Author's note: Yes, I've finally written Sano's part of the Identity series. I've got to admit; this and the post-Tomoe Kenshin have to be the ones I've gotten the most into. Anyway, I think it's good. Please read and review.
And please enjoy!
"I should have hit him harder."
Sano walked down the road, unaware of just where he was going. He was heading away from Kenshin, away from Megumi, and away from Yahiko. That was enough.
"I should have made him get up," Sano whispered to himself. The more he thought of that last moment with Kenshin, the more he hated himself for not doing anything, for just letting Kenshin be taken by the hell Enishi had created for him.
But it's not just his hell, Sano thought to himself, fingering the string on his pack. It's all of ours. Kenshin had taken it the hardest, but that didn't mean the others hadn't felt Kaoru's murder. The others had been shaken, and the Kenshin-gumi separated. It was silly to think that the group of friends would ever last. A naïve hope, a stupid dream. Something Kaoru would have thought up.
"I should have made him move!" Sano said, smacking his fist into his hand. "I should have made him talk!" He blamed himself for Kaoru's death, and for Kenshin's state. He should have made her go, should have made Kenshin wake up. He should have tried.
Sano closed his eyes, thinking back to the moment that he saw Kaoru's body impaled upon the wall. She hadn't deserved to die. She was still so young, so happy. Always.
Why was it her? Sano asked himself, biting the inside of his cheek. Why was it Jou-chan?
His mind shifted to scenes of Kaoru running about, smacking both him and Yahiko, loving Kenshin from afar, getting tormented by Megumi. It was odd, but at that moment, Sano felt as he had at Sozo's death.
He shook his head to clear it. I'm not dealing with this very well.
"Better than Kenshin, at least," Sano said to himself bitterly. Kenshin's crying on the inside. No matter what the rumors might say, he's still gentle, Hitokiri Battosai or not. He still cares.
It was then that a fire flared inside him. "Hitokiri Battosai!" Sano yelled on the empty road. "Ha!" Kenshin was softer than everyone in the group. Yahiko hadn't even cried openly when he heard of Kaoru's death. Megumi hadn't either, and although he had wanted to, neither had Sano. But Kenshin? Oh yes. Kenshin had laid down and died. He mentally died, refusing to get up and continue on.
The sight of him in that village was too much. Sano had exploded, and all of his emotions from the death of Sagara Sozo to the death of Kaoru had come flying out. He had wanted nothing better than to beat some sense into Kenshin, into the one who once saved his life, saved Sanosuke from himself.
Sano shook his head. "No, not Sanosuke." He spoke to himself again. Never again would he be Sanosuke. Never would he let himself get so close to people, so close that he cared if they passed. Never again. He would be Zanza, the fight merchant once more, and he would drown out his troubles in the thrill of the fight once more, in the biting teeth of the pain. He would become Zanza again.
Not Sanosuke.
Suddenly, Sano fell to his knees. "Why?"he asked the emptiness before him. Why didn't I do something? It was then that he knew. No matter how much he fought, how much pain he felt, he would never forget Kaoru and Kenshin, never forget what might have been. Never forgive himself for just standing idly by.
Never.
Sano lowered his head, a single tear falling to the ground. "I should have hit him harder."