I look back at the village, my knees pulled up to my chest, sitting on the grassy hill. The grass is cool and soft in comparison to the hot summer air. Grey clouds cover the sky like a curtain. It makes the scenery look gloomy. The village looks like a ghost town in this light. A big storm is on it's way, so no children are playing outside, and the vendors of the markets have put away all of their things. Even the wives of the village aren't gathered at the well to gossip.

I take a deep breath, and I can smell the rain. I can feel the air start to cool and I shiver. It's coming fast, the storm. And I don't want to move. Getting away from that village is the best thing possible right now. My mother is probably storming the house right now, asking for our servants to find me soon. But she knows where I am.

"Sachiko! Sachiko!" I can hear her voice suddenly calling me, breaking the sweet silence of the still air. A small raindrop falls on my cheek and I close my eyes.

"I'm here," I call back, "I'm here Mother."

I can hear her approach me, she pauses and then speaks, "It's going to storm soon."

"I know," I nod, "I was waiting."

Another raindrop falls against my hand.

"Come back to the house Sachiko," her voice sounds tired and I feel a little guilty for worrying her, "You'll catch a fever if you stay out here too long."

"I'll be fine," I frown, my eyes still closed.

"Please," she puts her hand on my shoulder, "Sachiko."

I let out a quiet sigh, force a smile on my face, and stand again, "Fine. Is that vendor still angry at me?"

"Of course he is," she frowns at me, her tired eyes scold me silently, "you destroyed his cart."

"Ah," I nod, smirking, "but he seemed so happy that the princess came to see him."

"He was," she nods sadly, "and perhaps it would have stayed that way if you had left that demon alone."

"That demon was going to kill that boy," I frown at her, "I couldn't let him."

"The men could have dealt with him," she shakes her head, "It's not proper for a princess to fight. Really Sachiko. It's wonderful that you saved that boy's life. But in the process you've ruined your reputation as a princess of nobility and a woman of dignity."

"Dignity? You call standing there like a coward and wringing my hands dignity?" I scowl at her, "that's cowardice."

"Please," she takes my hand in both of her hands, "try to understand what it is to be a princess. Perhaps one day you'll be the one to take the throne. But that's only if you marry Sachiko. Men won't be interested in you if you keep acting up like this."

"What do I care if I ever inherit the throne," I take my hand back, "Fumie can have the throne. She's absolutely ecstatic about being a princess. Being married to her prince, bringing honor back to your name right? She can have it."

I look back at my mother, who looks exhausted, "Even if you don't inherit the throne Sachiko, if you keep acting like that, you'll never get married to any man."

"And what do I care? Men are worthless. Just like father was worthless."

Her tired eyes fill with hurt and anger at the same time, and I cringe inwardly, "Never speak of your father like that Sachiko," her voice is like a knife, it's shaking, "he is a great lord and you should be honored to be his eldest daughter!"

"But I'm not," I frown back at her, "I'll never forgive him for hurting you."

My mother doesn't answer, she simply takes my hand, ending the argument as the rain starts falling faster, harder. I hadn't even noticed it anymore and I'm starting to get soaked.

My mother leads me back to our house. But it's more like a mansion compared to the other houses of the village. I go inside and watch the rain from a screen door. My mother, tired, angry, and hurt goes back to her room and sleeps.

My servants offer to let me change clothes but I refuse, I dismiss them swiftly and go to my own room. Sulking in my own thoughts, angry, sad, and a little guilty for hurting my mother earlier.

"I'll never forgive him," I say out loud, my father is a lord of many villages. His army and his territory reaching far and wide across the land, spreading across villages and woods. Fields and mountains. He's a man of power and honor. But I hate him more than any man possible.

I was his first child, and he was extremely disappointed that I wasn't a boy. Every father wants their eldest child to be a boy. Especially a lord such as him. His advisors told him to kill me secretly, with poison. And he tried, he did, and he told my mother that I ate several different poisons that a doctor had concocted. But I survived them all. My body didn't even react to them and so he was amazed. His advisors then thought that it was sign from the gods to keep me alive. Although some of them thought that I had been possessed by demons. My father had no choice but to keep me around.

My little sister, Fumie, was born six years later, my father this time went to the temple time after time every day to pray for a little baby boy. But she came instead, my little sister. And he was furious. Not at my beautiful little baby sister, but at my mother. His wife. After Fumie was taken by the servants to be held and checked for any health problems, my father yelled endlessly at her, and I sat from the doorway and watched quietly. I didn't cry. I didn't cower. I watched him with the cold eyes of a child who didn't feel scared or weak that often. I stared at him, and watched. And let my anger boil up inside of my body.

He left my mother when the servants returned. He left her crying, holding her little baby and crying. What should have been a day of joy to her, became a day of despair.

He passed me as he left the room, he did not smile at me. He didn't hold me to tell me that it was going to be okay. He didn't kneel beside me to try to comfort me.
He looked at me, with his bloodshot, angry eyes, and I looked back at him with emotionless cold eyes. I stood my ground, I didn't flinch when opened his mouth to speak. I didn't move my eyes from him when he glared at me with a condescending glare.

I remember it clearly, I looked up at him, a six year old, who never had seen the outside of the palace's walls because he was too ashamed to show me to the world.

I remember speaking to him, "I'll never forgive you for this."

I remember something growing inside of me, something sparking inside of me and I remember a power growing in my chest. I can still see his eyes widening with anger and surprise.

His palm hitting my cheek with tremendous force. A sting, sharp, painful. It hurt enough to make my eyes water, but I didn't collapse in tears. I didn't start screaming. I even remember, after a few seconds of the pain, it didn't hurt at all. I wasn't afraid of him and I looked back up at him with a pair of cold, furious eyes.

"You're a monster," his eyes looked wild in that moment, "I won't let a monster live in this house."

I remember feeling happy for the first time. After what he had said.

A week later, he moved us to a village of medium size, in a mansion-like house. My mother, however, was not as excited as I was. He had broken her with is words. He blamed her because she hadn't given him sons, and she had taken him for his worthless word. After that day she was convinced that she was worthless. My mother rarely smiled after that, she began to constantly be tired. And then she began watching me very closely after my thirteenth birthday. Like I would transform one day and then become the monster that my father swore with his entire being that I was.

I, however, started to change for the better. Being away from my father had made me free to act like a child. I made friends with the village's children. A lot of friends. Soon I wasn't like a princess to them, I was just a girl, just like them and that made everything easier. I went outside everyday and I found myself smiling very often with them. I talked more, and I acted less like a cold statue that my father had turned me into.

Getting away from him was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. My heart warmed when given the chance, and I became happier.

But, then things changed, we got news that my father's new wife became sick for a long time and when she recovered, she became sterile. She would never bear a child for my father as an heir. She would never bear him a son.

So as the eldest, I became the heir. And that's when the elders and the parents of the village began to treat me differently. I was around fourteen when the first parent sent their son after me as a suitor.

I was flattered at first, but then I realized. If I married a boy. Any boy, I would be obligated to return to my father's palace to live with him. And I would never allow that to happen again.

So I began turning down every suitor possible. Some boys, yes, I went out with them. A date or two. But I refused profusely when they asked to marry me. And then, uninterested, they dumped me cold.

And now, my sister is ten and I'm sixteen. She's the princess that my mother always wished I could be. But I'm too prideful to speak to a man with quiet reverence. I don't blush when they flirt with me. I frown at them. Knowing full well, just by looking at their eyes, they don't really care about me.

They just want to win the fight for honor, the easy way.

"M'Lady," a young servant girl calls to me, taking me from my thoughts, I turn to her, "Are you alright?"

Karen, a girl about my age, and personally, my closest friend, walks inside.

"You shouldn't call me that," I smile up at her, "Karen, you're my friend. I don't want you to call me that."

Karen smiles back gently, "I'm sorry Sachi," she calls me by her nickname for me, "But if I don't call you that, the others will be very angry at me."

"I won't let them touch you Karen," I shake my head, "they do anything to you and I swear I'll kill them."

"Well," Karen smiles, "thank you Sachi."

"Any way," I invite her to sit beside me on my blanket, "what did you need?"

"I wanted to check on you Sachi," Karen's smile disappears, "you've acted strange recently."

"I know," I nod, "I've felt strange. Especially….recently. I feel different. Like. I need to move. I need to run. But. ….I feel trapped."

"Today Sachi, I was really worried about you. Especially when I heard what happened at the market."

I feel my heart sink, "You heard about it."

Karen nods, "You can't stop the older maids from gossiping. They thrive on it. But I heard. You were at the market with your mother, and a demon came from no where and began to attack a little boy. An orphan boy."

"Yes," I nod, "His name is Rean. He's a very kind boy. I've watched over him before. He's very sweet. And his parents were killed by bandits in another village."

Karen doesn't waver, despite my attempt to change the subject, "You attacked the demon. You fought with him, and then you threw him into a nearby cart. . . . Sachiko-chan how could you have possibly done that?"

I look at her, and look back down. How can I possibly explain it? I don't even understand it myself. How could I have attacked that demon? I've never fought before in my entire life. And suddenly, I have the strength to throw a rouge demon into a cart? It doesn't even make sense to me. After the incident there were so many people watching me like I was a monster. So I ran, I had to. I couldn't stand the fact that everyone was staring at me, waiting for me to bare my fangs.

"I don't know how I fought that demon Karen," I shake my head, "I've never fought with anything a day in my life. I don't know how I came up with the strength to do that……but if I tell you something. Do you promise not to tell anyone?"

"Of course Sachiko-chan," Karen nods earnestly.

"When I was fighting that demon," I turn my voice to a whisper, "I enjoyed it Karen. When I was fighting. I was…..happy. I don't understand it but something just overcame me."

"What do you mean?"

I take a deep breath and I feel my fortitude waver, "I said before, that lately I've felt different. It's like I have a craving inside that I need to satiate, but I don't know how. I don't know what it is that I need. I feel the need to be free, to run. But none of that satiates it completely."

Karen's brown eyes widen immensely, "When you fought that demon?"

"That hunger was filled. I felt at peace. I felt…..happy. Relieved. I can't explain it Karen. I think there's something inside me, a different person, I can feel it. And it's growing."

"Sachiko-"

"Karen," I look away from her brown eyes, "maybe my father was right. Maybe I am a monster."

"Sachiko how can you say that?" Karen frowns, gripping my hand and giving me a determined look, "You're not a monster."

"Then what am I?" I ask, "Or perhaps the better question is….What am I becoming Karen?"

Karen gives me a worried look, "A worrying old woman."

"Perhaps," I give her a humorless smile.

"Now you should get some rest," Karen smiles gently, "you've had a long day, no doubt. I'm sure things will make sense when you wake up."

"I'm not so sure," I shake my head, "but I am tired."

"Good night," Karen gets up quietly and leaves my room with careful silence.

I lay down and stair up at the ceiling, nothing makes sense anymore. I know that Karen was just trying to be a good friend. Trying to comfort me. She's a wonderful, true friend and I'm not sure how I deserve someone like her. She's so kind, to everyone.

But even she can't hide the fear in her eyes when I told her about the incident. How I felt as it all happened. Perhaps I am turning into a monster. But an evil one? I'm not so sure what I'm becoming but I know I can't stop it.

And I can't help but think, that maybe this new side of myself, this stronger, independent side of myself that I've never shown before, is my true self. I've never felt so at ease with my mind than when I was alone on that hill or….as hard as it is for me to admit, fighting that demon.

Even when I was little and playing with the children of the village I felt that something was missing. A hole in my heart where something had be cut out a long, long time ago. At first, I thought it was because I never really had a father to hug me, to hold me. But that changed soon enough when I first met my uncle, a swords smith in this village. He became my new father, and I remember always visiting him when he was working. Sitting at his side, watching him bend the metal. Asking to play with the swords. He always told me to call him Uncle Tomo. So that's what he became. And still, he's like the father that I was born without.

But even with Tomo as my new father, something was missing, and that bothered me. I'd spend hours a day, just thinking of what it could be.

Could. This new side be what I've been missing? The thing that has been gnawing at my head…..Is it possible that it's the missing piece?