CHRISTMAS WISHES

Disclaimer: I don't own glee or any of its characters.

I'm dating Sam. He makes me smile and brings me breakfast and I miss smiling. I hope it's ok. I wanted you to hear from me. Brittany.
Santana stared at the screen barely able to comprehend what she was reading. Shit! She muttered. Congratulations, she replied, not really knowing what else to say. She was the one who'd initiated this damn break up in the first place. She thought she was doing the right thing, both of them weren't really happy and they were going nowhere. Thing is once she got into college, she began to think differently. It was like she suddenly grew up and began to see things from a different perspective. She really believed that she was doing it for the both of them but she never expected Britt to move on this quick, and trouty? Really?! Of all the ridiculous wannabe jocks in the stupid school she picked him! She brushed away a stray tear. This was ridiculous, she thought. They had broken up. She had no need to be cut up about this. To make matters worse, she was supposed to be leaving for Lima tonight. Christmas break had begun and she'd promised her parents she'd be home. But home didn't really feel like home without Britt being around.

She made the drive back home and even spent the next day without meeting Brittany. Unfortunately she'd promised Finn that she'd help with the glee club's holiday concert or something. Knowing Finn, he could use all the help he could get, but she really didn't want to see Brittany and Sam together. Sam touching her Brittany, kissing her lips, making her laugh, just the thought of that sent her into a jealous rage. She decided to just avoid them altogether and rush out of there the first chance she got.

When she got there, it took her by surprise that they were practicing in the open. She got straight down to business helping everyone do their vocal runs. Brittany and Sam had arrived earlier but were practicing some sort of dance sequence where Sam just kept doing his one stripper-pelvic thrust move over and over. Santana avoided looking at them, although she'd given Brittany a tight smile when she came in and sent Sam an appropriate glare so he'd scurried over to the other side. Every now and then she would catch Brittany's eye but she seemed pretty wrapped up in Sam, and Santana kept looking away. After many unnecessary barbs at Finn, Blaine and that new kid who was dressed as a girl she decided to call it a day. She made an excuse and hurried home where she went straight up to her room. "So this is how its gonna be." She thought to herself. Rushing around and avoiding them till she could head back to school.

The next night she went to a party hosted by Puck who was back for the holidays. It felt nice to catch up with him again. Now that she was avoiding Brittany and since her spat with Quinn over Thanksgiving she was short two of her best friends. While she was sitting in the corner drinking by herself she saw Brittany and Sam walk in holding hands. She made her decision quickly, grabbing a bottle and bolting out the back door. She made herself comfortable in a dark corner and grew steadily drunker and sadder. She didn't even realize she was crying till she felt someone sit by her. She looked up through blurred eyes and realized it was Brittany. "What are you doing here?" She asked. "I came to see whether you were alright, Santana. You've been avoiding me and everyone else and I just wanna know what's going on" she said as she sat down next to her. "Why do you even care?" said Santana, striking out because her heart was aching. "Don't you have someone you should be with?" Brittany looked at her strangely. "Are you mad at me? Is it because of Sam?" Santana didn't say a word, just put the bottle to her lips and took another swig. Brittany gently took the bottle from her hands, and turned her face towards her. "Talk to me Santana, what's bothering you?"

Santana who all this while had been bottling up everything she'd felt, finally felt something snap. "What's wrong?! Are you seriously asking me what's wrong? You are dating TROUTY MOUTH! I mean seriously, he can fit a baby's head in that thing. What do you see in him anyway? He can't even dance or sing all that well. He is like the least talented member in the glee club, even Sugar sounds better that he does…." She ranted for awhile till Brittany put her arms around her and tried to calm her, holding her close and whispering soothing words in her ear. But Santana was beyond the point of reason, all she felt was red hot rage and cold rejection, so she pushed her away saying "Whatever this party's lame anyway, I'm leaving!"

Brittany grabbed her arm as she tried to run. In a calm tone she said, "I'm really sorry you're not ok with this. I had hoped that you would be prepared. This is what you wanted Santana, I'm moving on just like you told me to. I hope you can do the same. I will always love you and always be your friend. I hope you can too cos I miss you. I'm gonna let go now. I won't stop you from leaving but it would be nice to spend some time with you since you're here. Everyone's inside, let's just go in and pretend this never happened" Santana turned in shock. She always marveled how even though Brittany lived in a magical world of her own, when it came to Santana she always knew what was going on. More importantly she always knew what to say. But then the image of Brittany and Sam holding hands flared up in her mind and wrenching herself free she stumbled off. She was too far to hear Brittany sigh.

That night she cried herself to sleep. Then she woke up the next morning and cried again. Her parents were still at work which meant she had the house to herself. She was too scared to go out because she was afraid she'd run into them. She'd already received texts full of concern from Puck, Sugar, Blaine and even Tina. But she couldn't reply. Not now, not yet. Brittany texted her that night saying- hope ur feelin better. Gnite. It set her off again. After crying herself to sleep three nights in a row, her mom walked in. "Mija!" her mom said, "I'm worried about you. I think you two need to talk this out. This isn't like you. You've been a mess ever since you got here. Whatever it is, I know you can sort it out. Before any of this you were best friends and then you left. It was hard for Brittany too you know. She was failing her classes and pretty stuck. Everyone was really worried about her, she went through a really difficult time" When Santana glared at her, she said hastily "I'm not taking her side. I'm just saying there's always two sides to a story. Think about it!" and left.

Santana stared at the closed door. She remembered going off to college. Brittany seeing her off and them promising to keep in touch through calls and emails and skype and texts and whatever they could think of. She remembered her being really busy, blowing off skype dates and chat sessions for cheerleading practice and studies. She remembered how Brittany's texts always seemed so forlorn. She remembered how upset Britt got whenever she had to leave. She remembered her face when she saw Tina's assistant, whatever the hell her name was, hyperventilating and saying that's what it feels like to be left behind. She remembered the pain in her eyes then. She remembered how sad she was when they broke up. How Santana consoled her telling her this is for the best and they were being mature, and Brittany, as always trusting her completely, trusting that she wouldn't hurt her. Tears ran down her face when she thought of the texts they exchanged, how Britt would say I can't sleep tonight or wish you were here or even ridiculous ones like Lord Tubbington's got cat depression because he misses you half as much as I do. She remembered Grease and how she sang on stage and Brittany just stood in the wings staring at her, her eyes full of pain and hurt. Shit! What the hell was wrong with her? She was hurting the one person she loved the most in the world, and all Brittany had done was what she'd told her. Now she was with Sam and happy and Santana realized that she'd been a bitch. So much for doing the mature thing she thought.

The next day she came up with a plan. She'd spent the whole night thinking and she felt worse and worse about what she'd done. She knew that Brittany and Sam were spending the evening at Britt's house, so shrugging on her hat and scarf, she drove over, armed with a tape recorder and a plan.

It was snowing when she reached. She smiled sadly remembering how Britt loved the snow and how she'd stand on her toes to kiss the flakes off her nose and eyes. She walked to the front door and rang the doorbell. Brittany's parents were out and her sister at a friend's house. When Brittany opened the door, Santana just looked at her, everything from the soft halo forming around her golden hair to her small puzzled frown was beautiful. Santana felt her heart skip a beat but she concentrated on what she meant to do. She held out the placards she'd made for this occasion and put her finger on her lips. When Sam called out from upstairs asking who it was she held out the placard that said- SAY ITS CAROL SINGERS scrawled in bright crayon. Brittany still looking puzzled yelled, "Its carol singers, I'll be up in a minute." Santana smiled in relief and then set down the tape recorder and pressed play. Soft piano music wafted out from the speakers, and she began singing Silent Night. Santana knew she expressed herself better with music. Her voice mournful and sad and sweet, putting all her feeling into the song while holding out the placards she's made for this occasion. They read:

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY

I TRULY AM SORRY

I WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD

EVEN IF IT IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE

TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT

AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU THE MOST

MERRY CHRISTMAS BRITT

She ended the song while she was holding up the last placard. Tears were streaming down both of their faces. She wiped her eyes, smiled at Brittany and picked up her things. "Good luck" she whispered and turned to leave. She walked a few steps before she felt something hit her. Brittany had launched herself against her. She grabbed her face and spun her around and kissed her. The kiss was sweet and sad, stained by their tears. They broke apart and rested their foreheads against each others.

"Thank you Santana, that meant a lot"

"Bye Britt Britt" was all she could reply, before she turned and walked away, hunched against the snow.

Upstairs, Sam got a text on his phone. It was from Santana. He opened it warily. Look after her. If you hurt her I will hunt you down and mount those precious lips up on my wall! Santana. He smiled as Brittany walked in.