Want but cannot have, one of the seven tragedies of life; but what about the one who cannot even want. The one who do not have the right to desire.
Such was the circumstance of Bakugou Katsuki.
It wasn't always like this. When they were younger, they were always together. Whenever something happened, they didn't need to tell each other, because they experienced it together. When they did need to share some news about some hero or gush (even if Katsuki would yell that he did NOT gush) about All Might, the first person that came to mind for him were Izuku. And likewise, Izuku came to him first. HIM. Not to their teacher, not to their friends, and not even his own mother.
Izuku would come running, face adorned with a smile that seemed like the warmth of a spring, shouting "Kacchan!" and then proceed to excitedly rant off his findings and discoveries to his precious friend.
The question of when that all changed would be an incessant lingering thought in the depth of Katsuki's mind; locked behind a door that creaked open only in the darkest hour of the day and when Katsuki loosed his guard in favor of the lull of sleep.
The answer was not elusive. Not at all. In fact, Katsuki knows the answer perfectly well. If only he could open that dead bolted door that he buried the answer to. But he could open it, he could. But he would not open it. Would NOT. Opening it would mean admitting that they could never go back. That there was something that could not be changed. And accepting that he, Bakugou Katsuki, was the one that severed that bond with Izuku.
The reluctant camaraderie that Katsuki managed, with considerable coercing on part of All Might, to reach with Izuku right now isn't so bad. Or at least, it would've been better if there weren't constant reminders that he fucked up and a glass broken then mended would still have the scars reminding the misdeeds of the past.
The first reminder came during the Villain attack when All Might pushed Katsuki out of harm way and suffered damages in return. Of course, despite sustaining some damage from that black ball of meat named Noumu, All Might still blew him away like some scene from a shounen manga. Was Katsuki grateful? Of course he was. But he was more frustrated with his lack of power. He was reminded the top that he sought was still far from him. So why was it that he wasn't the one to react and jump in? Why did stupid Deku jump in, with broken bones and torn flesh, against the enemy? Wasn't he, Bakugou Katsuki, suppose to the abrasive one? The one that sought for battle? The one that fought for the top? So why was Izuku, the one that he abandoned to his past, the one that stepped forward? But deep down, Katsuki knew; that this was Midoriya Izuku, the stupid Deku that reached forward to his sense of justice even if he was weak. Even if the other person did not need it, Izuku would offer it. After all, this stupid kindness was extended to Katsuki numerous times when they were younger. Even if Katsuki never asked for it, never wanted it, and never accepted it. It reminded him that, in Izuku's eyes, he needed help; and only the weak needed help. And Bakugou Katsuki was not weak. Just as All Might was not weak. Yet, Midoriya Izuku would jump in regardless. So what did that make him? The one that denied Izuku's extended hand because he did not need pity nor did he need help? The one that pushed himself into a corner with statements that he was the stronger one. And the one that was supposed to be the one that offered his strength and not be the recipient of worry from the weak. So him pushing Izuku away meant nothing?