1. Asphodel [日光兰]

The wooden floorboards were smooth beneath his feet, the autumn air clear and cold. In the distance there was the sound of a flute ringing out across the deep blue skies, and somewhere on his left there were voices talking behind a drawn shoji screen, too faint for him to hear anything.

Where am I? Hikaru wondered.

It was still spring in Japan, the sakura had only just began to bloom, but here the reddened leaves were already slowly falling, like butterflies fluttering to the ground on their crimson and gold and vermillion wings.

He did not recognize the place. Did not recognize the low gray stone wall curving around the garden or the beautiful pond with its red bridges and smooth stepping stones.

Where am I? He thought again. It all seemed very... old. Looking down, he saw his own white robes, and suddenly, unbidden, the memory of Sai resurfaced, sharp and clear like he had not remembered in a long time.

'Sai...?' he called softly. 'Sai?'

There was no reply, not that he had been expecting one, but Hikaru could not help the faint disappointment he felt. It had been many, many years, but even now, he still went on foolishly hoping.

Taking a few steps out into the garden, he felt the cold wind on his face, out of season and strange. 'I am an idiot,' he said to himself. This is a dream.

He paused, waiting for an answer that never came. Then softly, he asked again, tentatively, 'Sai?'

Sai...?

'Shindou- Shindou!'

Turning around, Hikaru was surprised to see Akira running after him.

'What is it?' he asked, stifling a yawn. It had been a long day, and they had been practicing with the other pros since morning and Hikaru now felt like he could have fallen asleep standing up.

'Don't give me that!' the other snapped. 'What was wrong with you today?' Akira asked, green eyes flashing with anger. 'You lost by five, Shindou! Five!'

Hikaru internally winced, remembering the terrible game he had just played. 'It's only five,' he said, trying to appear nonchalant about it.

'Just five?' It took all of Akira's impeccable self control not to violently hit the other on his head. 'When was the last time you lost by five, Shindou? Five years ago?'

That was not even funny, but Hikaru chose not to tell Akira that. There were things worse than his rival's sarcasm. 'Well, things happen.'

'You were playing against Ochi, Shindou. Ochi! You beat him when you became an insei!'

'So what, Touya?' Hikaru asked, feeling his own patience fray. 'Like I said, things happen. Do not presume to order me around - not everyone can be like you.'

Akira glared back at him. 'It is not about whether or not I am ordering you around - you know that, Shindou. Do you think that just because you have lost this round those other players will be surprised? That you would lose your reputation or Ochi would be happy?'

'What is your point, Touya?'

'My point, Shindou,' the other boy replied, sounding more than exasperated, 'is that what you just did is only going to be seen as a humiliation for Ochi. No one will believe that you lost by five just because things happened. They would think you were taking pity on Ochi, giving him an easy win, or simply looking down on him.'

'That's not true,' Hikaru replied immediately.

Akira sighed. 'I know it is not true, Shindou, but the others don't. You have to be serious when you are playing.'

'Like you?'

There was a pause, then, 'Why are you so defensive today, Shindou? That is not like you at all.'

'What is like me then, Touya? What were you expecting?' Hikaru was surprised to find himself glaring. He so rarely lost his temper nowadays, he and Akira hardly even argued anymore.

The other's gaze flickered. 'That was not what I meant, Shindou,' he said. 'I just... wondered if maybe something happened.' His voice was flat, but underneath it, there was now an unmistakable hint of concern.

Hikaru suddenly felt extremely guilty for having been so unreasonable, especially since Akira had always found it difficult to express himself and was sincerely trying to care. 'I'm tired, that's all,' he answered truthfully and a little apologetically.

'Have you not been sleeping well?' Akira looked worried, his earlier anger having disappeared as quickly as it had come.

'No. Yes, well, I don't know.'

Akira's expression turned quizzical. 'Are you sure you are alright? Do you want to take a break for a few days? There won't be any major tournaments for a while, it should not be a problem.'

Hikaru shook his head. 'It's fine, Touya, but thank you for your concern all the same. I just need some sleep.'

'Well, if you're sure,' Akira hesitated. 'Would you like a lift home?'

Hikaru felt himself smile despite himself. 'Your games are not over yet, Touya - stay. My house is not that far from here, I will be just fine on my own.' He paused, then added, 'Tell Ochi I'm sorry, please?'

'But you aren't, not really.' Akira tried to sound stern, but the effect was quite ruined by the amusement in his voice.

Hikaru laughed. 'Maybe.' He turned to leave. 'See you tomorrow,' he called over his shoulder.

'See you,' Akira replied.

There was a moment of silence and Hikaru thought that maybe the other had already left, but just as he was about to step out the door, he suddenly heard an unexpected question.

'Hikaru... Is this about Sai?'

He stopped, suddenly finding it so much harder to speak. 'I don't know,' he answered quietly, voice trembling ever so slightly.

There was the sound of a step behind him. 'I really am fine, Akira,' he said.

Besides, you would not understand.

He was there again. This time, the trees were only just turning red, and the wind against his face was a little warmer.

'Follow me,' a voice was saying.

Blinking, Hikaru saw a young man standing before him, dressed in simple blue robes.

'Where are we going?' he asked, but the other did not reply. It was almost as though he had not even been heard.

'His Majesty is looking forward to the game, Fujiwara-sama,' the young man said. 'He may not show it, but I think he much prefers your teachings.'

Hikaru felt his eyes widen. Fujiwara? Sai? He looked down at himself. Was he Sai? Indeed, the whites robes he wore were familiar, but was that not what everyone during the Heian era dressed in?

'You flatter me,' Hikaru heard himself say. 'Skill is what matters after all.'

'But having a skill and being able to impart it are very different things, Fujiwara-sama.'

'Perhaps so. Yet His Majesty has a quick mind after all, he would wish to be able to learn more from his instructors.'

There was a soft laugh. 'You are a kind person, Fujiwara-sama. Anyone would like you better.'

'That is not for you or I to say.' The words were just so ever slightly chiding. 'I think the way it is now is good enough.' He smiled. 'If it could just stay like this forever, I would be content.'

Hikaru heard the wistfulness in the tone, the quiet longing for peace. Yes, this was Sai. Gentle, warm-hearted Sai who never knew what was to come.

Is it your intention to show me this? He wondered silently to a Sai who was no longer there. But why now? Why after so many years? Just when I have begun to forget?

He looked down at the fan in his hand, remembering what Sai had told him when they had first met. The game which had taken from Sai his life. The game which had given Hikaru his Go and his world.

What are you trying to tell me, Sai? Just what, he thought, do you want me to see?

Ahead of him, the young man stopped before a partially opened shoji screen and bowed. 'Fujiwara-sama has arrived, your Majesty.'

There was a pause, then, 'Show him in.'

The room was wood paneled, bright from the light coming in from the doors that were opened out towards the gardens. The King himself sat behind a lowered silk screen, his features well hidden. Standing just before the screen was another man, his back turned to Sai and the messenger.

'I bid my leave, Your Majesty,' he was saying, 'now that Fujiwara-dono has arrived.'

Hikaru did not like the way the man spat out Sai's name as though it was something bitter in his mouth. Instinctively, he knew who that person was, and had he been able to, Hikaru knew he would have shouted at the other and possibly even tried to hit him for what he had done to Sai.

But as it was, there was nothing Hikaru could do. He could only watch as Sai calmly came to stand next to the man and bowed. From the peripherals of his vision, Hikaru saw that the unpleasant courtier had a sharp beard, his thin lips twisting into an unpleasant smile as he looked at Sai.

As he moved to leave, the man very blatantly took an unnecessary step to the right and rudely bumped into Sai, almost pushing him over.

'Oh, my apologies,' he hastily bowed, the smirk never leaving his face. 'I must not have seen you there.'

Sai very calmly returned the bow, giving no indication of being affronted. 'It is quite alright.'

'Teach the lesson well, Fujiwara-dono,' the man said as he left. 'After all, that is really the only thing you can do. In a real game against me, you would lose without my even trying.'

Hikaru glared, never having felt so angered in his life. He wanted to kill this man, maim him for the mockery he had just made of Sai. Sai did not deserve this. Sai never deserved this! Sai was greater than he could ever be.

The courtier was laughing even as he walked away, his words echoing unpleasantly even long after he had left.

Sai will win, Hikaru thought vehemently. Had you played honorably, Sai would surely have won against someone like you.

Distantly, he heard Sai apologizing to the King for having caused such a disturbance, his apology being quickly waved aside in favor of starting the game. The King, at least, did not seem to be much troubled by what had just happened, setting it aside as though it was nothing more than a common occurrence.

Hikaru found that he no longer cared, though, because he knew what it was that he was going to do now. He knew why Sai had chosen to show him this after so many years.

I will watch that game, Sai, he thought, I will watch it, and then after it is over I will find every single way that man could have lost even had he cheated. I will prove that you are the greatest Go player, Sai, even if to no one other than myself.

He will lose without my even trying...

my regrets follow you to your grave [end]

A/N: The idea for the flowers really came from this one random thing I read which mentioned how the symbol of the Fujiwara clan was a Wisteria flower, symbolizing honor, memory, longevity and victory over hardship amongst many other things. All very fitting descriptions of Sai, was what I thought then.

On a side note, I have not delved into this fandom for a long time. Some terms might be off, and I offer my apologies beforehand. Do drop me a review for suggestions and/or any mistakes I might have made.

Dedicated to Ferrero13 who is still into this fandom. You have my admiration.

Se-kari