Chapter 01: Redemption
"Have a nice day."
I had forced a smile onto my face, we always tried to smile as we served customers, but it must have looked as wooden to the man across the counter as it felt on my face. It fell as soon as the man turned away. I could hear the boiled sweets rattling in their paper packet and I knew it meant his hands were shaking. People came in here to buy sweets all the time, that is what the family sweet shop was for, what the Donners had done for generations. The bright colours and flavoured scents were normally enough to raise smiles from customers, but not today.
Most days those packets of sweets were a treat. A birthday, perhaps a good grade at school, or even just the kind whim of the parent. Not today. Today those sweets might be the last present given to a child. The bell tinkling above the door as he left was too cheerful for my ears to stomach. It grated like flint on tinder, sparking a rage that filled me with the impulse to take it down and smash it to pieces.
Reaping Day always brought out the worst in her.
It wasn't a pleasant day for anyone. The knowledge that it could be someone related to you, or someone you knew, who would be sent away was torture. The days leading up to Reaping Day always filled the District with an atmosphere of fear and sorrow, they all wallowed in it together until the day came to find out who would be leaving them forever. That was just how things were in District Twelve. In seventy three years' worth of Hunger Games we only had one Victor to show for the hundreds of children sent to their deaths.
Of course, most families came out of Reaping Day unscathed. If it was someone they knew then at least it hadn't been their own, or better yet, it might be someone they didn't know at all. You felt pain for anyone sent into the Games, but no matter who you are you would not be able to help that guilty happiness that this year it hadn't been you.
But in two homes somewhere in the District there would be no chance of laughter, just silence, and the weight of what was to come over the next weeks. The knowledge that no matter how hard you prayed, your child, sister, brother, wasn't going to come home.
"And what did the bell ever do to you?"
My brother's voice jerked my out of my sombre revere. I hadn't heard him come into the shop from upstairs, but he stood right beside me. I turned and sought comfort in the arms he wrapped around me without hesitation.
"It tinkled." I grumbled against his chest. "I shouldn't do that today, it shouldn't sound so damn happy."
"It really shouldn't." He agreed. I felt him swallow hard and squeeze me even tighter. "You should start getting ready."
I pulled away and met his sad gaze. At twenty one years of age Ethan didn't have to get ready in the same way she did, he was no longer in the running to become a Tribute. He was safe. I was eighteen, and this would be my last year before I too became ineligible. After that only cousin Madge, would be in the running out of my immediate family.
"I'll take over here." He proffered a smile as wooden as the one I had made earlier. "Mum's waiting."
"Is dad-"
"Yes." Ethan's reply was short and soft. I was glad that I hadn't had to finish the question, it always felt like a silly one to ask. "Now go on."
We hugged tightly again, neither of us having the strength to let go until that frightful tinkling announced another customer. Ethan gave me a push towards the stairs and I found myself with a strong urge to hurry up them. I had been unwilling to leave the feeling of safety I felt around Ethan, but I was even more unwilling to see another sad face over the counter. I was too weak to face that.
"I hate Reaping Day." I muttered to myself, that anger returning.
I knew mum would be waiting in my bedroom for me, wanting to help me choose a dress, but I walked past my own door to my parents' room. The window stood open, as I had known it would, a cool breeze caused the curtains to twitch. I put one leg through the opening, making sure I had a good purchase on the small ledge underneath before I double over and let the rest of my body follow into the open.
Some rungs long since covered in rust were set into the wall on this side of the house. I had no idea what their purpose was, since they only ran halfway down the wall, but any curiosity on the matter had died in my childhood. I scrambled up them quickly, not worried about the growing distance between myself and the ground, I had done this climb enough times to be desensitised to the danger it posed.
"Hello, Jennalee."
The awkward transition from ladder to roof didn't lend itself to silence. I had tried, and failed, multiple times to sneak up on dad when he came up here. Accepting defeat I know just hauled myself up however I could, casting aside my former attempts at subtlety. Dad hadn't turned around to see the source of the noise, but he knew it was me. No one else would come up here to see him. Mum was afraid of the ladder, and Ethan didn't want to disturb dad, I had no such qualms.
Taking care, I pulled myself up the slope of our roof so that I could sit beside him at the apex. From here you could see most of the District, even the Seam. Most of the rooves in this part of the town were close enough that you could leap between them, if you took care. I found this was sometimes a quicker way to get around the town, but I hadn't done it in a while. The last time had been on a wet day, I had been careless and ended up sliding down the baker's roof, into their yard. Mrs. Mellark knew my mum well, and I was soon limping home with her help as she berated me, making me promise not to do it again.
"Hi, dad." I perched next to him, letting my long legs dangle down towards the street. "How long have you been here?"
He had been coming up to the roof since his sister had been Reaped and killed during the last Quarter Quell; it was his sanctuary. Mum had told me off when she had found out I had gone up there, partly because of the climbing, partly because she didn't want dad disturbed. But he hadn't minded, and so I continued to come and sit with him if I knew he was up here.
"Dawn." He replied, saying no more.
Brian Donner had always been a man of few words, but those few words had deteriorated into near nothingness since the 72nd Hunger Games, when his twelve year old daughter had been lost to him in the same way his sister had.
Cora.
The thought was like a lance of pain right into my chest.
Everyone in the Donner family had the standard merchant look; pale skin, blonde hair, blue eyes. But I swore to this day that my little sister had possessed the blondest hair and brightest eyes out of all of them, before her life had been cut so horribly short.
A choked sob, caught halfway between anger and sadness burst out of my chest. That year would forever be the worst of my life. Watching Cora and the other twelve year old Tribute from 12 killed, no, slaughtered for sport would be something that haunted my nightmares forever. And I don't want it to stop haunting me. I never want to forget how that felt. Pain, anger, sadness, shock; the vicious cocktail of those feelings would be with me for life. A constant reminder of the wrong done to me personally by the Games.
My dad's hand came over to grip mine hard, tethering me to the present. I looked into his face, lined with loss rather than age, and saw his lips pressed into a hard line as he too fought for control of his emotions. I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly, wanting to take away all his pain. I didn't care about my own, but it killed me to see him like this. He's my dad, the strong pillar at the centre of the family, it scared me more than anything to see him upset.
"Jennalee? Are you up there?" my mum's voice called from the direction of the window.
"Just a minute!" I called back, disentangling myself from dad.
An empty smile curved his lips and he gestured towards the ladder, urging me down to get dressed.
"Love you, dad." I snuck in another hug before dutifully making the perilous scramble back down the tiles, down the ladder, and back through the window.
The look on her face told me that mum wanted to reprimand me for being up on the roof, but Reaping day wasn't a day for reprimands. All she did was pull me into an embrace. We seemed to save all our hugs through the year for Reaping day. The only other time of year we were this way with each other was Cora's birthday, when we all clung to each other and wept as strongly as when the wound of her loss was fresh.
"Come, we've only got half an hour, let's get you dressed."
/*0*/
Half an hour later I had separated from my family and stood with the other eighteen year old girls in our own cordoned off pen. We were all turned out in nice clothes, as per Reaping rules, but for most of us it was the same dress we had been wearing for the last couple of years. In my case, this was a knee-length dress of light blue cotton, with sleeves that fell over my wrists. Standing under the sun with my arms covered made we sweat a little, and I was grateful that the dress was a short one.
Many girls in her enclosure were her friends or girls she knew, but none of them said a word to each other as they waited for the proceedings to begin. Heavy silence fell all over the main square as District 12's escort, the astoundingly annoying Effie Trinket, tottered her way to her seat. Other Districts would have a more crowded stage than us, Effie shared only with my uncle, Mayor Undersee, as well as Haymitch Abernathy, the only Victor we had.
When two o'clock came around, Uncle Mark stepped forward and began the same speech he gave every year. I didn't even bother to listen to the words. I knew them by heart at this point, and they weren't anything that I wanted to hear at this moment. Instead I found myself thinking about cousin Madge, two years younger than me, somewhere in the sixteen year old girls' pen. Would there be a day that Uncle Mark would be giving this speech, only to have his daughter taken from him?
I wanted to believe that it would never happen, Madge only had four entries after all, but Cora had had only one... I got lost in a downward spiral thinking of the unfairness of the Games, my already low mood plummeting with my musings.
"Ladies first!"
"Dammit." I cursed softly to myself.
I had tuned off too much and hadn't prepared myself for the screech of Effie's magnified Capitol voice. A movement in the boys' pen caught my eye, resolving itself to be my boyfriend making an exaggerated mockery of my wincing expression. I smiled a little, which had been his desired reaction. He shot me a confidant grin, smoothing his expression when a Peacekeeper told him off.
The entire District watch Effie's hand flit around inside the girls' Reaping ball, taking her time picking one slip of paper from the multitude offered. After an agonising length of time, she always seemed to linger on the girls' choice longer than the boys', she settled on a slip that satisfied her. I held my breath as she withdrew her hand, opened up the paper, and read out a name that had no meaning to her.
"Primrose Everdeen."
My breath came out in a WOOSH. I think I was more winded in that moment than I had been when I had fallen from the Mellark's roof. The entire crowd froze for a moment, before we all turned as one to look at the twelve year olds' section.
Lots of people in the District knew Prim, either by her goat's cheese, or her smile, or just the presence of the bright little girl going around town. Dad would sometimes slip her a free sweet or two, explaining to us that her mother had been a friend to his sister. Even for those who had no idea who the little girl was felt sorrow, there was always sadness when a twelve year old was drawn.
I started to shake with fear, remember another twelve year old at another Reaping.
"Cora Donner."
A bolt of shock went through me where I stood in the sixteen year olds' pen.
No, I must have heard wrong, that can't have been my little sister's name. It must have been someone else. I didn't care who, anyone else, so long as it wasn't Cora. But it was. After a few nudges, Cora was stepping forwards. Even for a twelve year old she was small, but walking up the stairs to take the stage made her seem to be even smaller.
Her panicked gaze found my own, and in spite of the distance between us my vision seemed crystal clear. I could see the scattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, the small cleft in her chin, I could see the tears trickling down her face.
But I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, this couldn't be happening, shouldn't be happening. Yet it was, and all I did was stand there and look up at my tiny sister on stage. Watching her shake as Effie called out the boy Tribute. Watching her cry silently, her eyes flitting between my, our brother, our parents, back to me. I watched her be led off into the Justice Building. I watched her board the train. I watched her die.
And I did nothing.
Back in the present, I was aware that there was unrest going on around me, but I was too caught up in my own memories. The terrified shaking of my body had turned to an angry quiver. That had been the defining moment of my life, the time when I had stayed silent and let my little sister go. Some things haunt you forever, and that day had kept me from sleep most nights in the year. And here was another young girl, scared, and no doubt finding it hard to believe that this was-
"I VOLUNTEER! I volunteer as Tribute!"
Heads snapped around once again, mine with them, and saw Katniss Everdeen standing in the cleared corridor up to the stage. Waves of guilt and anger coursed through my body as I watched the Seam girl reach out to block her sister from the path to the stage. Guilt for Cora, and anger for myself. Here was another girl, the same age as I had been when the same situation had presented itself to me, doing what, to my shame, had never even crossed my mind.
I had wondered for years if there was a way to escape the nightmares, and my brain told me that this was it. This was my chance to save someone, and to avenge Cora. I didn't think twice, if I thought at all.
"I volunteer!" The words left my lips loud and clear, cutting into the silence caused by Katniss' outcry.
More silence answered my cry. If the District had been shocked before, they were shocked once more now. I wasn't sure that it was even allowed, to volunteer for a volunteer, and from the confused looks on stage, they weren't sure either. It was a nonexistent occurrence enough to have a volunteer in the outlying Districts, let alone two at once.
As an eighteen year old she stood just below the stage, when she ducked under the rope barrier she stood closer to the steps than Katniss. The younger girl had been rooted to the spot like everyone else, and their gazes locked. Katniss was as shocked as anyone else, not sure if she was to step down or not.
"Just let her up." Uncle Mark's voice spoke into the silence.
I kept my eyes down as I mounted the steps, not wanting to meet the gaze of anyone in the District, let alone my family.
"Oh, well, this is a little unprecedented." Effie said, but she recovered her calm quickly, and all but shoved the microphone at me. "So, what's your name?"
"Jennalee Donner."