This is my first published story and first foray into Vampire Diaries fanfiction. Please be kind and leave nice and constructive criticism. I feel like I went a bit OOC with characters and didn't quite succeed to capture the speech patterns of any character. If you have useful suggestions how to improve myself I would be thankful for them! This is just a bug that wouldn't leave me after i watched first web clip released from episode 4x13 "Into the Wild" and my frustration with sire bond story line.
„I don't like to speculate!", Damon said throwing in that smirk of his. It hurt me to see that he is shutting me out. We always had our understanding. He was always real and honest with me. I guess it's just not possible now because of the stupid sire bond. Did I really expect anything different? When have I ever got what I wanted without losing somebody? The curse of Elena Gilbert, the doppelgänger, continues. I put my jacked in my backpack and followed Damon back to the group.
„Oh, good! The never-dead-enough girl is back! We can be on our merry way now!", that shrill British voice grated on my nerves like nails on chalkboard.
„Well, if the can't-get-the-job-done girl approves!", I shot back before I could stop myself. „Girls, can we please not fight?", Stefan tried to be conciliatory but it just made me more irritable. „You should ask my sire to calm me down again Stefan!". „Maybe he should!", he fired back.
„Hey! Stop it people! We're all on the same side here!", Shane looked each of us in the eye.
„Okay, I will take this one to cool of a little!", Damon pulled me away from where they were standing and we started to walk to the other side of the beach. „Why are you letting her to rattle you? You know that's what Barbie Klaus wants!". I was done with everyone treating me like a that doesn't know how to act and whose opinions don't matter and I was done with his avoidance bullshit.
„Yeah, well, maybe I want to be rattled! I've had it up to here with everyone treating me like I don't know what I'm saying! Even you! What's with the I don't like to speculate bullshit?!", I ranted, pacing in front of him. It felt like the dam finally broke inside of me and everything I've been biting back is coming out. „You always have a plan or an opinion! Why is it that I'm suddenly not privy to hearing it?!".
„Elena, you know it's not like that! It's just if I say something you will agree because of the sire bond!", he looked pained and tired and I saw what a toll this all has been on him but I couldn't let it go. „You know that's not how the sire bond works, Damon! I have argued with you plenty since I've turned! Now, tell me! What are you going to do when we find the cure?".
Damon fidgeted and turned his eyes away from me to look at the horizon over the sea. „I will let you go to have that human life you always wanted and I will continue to look after you like always." He finally looked back at me with such sad eyes that mine watered in answer. „It would make me happy if you would stop talking about it and try to ignore Rebekah! Let's get back!". He turned around and started back up the beach to the rest of the group.
„No! I won't let your insecurities and my stupid choices to come between us again! You really think that I will just get back together with Stefan like nothing happened? You really think that I love you just because of sire bond? That none of it is real?", I started to cry. I made such a mess of things. Why was I so afraid as a human? Everything went to hell anyway, so I guess I should just be honest with him and myself.
„I loved you as a human too, Damon. But I am selfish, nobody knows that better than you! I was sure you were going to stay in my life even if we aren't together. Stefan wouldn't. I knew that deep inside. I couldn't lose any more people, Damon! I was afraid also that I would disappoint everyone! What would it say about me if I let all that effort to bring him back from Klaus to waste? I put everyone in danger because I thought I shouldn't give up on him! If I gave up on him after all that what was the point?", it was all finally coming out! I was crying but I wouldn't budge from my stance. He looked at me in wonder and I was surprised that he didn't figure out at least half of that on account of our understanding.
„Elena, I invoked the sire bond! You should have followed me without any complaint!", I punched him in the face. He went down like a house of cards but he still looked shocked. And then it clicked! He invoked the sire bond and I didn't react at all! I didn't follow his command and I have no desire to!
„Why would you do that?! But something is not right! I don't feel like at lake house at all! No urge to stop talking and go make friendly with Rebekah!". Damon was still sitting on the ground so I sat beside him. What if there is no sire bond? If Damon and I could be together with no obstacles between us? If I can own all my actions and choices?
„Damon?", I whispered. „Yeah?". „If there is not sire bond, I don't think I want the cure! We have to find it first, of course! But too much has happened and I kind of like being a vampire now that I can feed out of blood bags!". He turned his head and looked at me. „Let's just find the cure and then will see!". We got up and returned to the group.