Why doesnt he see me the way he sees her? Slice. Why doesnt he see that I love him? Slash. Is it me? Or is it him? Cut. My blood dripped from my three shallow cuts on my left wrist. I cried out in dispare and pain, knife still in hand. "Kanaya?" His voice rang through the appartment as did the sound of a slamming door. I ceased my screams but it was too late he had heard me. "Kanaya!" He shouted as his footsteps came nearer. I sank against the wall, arms hung loose at my sides as I stared at the bathroom door.
Karkat ran into the bathroom to find me sitting on the floor. I lifted my shaky gaze to his beautiful redish eyes. "Karkat I'm sorry." I flinched, I wasn't excepting him to be home so early. "Kanaya? What in the hell is going on? You were screaming bloody murder-" He broke off as his eyes found the knife. "Kanaya, you fuckass what did you do to yourself? Is that blood?" Karkat shouted. My gaze flickered from the knife covered in my blood, to the slashes on my wrists. Karkat grabbed my right wrist tight enough to make the knife fall from my hand and clatter to the ground.
"I'm sorry." I murmured over and over. Karkat shook his head, "Kanaya look at me." He said, I began murmur faster, and shook my head half heartedly. Karkat loosened his tight grip slowly. "Kanaya please look at me." The sincerity in his voice made me look up, "I'm sorry, Karkat. I didnt want to, but the pain. It hurt, much worse than the blade did." I whispered with a hiccup.
"What pain Kanaya? Why did you do this to yourself?" He whispers. When I start to cry he pulls me into a comforting hug. Shooshing me and papping my back, then he makes me stand. "Let's wash those before they get infected." He says as he runs my wrist under the warm water. I wince as the soap cleans out the dried blood. "Kanaya, please tell me why you did this. Vriska wouldn't have wanted this for you." I flinch at her name, my late girlfriend, Vriska Serket, had passed away two years ago due to cancer.
I sigh and finally speak up, "Karkat. Do you love Terezi?" Karkat tenses. But he answers. "Yes, Kanaya, I love her." And that crushed Kanaya's heart, froze it. "Karkat. You idiot. Your so blind!" Kanaya cries and shuts her door in his face. "Kanaya!" He shouts through the locked door. "I loved you Karkat and you broke my heart into bits." Kanaya sobs, no answer only a long sigh and retreating foot steps.
From that night foward Kanaya vowed she'd never love again. Until one night, when she met Rose Lalonde.