It was beautiful there that time of day, the smell of rain lingered in the air from earlier and sunlight shown through the leaves of the trees, giving everything shadows and a golden light. It was windy there and I appreciated that, seeing everything sway in the wind, my hair blowing around and becoming a mess on my head, but I didn't smile. I hadn't smiled for about four hours, and I certainly didn't plan on doing so any time soon; I hurt myself enough that day. I treaded along the fallen forest leaves, hearing them crunch beneath my feet, and I sung under my breath.
"Paranoia is in bloom, the PR transmissions will resume, they'll try to push drugs that keep us all dumbed down and hope that we will never see the truth around..."
I kicked a pinecone that fell from the tree and onto the ground, keeping the same pace walking through the woods. I felt...safe here. I felt like I was protected and nothing could hurt me, because the world can be cruel sometimes when you think about it like that.
"Another promise, another seed, another packaged lie to keep us all in greed, and all the green belts wrapped around our minds, and endless red tape to keep the truth confined..."
It kinda sucked being who I was at that moment; I was a different being...different from everyone else. That day was a train wreck, and it was worse especially since it took place in front of Phil.
Confidence? Motivation? Pssh. I had it all. I told Alex I was attracted to not only girls, but boys too, and he went and told everyone else in the room; Charlie, Luke, PJ, and Phil, and boy, were the first three all disgusted. Phil? Well, he kinda...sat there. He really didn't express any emotion besides sympathy as I ran out the door. I didn't take it too harshly, obviously. After they told me how awful it was to be that way, I ran into the woods near my house and began crying, sitting down against the trunk of a tall tree. Nothing too bad. I'd taken the heat for being bisexual before, but I guess that one just...hit me harder, y'know? They were my friends. I just...was feeling like everything was about to crash down on me. Casually thinking like my life was permeated by a sense of guilt and regret. Nonchalantly understanding no one appreciated me anymore for that few minutes. Everyone goes through that dumb phase, right?
Putting that behind me, I walked my way throughout the forest, carelessly knocking up sand or pine needles that were in my way as I looked around at the atmosphere, sighing and beginning to sing under my breath once again.
"They will not force us, they will stop degrading us, they will not control us, we will be victorious..."
What the hell was I doing singing quietly? No one was around for miles; I was only being heard by little ants under the logs and such. No big deal.
So, like the awesome and brave person I was, I sang out loud to myself.
"Interchanging mind control, come let the revolution take it's toll, if you could flick the switch and open your third eye, you'd see that we should never be afraid to die...so come on!"
Laughing to myself as I tried to make my voice go as high as it possibly could to sing the last part, I looked up again. It was getting pretty late and I didn't know where I was, so if I were lucky, I'd make my way back to the tree and remember.
The sunlight didn't beam down from the little holes between the leaves like they used to. The sky glowed a vibrant shade of pink and orange and I appreciated that for a minute or two, just re-tracing my steps. I had forgotten all about everything for a moment. I felt...as ridiculous as this sounds, I felt...free.
"Rise up and take the power back, it's time the fat cats had a heart attack, you know that their time's coming to an end, we have to unify and watch our flag ascend...so come on!"
I smiled at the last part, trying to remember a significant part of the tree I sat next to, and I did. I remembered where one of the branches were placed and estimated how long it was, so I decided to go looking for that.
I finally located my tree-destination after getting a bit frightened of the dark skies and becoming even more paranoid with each of the night sounds I heard. I sighed in relief, "Finally."
I sat myself under the trunk once again, just to look up at the sky for a few quick moments. I enjoyed the twinkling stars and I enjoyed the pattern the trees were creating when I looked up, but I didn't appreciate the lighting here. It was pitch black. A normal person would usually worry about this kind of thing, but for some odd reason, I didn't give it any thought. I simply resorted to singing again.
"They will not force us, they will stop degrading us, they will not control us, we will be victorious...so come on!"
I laughed again, trying to enjoy myself despite the fear I was experiencing at the moment, but was suddenly cut off by a voice coming from straight above me that made me jump out of my seat.
"You should sing more often."
The thick British accent caught me off-guard and I yelped in confusion and fear, frantically looking around my general area until a figure jumped from the top of the tree and landed on the ground straight onto it's feet with a loud crunching noise. I panicked, but the figure just laughed and backed away as I continued my session of flailing around and yelling.
"Dan, it's me," it laughed.
Oh.
I stopped my motions and paused for a moment, before quickly chuckling at my stupidity. "Phil? What the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?" I questioned between laughs, scooting back and positioning myself against the trunk of the tree once again.
Phil spoke as he walked to my spot, "I was just about to ask you the same question," he said with a nonchalant façade; I could just feel the smirk that was rising on his face, and he was definitely trying to hide it.
I scratched the back of my head awkwardly with a free arm, taking the burn with a weak 'ugh.' He just laughed again and put his knees up to his chest, grasping his legs with his arms.
I stayed sprawled out against the tree and spoke, "Sorry about that little...'incident,'" I made little air quotes with my fingers.
"No, no. It's fine," he hesitated, then sighed, "I actually really did hate the way they treated you back there."
Wow. Okay.
I wasn't expecting that.
I kept my stare to the ground in front of me as I processed what he told me. Contemplations were rushing through my mind as I thought about what to say, and I delayed before asking solemnly, "You did?"
He looked at me, scanning me up and down once before chuckling lightly and looking up at the stars, "Of course, I don't like people treating anyone that way..." he paused and took a glance at me before looking at the ground, "Especially when they do it to you," he smiled half-heartedly.
I pursed my lips and heat rose on my face. I kept my eyes away from him, laughing nervously and I smiled. "It wasn't that big of a deal, Phil. You shouldn't have come out here this late, I guess you can call me a hypocrite, but it's freezing and dark, plus-"
"Dan, stop. I...I was actually really worried about you."
It took me a moment to register what he had said, but as soon as I did, I looked up and into his eyes, which were barely visible in the pitch black darkness, looking him up and down before speaking, "Are you joking-"
"What did I just say?" he interrupted, a faint smile blanketed his face when I looked at him in confusion. "I said stop, stop doubting everything," he said gently as he picked himself up with his hands and stood, turning around so he was on his knees in front of me. I continued to stare at him questioningly.
He sighed. "Dan, I just...I just want you to know...people care. They really do. There's...there's people out there that will accept you for who you are and wouldn't want anything to change, there are others who will love you for your smile, your laugh, your friendship, your beauty, your kindness, and especially, you. They'll love you...for you," he trailed off when he realized he was rambling and put a face in his hand. He huffed, "I don't like seeing you hurt like this, especially when you're trying to cover it up for me. Again, I just want you to be happy and I want you to understand there are people who love you, Dan..."
He sat on my lap, hands on my shoulders and head down. He kept his head turned but looked at me through dark hair, a smile rising on his face once again. He sighed, looking me straight in the eyes. "And...one of those people just happens to be me."
I didn't have time to think before Phil leaned closer to me, ever so softly pressing his lips onto mine. I was a bit stunned, but as I realized what was happening I kissed back gently and put my hands around his neck. It was a wonderful few seconds, but it had to come to an end when he pulled away, sitting still for a couple more seconds to stare at me, then ruffling my hair and standing up. He walked back to his original spot and leaned back against the tree.
"I've cared about you for a long time, Dan. I just wanted you to realize," he confirmed, sending me a smile before we both looked up at the stars again.
For some odd reason, I wasn't uncomfortable at all, so I sighed heavily, "The stars are really distinct at eleven-o'-clock at night," I implied simply as we both chuckled.
We didn't say anything at all after that, the whole time we were out there, just stargazing and appreciating the sounds of the forest, the smells of the fresh pine needles and such, but most of all, we enjoyed each other's company with a comfortable silence that filled the air, the only thing illuminating the shadows or the trees and our presence was the moonlight. I grinned, it was extremely beautiful in every way. Phil scooted closer to my spot, leaning his head on my shoulder as I put and arm around him.
And for the next couple of hours, we continued to enjoy the beauty of nature.