Hardest Goodbye :)
I haven't thought about you much…until now, I guess it was just too painful for me. I blocked you out of my head, because If I hadn't I would have gone insane. I even put the walls back up around my heart in the hope of keeping you out, but you always did creep back in there. Living in a world where no one mentions your name kinda helped me to forget about the massive void in my life, the void that started the day you left me. Only now it's back and the void is bigger than ever.
Hearing Leah speak about you the way she did, so openly and innocent warmed my cold and broken heart. It hit me then how much I've missed you and how I wish that things were different, but no amount of wishing is going to bring you back to me is it? Happy memories? Yeah I had lots of them with you and I should've had a lot more, but I guess it wasn't our time. I wonder if we will ever get another chance to love each other? I wonder if we will even see each other again? I hope we do.
If you saw me now though you'd think I'd moved on, you'd think that I'd forgotten you. How could I forget you? I couldn't because you will always be the best thing that has ever happened to me and although I try my hardest to ignore the beating of my heart when I do think of you, I can't anymore. For you will always be the one, in this lifetime and any other. We fit perfectly together, even with all the drama that comes with us. I live for you, but I would die for you equally.
You are the other half of me, the person I imagined myself growing old with and although it seems like I'm forgetting that; I'm not. Inside I'm still screaming and I'm falling apart without you, even now. Starting this new life with Doug isn't something I saw myself doing not when I should be starting a new life with you. Now I only have memories of you, memories of times when we talked about our future and how amazing it was all gonna be. My dreams have all been shattered now and without you I know I'll never dream again.
I may be with Doug but I would do anything to wake up and see your face every morning instead, I hope you know that. I could've waited for you, I said I wanted to, but you isolated me from your life. I guess I just don't exist to you anymore. You will always exist to me, but you wanted me to live my life so that's what I'm gonna do and although It's not really a life I want to be living, it's better than being alone. I feel sorry for you choosing a lonely life instead of having me loving you…waiting for you forever.
I gave all I could give you, but in the end it wasn't enough was it? Please don't come back in to my head now and make me feel guilty about Doug. I know he's not you and he never will be, but he is all I have now. Nothing in the whole world compares to you and I know that nothing ever will. You are part of me forever and I've just got to accept that my love for you isn't going anywhere, no matter how many times I try to run from it. You Brendan Brady were always my hardest goodbye.
Please review lovely people xx xx xx