. He's been around for a long time and knows control. If he wants to help me, I'm going to accept it. I want all the help I can get because I don't want to hurt anyone."
Elijah saw that Stefan and Caroline were silent at that, wanting to support Elena, but it was clear they were against her seeking assistance outside their circle. Damon took a step forward towards her, almost as if to grab her, and Elijah cut in. "She's made her decision."
When Damon continued to glare at him, Elijah just sighed. He was not going to give in to a tantrum. Not when they'd already decided. Not when he knew that Elena needed him. Elijah took a step closer to Elena and he saw that her eyes were alight with hope. "I love you guys, but I hope you can understand why I'd want Elijah here. I don't blame him for what happened and he wants to make up for it. Please, let him."
Stefan and Caroline nodded and Damon scoffed before Elena turned to Elijah. He didn't say anything, but he shot her a look that he hoped she would understand as him asking her if she was sure. The corner of her mouth lifted up and she nodded as she walked to his side. "I trust you."
00000
She didn't trust him. She didn't trust anyone.
Why did she flee? Did she believe that I was just going to let her die? That fool, why did he have to tell her of Niklaus' plans?
Elijah's thoughts were on a vicious cycle as he pursued Katerina through the forest. He hadn't wanted himself to care so much about this girl, the one that looked like the woman he lost so long ago. But she reminded him of Tatia, with her delight seeking heart, and he ached to see that face smile, unburdened. But Katerina had had loss of her own. He didn't know what because she hadn't wanted to share with him and he didn't want to force it out of her.
It had been so long since he felt the way Tatia had made him feel and when he had been with Katerina, it just felt so easy to slip into his former ways. He thought that maybe this had been what he'd been waiting for, all those years ago and that his timing had just been off. Katerina surprised him by not playing around with his feelings or rather, seeming to not care for him at all. Elijah felt like a fool when he chased after her, but never caught her.
Like now. He was hot on her heels and shouted to her because he wanted to find her in time to tell her that he was going to save her. If she knew that he was not going to let her die, she would believe him. If she knew that he had plans to bring her back, she'd have to trust him, right? She wasn't like Tatia and had more faith in him. He wanted to believe this more than anything.
There were a quick series of leaves crunching underfoot a ways off and he darted in the direction of the sound. "Katerina! Return and you will not be harmed! There is no cause for alarm. I do not intend to let you just be a pawn for my brother's sake! I have a way-!"
He heard her quiet whimpering and then her voice, shaky and broken. "No! Lies! I'm going to save myself!"
It was then that other vampires showed up, no doubt sent by his brother to make sure Elijah did what he was told, and Elijah spun to meet them. It took a moment for him to make a choice. His family or this girl who was running from him, just like the first. He looked into the eager eyes of his fellow hunters and gathered himself. "We must find her."
And he had tried. But every step he took, she got farther away. When he finally did find her, several years later, it was after he had helped Niklaus massacre her family and their servants, and the look of hatred in her eyes mixed with fear had him doubt again that he'd ever really known her. Katherine had a young girl, like who she had been, dead in her arms and blood running down her chin. Her whole person lacked any of that softness and naivete he'd seen only briefly and Elijah felt himself wishing she had just died rather than having chosen to become this. "You should have come to me. I would have helped you."
"I only trust myself. And I had no reason to go to you. No reason to trust in you. And I was right."
Shock at seeing her face so twisted with fangs bared, disgust at her for having run without giving him a chance, anger with himself for having allowed it, gave Katherine the moment she needed to flee once more. All of that combined into hatred, hatred that he had fallen yet again for a girl never really his, and a hardening of his soul. It was then that Elijah stopped trying to find her out of some misguided attempt to save her from something she'd already chosen. He had seen what he needed to. Another woman, another person he'd thought could be something beautiful, gone.
He realized later that it had been hope that had taken a firm hold of him and that he'd never looked at Katerina closely. If he had, he would have seen who she really was. She had been a young girl, just trying to live her life the way she wanted to and who'd been looking out for herself. He'd never really thought on why she had no family with her and what might have caused that. He had never given any consideration as to why she was so careful and self-reliant. Had he, he might not have been so surprised when she'd run away to save herself.
She might have been just what he needed. Someone who needed him. Someone who wanted him. Just him.
But she didn't.
That's just the way it was.
The Petrovas always had their backs turned to him while walking away. Elijah swore to never be so vulnerable with another person. Not until they deserved it. Rather, until he saw them clearly.
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As it turned out, Elena came to rely on Elijah the most, finding his quiet composure just what her manic mind required. Stefan and Damon were smothering her and while she appreciated their advice and help, she found their respective flaws grating. Damon, too pushy on what she should be, and Stefan, too broken on what she could be. Elijah was the only one where she felt she could really let herself go to learn and know that things were going to be okay. She felt normal with him, not completely lost to her new self. He would be strong enough to stop her and yet, patient enough to teach her. She was glad that he was there, because there were days where it was very difficult to not rip someone's head off just to see how the blood would fall. It was at times like those that she would remember what Elijah had told her.
You are stronger than your urges. Remember who you are, Elena. It is your mind that controls you, not your body.
She clung to those words from the moment she woke up to the second she fell asleep.
Unfortunately, even she with all her friends could not stop her newfound urges from taking over.
Elena didn't know if it maybe was because she'd never tasted fresh blood and there was a dark part of her, the new part, that desperately craved the sound of a slowing hearbeat. She wanted to see the light go out in someone's eyes. She wanted to feel them go slack in her arms. She wanted blood, straight from the tap. It was at this point in her thoughts that she would usually grab at her head, screaming and Elijah would find her. His hands on hers and his voice, low and smooth in her ear, always brought her back. It seemed he could crawl right into her head with his voice, with how he always seemed to be in there when she wanted him. Elena found it wasn't close enough because there was something inside her that still called for him.
Maybe it was that she knew she could never really become better if she kept on holding back. It's only been four months since she's been turned, but she feels like she can be better than this. She can't live off blood bags and feel strong, like she's really getting anywhere, but Elijah tells her that they'll get to that in time. He always has an answer. He always knows what to do. Whenever she doubts him, she surprises herself by wanting to hug him and feel him solid underneath her hands. He's so strong and the more time passes and she feels herself breaking down, she longs to know strength and that's what he is to her. Tangible proof and this makes her calm, but the urge to hold him doesn't go away.
Maybe it was because people kept telling her she was Elena and she was no longer just Elena and she was tired of being tied to this girl who should have died some time ago. She wanted to be different. She wanted to have control. She wanted to be in power, dammit, and she was tired of being looked after, even now. Things should be different now that she no longer had a life to protect. If she was going to be coddled, maybe she should deserve it.
It was these moments that led her to destroying her room, ripping and crushing and smashing everything she saw to keep from doing something she would really regret. But then, Elijah was there, calmly guiding her wrist away from its path of destruction and would point it to the pictures on her mirror of her family, of Bonnie and Caroline and Tyler and Matt.
This is who you are, Elena. Hold on to it.
Everyday, Elena thanked Elijah. It was never enough. He would just smile at her with bright eyes and nod before saying, "I'll be here for as long as you need me."
When Elijah decided it was time for Elena to learn control while feeding on a human, it was Matt that volunteered. He was grim and concerned and relentless, while she wrung her wrists and repeated that she was so sorry and she didn't want to hurt him. She was hesitant, but ultimately agreed. He didn't know what they talked about, having left them to talk it over and decide for themselves, but when he returned and he saw the young man's face, he knew Matt would not abandon Elena when she was trying to be better.
Matt sat back on her couch, nervous, and Elena sat next to him, clearly stricken. Standing in front of both of them, Elijah looked to Matt while speaking to Elena. "Listen. Do you hear his heartbeat? Focus. That's what you'll need to focus on to keep from killing someone."
Elena closed her eyes and her mouth drew into a tight line as she concentrated. Elijah could hear the boy's heart racing and he knew when Elena did too, because her fangs sharply protruded against her will. She quickly covered them with her hands to hide them from Matt, who looked down with a twist of his head. Elijah stepped to her, kneeled and placed a hand over hers. "Elena. This is why we're here. No running."
She looked to him and nodded, but wished Matt never had to see her like this. She lowered her hands and keyed back into the rythym of Matt's blood. Elijah didn't move from his spot and kept his gaze trained on Elena. "You are going to drink from him and you are going to be able to stop."
Elena responded by grimacing and Matt put a hand on her shoulder, trying to reassure her. "I believe in you, Elena."
Gingerly, she slid forward onto her knees to be above him and placed her hands on either side of his head for balance. She lowered her lips to his neck and felt her face shift when she could taste him on her tongue. She licked her lips quickly before they opened to let her sharp teeth graze his neck. Elena saw Matt swallow and spoke into his ear. "I'm so sorry, Matt."
The next second she was biting down, not viciously, but enough to make him cry out. Elijah hadn't moved, but his eyes had narrowed and he was watching her like a hawk.
Her head was rushing with delight, pleasure, power and fufillment.
This is it. This is what I want. This is all I want.
It repeated in her brain, like a demented mantra and as the seconds passed, she felt herself smiling into Matt's flushed skin. She heard the steady pounding of his heart and knew that it was important. There was something she was supposed to be remembering, but all she could feel was a hot fog clouding her eyes. His racing heart slowed and she felt the highest she'd ever been. She heard cackling in her ear and she was twistedly pleased to hear it was her own voice. The voice murmed low and and entrancingly.
Take it. Take it all.
No.
It's Matt. He'd do anything for you. You love that. Feel all that power over him?
Stop.
He's all in your hands. Take all of him. Take it all.
No!
Matt grit his teeth and groaned and the sound shot through her to make her gasp. Elena pulled back suddenly as a chill froze her. He was pale and panting, but was still conscious. She quickly looked to Elijah, panicked, and saw him staring at her with admiration. At the sight of his relieved face, she felt her own face smooth out.
Elijah, still kneeling next to her, placed his hand on her back while she curled inside herself against the couch. His hand warmed her at the spot and that warmth filled her throughout her body to end at her head. The fog was still there and she was quiet for the next few minutes as she fought to clear it and not give in to the blood that was flowing in front of her. Elena concentrated on his touch, his quiet strength, and butterflies exploded in her stomach.
It was the longest ten minutes of her life.
Matt, for his part, was keeping his strong face. His eyes were spinning and he had to take a couple of deep breaths, but he was still alive. When Elena was able to come back down, she immediately bit into her hand and held her palm out to Matt. "To heal you."
Eyes pained, he shook his head and Elena's heart squeezed painfully as he haltingly got out, "No. I just need a minute."
Elijah was up behind him in the next second, with a handkerchief held out. Matt took it and held it to his throat. His breathing evened out and Elena saw that she hadn't wounded him irreparably. There were just two little marks. Two little marks to show that he'd been bitten and that she'd gotten through it without hurting him like she thought she would.
Her stomach flopped and all the worry she'd been carrying with her disappated in an instant. All those dark thoughts and twisted urges seemed farfetched and impossible now. Elena welcomed this hope that was bursting inside her.
She did it. Elijah was right. She could do this without hurting anyone.
Elijah saw Elena's face and knew her thoughts. He needed her aware of the truth, despite his pride in her. "Elena. This is very good. I knew you could get through this. But you must realize, this is only your first time and it was with someone you cared for. This is something we're going to have to do, over and over, until you no longer need me."
Elena's eyes widened and the past couple months played in front of her eyes, him helping her, him living with her, her growing trust and confidence in him. She recalled the panic when her bloodlust started to break her down and he wasn't there the second it started. Elena remembered the fear that led her to claw at her arms and legs and how soothing it felt when he would take her hands in his and hold them. She remembered how it was him she sought out when she wanted someone to talk to, about everything and anything. The longing she felt when he was in front of her to be embraced by him and the desire to feel his skin under her fingertips. A secret whispered through her body and she shivered, not wanting to hear it, but knowing where it was going to lead. The next words tumbled out of her, with only a flash of fear in her mind preceding them. "I don't think that day will ever come, Elijah."
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Elijah leisurely walked through the forest, on a dirt path long since worn away and saw a grand, run down mansion in front of him. He'd been called here by Rose with a promise to pay for past crimes and he could hardly just turn that down.
Especially since what she offered was something long past due.
He stood outside it, just thinking, before he cast a slow glance to his left and focused his eyes Not that far, within running distance really. Elijah felt his heart get a little lighter and his chest fill with air.
Mystic Falls. What disgustingly perfect name.
I'm home.
He shook his head to clear his nostalgia, but was unable to stop a faint smile from appearing.
My home. My family. Her.
He frowned.
No. There is nothing there for me anymore. Nothing good ever came from that place.
An image immediately pressed itself to his open eyes of dark hair blowing up in a quick breeze. Of a gentle hand pressed to a face, so beautiful in its openess and light. Of eyes filled with trust and understanding. With love.
She is no longer there. She never was there. Not like I had thought. The girl I longed for doesn't exist. She never did. She never will.
Irritated at his pause, he turned back to the manor and walked to the door before knocking and opening the door.
00000
She lived in Mystic Falls for the rest of the school year, trying to live her life as normally as possible and trying to keep the Council unaware of her status. She continued to feed from humans, Elijah always there to pull her back should she go too far or take too long. There were people hurt by her, a classmate she had been alone with while decorating for a dance, a waiter at the Grille, one unlucky and random stranger she'd bumped into when everything seemed to be going wrong.
But because she knew she was better than that, stronger, she didn't kill them. She was able to resist enough to heal them and compel them and let them go. Elijah watched from the shadows, ready to jump in if it was necessary. Elena never knew he was there at those times. Not until she turned around and she saw his glinting eyes. The first time, the buzz going through her at having faced this alone dulled some before she realized that he had stayed back, let her help herself. The second time, she thought he finally left her on her own and when she saw his calm face, her anxiety was quelled because he was still there when she thought she might still need him. The third time, it wasn't fear that she might kill this man in the dark alley that gripped her, it was fear that she no longer had a reason to keep Elijah at her side.
She was getting stronger. She didn't need him to stop her every time. But she wanted him to stay and so, she showed more concern than she actually felt. And he stayed. Elena couldn't hide from herself. She knew part of the reason why she didn't want Elijah to go. She had a lot of respect and admiration for him, almost from since they met, and there was just something about him that she understood and trusted. Elena knew she was falling for him, more than she would have cared to admit when she was still alive. While she didn't regret it, she felt uncertain that he could ever care for her the way she was learning to care for him.
Elijah was always so composed and in control and she knew that he respected her too. But as the nights went on and her dreams started to be filled with him, she secretly burned to have him love her. She wanted him to care for her and be with her, like she suspected he'd been with Katherine. Like she knew he had been with Tatia, the original Petrova that Stefan and Damon had told her about.
Tatia. Katherine. Why not me? He loved them. Why not me?
Elena's knee bobbed quickly with annoyance as she watched Elijah sit quietly in the armchair by the window, reading a book that was probably as old as he was.
Everyone else sees them in me. Why doesn't he?
Elijah sensed her eyes on him and looked up to see her looking away. "Elena, is there something bothering you?"
Because that wouldn't be him. He knows I'm not them. He knows me. And that's not what I would want.
She didn't answer, lost in thought, and Elijah closed his book carefully. "Elena?"
"Elijah. Do you see me when you look at me? Or am I just a reminder of Katherine? Of Tatia?"
Surprised, he wondered who told her about Tatia before realizing it would have been the Salvatores. He sat back, folding his hands together. "It's true you look like them. But all I see when I look at you is your own heart, Elena. You are not them, so I could never confuse you."
"Is that why you don-?" Elena closed her mouth to cut off the words and he raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
Elena's eyes met his, shimmering with something, and he saw her jaw clench before she smiled tightly. She stood, shaking her head, and coughed. "Nothing. Nevermind."
He knew he should probably leave it be, but she was clearly upset and asking about Tatia and Katherine, which was suspect enough. He leaned forward in the chair, brow furrowed. "No, Elena. Don't go. Tell me. What's the matter?"
She kept her back turned and there was silence for a minute. "You're the only one, Elijah. You just... There's more. I feel like more. I don't know. It's hard to explain."
He jumped to her side and placed strong hands on her shoulders before turning her to face him. "Because I know you, Elena. Out of all three of you, you're the only one worth remembering. No, you're better than what I thought they were."
Her heart clenched and she stepped back. "But you loved them."
"I did."
"So how come you treat me so differently? I mean, if you cared so much about them, then how come you're the one that's able to keep us apart?"
"Because they weren't real. Who I thought I loved. They were figments, but I see you and it's true and in front of me. I can't speak for others, but I can see who you are clearly. It isn't because of Tatia and Katerina that I'm here now, or why I consider you a close friend, or why I admire you."
Why I love you.
Elena bit her lip and pressed her forehead to his chest, while Elijah wrapped his arms around her lightly. Elena's own arms soon followed, holding him tighter, and he imprinted the feel of her onto his memory. She spoke into his chest, quiet, but strong. "Thank you. So much. For all you've done. I'm grateful you stayed with me."
Elijah felt himself repeat the same words he'd been telling her everytime she thanked him. Except they were flatter now. Still full of promise, but not free of pain. "I'll be here for as long as you need me."
Feeling brazen, Elena looked up into his face, so close. "What if I want you for more than that?"
He hesitated, unsure of what to say, but decided to stick with honesty. Elijah knew he couldn't just abandon her. Not after all he'd done and failed to do.
No.
He mentally cursed himself. She didn't think he owed her anything. Why he was still there was because of more than that. It was because he wanted to be with her and she allowed it. Elena wanted him there too. He didn't want to get his hopes up and take this the wrong way, but his head was already gone, dreaming of what they could be. Elijah ran a hand over her head and down her hair before brushing her cheek tenderly. Setting his lit up and honest eyes on hers, he swore an oath to her. "Then I am yours."
00000
Elena was able to watch Jeremy grow and plan to go to college. She saw Tyler returned to his own body and reunited with Caroline who had missed him terribly. Elijah, for his part, had a place in another city, but stayed with her so he could be there when she needed him. It really wasn't hard to navigate a town like Mystic Falls when you were as crafty and careful as Elijah was. Elena spent the next four months like this, learning to be in control, before she left with Elijah to Europe.
How that came about was a surprise to him, but a welcome one.
It was about a month before graduation when Elijah had asked her what she had planned to do after school ended. The familiarity of everyday life together was something they had both gotten used to, as were the little things that they each did in private. Elijah had learned that at night, Elena liked to do yoga as a centering exercise and that if she was particularly stressed, she sat at her mirror and braided her hair to give her hands something to do. Elijah learned that she loved to cook and had almost gotten through her father's family cookbook. Things that he otherwise might have never learned. Elijah didn't know that being domestic could make him as peaceful as it did. Having breakfast together, sharing your home, seeing someone in their weakest moments. It was almost like...
Sitting at the kitchen table, Elijah closed his eyes and craned his head to the side to be rid of those thoughts.
Just like he'd tried to when he first met her, he attempted now to keep a distance between them and treated her with a respectful detachment. He couldn't afford to delude himself and get lost in dreams, like he'd done before. He didn't want to make that mistake again. He was going to do what was necessary and make up for his mistakes with her. That is all.
And yet, as he looked at her, in her element as she came down and fixed breakfast for Jeremy, he knew he'd been lost the moment he first laid eyes on her. Elijah didn't know whether to be frustrated or elated that his belief had lasted so long. It had been over a thousand years since he'd first laid eyes on Tatia. It always came back to a Petrova. He would be forever bound to them.
If pressed, he wouldn't be able to articulate it. It was just in his gut, it was in his heart. All he knew was what he wanted and that Elena contained all those qualities. It was in the way that his frozen heart melted whenever she smiled at him and the way that his mind called out to her and she would answer, without him having said anything aloud. It had taken forever, but he finally found what he'd been looking for and thought was impossible. All of that time apart and all the choices made that kept them apart, and they were still here together like this.
Elijah focused back in when he realized the direction his thoughts were taking, and noticed that Elena had joined him at the table with her own meal, unneeded as it was. He turned his gaze to her. "Good morning, Elena."
"Morning." She settled into her bowl of cereal and he waited a moment before his curiosity got the better of him.
"So, the end of the school year is coming up. What are your plans for after completion?"
"I've actually been thinking about that. Caroline and Tyler have been planning to get out of town because the Council is after them. You know how they've been extra careful lately, but Caroline wanted to graduate before she left. They're planning to travel and I want to too. I've always been so busy being in danger and having to protect the people I love, I never gave my future much thought. I was too focused on just having one, you know?"
Elijah nodded, but stayed silent.
"I don't know what I want to do. I thought about being a writer, but now that I have all this time, I'd like to explore and see the world. There are places I'd like to go."
"What about Jeremy?"
"I don't plan on leaving forever. Just maybe taking a trip over the summer. I talked to him and he said that he can take care of himself over the summer. He got a job at the shelter and I know that he has a friend he can stay with. I didn't want to leave him, but when I told him what I wanted to do, he told me to go for it."
"Do you have any idea of where you'd like to go?"
Elena grinned then and gave him a pointed look. "I was actually hoping you'd have some suggestions. You see, I'd like you to come with me."
She laughed when she saw the look on his face and the way his head had jerked a fraction to the side. "Who knows their way around better than you? You've been around for a long time and you've been everywhere."
He chortled unexpectedly and his shoulders shook as he fought laughter. "Yes, as you say, I've been around for a long time. But would you want to travel with me? It's a little strange that you wouldn't want to go with Stefan or Damon."
She frowned then and guilt filled her eyes. "I don't want to go with them. I want to go with you."
He thought to ask her why not the Salvatores, what would cause this divide between her and them, but he knew it wasn't his place. He couldn't let the second thing she said just pass, however. "Why?"
"I said. You know more and have seen it all."
Courage took control and he leaned forward over the table, staring her down intensely, with a slowly growing smile. He didn't want to ruin this, but he couldn't help himself. "Is that all? You are closer with them and know them better."
"Do I?" Elena stared back, unblinking, and didn't turn away. Speaking truthfully, "I trust you. I don't want to go without you."
As she kept her eyes on him, he saw the ghost of another girl appear behind her suddenly. He spoke tightly to Elena while looking above her. "Do you still need me?"
The hazy image smiled sadly before taking a step back, away from him. Elena's voice brought him back to earth, clear and bright. "Always."
"Do you want me at your side?"
The pale figure turned before blowing away in a silent breeze and Elijah's eyes were drawn to Elena's face as she spoke surely, "Forever."
His throat closed for a moment and he took that moment to take Elena in, in all her honesty and bravery and kindness, even now. That feeling squeezing his heart when he looked at her and the breathlessness that overtook him was greater than the tinge of sadness already dissapating. She was more than he ever wanted and thought could be. She was greater than the ghosts that he never really had. "Then let us plan a trip to Greece."
She smiled and took his hand in hers, which she squeezed tightly. He put his free hand on hers and felt happiness and love flow through him. Elena took her own free hand and placed it under his jaw, before pulling him forward to place a light kiss on his lips.
He was hers. He didn't ever want to be free.