A/N: Post Fallout. I'm bored and stuck on getting on with life, so I thought I'd leave you with this.

Disclaimer: Wish I did own it, but sadly I don't.

I'd been stuck in this damn hospital room for over a week now. There had been some complications, something more severe than they thought that was wrong with my leg, so I've got to lie here longer than expected. Bored out of my brains, all alone. Stuck with my depressing, mopey thoughts, it's the damn medication according to the doctor, it changes your mood. They should put on the box, side effects: nausea, drowsiness, depression, mood swings etc.

So I'm here, lying in bed, completely alone.

Jack, well I didn't expect Jack to come, not after everything. He had a family, he belonged there, with his girls. Not with me. He wouldn't come, it was too complicated. When he carried me out of the bookstore, laid me on the bench, it felt so final. I wondered if it had ever been real. I knew that I loved him once. Did he? If things were different and we were together, would he have cheated on me like he did on his wife? Like my mom used to say, a leopard can never change his spots.

Vivian had been, once. But she had her family to be with, like Jack. I miss her, I miss all of them. I guess understood why Vivian hadn't come, but God, I wish she would. I wish someone would.

Martin had come straight after all the hostages had come out, I vaguely remember him there, all the morphine they had me on didn't help. He hadn't been back though.

Danny, he had come after they found Sydney, and once again the day after. He had been twice, more than the others. He had made me smile, bought me flowers, and promised to come again the next day. But he hadn't. Some promise huh?

I hadn't seen any of them for about a week now, I guess they all have their own lives, but they are my life. They are pretty much the only friends, actually they are more then friends, family that I have. My real family, well my blood related (we aren't even half as close as I am with Danny, Viv, Martin and Jack), wouldn't come. My dad, he's basically non-existent.

My mom, she wouldn't come. She didn't agree with me taking a job in the police or FBI, as it was 'so dangerous', we hadn't talked in years. Sad really.

There really was no one.

It's so lonely in here, nothing to take my mind off that day. I keep reliving it. The sweltering heat, the sharp noise of a gun being fired, the cries from the others and then that God-awful pain. Like the skin was being peeled from my leg, and then someone was ramming this white-hot screwdriver into my thigh. Then that moment of clarity, when I was falling. The moment when I realised I had been shot. That simple moment when you feel like its the end, for a second I almost wished it was. But their faces, Danny's silly grin, Martin's half smile, Vivian's kind, concerned smile and Jack's amused smirk, flashed through my mind and I didn't want to go and leave them, I didn't want it to be the end. If I would have known it would be like this, I may have made a different wish. They are the only things holding me here, they are everything to me. I couldn't live without them. In this job, friends are what keep you sane, people who you can talk to about everything. Who understand what you are going through. None of them have been shot, but some have come close. I just wish that they were here, you know, someone sitting by the bed just to talk, or bring me chocolate, anything.

I know it sounds selfish but I can't understand why they haven't come to see me again. I miss them. I just keep staring at that empty chair next to the bed, wondering why there is no one in it to keep me company. Talk, laugh, joke. To help me forget I'm in here.

Everytime I wake up, I immediately look at that chair, hoping there will be someone there in it, waiting for me to wake. But there never is. The chair is always empty. I can see the looks of sympathy that the nurses give me, give each other. Wondering why I have hardly any visitors, feeling sorry for me lying all alone.

I simply don't understand. I know I would be with them, if one of them were in here, they mean too much to me to just not be there. Does that mean I don't mean that much to them? No course not. The pain killers are making think like this. Right?

I can't wait till I get out of this place. Hospitals are so....well depressing. And scarily clean. The sense of death lurks everywhere, like a small shadow that hides away in the corner, not wanting to be seen. Just waiting to pounce on some unsuspecting victim.

Well hopefully I'll be out soon, back in my own place which, well its no palace, but its better than this. I don't want to go back to the office though, I'm scared I guess. Things are going to be different, its obvious they are. I don't want them to be, I just want it be just like it was before this incident. I can't deal with their sympathy and pity.

But they will be different. I think I am different, in that moment just as the bullet hit me, I changed. Don't know if its for the better or worse yet.

It's getting dark now, and no one came. The night shift is just starting here. But they didn't come. I'm alone in the room with 3 cards, Danny, Vivian and Martin, and a bunch of flowers from Danny. There is no one here kissing me goodnight. Giving me a hug. Or just here to be here. No one coming to reassure me that I'm okay, and that everything is fine. I don't even have anyone to make everything better with a smile, like it seems in movies. In movies people recovering in hospital are always surrounded by loved ones, flowers, chocolate and balloons. Movies lie. In reality, you're alone. No one's coming. I'm lying here, gazing at the while tiled ceiling. I can feel tears forming in my eyes when I realize that I'm alone.