Chapter One
"Beca, we need to talk."
I look up from my bed where I am listening to my latest mix.
How the heck did he get in? Didn't Kimmy Jin lock the door?
Staring intently at me are the biggest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen. Brown, intense and endearing, but right now- I find his gaze unnerving.
I sigh and remove my head phones- avoiding his intensity.
"Hey Jesse...….." I go for all cool calm and casual but fail miserably.
"Why have you been avoiding me Beca?"
It's been 3 weeks since our show stopping (if I do say so myself) performance and I've until now been successfully dodging Jesse with the excuse of finals exams.
He finally has me cornered and somehow I feel guilty .
Am I blushing? I dont blush! I admonish myself and fix my eyes fiercely on the toes of my Cons to try to focus.
"Jesse. .. You know how crazy its been, what with exams and graduation for the seniors and all the good byes we are making and I've been flat out at the station!" my voice sounds whiny and I sarcastically congratulate myself how full of words I can be when I feel put on the spot.
I risk a peek at Jesse and my heart silently breaks for him with the look he is giving me. He is such a great guy- even I can see that. He is sweet and kind and funny and talented and smart as hell plus so well adjusted thanks to his cookie- cutter- normal all- American Apple -pie family. My mouth twists in a grimace when I think of all I cannot give him and the sharp pain of guilt causes me to bite my lip in alarm.
"Beca, you know I don't want to pressure you into something you are not ready for. I'm not asking for grand declarations of love- just to hang out and do normal stuff together- like couples do!" he pauses and a look of clarity hits his gorgeous face. "Oh, so I'm guessing you don't think of us as a couple?"
"Look Jesse…."
"Noooooo I get it", he interrupts, "that kiss was some sort of victory dance and I just happened to be the recipient. If it didn't mean anything then why did we spend that whole weekend holed up in here while Kimmy Jin was away? You know, cos that weekend sure meant something to me!", his voice catches and its all I can do to look away. .
At that moment Kimmy Jin walks in with her posse of giggling Koreans and they all stop in the doorway and stare at us. This interruption had a sense of de ja vu about it and I suddenly feel tired, and a little bit sad. Jesse looks to me with a pained expression, shoves his hands in his pockets and mutters "Saved by the bell, hey Beca?" and turns towards the door. "Bye Jesse" twitters Kimmy Jin and it strikes me at that moment the effect Jesse has on people that even Kimmy Jin is entranced by him. The thought depresses me as the door closes firmly and I feel 5 pairs of eyes glare at me. Of course, Kimmy Jin still doesn't acknowledge me. With a heaviness in the pit of my stomach I yank on my head phones hurting my largest Ear spike in the process and curse myself. I kick off my old worn Cons and stretch my legs along the full length of my bed. Turning my back to Kimmy and her friends who are now engrossed in 'Just Dance' on her Wii, I roll over and close my eyes.