I really really don't know what got into me but this idea hit me as I was reading the letters that Frida Kahlo wrote to her lovers. I wrote it in the kitchen in two hours. Enjoy.
E.
October 14th
It's been a month since you left.
You said you would be back.
Where are you?...
October 20th
I miss you. My soul misses you.
I'm still hoping that one day you will be back; that the doorknob will turn any time and you will walk in. I will take you in my arms and hold you tight without minding that you left.
I will leave my door unlocked.
November 1st
I stopped a girl today and my heart almost leaps out thinking it was you.
Her eyes didn't shine like yours.
Please come back.
November 10th
I wish I knew where you are. I would write to you long letters and tell you that I love you more than life… That I will do anything to not lose you a second time.
November 24th
Do you still sing?
I think you do. I can feel it.
Who do you sing to? What do you sing? Still Broadway?
God Rachel, what I wouldn't give to hear you sing again.
I miss every particle of you; the delight of your voice (nothing was a sweeter sound than that), the light of your eyes; the comfort of your arms; the warmth of your breath…
I need you to tell me that you love me.
Do you still love me?
Why did you leave me?
December 2nd
Everything hurts.
I've been doing nothing more than miss you, wishing I was doing nothing more than kiss you.
December 10th
I found that Neruda anthology you gave me last year. It makes me wonder if his heart was as broken as mine is. Is that why you gave this book to me? Because you knew your departure was inevitable and I would only be left with the traces of our love, and the words of another man hopelessly in love?
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where."
You marked those words for me in the book, and I kissed you all night.
I miss you.
My door is still unlocked.
December 18th
Happy birthday, my love. Wherever you are, blow your candles. I will wish for you to be here.
I love you with my blood, bones and soul.
Q.
December 25th
I miss you so much I can feel your absence.
January 11th
My love was not enough to keep you here, I know that now. What did I do wrong? Why did you leave me here if you knew my life was meaningless without you?
You left my heart shattered and me alone to pick up the pieces that I am not even able to build back up together.
I will never forgive you for that.
January 16th
I was going to ask you to marry me. I was going to take you to Central Park, to that bridge where you kissed me for the first time, where I first told you I loved you. Where we confessed each other's fears and healed the wounds that were still wide open, and caged those ghosts that kept us up at night.
I still have the ring; with no finger to embrace; because you left, along with a piece of my soul that I will never get back.
I can't go on like this.
It's been 4 months, but it feels as if my life has already passed me by.
February 3rd
Don't do this to me anymore. Please. I cannot think for one second that you are forever gone. It makes it hard to breathe and I'm afraid my eyes will shed blood when I run out of tears.
I need you.
March 8th
My love,
I was asked to go to London for a month… but I am scared that you will be back and won't find me here. Please tell me, wherever you are, will you come back?
To hell with London and everything else. I will wait for you a lifetime if you promise me you will be here one day.
March 25th
I need to start moving on. They say going to London will help…
Maybe the air will be easier to breathe over there.
I'm leaving tomorrow.
I love you.
August 12th
Dear Rachel,
My love,
My soul mate,
I visited your grave today, for the first time since you're gone. I brought you Lilies, just like I used to when you were here. When you were alive.
I am so sorry it took me this long, sweetheart, but my heart simply couldn't bear the knowledge of you being gone. Will you forgive me?
Today it has finally dawned upon me what is now my reality.
I will never wake up with you in my arms. I will never soar from one of your kisses, or daydream about our future, or hear the happiness in your laughter. I will never see the stars in your eyes, or smell the scent of your skin, or wrap myself up in your voice.
I will never, ever hear you again say to me 'I love you' and that breaks my heart all over. You're gone forever and I need to accept that, as much as it hurts deep within and all over me.
But I need you to know that as long as I live, I will live for you. I will see you in my dreams and later on I will meet with you again. I will live to make you proud and I will always, always love you; in this life and the next one with every ounce of my soul.
Wait for me, my love…
Yours, forever and always,
Quinn.