Mai's first year as Fire Lady had established her as, if not the most powerful person in the nation, at least the best informed. It had also briefly made her the most intimidating, having brought with it so much power and a grand and imposing wardrobe, but that hadn't lasted long, particularly with Zuko's friends. Determined as they were to accept her into their group, they seemed to have become virtually immune to Mai's glares and subtle threats, and now seemed to have no remaining qualms about imposing on her hospitality during their impulsive and generally unannounced visits. Toph was quite possibly the worst offender, as she had always and obviously been the least affected by Mai and Zuko's rather offputting appearances, and remained unimpressed now that they were Fire Nation nobility.
At this point, Mai was completely unsurprised to be informed that Toph had arrived in the middle of the night, and could be found playing in the rock garden. Mai had, at first, had objections to Toph doing any sort of bending on palace grounds, but had soon realized two things: Toph usually left everything looking much nicer than anything the groundskeepers would ever be capable of doing, and there was nothing Mai could do about it anyway.
"I didn't know you were coming," Mai said bluntly. Toph would never take the hint, but Mai couldn't help trying.
"It was kind of an impulse thing." It always was.
"What have you been doing since last time?"
Toph shook her head. "Like you don't already know?" She removed the scroll from her belt. "Making myself useful, as always."
Unpredictable though she was, Toph was the best (and, truthfully, only) messenger Ursa could use. Though Ursa practically wrote in code, her true meaning usually buried in a few layers of apparent banality, she was very conscious of her banishment and keeping as low a profile as she was able. Direct correspondence through interceptable means was simply not her style.
A few sentences in, Mai realized it had been a mistake to begin reading this in anyone else's company, particularly Toph's. She might have been able to hide the emotions from almost anyone else, but Toph...
"That bad huh?" she grinned.
"You knew?" Mai asked coldly.
"Ursa explained the general idea. She also said she'd drop it if there was a good reason... so is there a good reason that you're not knocked up yet?"
Mai tried to keep her breathing even. "It really isn't much of your business. Or Ursa's for that matter."
"Yeah... you know that's not really true. If it concerns Zuko, it concerns Ursa. And if it really concerns Ursa, it becomes my business, too." Toph seemed to consider her a moment. "Honestly Mai, you know I'd be the last person in the world telling you to do something just because your parents told you to..."
"So what are you doing here?" Mai turned to leave.
"Look, Ursa's been worried, this is something that you all need to talk about, and you're clearly not going to actually go and talk to her about it. So I'm here." At least Toph didn't sound happy about it. "Ursa likes and respects you, Mai, and she does care what you think, as long as... well... you think about it." Mai would bet those were Ursa's words.
"Toph, stay out of it."
She shrugged. "Sorry. I was told I couldn't go back without a response from you."
Mai was furiously silent.
"Okay then," Toph took her escape. "I'll be around if you need to find me."
Mai penned her response in a cold fury; it was the closest she would be getting to calm and rational. She knew that Ursa didn't lack for nerve; even half a world away, she would frequently write to tell Mai and Zuko how to run their country. But that was expected, even appreciated most of the time. Telling Mai how to run her life, however... that was something else. Mai knew her place in the palace, knew how to do her job, how to be helpful to Zuko. She couldn't imagine giving that up right now just to appease her mother-in-law, and that Ursa would even dare to ask that of her was infuriating.
The added implication that some woman across the ocean knew Mai's own court and country and their expectations of her better than Mai did hurt more than she could have anticipated, but really, it was the implication that she was failing Zuko that hurt worst. They were only subtly implied, and it was entirely possible Mai was exaggerating them, but that didn't make her feel any better. She hated how much this woman's disappointment registered with her. What was worse was that she couldn't shake the suspicion that Ursa might know she had that power over Mai, and certainly wouldn't hesitate to use it.
Mai, however, refused to be anyone's puppet.
Toph's hesitation to give her Ursa's response should have been the first clue, Mai reflected.
"Are you okay?" Toph was studying her carefully.
Mai wanted to run away, but couldn't trust herself to move just now.
"It's not like Sokka or Suki knew... I mean, come on, since when have those two ever really thought out the consequences, especially for other people?"
It was probably a good thing to have Toph around. It forced Mai to control herself better than she might have otherwise.
"I mean, they haven't really told anyone, at least. Katara's the only one that even knew Suki was pregnant. Who knew Katara could keep a secret like that, right?"
At least Toph seemed to understand that this was bad news for Mai. She was a little thankful that Suki had had the good sense to have a daughter instead of a son, but that would only make things slightly better. There would be no more dodging the issue once the court saw Suki with her daughter, and Mai... alone. As soon as Suki brought the girl to the palace, it was over. And knowing Sokka and Suki, she couldn't even expect any warning.
"I'm not ready," Mai confessed softly.
Toph made a face. "Now you know that's not true. Ursa would never even bring this up unless she knew you were ready."
Mai laughed coldly. "You believe that."
"She's just trying to help," Toph retaliated. "She knows us all, and she's just trying to make everyone happy, even those of you too stubborn to get out of your own way."
"Do you really think she wouldn't sacrifice the happiness of one person for the greater good?" Mai's voice was more bitter than she'd intended, but at least Toph would get the point.
"You're not one to talk about sacrificing happiness, Mai," Toph snapped. "I'm not either, come to that, but Ursa knows. And she knows what she's doing here." Toph was more fierce than Mai could remember having seen her before.
"That's not what I meant. I know what Ursa did..." Mai frowned. "But what I do with my life shouldn't be up to her."
"It isn't," Toph replied immediately. "You know she can't make you do anything. She's just going to tell you what you should do. It's up to you to listen or not."
Mai was silent a moment. "I'm not ready," she repeated finally.
"Fine," Toph shrugged. She didn't sound surprised.
"Did Ursa tell you I would say that?" Mai asked. It was a pointless question. She knew the answer. "You're one of her pawns, too," Mai added callously. "She may have anticipated all of my moves, but don't think she hasn't anticipated all of yours, too. Even the ones you two didn't script out."
Toph looked seriously at the ground. "Have you ever played pai sho with Ursa?"
It was a random question. "No," Mai answered, shaking her head.
"I listen to her and Iroh sometimes." Toph turned her eyes to Mai. She seemed to know that made people a little uncomfortable. "You're the type that grew up playing those strategy games, right? I bet you were really good."
"It used to make Azula really angry," Mai replied softly, remembering.
Toph nodded. "They're fun to listen to when they play. I don't think they care who wins, and they're both really good at just making the game interesting." Toph paused. "You don't play with Zuko, do you?"
"No... he doesn't like losing. He doesn't have much patience for the game."
Toph smiled crookedly. "Yeah. He's like that when Iroh makes him play. He says it's like Iroh's playing Zuko's pieces as well as his own, like Zuko has no control at all. Was Azula like that?"
Mai remembered. They hadn't played much, just enough for Azula to realize Mai could see her weaknesses there. Mai could still see her pai sho board burning, Azula's smile. "A bit," she said, her mouth dry.
Toph just nodded. "The thing is, Mai, I don't think Ursa's your opponent here. I think she's just trying to make the game interesting."
Mai might have underestimated this girl. She didn't think they were Toph's words, not really, but Toph had delivered them well. Nevertheless, Mai sighed. "You don't understand, Toph. What she's asking... it's more than just making things interesting."
"I understand fine." Mai had clearly hit a nerve. "I can't believe I have to say this to you, but I think you're letting your emotions get in your way. You have to step back and think. You're so caught up in these totally selfish ideas of happiness..." Toph clenched her hands into fists. "You know what? Just write it down, and I'll take your message to Ursa. But you're really not going to like what she has to say."
Mai was more frustrated than she had been in ages.
Toph had been right; Mai did not like what Ursa's reply had contained. Toph seemed to have known as much, and made herself scarce as soon as the letter was in Mai's hands. It was more stern than Ursa had ever been with Mai in the past, but instead of contrite, Mai just felt more angry than ever. She wasn't sure what to do. She considered avoiding having children forever, just to spite the woman.
"Mai?" Zuko stepped out of the shadows. He had clearly been waiting for her. "What's going on?"
She wanted to tell him. She had wanted to tell him since it all started. Instead, she had been avoiding him as much as was possible. That generally worked. He had a tendency to assume she was either dealing with Fire Lord problems that she would smooth over before word of them ever reached Zuko, or he had done something wrong, and either way, she needed her space. Mai felt a little guilty manipulating him like that, and she knew she couldn't have kept it up forever. Since Ursa's first letter, it had been more tempting than ever to simply lose herself in Zuko's arms, forgetting their titles and duties, but it was an urge she had forced herself to master; she just couldn't shake the suspicion that Ursa had been counting on it.
"What's wrong?" he persisted. He was so gentle, but there was a certain amount of confidence there, as if he knew he wasn't the problem. It was enough to put Mai on her guard.
"It's nothing, Zuko."
"It's something, Mai," he countered, embracing her. "What can I do?" Mai felt a wave of temptation wash over her, threatening to crush her resolve and take her knees down with it. But it passed.
"Nothing. I told you, it's nothing." Mai gently pulled away and offered her own version of a reassuring smile.
Zuko was unconvinced. He met her eyes, concerned, adoring, searching for the answer. Another wave, even stronger, washed over her, but Mai held her ground.
She had to know. "Did you get a letter today? From your mother?"
He frowned. "I did, actually. She was just replying... How did you know?"
Mai's head reeled. She was, if possible, more furious than she had been with her own letters. She had considered Zuko a constant in her calculations, and to find out he had been a part of Ursa's all along... It was all Mai could do to stay on her feet. She felt completely outmatched.
Zuko's voice was concerned, almost frightened. "Mai? Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Your mother..." Mai managed. She fumbled in her sleeve for the letter, the one that had started it all, and passed it to Zuko.
He seemed reluctant to take his eyes off of her long enough to read it, but once he managed, he just looked more confused. "I don't understand. Why are you upset about the weather in the Earth Kingdom?"
"It's a metaphor, Zuko. Remember? We talked about those... It's not just the weather, it's spring, and... " Mai gave up. "She thinks I ought to be pregnant by now."
That caught Zuko off guard.
"And I think she knew that I would get distant with you, and you would write for help, and then she could tell you to seduce me." The look on his face was confirmation enough. "She knows us, Zuko."
Zuko looked stunned. "You've been worried about this the whole time? Why didn't you tell me?" Before Mai could answer, Zuko continued, "I was hoping you'd bring it up sooner. The issue of an heir has been coming up lately."
This was news to Mai. About the court. And from Zuko.
"I... haven't heard anything about it," Mai confessed.
Zuko looked at her almost guiltily. "I told them... There were things I didn't want you to hear."
Mai understood. Unlike Zuko, she had never been very popular, and she suspected the criticism against her for not immediately producing a prince must have recently become much more harsh; Zuko had been shielding her from it.
"It's not their fault," Mai sighed. "I do forget sometimes that we aren't just Mai and Zuko anymore." She met his eyes. "What do you think we should do?"
Zuko shrugged. That wouldn't do.
"As Fire Lord," she prompted him, "what do you think we should do?"
"We should have an heir," he admitted, then added, "if you think so."
Mai sighed. It would have to do for now. Zuko would never be his father, and that was mostly a good thing, but there were times...
"What does Fire Lady Mai think?" he asked, unable to read her silence.
Mai smiled slightly. "She agrees that we do need an heir." She leaned her head on Zuko's shoulder. "And she's sorry she didn't realize it sooner. I'm still scared, though," Mai confessed.
Zuko embraced her. She let that wave wash over her again, and lost herself in it.
"I will need to go and speak with your mother," she admitted.
"What? But... Why?"
"It will be a big change for me, Zuko. There are things I need to ask her."
"What kinds of things? Can't you just put it in a letter?"
"No. I can't put it in a letter. This is very personal."
"I put personal things in my letters all the time."
"I know. And I keep... we all keep telling you you should stop doing that."
"And do what instead? Fly all over the world to explain myself properly because the alternative is talking about... about clouds when what I really mean to be talking about are the financial affairs of the nation?"
Mai was silent for a moment. "You don't really write anyone about the financial affairs of the nation, do you? Please tell me you haven't done that."
Zuko mumbled, "Mother and Uncle are very helpful."
"Oh, Zuko."
"What?" he challenged.
Mai looked around quickly to make sure they were alone before pulling Zuko's face to her own. She kissed him hungrily, making up for lost time, and after the few moments it took him to realize what was happening, he returned the kiss.
When Mai eventually broke away, just far enough to appreciate the pleasantly stunned expression on Zuko's face, he asked, "What was that for?"
Mai shrugged. "I like you sometimes when you're being stupid and frustrated." She kissed him again. "Also, I missed this a lot. Being together. I'm sorry I was avoiding you."
"It's all right, Mai." He was always quick to forgive her when she was being affectionate. "I guess I can't really imagine what this is like for you. I'll arrange for us to to go and see her."
"I forget sometimes that you were Azula's friend," Ursa smiled. "In her eyes, I don't think Iroh was ever in line for the throne. She just always assumed it would somehow pass to her father."
Mai nodded. "But even so, you must have an idea."
"I have never been in your position, Mai; I was never Fire Lady, and I was never truly in line to be. I technically didn't need to worry about bearing or raising heirs."
"Technically," Mai noted, sipping her tea.
Ursa looked at her with an understanding that made Mai a little uncomfortable.
Mai looked at her tea. "What can I expect?" she asked, trying to keep her fear from spilling into her voice.
"Pressure. It will not seem enough to simply have a child. Everyone will want and expect signs that your child is somehow exceptional." Ursa's eyes dropped. "It is important to remember that those are not necessarily good signs. Azula was very nearly the exact child they all wanted, and Zuko was the disappointment. They can be wrong. You have to be strong enough to realize that."
"What was it like for you?" Mai found the courage to ask softly.
Ursa smiled at her fondly, but there was a sadness there Mai could never truly understand. "Different. You're lucky to have Zuko."
Mai nodded, feeling mildly ashamed of being so scared when she had Zuko by her side.
"Be brave, Mai," Ursa told her, calmly, soothingly. "It's time to grow up."