Draco Malfoy is bored.

the slytherin heir blonde ice prince wishes for Harry's love

but Harry's like "No way in Merlin's ass"

and then Draco's like "Oh"

and then they make out and it's hot but the Apple gets jealous

and then Draco's like "Oh no bby you know you're the one for me"

and then Apple gets himself in a hot and smutty affair with Harry

and decides to take pictures of Harry and apple together in lewd positions

and Draco gets jealous and pissed

"My father will hear about this" he yells, then realizes... "Oh shit nvm."

and then Draco tells Harry he's a prick and he should leave Apple alone cause he loves Apple

and then Harry gets pissed and he's like "i thought you loved me"

and then Draco's like "nu-uh i hate you stupid scarface" and they make out again

and then Harry's like "wtf is happening i just wanna kill me some horcruxes"

and then *plot twist*...

the Apple was a horcrux this whole time.

and so Harry's feels betrayed and gets depressed

and Ron's like "it's just another apple bro. just like the rest"

and Hermione's like "Ron you teaspoon he had feelings for that apple"

and then Ron and Hermione go and make out so Harry feels even more lonely

and so Harry goes to Draco for comfort

and Draco's like "i aint gon give you no comfort"

"I only give you hot and steamy sex"

and Harry's like "okay cool"

so they have hot and steamy sex in the prefects bathroom

and Draco gets to top

obviously

Draco always tops

and when it's over Draco's like "Okay i can comfort you now"

and Harry just tells Draco that he loves him but he loves Apple too

and Harry tells Draco that Apple was a horcrux

and Draco like freaks out and is like

"OMG DID YOU KILL MY BBY WTF DUDE I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME I GAVE YOU HOT AND STEAMY SEX"

and then Harry's like "no way man i didn't kill Apple. i can't kill him. I grew feelings for him too"

and so Draco's like "we should all have a threesome"

and so Draco and Harry put clothes back on and go to find Apple

and then they find Neville the Badass swinging a sword near Apple

"HOLY FUCK NEVILLE BE CAREFUL WITH APPLE" Harry and Draco yelled

Neville the Badass is like "Ron told me he was a horcrux and I need to kill it"

and then Draco freaks out and then...

...

"IT WAS MY HORCRUX! NOT THE DARK LORD'S!"

Harry looks Draco in the eyes. "Draco? Is that true?"

Draco nods and a tear slips out of his eye. "Yes. I killed Pansy."

Neville the Badass says "Oh thank Merlin. She was a total bitch and a half." Harry nods.

Neville drops the sword and hands Draco the apple.

Draco decides he needs to get rid of this, so he says...

"Apple...look, bby, I've always loved you. you were there for me when Pansy was being a total annoying bitch and you helped me kill her. But I need to do this now." a tear falls on apple's green skin.

Harry watches, not really knowing what to do.

Neville the Badass walks away awkwardly.

"Apple, I love you. but this is the only way" Draco takes a deep breath.

And Harry watches in horror as Draco takes a huge bite out of apple.

TBC